Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
They're rubber and you're glue.
Judgement is such a natural part of life. Everyone does it, everyone suffers from it. But just because we all do something never makes it right. We think that it's no big deal. Look at that person over there. Did they not look in the mirror this morning? How could they knowingly leave the house with their hair like that? Or in that shirt, those pants, those shoes... That HAT! Or what about the voice of that woman in your office? The one who talks obnoxiously loud and is completely unaware of how annoying she is. Or that totally uncool guy you won't admit you dated who was so antisocial because he didn't spend time in the right places, with the right people.
We make all these snap judgments on the people we run into every day without knowing hardly a thing about them. We do it in part because we are bored and not caught up enough in our own business, but mostly we do it because in some manner we feel insecure about ourselves. We need to bring those around us down a few pages so that we can feel elevated. What we don't realize though is that the only one we are bringing down is ourselves.
First off, the people we are judging... unless you are vocalizing your opinions, don't even realize you have made these decisions regarding them. And should you be vocalizing these thoughts to them, all you are doing is displaying the darkness and inadequacies within yourself for public viewing. Additionally, these judgements you have just made have not just gone into the air and vanished. If nothing else they are saved in your own mind as a check list. Things you must never do, never imitate, unless you wish to arise self disdain.
By demanding perfection of those around you, lest they be judged, you'll soon realize that you too are being judged. And then the self consciousness arises. Now perfection must be your standard. The slightest slip up could be the cause of hours, if not weeks, of self deflating accusations. How could you be that stupid, that naive? How could you mess that up? You'll say that you don't care what other people think, but in truth if you really had not a care about others, you wouldn't have any judgements on those around you in the first place.
In reality, when we judge, the loser is ourselves. We lose respect for others, we lose respect for ourselves. We paint the world with a cynical brush. Our thoughts destroy us from within.
Therefore let your thoughts be uplifting. When you see others that are not as you are, let them be. Be happy for them that they have found happiness, who cares if it breaks your mold? And if they have not, well then pray for them that they would. Lift them up, and in return you will lift up yourself.
We make all these snap judgments on the people we run into every day without knowing hardly a thing about them. We do it in part because we are bored and not caught up enough in our own business, but mostly we do it because in some manner we feel insecure about ourselves. We need to bring those around us down a few pages so that we can feel elevated. What we don't realize though is that the only one we are bringing down is ourselves.
First off, the people we are judging... unless you are vocalizing your opinions, don't even realize you have made these decisions regarding them. And should you be vocalizing these thoughts to them, all you are doing is displaying the darkness and inadequacies within yourself for public viewing. Additionally, these judgements you have just made have not just gone into the air and vanished. If nothing else they are saved in your own mind as a check list. Things you must never do, never imitate, unless you wish to arise self disdain.
By demanding perfection of those around you, lest they be judged, you'll soon realize that you too are being judged. And then the self consciousness arises. Now perfection must be your standard. The slightest slip up could be the cause of hours, if not weeks, of self deflating accusations. How could you be that stupid, that naive? How could you mess that up? You'll say that you don't care what other people think, but in truth if you really had not a care about others, you wouldn't have any judgements on those around you in the first place.
In reality, when we judge, the loser is ourselves. We lose respect for others, we lose respect for ourselves. We paint the world with a cynical brush. Our thoughts destroy us from within.
Therefore let your thoughts be uplifting. When you see others that are not as you are, let them be. Be happy for them that they have found happiness, who cares if it breaks your mold? And if they have not, well then pray for them that they would. Lift them up, and in return you will lift up yourself.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Curse of the Rain People
What is it about the rain that you never get used to it? I've lived in Seattle since I was about 5 years old but the long periods of overcast and light misting or "Seattle rain" as we call it, never get any easier. Worst of all is watching people try and drive in the rain. You would think living in a place where rain is pretty much a given 80% of the time or so people would be experts. But every time it rains during the morning commute you're assured an extra 10-30 minutes of drive time to get there. Either by the constant brake lights as people worry they'll hydroplane on a puddle, or by an accident occurring from people losing all common sense and acting like the droplets of liquid falling from the sky are the first sign of the Apocalypse and God engulfing the world in yet another flood.
