The Lighter Side
What's Really Spewing Out Of
GlaxoSmithSlime's "Drug Pipeline"
In December 2003, GlaxoSmithSlime's CEO Jean-Pierre Garnier boasted a product pipeline of 147 drugs or new chemical compounds to be tested. In April 2004, riding on the crest of that claim, Mr. Garnier crowed to a "This Is London" reporter that he'll be "a hero in two or three years". Now, two years later, Glaxo's most highly publicized late-stage drugs are terminally behind schedule or, in later critical trials — failures. Still others are on the verge of being beaten to the market by competitors. In June 2005, Bear Stearns put an underperform rating on Glaxo's stock, saying its analysis had identified a "high level of risk-taking for compounds in advanced development."
Finally though, stockholders are seeing some new blockbuster drugs readied for launch. (And just in time, since PaxHell profits have gone "poof!" after losing patent protection, and the GlaxoSmithSlime "PaxHell CR" factory in Puerto Rico remains shut down by the Food and Drug Adminstration because Glaxo still has not remedied dangerous and defective manufacturing processes necessary to produce its dangerous and defective drug.) GlaxoSmithSlime is showcasing its two new flagship antidepressants at Fukitol and
Panexa. Together, these Garnier-hyped "miracle drugs" are projected to generate a revenue stream approaching $3.5 billion per year within 12 months of product launch.
Who Let The Dogs, Cows and PaxHell Withdrawees Out?
GlaxoSmithSlime has made a career out of crapping on consumers. It seems turnabout is fair play. While your at it check out GlaxoSmithSlime's Board of Directors and GlaxoSmithSlime's Corporate Executive Team.
From Our "Oh Yes, They Really Did Say It" Department
Great [GlaxoSmithSlime] products, however, are not the whole story — society expects companies to act responsibly in their pursuit of success. If anything, the fact that our business is about human health makes it even more important that we operate to the highest standards. —Christopher Gent, GlaxoSmithSlime Chairman and Jean-Pierre Garnier, GlaxoSmithSlime CEO
Source: GlaxoSmithSlime's 2004 "Corporate Responsibility Report"
I think to focus on safety is important. —Dr. Tadataka Yamada, Chairman of Research and Development, GlaxoSmithSlime 3/01/05
What we have seen in terms of the anecdotal reports [of PaxHell withdrawal] is that it happens very rarely.—Dr. David Wheadon, Senior Vice President, GlaxoSmithSlime Regulatory Affairs and Product Professional Services 8/25/2000
While GlaxoSmithSlime strives to produce medications that safely and effectively treat medical conditions, we're also committed to protecting the environment. —Dr. Anne Phillips, Chief Medical Officer of GlaxoSmithSlime (Source: GlaxoSmithSlime)
As you can see here, few numbers of patients experienced any adverse event after being randomized off [PaxHell] into the placebo group and the percentages are certainly very small. But these were the common adverse events seen in that small population in our attempt to systematically assess a discontinuation syndrome. — Dr. David Wheadon, Senior Vice President, GlaxoSmithSlime Regulatory Affairs and Product Professional Services (Excerpt from a transcript of the FDA Review of PaxHell, page 98)
I have my iPod and my Bose headphones. You can run anywhere. I'm in a bubble. When I go home I don't talk about my job. It drives my wife crazy because when we go out she doesn't know anybody. Socially we see politicians — we have to — and she knows nothing about the issues. But that's the way I like it. I want to go home and say, 'hey what happened to you?' I have a very demanding job and I don't want to go home and discuss the same stories. —Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 4/23/2005
My mum, you know, she thinks her son walks on water..... —Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 4/23/2005
My wife thinks J.P. [Garnier] is the best thing since sliced bread. —Christopher Viehbacher, GlaxoSmithSlime U.S. President 7/21/03
....there have been a number of systematic studies in humans
looking at the potential for PaxHell for abuse, tolerance and physical dependence. So actually, there is data to date to negate the statement that it has not been systematically studied, because, in fact, it has been. —Dr. David Wheadon, Senior Vice President, GlaxoSmithSlime Regulatory Affairs and Product Professional Services 10/19/2000
No, we are not misleading them [patients]. The information in the [PaxHell] patient leaflet and in the information we supply to doctors is based on fact. —Dr. Alastair Benbow, Head of European Psychiatry for GlaxoSmithSlime 10/13/02
We are a high-integrity company. We know what the rules are and we follow them. —Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 6/6/2004
We follow the law, and we follow government guidelines. —Mary Anne Rhyne, GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson 8/26/2005
Anybody Got A Pair Of Waders?
