Learn to fucking spell!

you / u

Sorry, "u" is not a word.

Possessive pronouns

The possessive form of a noun is indicated by 's. However, this rule does not apply to pronouns; hence, "you's", "I's" and "he's" are incorrect. (You knew that, right?) This leads to confusion with the following forms:

your / you're / ur

The apostrophe indicates a contraction. In this case, "your" is possessive, while "you're" is a contraction of "you are". Before writing, please consider whether "you are" makes sense.
..Again, "ur" is not a fucking word.

whose / who's

Refer to above. "Whose" is possessive ("Whose house is this?") while "who's" is a contraction ("Who's coming?").

its / it's

"It's" is a confusion of "it is". This is the most confusing contraction, since adding 's to "it" results in "it's" - whereas other pronouns have irregular possessive forms (eg. "your" versus "you's"). Remember this as an exception - "it's" always means "it is".

While these are slightly confusing, just remember to consider contractions.

then / than

"Then" is a logical conjunction: if this happens, then this follows. Than is comparitive: this is better than that.

Punctuate.

yeah ok so i did walk out laugh away Vinnie i no u have been =P but geeees that movie tripped me out =S yuk but then i decided to act as 'skunk childish' (as matt calls it) as my outfit may or maynot have looked and sum of the reactions i got were rather amuzin =P specially from the ppl that work in the cinema hehe btw sry 4 leavin u in there kat =(

This is why you should punctuate, like this:

Yeah, OK, so I did walk out. Laugh away, Vinnie, I know you have been =P but geeees, that movie tripped me out =S yuk
Also, I was described by Matt as 'skunk childish' due to the way my outfit may or may not have looked, and som of the reactions I got were rather amusing =P Especially from the people that work in the cinema, hehe. BTW, sorry for leaving you in there, Kat =(

Proof that it is possible to write informally (ie. inane anecdotes) without making it almost impossible to read what you said. (I make a distinction between "reading" and "understanding" here as I have no idea what "skunk childish" is.)

yeah ok so i did walk out laugh away Vinnie i no u have been

The addition of punctuation here makes it obvious that "laugh away" is a suggestion to Vinnie, relating to the fact that I (note: not actually me) walked out. Otherwise, the text suggests that I walked out and laughed away. Once you read Vinnie, you realise that the sentence doesn't make sense, and you've got to read it again.
As a sidenote, the use of capitals in such a shitty sentence is surprising.

Use a readable font.

This document should be fairly easy to read, because it's not written in a stupid font or a font designed for use as a title. You should also stay the fuck away from these fonts:

Don't ever use these fonts.

And just don't use this font. It may have been useful for something once, but it has been eternally corrupted and now stands as a symbol for poor page design and severe mental retardation.

Post-script for MySpace users.

As the colour of text approaches the colour of the background, that text becomes harder and harder to read. Basically, this means don't set backgrounds to the same colour as your text, and don't set backgrounds to pictures with many different colours on them. Examples:

What am I trying to say? Your guess is as good as mine, but one thing's for sure: this is a shitty background. Don't you find it annoying how it becomes difficult to read every time we go over a red square? But notice how it is possible to read if you strain your eyes really hard? The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

The above picture came from MySpace. If you don't want people to make fun of it, then don't post it on your public profile. (Another valuable lesson.)

Why you're an idiot.

The more you type like this, the more difficult you'll find it to type 'normally', since a lot of the skill in typing involves storing words in muscle memory. This shouldn't be a problem, unless you ever plan on using a computer for something other than messaging your "frendz" or updating your MySpace profile.

Also, if you happen to have any frendz who respect coherence, typing like an idiot will just annoy the fuck out of them.

© 2006 Scott Young. Seriously, learn to type you fuckers.
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