Even more comical is the refusal of Seattleites to do any sort of outdoor activity on a day that the sun is not radiating from the sky and technically classified as unusually warm. We're as vitamin D deficient as a cave man. Try passing off a fake and bake tan in this town as natural without being immediately discovered as a liar. Outside of the month of August if you dare sport a tan expect to be asked routinely "so where did you just fly in from?"
It's a funny phenomenon then that Seattle has a fairly large running community. Almost any weekend you want you can find some sort of sponsored run to benefit this or that cause... or in some cases just for the sake of an excuse to gather around a shared interest. One of my favorites I've heard of is the chocolate lovers run. I believe it was an 8K where instead of having energy goo and water at different intervals along the run, they had pit stops for chocolaty treats. Or the 5K sponsored by Top Pot doughnuts. I was disappointed when I learned that one was a weekend I would be out of town. What other time could I eat one of their decadent masterpieces, which are described as being like crack to the doughnut lover, without feeling extreme gilt over the knowledge of how calorie laden the carb loaded treat is?
I was wondering today as my friends and I ditched out on a run we were signed up for, exactly what percent of people who sign up for these runs actually participate? I would imagine the planners of these events must see a drastic drop in attendance based on the weather report. Perhaps organizers with pre-paid admittance fees to some of the more popular runs spend the prior evening attempting a rain dance in the hopes of a more manageable crowd. In all honesty I wouldn't be surprised to hear that for some races there is only 50% or less attendance of pre-registered runners.
I suppose I should feel more than just a little guilt over not attending the run this morning. Truly it is a story of cowardice for a person who has grown up around this kind of weather. But despite the fact that I had woken up early and prepared, I still supported my friends decision to keep on driving past the exit to the race as we looked at the long line of cars waiting on the freeway to exit, and the rain beating down on the windshield. So instead of running the 8K and attempting to "Beat the Bridge" before it went up, we sat nice and dry inside a Top Pot doughnuts sipping coffee. Then proceeded over to a friends house after the race traffic had cleared out to have brunch and drink mimosas. But really, who can stand the feeling of having wet feet?
Even more comical is the refusal of Seattleites to do any sort of outdoor activity on a day that the sun is not radiating from the sky and technically classified as unusually warm. We're as vitamin D deficient as a cave man. Try passing off a fake and bake tan in this town as natural without being immediately discovered as a liar. Outside of the month of August if you dare sport a tan expect to be asked routinely "so where did you just fly in from?"
It's a funny phenomenon then that Seattle has a fairly large running community. Almost any weekend you want you can find some sort of sponsored run to benefit this or that cause... or in some cases just for the sake of an excuse to gather around a shared interest. One of my favorites I've heard of is the chocolate lovers run. I believe it was an 8K where instead of having energy goo and water at different intervals along the run, they had pit stops for chocolaty treats. Or the 5K sponsored by Top Pot doughnuts. I was disappointed when I learned that one was a weekend I would be out of town. What other time could I eat one of their decadent masterpieces, which are described as being like crack to the doughnut lover, without feeling extreme gilt over the knowledge of how calorie laden the carb loaded treat is?
I was wondering today as my friends and I ditched out on a run we were signed up for, exactly what percent of people who sign up for these runs actually participate? I would imagine the planners of these events must see a drastic drop in attendance based on the weather report. Perhaps organizers with pre-paid admittance fees to some of the more popular runs spend the prior evening attempting a rain dance in the hopes of a more manageable crowd. In all honesty I wouldn't be surprised to hear that for some races there is only 50% or less attendance of pre-registered runners.