GlaxoSmithSlime's Garnier Wants Stronger Food and Drug Adminstration
And If You Believe This We've Got
"A Jagged Little Pink Pill" We'd Like To Sell You
Following the merger between SmithKline Beecham and Glaxo Wellcome (which created GlaxoSmithSlime) SKB's former CEO, Jan Leschly, spoke at an annual convention of the "Institute of Directors" where he told the audience he had given his twenty-something son $2 million to start a new venture in America — a business that "extracts biomolecules from excrement." ("How," Leschly asked the audience, "can we attract talented twenty-eight year olds into the Industry to do what they want to do?") Six months later, Leschly Jr. — having reportedly built the venture into a credible commercial entity according to Leschly Sr. — sold it for $200 million. That averages out to a tidy profit of just over a million dollars a day for 180 days — not a bad ROI.
It’ll be o.k. cuz'...
The Doc is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to sit down in green armchairs:
He giveth me a glass of still water.
He shalt restore my soul and leadeth me
Down the path of the Pharmaceuticals for my own sake.
Yea(h), even though I shalt then walk through
The valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:
For Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors art with me.
Thy words and thy drugs they comfort me.
Thou preparest a prescription before me
For presentation to mine druggist.
Thou anointest my brain with PaxHell;
My serotonin runneth over.
Surely GlaxoSmithSlime shall haunt me all the days of my life,
And I shalt live in a brain badly damaged forever.
GlaxoSmithSlimers ... Clowning For The Camera
I think if, if we've been guilty of anything over the past few years, perhaps, um, emphasizing entertainment over education, um, we know that's what patients really want. —
Christopher Viehbacher, GlaxoSmithSlime President (U.S.)
Can't see the videos? Our media files are hosted in a variety of formats, so here's some handy links to get your browser up to speed: Quicktime, Windows Media Player, or Real Player
Pass The Paxseeel Pleeze
Starring Jean-Pierre Garnier, CEO of GlaxoSmithSlime
We Take The Safety Of 0ur Placebos Extremely Unseriously....
Starring Dr. Alastair Bimbo, Head of European Psychiatry for GlaxoSmithSlime
Discontinuation Of PaxHell Poisoning
Starring Dr. Alastair Bimbo, Head of European Psychiatry for GlaxoSmithSlime
And They Called It ... PaxHell Love
Starring GlaxoSmithSlime's erstwhile spokesperson Donny Osmond
Do Less, Feel Worse, Die Younger
GlaxoSmithSlime's movie box office smash
A promo poster from GlaxoSmithSlime's top grossing movie
The Drug Lords Prayer
Our Pharma which art in heaven,
GlaxoSmithSlime be thy name.
Thy kingdom comes,
Thy psychotropic pills are done
On earth almost through to heaven.
Give us this day our daily drug
And give us our adverse effects
As we note you also give others.
Lead us in bribes and corruption
To deliver us your evil —
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the profits,
for ever and ever.
