Assclowns of the Week: We’re Fucked Edition.
(This week's Assclowns of the Week is going to have to be restricted to four. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day or access to the computer with a 16 y/o daughter living at home and in love with AIM. It's late and I'm getting five hours of sleep a night. Let's try again next week and hopefully I'll work my way up to skewering the requisite ten republican assclowns.)
”Waving the flag with one hand and picking pockets with the other, that's your ‘patriotism’”. – Ingrid Bergman, NOTORIOUS.
1) The FDA.
More ineptitude, alienation of allies and finger-pointing. Not bad for a day’s work!
400 tons of food donated by the British to Hurricane Katrina survivors is to be burned in Bill Clinton’s back yard (you have to wonder how deliberate that is). Why?
It seems that the FDA, which allows carcinogens to be sold every day to our nation’s citizens, has deemed NATO meal packs, has “condemned as unfit for human consumption”, NATO meal packs to cite one aid worker, because they contain meat. These are the same food rations that sustain the British troops in Iraq. So the finger of blame gets turned to the US Dept. of Agriculture.
Needless to say, the British are not amused. This pretty much sums up the British mood these days towards our finest bureaucrats: "There will be a cloud of smoke above Little Rock soon - of burned food, of anger and of shame that the world's richest nation couldn't organise a p**s up in a brewery and lets Americans starve while they arrogantly observe petty regulations.
"Everyone is revolted by the chaotic shambles the US is making of this crisis. Guys from Unicef are walking around spitting blood.”
When you look at this moaning, squirming, glistening clusterfuck that is Katrina’s aftermath, it’s surprising and not surprising to note that virtually all the Seven Deadly Sins were committed before, during and after the hurricane’s arrival. This entry pretty neatly sums up Pride, which was evident after all the international aid that was waiting to be poured in to our country that not only wasn’t accepted but wasn't even acknowledged.
In fact, Bush said earlier this month, “I’m not expecting much from foreign nations because we hadn’t asked for it.” The article just linked then goes on to describe help being offered by “Russia, Japan, Canada, France, Honduras, Germany, Venezuela, Jamaica, Australia, the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Greece, Hungary, Colombia, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Mexico, China, South Korea, Israel, the United Arab Emirates, NATO and the Organization of American States” even though their offers were obviously to make Dear Leader look like the flaccid penis that he is.
Then we see violations of Sloth (duh), Wrath (“They have orders to shoot and kill”) Greed and Gluttony I think are neatly summed up by Halliburton, and Lust if you count how the Feds were the ones who took the most turns butt-fucking the poor of the Gulf Coast.
There was only one we managed to not hit, since we’re certainly not the envy of the world right now.
2) The Republican Congress
Define irony.
OK.
Irony, n. That which is ironic, Eg siphoning money from a badly-funded levee in New Orleans in order to pay for a war that’s costing more than Halliburton can make in, well, six months, so that when the levee breaks and embarrasses the government, said governing body then proposes siphoning money from the troops fighting that war to pay the cleanup costs so Halliburton can get richer and the residents get poorer.
Hah! Eat. My. Dust. Webster.
Support the troops? We can’t afford it.
3) The Mainstream Media
"There's no anti-war movement." - Karl Rove.
Ye-ah, Karl. How do you explain this, then?
I guess the mainstream media doesn’t own a Blackberry between them, since the Left Blogosphere has to report on massive anti-war marches in the nation’s capitol (or London or Los Angeles) all by their lonesome. If you’re one of those intellectual veal calves who’re fed news by CNN and FOX, then you’d never know that there was literally a hundred thousand people, including Cindy Sheehan, the Rev. Jesse Jackson, British MP George Galloway and Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) in plain sight of the White House, from which George was, conveniently and coincidentally conspicuously absent while giving high-fives and belly-slams to his assclown subordinates because Rita didn’t wipe them out rich Texas as badly as they feared she would (although NOLA got flooded again, but you can’t count them twice).
Next time you hear your Republican Uncle Fred sneering through his cigar smoke about rampant liberal media bias, remind of him of this almost complete snubbing by the major television “news” outlets that, even when reporting on the protest march, made it look as if only a handful of crackpots showed up to harass Bush.
Easy to see how the mainstream media would confuse that handful of crackpot war protestors with the handful of crackpots who did show up to support the war.
Btw, Cindy got arrested. The Powers that Be had to get a lick in somewhere, I guess.
4) Tennessee State Rep. Stacey Campfield
Remember Wallace Shawn’s character on Murphy Brown in which he plays a newly-elected Congressman who then reveals himself on television to be the assclown that he really is by spewing all the insane shit that his corporate sponsors told him to? Meet Rep. Stacey Campfield of the Tennessee House of Representatives.
This man could occupy all the spots of this week’s Assclowns of the Week just by reading the posts on Jesus’ General and the links that he gives us from others who have had the misfortune of crossing swords with this incontrovertible bit of proof of why the south may not rise, after all.
Indeed, where does one start? Should we start with Campfield’s straight-faced application to the Tennessee Black Caucus (perhaps at the behest of Ken Mehlman) since he’s lighter than Carrottop (although not as intellectually gifted as he)? Or should one begin with his indefensible bill to the Tennessee State House of Representatives that channels David Horowitz’s jihad on liberal professors in our institutions of higher learning and how he immediately resorted to ad hominems in true Republican fashion when politely challenged on it by Tennessee college student Jon Fish?