I suppose I should feel more than just a little guilt over not attending the run this morning. Truly it is a story of cowardice for a person who has grown up around this kind of weather. But despite the fact that I had woken up early and prepared, I still supported my friends decision to keep on driving past the exit to the race as we looked at the long line of cars waiting on the freeway to exit, and the rain beating down on the windshield. So instead of running the 8K and attempting to "Beat the Bridge" before it went up, we sat nice and dry inside a Top Pot doughnuts sipping coffee. Then proceeded over to a friends house after the race traffic had cleared out to have brunch and drink mimosas. But really, who can stand the feeling of having wet feet?
Saturday, March 5, 2011
From the fog
Today I took a walk and across the lake I can see Seattle covered in a light haze. Above there are breaks in the cloud cover and the rays of the sun are breaking through and illuminating small portions of the world below. One spot is hitting the lake and it is shimmering and shining. It's the way water is meant to be seen. All of it' recesses and peaks are at their best. It has dimension.
Normally when I write a post I unleash my inner sarcastic bitch and just have fun writing without the filters in my spoken dialogues. But today I write from my insecurities. Today I write from within my own fog wondering when the sun will get to me.
I feel rejected by the world. It is a strange feeling. I don't doubt my own self worth of the strength of my character. I feel I am well rounded, amiable, and have a good character. But I doubt that others value me.
It is a sad truth that we can't be whole without connection to other human beings. Sad not because a life in seclusion is better, but sad because those we depend on will always let us down. They are after all... Only human.
I am a religious person and so I do believe that God is there and so no matter what I am not alone. And that even if others don't value me God always will, just as I am. But today, that just doesn't seem tangible. To sit and watch a movie with God is just not the same as to sit and watch a movie with another human.
I suppose regardless where I find myself in life this will always be a problem. Even if I meet "the right one for me" and we get married and have a plethora of children, I'll still have days were I feel undervalued or unvalued altogether. As long as we need, we'll always find ourselves in moments of loss.
Normally when I write a post I unleash my inner sarcastic bitch and just have fun writing without the filters in my spoken dialogues. But today I write from my insecurities. Today I write from within my own fog wondering when the sun will get to me.
I feel rejected by the world. It is a strange feeling. I don't doubt my own self worth of the strength of my character. I feel I am well rounded, amiable, and have a good character. But I doubt that others value me.
It is a sad truth that we can't be whole without connection to other human beings. Sad not because a life in seclusion is better, but sad because those we depend on will always let us down. They are after all... Only human.
I am a religious person and so I do believe that God is there and so no matter what I am not alone. And that even if others don't value me God always will, just as I am. But today, that just doesn't seem tangible. To sit and watch a movie with God is just not the same as to sit and watch a movie with another human.
I suppose regardless where I find myself in life this will always be a problem. Even if I meet "the right one for me" and we get married and have a plethora of children, I'll still have days were I feel undervalued or unvalued altogether. As long as we need, we'll always find ourselves in moments of loss.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
110% Liars
So maybe I'm too analytical, but have you ever thought about when people say that they are giving 110% of themselves to something. Not only is that not possible, but it is so obviously not possible... is it just me or doesn't it seem extremely idiotic to say?
It it like advertising you don't understand the basic definition of 100% of a limited resource. 100% of something is all of it. If there was 10% more that would have been included in the 100%. The only cases where 110% make sense is when there was more of something to give that wasn't given in the first place. So you're saying give me 110% of what I had before. Or what that other person had. Like in the case of a big bowl of M&M;'s where you give someone 10 and then tell them they can have 110% next time.
When people say they are going to give 110% to something it makes me think of a couple of things. Either they are someone who generally doesn't put their best effort into something. Say they typically give only 50% of their energy to something so now they'll give 55% of it. Basically they are generally a slacker.
Or the other conclusion I come to is that they are illogical and don't think through what they say before they speak. They are over committers and self saboteurs. They set themselves unattainable goals (either intentionally or unintentionally). Which in their inability to achieve causes them to doubt themselves and feel inadequate. And at the root of it all they are not to be trusted.