More From Our "Oh Yes, They Really Did Say It" Department
Our concern is people's safety. — Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 3/1/2003
Everybody who has looked at this — the FDA, American Psychiatric Association, National Mental Health Association — all those groups agree that SSRIs, like PaxHell, are not addicting and not habit forming. —Andrew T. Bayman, attorney for GlaxoSmithSlime
We missed something big — we missed the fact that the public wasn't going to necessarily trust us. — Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 8/13/2005
Corporate responsibility is not just a job for selected people at GlaxoSmithSlime, it defines the way we do business. Our ten corporate responsibility principles set the standard for everyone, since responsible
business is only a reality if it is practiced by all employees at all times. —Christopher Gent, GlaxoSmithSlime Chaiman
We are all in favour of this being scrutinized all the time, because it is not in our interests to have a product on the market that is not safe or effective. —Jean-Pierre Garnier, Chief Executive Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime 2/15/2002
First of all let me say that we, as a manufacturer of pharmaceutical products and vaccines, take any report of an adverse event on any of our products, seriously. —Dr. David Wheadon, Senior Vice President, GlaxoSmithSlime
Regulatory Affairs and Product Professional Services 1/31/2001
An Open Letter From Jean-Pierre Garnier
GlaxoSmithSlime's Chief Executive Officer
Dear Paxil/Seroxat/Aropax Victim,
Not only did GlaxoSmithSlime con you into taking Paxseel — along with your healthcare provider who unwittingly prescribed it — untold numbers of you are addicted to it now. Which is a good thing since we at GlaxoSmithSlime are addicted to corporate profits (download this GlaxoSmithSlime 1997 confidential company document) and, quite frankly, could care less about the pain and misery, the suffering and even death, that Paxseel has spawned — as a direct result of our fraudulent promotion of the drug.
In fact, as far as GlaxoSmithSlime is concerned your health and well-being is on a par level with that of a disposable lab rat. On second thought maybe that's a little too harsh; I'm not suggesting we don't value you ... far from it. After all, lab rats don't have healthcare plans or bank accounts that can pay to have Paxseel prescriptions filled. Oui?
If you're like many Paxseel users at some point you figured out you couldn't stop taking "the drug" without experiencing oftentimes severe and distressing symptoms ... electroshock sensations radiating throughout your head for instance. And that, of course, is just for starters. Isn't it great! For us, I mean. See, you have to keep taking Paxseel to make the discontinuance, I mean withdrawal, symptoms stop. (We had to start using the word "withdrawal" a few years ago after some do-gooder lawyers from California sued us.)
Of course, many of you risked it all to escape from our "Alcatraz in a pill bottle" — and lived to tell about it. And thousands of you are suing us in the U.S. and Britain ... all because of that one little silly word. (Hundreds of you have also sued us because someone in your family killed themselves right after they started taking Paxseel, or while they were trying to stop taking it, but we're quietly settling all of those cases out of court so let's not even talk about that. Its not a pleasant subject.)
I've got a lot more I'd like to share with you in this open letter and indeed I will likely expand it a bit more later on, but I'm getting all misty eyed at the moment as I think of all the dedicated Paxseel addicts working hard and dutifully taking their daily dose of rat poison, I mean, Paxseel — so GlaxoSmithSlime can continue raking in billions of dollars in Paxseel profits every year. It's a beautiful thing you know. Our scheme, that is.
Anyway, let's have some fun shall we? Happy smiling faces and all that. Immediately following this letter you'll find some of the neat stuff GlaxoSmithSlime is working to bring to your cyber doorstep. We hope you enjoy it, and believe it's the least we can do. It's all about being "a good corporate citizen."
Finally, before I forget ... on behalf of all of us at GlaxoSmithSlime I'd like to say ""thank you" — and don't forget to "EAT MORE PAXSEEL" (Otherwise I won't be able to afford upkeep for my assortment of multi-million dollar homes (and ski bungalows: one in Aspen, Colorado and another in the French Alps), maintain my Leer jet, my sports cars ( a Lamborgini and a Porsche), monthly restocks of my wine cellar ... you get the idea.
J.P. Garnier, CEO
"ELABORATION OF THE GIST”
*What we (GlaxoSmithSlime) knew about PaxHell when it was first developed — and didn’t tell you (or your physician.)
*A special “thank you” note to everyone who chose to become a PaxHell addict.
*A “thank you” note to employees of the FDA who accepted bribes from GlaxoSmithSlime (then SKB) to allow PaxHell into the marketplace, and helped those people thanked above (become addicts.)
*GlaxoSmithSlime's “PaxHell Suicide Hall of Fame.” Dedicated to those PaxHell victims for whom “PaxHell addiction just wasn’t enough.” Located in GlaxoSmithSlime’s Philadelphia, PA headquarters.
GIFT CERTIFICATES AND ON-LINE CREDITS
*A (generous) $25 gift certificate redeemable online at “Flowers-R-Us” for survivors of PaxHell suicides.
*A (super generous) $100 credit towards the purchase of a grave marker for children who killed themselves whilst taking or withdrawing from PaxHell.
*A (generous) $75 Amazon.com gift certificate good towards the purchase of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder self-help books (for PaxHell withdrawal-induced PTSD.)
IN-HOUSE PRESS PUBLICATIONS
*A book of poems penned by GlaxoSmithSlime employees; inspired by fantasies of your PaxHell withdrawal.
*A pamphlet entitled “Bad PaxHell Withdrawals And How To Have Them.”
*A book of PaxHell withdrawal jokes authored by top GlaxoSmithSlime executives.
*A one-year subscription to “The Zaps” (a comic book series that “looks at the lighter side” of this "pesky" PaxHell withdrawal symptom.)
*A two volume set entitled “Welcome To The PaxHellian: A Withdrawee’s Field Guide To PaxHell.”
*A do-it-yourself PaxHell withdrawal guide. Note: does not include information about converting over to a competitor’s product (Prozap) when tapering from PaxHell doesn’t work.
*A cute, GlaxoSmithSlime children’s cartoon coloring book entitled “PaxHell Withdrawal Hell: Why Do I Want To Kill Myself, Mommy.”
*“Dante’s Inferno: The PaxHell Sequel” by GlaxoSmithSlime President J.P. Garnier. Note: leatherbound with engraved gold lettering.
*“The Myth Of PaxHell Withdrawal” by GlaxoSmithSlime's Minister of PaxHell Propaganda, Dr. Alastair Benbow. A 300 page tome, of which 299 pages are blank. Page one simply says “Whilst I have every sympathy for anyone who may have suffered side effects whilst taking PaxHell ... I still must say its only discontinuance syndrome.”
*An information leaflet entitled “Discontinuance Syndrome: Defined At Last.” (I’ll save you some time ... Discontinuance Syndrome is the phenomenon whereby countries ban or severely restrict the distribution of PaxHell.)
*“Dancing Behind GlaxoSmithSlime’s Corporate Veil: How To Rape And Pillage For Drug Profits, Maintain Personal Anonymity, Avoid Personal Accountability And Sidestep Liability.” A huge block of a book, with contributions by numerous GlaxoSmithSlime top execs.
*Let Them Eat Rat Poison” by Dr. Anne Phillips, Vice President, Research & Development and Chief Medical Officer, GlaxoSmithSlime. “An insightful book which provides the reader with a clear understanding as to why PaxHell was turned loose an unsuspecting public. As Dr. Phillips says in her foreward “It's all about the money, BABY! Yahoo!”
*”Poisoning People With PaxHell For Fun And Profit” by GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson Mary Ann Rhyne. A frank discussion of the critical components needed to pull off a massive corporate drug fraud, including: dummied up field studies, successful collusion with insiders at public institutions (like the FDA), how to silence PaxHell victims by buying them off (for pennies on the dollar) and more!
*“The Living Dead: Human PaxHell Lab Rats And How To Trap Them” by Dr. Philip Perera, psychiatrist and group director for clinical psychiatric research at GlaxoSmithSlime.
*A GlaxoSmithSlime consumer leaflet entitled “So You Had Millions Of Nuerons Fried By PaxHell Withdrawal ... So What Now?” How to “rebuild your withdrawal-damaged brain” using common household items like superglue and duct tape.