If they are so easily able to spout off unachievable comments as if they were indeed reasonable and attainable, what else could they possibly be over exaggerating and committing to in their lives?
I realize this is a common catch phrase in our society, however something being common doesn't make it right. There are far more inaccurate and obviously stupid concepts believed to be truths that have been spread around and believed in cultures and societies around the world throughout history.
It it like advertising you don't understand the basic definition of 100% of a limited resource. 100% of something is all of it. If there was 10% more that would have been included in the 100%. The only cases where 110% make sense is when there was more of something to give that wasn't given in the first place. So you're saying give me 110% of what I had before. Or what that other person had. Like in the case of a big bowl of M&M;'s where you give someone 10 and then tell them they can have 110% next time.
When people say they are going to give 110% to something it makes me think of a couple of things. Either they are someone who generally doesn't put their best effort into something. Say they typically give only 50% of their energy to something so now they'll give 55% of it. Basically they are generally a slacker.
Or the other conclusion I come to is that they are illogical and don't think through what they say before they speak. They are over committers and self saboteurs. They set themselves unattainable goals (either intentionally or unintentionally). Which in their inability to achieve causes them to doubt themselves and feel inadequate. And at the root of it all they are not to be trusted.
If they are so easily able to spout off unachievable comments as if they were indeed reasonable and attainable, what else could they possibly be over exaggerating and committing to in their lives?
I realize this is a common catch phrase in our society, however something being common doesn't make it right. There are far more inaccurate and obviously stupid concepts believed to be truths that have been spread around and believed in cultures and societies around the world throughout history.
Monday, February 7, 2011
My Advice to the 14 Year Old Girl
Years ago when I was in college I used to co-lead a group of middle school girls at my church. I loved those girls and have often thought of them over the years. Thanks to Facebook I even awkwardly still am able to see what a few of them have been up to as they've found me and added me to their friends list.
As is the nature of being a leader of a group, I often was called upon to give advice to the girls. From time to time I think back on the advice I gave them and what I would tell them were I to go back with what I know now. So being reminiscent I decided to go ahead and write down what I would wish to tell them. It would go a little something like this...
My advice to the 14 year old girl:
1) If you think you're popular, you're not. You're probably a little bit of a bitch that people are trying to avoid. Truly popular people are the ones who are nice to everyone, have a lot of friends, and everyone feels comfortable around. They don't really consider themselves to be "popular" because they don't think themselves to me any more special than the next. - Be that kind of person.
2) That geek you're making fun of might one day be your boss. If not them, chances are someone like them will be the person who decided what financial resources you will have available to you throughout your life. So watch what you say and how you treat them. Start the behavior of respecting and being kind even to those who aren't like you now.
3) When you think you're ready to have sex, wait. You're not. If he says you'll regret it, you won't. If he says he loves you, he doesn't. And if he really does love you, he'll wait. So wait.
4) When you finally do have sex, use protection. Birth control AND a condom! You can't leave it to him to be responsible for consequences you have to deal with for the rest of your life.
5) Find a good mix of studying and school. You'll never have these years back and that works both in the area of the carefree high energy fun you'll have AND your chance to learn things that yes, will impact the rest of your life. So study seriously and be spontaneous when your schedule allows to have fun.
6) Spend one year of your adult life (20+) single! You have your whole life to be with someone, but you can't go back to figure out who you are, what your interests are, and what you want in a mate while you are in a relationship. Spending a year single will not only help you to know those things, but prove to you that you are whole in and of yourself and can survive come what may in life. That sense of self understanding will carry you confidently through life while others get caught up in identity crisis.
7) No one is perfect. That guy you're dreaming about who says all the right things and is in totally sync with your every thought doesn't exist. Accept the fact that even "the right guy" is going to annoy you sometimes, as you will him. And at times you will completely not understand each other or catch on to what they are saying or hinting. Let go of your lists. Choose a few non-negotiable, but make them realistic and about things that are truly important and confirm compatible with your moral/belief system. Definitely not a list. In the end, what really matters is can you trust him, is he dependable, does he make you feel good about yourself and special? All the rest you'll forget about and not consider it a compromise or settling if these things I've listed are true.