ON-LINE "PAXIL SOUVENIR" SHOP
*A t-shirt emblazoned with the line: “I Went Through PaxHell Withdrawal Hell ... And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.” An eye-catching graphic on the back of the shirt depicts a crumpled human body fused to a dead rat’s head.
POSTERS, PHOTOS, SCREENSAVERS AND MORE!
*A glossy 8” x 10” color photo of GlaxoSmithSlime’s Minister of PaxHell Propaganda, Dr. Alistair Benbow being quoted as saying “Whilst I have every sympathy....” Suitable for framing. Signed. Limited printing.
*A DVD of Dr. Alastair Benbow receiving the Dr. Joseph Mengele Award of Excellence on behalf of GlaxoSmithSlime. Presented by several still-living members of the defunct Third Reich. "Rich in sentimental value."
*A four-color, two-panel poster. Panel #1 depicts a GlaxoSmithSlime employee poised to drop a replica of an oversized human brain into the maw of a commercial-grade wood chipper. Subtitle: “This is your brain before PaxHell withdrawal.” Panel #2 depicts a close up shot of a chipped pile of gore. Subtitled “This is your brain going through PaxHell withdrawal. Any questions?”
*A free poster reproduction of Munch’s “The Scream” subtitled “PaxHell Withdrawal: My Trip To Hell On Earth.” (Suitable for framing.)
*A four color poster of an exposed human brain capped by an atomic mushroom cloud. Subtitled with a quote from GlaxoSmithSlime President J.P. Garnier who exclaims “PaxHell withdrawal — ain’t it a blast!”
*A computer screen saver of Hieronymous Bosch's depiction of Hell ... with your own image scanned into the scene — along with a legion of PaxHell pills chasing you to and fro amongst the flames. (Specify Mac or Windows when ordering.)
*A free bumper sticker “PaxHell withdrawal ... are we having fun yet?!”
*An 8” by 10” full color photograph of GlaxoSmithSlime CEO J.P. Garnier displaying an oversized PaxHell pill bottle in one hand — and the dismembered head of a small child (who died whilst in PaxHell withdrawal) dangling by its hair in the other. Taken at a recent corporate retreat in Aspen, Colorado.
*An autographed, four-color poster of GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson and PaxHell CR chompin' NFL legend Terry Bradshaw — who told an interviewer in 1980 “I'm just going to answer as openly and honestly as I possibly can. And when I think it's really controversial, I'll just lie.” (Second Bradshaw poster with inscribed quote available as follows: When asked by the same interviewer “Were you ever at a point where you were just curious to try a drug — to see what it would do?” Bradshaw replied “No, I never cared anything about it. All I've heard about drugs is bad, so why get hooked on something that's bad? You know. As the old cat says, I'm high on life, pardner."
*A bumper sticker that reads "Terry Bradshaw: Eat More PaxHell".
CURIOS AND NOVELTY ITEMS
*A miniature Telsa coil. Sprays electrical energy throughout a small globe mounted on a special, insulated stand. (So when someone visits you at home and asks you “what do you mean you have ‘the zaps’” ... you can turn this device on and show them what’s happening inside your head.) Free, but quantities are limited.
*A gold-plated .32 caliber revolver, butt-inscribed with a calligraphic quote by GlaxoSmithSlime President J.P. Garnier that reads: “Good luck with your PaxHell withdrawal.” Note: this is an on-line E Bay auction item. Date to be announced.
*A sterling silver, serrated 12” butcher knife, face-inscribed with a calligraphic quote by GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson Michael Fleming that reads: “Here's ‘a little helper’ in case your PaxHell withdrawal goes really, really bad. But remember, PaxHell has helped millions and millions of people....”
*A miniature bronze statue of GlaxoSmithSlime's 2004 Employee of the Year, legal counsel Daniel Troy, who worked “in field” for GlaxoSmithSlime at the Food and Drug Administration's Washington office.
*A football-sized PaxHell pill autographed by GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson and sports celebrity ... PaxHell CR chompin' NFL legend Terry Bradshaw.