8) Respect yourself and know your value. If you don't know your worth, no one else will either. I'm not a cynic who believes the world is evil and everyone is on their own, but I do believe in the selfish side of human nature. Instinct and the strive for survival has inbred in us the drive of self first. We look at things always in our own light. However we also have it in our nature to be in relationship and therefore we do seek out connection with others. And when truly in love one side effect is STRIVING to put the other before our self, although often failing.
Therefore it is inevitable that no matter how great another may love you, they will never be able to be your solid foundation on which to carry your self esteem and self worth. And when they fail, if your security is in them, so will your sense of self value. You are a unique and wonderful being. No one in all time is like you. There is a creator God who not only knows who you are but planned you. You are not a mistake. And God is fiercely after you and loving you. So how can you not know how special you are? How can you not know that you are deserving of love, respect, and happiness? How can you devalue yourself to think you need someone else to make you special and you are not just intrinsically priceless? If you learn nothing else in your life, make sure you learn this. Know your own value and respecting yourself... that will make all the difference. You will never know true happiness and be unshakable until you know your own worth.
As is the nature of being a leader of a group, I often was called upon to give advice to the girls. From time to time I think back on the advice I gave them and what I would tell them were I to go back with what I know now. So being reminiscent I decided to go ahead and write down what I would wish to tell them. It would go a little something like this...
My advice to the 14 year old girl:
1) If you think you're popular, you're not. You're probably a little bit of a bitch that people are trying to avoid. Truly popular people are the ones who are nice to everyone, have a lot of friends, and everyone feels comfortable around. They don't really consider themselves to be "popular" because they don't think themselves to me any more special than the next. - Be that kind of person.
2) That geek you're making fun of might one day be your boss. If not them, chances are someone like them will be the person who decided what financial resources you will have available to you throughout your life. So watch what you say and how you treat them. Start the behavior of respecting and being kind even to those who aren't like you now.
3) When you think you're ready to have sex, wait. You're not. If he says you'll regret it, you won't. If he says he loves you, he doesn't. And if he really does love you, he'll wait. So wait.
4) When you finally do have sex, use protection. Birth control AND a condom! You can't leave it to him to be responsible for consequences you have to deal with for the rest of your life.
5) Find a good mix of studying and school. You'll never have these years back and that works both in the area of the carefree high energy fun you'll have AND your chance to learn things that yes, will impact the rest of your life. So study seriously and be spontaneous when your schedule allows to have fun.
6) Spend one year of your adult life (20+) single! You have your whole life to be with someone, but you can't go back to figure out who you are, what your interests are, and what you want in a mate while you are in a relationship. Spending a year single will not only help you to know those things, but prove to you that you are whole in and of yourself and can survive come what may in life. That sense of self understanding will carry you confidently through life while others get caught up in identity crisis.
7) No one is perfect. That guy you're dreaming about who says all the right things and is in totally sync with your every thought doesn't exist. Accept the fact that even "the right guy" is going to annoy you sometimes, as you will him. And at times you will completely not understand each other or catch on to what they are saying or hinting. Let go of your lists. Choose a few non-negotiable, but make them realistic and about things that are truly important and confirm compatible with your moral/belief system. Definitely not a list. In the end, what really matters is can you trust him, is he dependable, does he make you feel good about yourself and special? All the rest you'll forget about and not consider it a compromise or settling if these things I've listed are true.
8) Respect yourself and know your value. If you don't know your worth, no one else will either. I'm not a cynic who believes the world is evil and everyone is on their own, but I do believe in the selfish side of human nature. Instinct and the strive for survival has inbred in us the drive of self first. We look at things always in our own light. However we also have it in our nature to be in relationship and therefore we do seek out connection with others. And when truly in love one side effect is STRIVING to put the other before our self, although often failing.