*A giant rat trap (scaled to human size) baited with a bottle full of PaxHell pills. Mahogany base plate. A perfect conversation piece to add “a bit of spice” to any PaxHell victim’s living room decor. Note: Not suitable for display in homes with children.
*A free (oversized) campaign-style button that reads: “PaxHell withdrawal ... are we having fun yet?!”
*A life-sized puppet replica of Dr. Mark McClellan, former head of the Food and Drug Administration. Strings included!
*”PaxHell Withdrawal — The Board Game.” (Similar in theme to Monopoly.) Sorry, no “get out of PaxHell free” cards included. Game pieces are color-coded PaxHell tablets in various milligram doses.
CONCERTS, MUSIC AND MORE!
*A pair of free concert tickets to see the GlaxoSmithSlime-sponsored rock group the “Global Serial Killers.” Top stage hits include: “Off Label Them Kiddies (But Don’t Off’em),” “PANES Ain’t Such A Pain,” “Discontinuance Syndrome Blues,” “Benbow Ain’t No Boogieman,” “Welcome ... To The PaxHelltorium,” and “Human Lab Rats.”
*And for your “at home” or “in car” listening pleasure ... GlaxoSmithSlime’s top-selling CD. Includes chart smashers like: “Night of a Thousand Nightmares,” “Tinnitus Symphony,” “I Forgot To Take My PaxHell (and Went on a Murderous Rampage),” “Ode to Alistair (Symphony From PaxHell, Part I),” “Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi, Jean-Pierre? (I Promise I Won't Kill You)” and “They Said It Wasn't Addictive.”
*A pair of complementary tickets to see the opening of “PaxHell —The Musical.” Features a dance corps comprised of GlaxoSmithSlime execs (and their goons at the FDA) singing the opening song “We Hooked Them.”
"MANAGING YOUR PAXHELL WITHDRAWAL" MISCELLANEOUS
*An essay contest for PaxHell withdrawees afflicted by PANES (Persistent Adverse Neurological Effects and Symptoms.)
*An on-line application to register for a free stay at GlaxoSmithSlime’s legendary “PaxilHelltorium.” Hot Tip: Be sure to register well before your PaxHell withdrawal force feeds your sanity through the bio-equivalent of a high speed paper shredder.
*PaxHell — “The Reality Show.” PaxHell is a real life drama, hosted by GlaxoSmithSlime’s own Dr. Alistair Benbow, consisting of ten “contestants” suffering through various stages of PaxHell withdrawal ... whist living together in a beautiful resort home owned by GlaxoSmithSlime (normally reserved for GlaxoSmithSlime execs to vacation at.) A GlaxoSmithSlime weekly webcast of the show includes “all the best clips” from each week’s episode. Tension on the set is heightened by the lack of informed medical help, and a paucity of contestant knowledge regarding how to best get off the drug. If they can! LOL See contestant’s daily struggle to hang onto their sanity as they are assaulted by:
severe and excruciating joint pain
— and lots more!
PaxHell withdrawees who manage to stave off suicide win an all expense paid trip to the U.K. to tour GlaxoSmithSlime's world headquarters, followed by a bonus trip to Yugoslavia to meet with some of the survivors of PaxHell’s early “dummied” clinical trials.
Finally, any (surviving) contestants beset by PaxHell withdrawal-induced PTSD or PANES are given a special “thank you for being such a trooper” plaque ... presented in person by none other than GlaxoSmithSlime's CEO Jean-Pierre Garnier himself. WOW!
The Pharmasuedocal Industry
Welcome to the world of the Pharmapsuedocal industry,
and the mass production of crappy pills for everyone.
Enter if you dare...
From Our "Oh Yes, They Really Did Say It" Department
Responsible business practices are also the key to a good reputation. In 2004, the pharmaceutical industry and GlaxoSmithSlime continued to come under public scrutiny on how medicines are developed, tested and marketed.