Therefore it is inevitable that no matter how great another may love you, they will never be able to be your solid foundation on which to carry your self esteem and self worth. And when they fail, if your security is in them, so will your sense of self value. You are a unique and wonderful being. No one in all time is like you. There is a creator God who not only knows who you are but planned you. You are not a mistake. And God is fiercely after you and loving you. So how can you not know how special you are? How can you not know that you are deserving of love, respect, and happiness? How can you devalue yourself to think you need someone else to make you special and you are not just intrinsically priceless? If you learn nothing else in your life, make sure you learn this. Know your own value and respecting yourself... that will make all the difference. You will never know true happiness and be unshakable until you know your own worth.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Quoth the Roommate
"It so frustrating, I keep praying God would bend His will to mine but it just feels like it's not happening."
This was spoken to me a few nights ago by my roommate, and although I laughed harder than I have in a very long while, I must say the truthfulness of this statement was very refreshing.
For those who are not of a practicing faith perhaps this doesn't sound so strange. However upon reflection I hope you too do catch the comedy of this statement. It took my roommate a few moments of reflection before she caught onto the reason for my sudden outburst of hysteria and why I had fallen out of my seat without control.
The honesty in her remark, although not the words she was intending to say (I do believe) was as I said though, very refreshing. If we were in earnestness all to speak the truth, this is I think what most people would really be praying and hoping for. We are after all selfish beings. We want things done our way and to our liking. It can be difficult to put others before ourselves. And to bend our entire lives to the will of another... in every moment, action, detail... although religion teaches us this is what we should strive for I do not believe it is entirely possible. Even the most perfect person would have moments of failure.
The patience required too is something only few could ever master. We are a society of instant gratification. Should we have to revert to dial up modems I dare say would all be in need of anger management therapy. So when religion tells us that in order to experience the very best the Lord would have for our lives we must wait upon His timing, this can hardly go over well. We begin our attempts at bargaining and hurrying along what we think might be situations acceptable to the Lord... at least in our own opinions.
The very few though who at least are being honest (although perhaps futilely) do not try to scheme or bargain, but instead deal with the issue head on. We want our way, and yet as we are religious we want our will and the Lords to be equal. And thus the statement above is uttered in earnest. "Lord, here is what I want. Please decide that this is what you want for me also." Amen.
This was spoken to me a few nights ago by my roommate, and although I laughed harder than I have in a very long while, I must say the truthfulness of this statement was very refreshing.
For those who are not of a practicing faith perhaps this doesn't sound so strange. However upon reflection I hope you too do catch the comedy of this statement. It took my roommate a few moments of reflection before she caught onto the reason for my sudden outburst of hysteria and why I had fallen out of my seat without control.
The honesty in her remark, although not the words she was intending to say (I do believe) was as I said though, very refreshing. If we were in earnestness all to speak the truth, this is I think what most people would really be praying and hoping for. We are after all selfish beings. We want things done our way and to our liking. It can be difficult to put others before ourselves. And to bend our entire lives to the will of another... in every moment, action, detail... although religion teaches us this is what we should strive for I do not believe it is entirely possible. Even the most perfect person would have moments of failure.
The patience required too is something only few could ever master. We are a society of instant gratification. Should we have to revert to dial up modems I dare say would all be in need of anger management therapy. So when religion tells us that in order to experience the very best the Lord would have for our lives we must wait upon His timing, this can hardly go over well. We begin our attempts at bargaining and hurrying along what we think might be situations acceptable to the Lord... at least in our own opinions.
The very few though who at least are being honest (although perhaps futilely) do not try to scheme or bargain, but instead deal with the issue head on. We want our way, and yet as we are religious we want our will and the Lords to be equal. And thus the statement above is uttered in earnest. "Lord, here is what I want. Please decide that this is what you want for me also." Amen.
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