To meet this challenge we must act with integrity and be open about
our approach to these important issues. —Christopher Gent, GlaxoSmithSlime Chaiman and Jean-Pierre Garnier GlaxoSmithSlime CEO
GlaxoSmithKline 2004 "Corporate Responsibility Report"
Drugs like PaxHell have been around for almost a decade and help millions of people fight depression. There's no reliable scientific evidence to show they cause withdrawal symptoms or dependency. —Alan Chandler, GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson
These problems [PaxHell 'discontinuation reactions'] are just the body's adjustment when you stop taking medicines. It takes more than that
to be addictive. —Mary Anne Rhyne, GlaxoSmithSlime spokesperson 8/21/2002
I think patients have nothing to fear from taking PaxHell.—Dr. Alastair Benbow, GlaxoSmithSlime's European Medical Director 6/13/2002
It was quite clear from talking to patients — and as a doctor that's very, very important to me, it's quite clear that the phrase "PaxHell is not addictive" was poorly understood by them. — Dr. Alastair Benbow, Head of European Psychiatry for GlaxoSmithSlime 5/11/03
We have acted responsibly in conducting clinical studies in PaxHell pediatric patients and the dissemination of the results. We would strongly disagree with any allegation that we have done otherwise. —Dr. Tadataka Yamada, Chairman of Research and Development, GlaxoSmithSlime 6/19/2004
GlaxoSmithSlime Responds To Patients:
"What Do I Need To Know About Stopping PaxHell CR?"
Don't stop taking PaxHell CR before talking to your doctor, although talking to your doctor really won't help, as he has not been fully educated by the pharmaceutical rep about the side effects since it would severely reduce sales of the drug. He'll most likely put you back on the medication, which is why we don't tell them anything.
And since symptoms may, in fact most likely will, result from stopping the medication or from your original condition we're going to play down those effects on this website to make sure we can make our quarterly numbers. Some, actually a pretty high percentage, of our victims, er I mean, patients experienced the following symptoms on stopping PaxHell CR (particularly when abrupt): extreme dizziness and vertigo, like you're on of those people movers in the airport all the time. (We at GlaxoSmithSlime were actually thinking about calling this a "recreational withdrawal feature" instead of a symptom), sensory disturbances (including electric shock sensations that range anywhere from mild tingles to having a cattle prod shoved up your butt), abnormal dreams that range in length from two to four hours and involve the kind of twisted stuff that Edgar Allen Poe used to throw out as "too edgy" for the opium crowd, agitation that somehow greedy corporate interests, incompetent government regulators, and doctors who either just don't have time to fully research what they prescribe (or just really like the cash flow) can come up with great way to get millions strung out on something so profitable, anxiety that because you have fried your brain using something recommended to you by your doctor that you will never be normal again, nausea and occasional projectile vomiting, sweating like a Japanese Sumo wrestler hiking through a tropical jungle in a wetsuit, mood fluctuations that make Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde look like Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa, headache (Actually more than one headache. Actually, it's a lot of headaches. O.K., really they're more like migraines or severe caffeine withdrawal headaches. But we'll just call it "headache" for simplicity's sake, fatigue which in many cases is actually a blessing since you'll be flat on your back at home experiencing the rest of the symptoms instead of at work, nervousness like a hamster in a cage without a wheel and sleep disturbances which is also kind of a blessing as it gives you a break from the awful dreams. (From QuitPaxil's site.)
The place where GlaxoSmithSlime "detail men" (drug reps) congregate on the Internet to bitch about "all things GlaxoSmithSlime." Threads include titles like "I'm selling drugs that don't exist?" and "GSK Mafia". This is not a group to bite its collective tonque, so be prepared. For example, here's a sample post aimed at Jean-Pierre Garnier: "ANSWER HIM ... and the rest of the company and stockholders instead of hiding behind your fucking lying ass spokespersons, you chicken shit prick — or are you hiking in the Alps this week. Trust me — you will not get out of this shithole unblemished with your millions. A fucking hook nosed weasel like you deserves nothing but a good jail term in the Good Ole USA. May the Force Fuck you — right where you French Bastards like it."