Or perhaps one could commence by noting Rep. Campfield’s consorting with rabid conservative racists and Campfield fans such as tnsad (to whose blog I refuse to link as your ultra-fast computer may seize up like an Edsel that just drove from Maine to Rhode Island on one quart of oil on account of the ass-backwards stupidity that may actually be contagious).
Well, I myself prefer to start with Rep. Campfield’s latest blog entry (once again, I refuse to link to this site, as well. Perhaps the General has no qualms about it but I most certainly do, so pure, toxic and concentrated is Campfield’s stupidity that it may actually be weapons-grade), which reproduces almost in full the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s “I have a dream speech” and the comment I left in his comment box, which will no doubt be deleted as he has so many others of late (the italicized comment is his):
“I also make no claim of ownership nor do I reproduce for profit.
Shame. I think a quality white man such as you could make a mint hiring yourself out for stud services. Lord knows white men who don't share DNA with their cousins or livestock are scarcer than hen’s teeth (or human teeth, for that matter) south of the Mason/Dixon line.
I honestly thought that you had written those stirring words that would, if anything, better serve the noble southern cause of the preservation of the Caucasian Conservative Christian Male and the right to hold forth his beliefs in fine bastions of higher learning such as Bob Jones University, from which our finest amateur white golfers emerge…”
See youse in the funny papers, kiddies!
Is it any coincidence that this is aimed right at Africa?
”Waving the flag with one hand and picking pockets with the other, that's your ‘patriotism’”. – Ingrid Bergman, NOTORIOUS.
Yeah, this little kid looks like he wants to relocate to Houston, Bar.
More ineptitude, alienation of allies and finger-pointing. Not bad for a day’s work!
400 tons of food donated by the British to Hurricane Katrina survivors is to be burned in Bill Clinton’s back yard (you have to wonder how deliberate that is). Why?
It seems that the FDA, which allows carcinogens to be sold every day to our nation’s citizens, has deemed NATO meal packs, has “condemned as unfit for human consumption”, NATO meal packs to cite one aid worker, because they contain meat. These are the same food rations that sustain the British troops in Iraq. So the finger of blame gets turned to the US Dept. of Agriculture.
Needless to say, the British are not amused. This pretty much sums up the British mood these days towards our finest bureaucrats: "There will be a cloud of smoke above Little Rock soon - of burned food, of anger and of shame that the world's richest nation couldn't organise a p**s up in a brewery and lets Americans starve while they arrogantly observe petty regulations.
"Everyone is revolted by the chaotic shambles the US is making of this crisis. Guys from Unicef are walking around spitting blood.”
When you look at this moaning, squirming, glistening clusterfuck that is Katrina’s aftermath, it’s surprising and not surprising to note that virtually all the Seven Deadly Sins were committed before, during and after the hurricane’s arrival. This entry pretty neatly sums up Pride, which was evident after all the international aid that was waiting to be poured in to our country that not only wasn’t accepted but wasn't even acknowledged.
In fact, Bush said earlier this month, “I’m not expecting much from foreign nations because we hadn’t asked for it.” The article just linked then goes on to describe help being offered by “Russia, Japan, Canada, France, Honduras, Germany, Venezuela, Jamaica, Australia, the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Greece, Hungary, Colombia, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Mexico, China, South Korea, Israel, the United Arab Emirates, NATO and the Organization of American States” even though their offers were obviously to make Dear Leader look like the flaccid penis that he is.
Then we see violations of Sloth (duh), Wrath (“They have orders to shoot and kill”) Greed and Gluttony I think are neatly summed up by Halliburton, and Lust if you count how the Feds were the ones who took the most turns butt-fucking the poor of the Gulf Coast.
There was only one we managed to not hit, since we’re certainly not the envy of the world right now.
Define irony.
OK.
Irony, n. That which is ironic, Eg siphoning money from a badly-funded levee in New Orleans in order to pay for a war that’s costing more than Halliburton can make in, well, six months, so that when the levee breaks and embarrasses the government, said governing body then proposes siphoning money from the troops fighting that war to pay the cleanup costs so Halliburton can get richer and the residents get poorer.
Hah! Eat. My. Dust. Webster.
Support the troops? We can’t afford it.
"There's no anti-war movement." - Karl Rove.
Ye-ah, Karl. How do you explain this, then?
I guess the mainstream media doesn’t own a Blackberry between them, since the Left Blogosphere has to report on massive anti-war marches in the nation’s capitol (or London or Los Angeles) all by their lonesome. If you’re one of those intellectual veal calves who’re fed news by CNN and FOX, then you’d never know that there was literally a hundred thousand people, including Cindy Sheehan, the Rev. Jesse Jackson, British MP George Galloway and Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) in plain sight of the White House, from which George was, conveniently and coincidentally conspicuously absent while giving high-fives and belly-slams to his assclown subordinates because Rita didn’t wipe them out rich Texas as badly as they feared she would (although NOLA got flooded again, but you can’t count them twice).
Next time you hear your Republican Uncle Fred sneering through his cigar smoke about rampant liberal media bias, remind of him of this almost complete snubbing by the major television “news” outlets that, even when reporting on the protest march, made it look as if only a handful of crackpots showed up to harass Bush.
Easy to see how the mainstream media would confuse that handful of crackpot war protestors with the handful of crackpots who did show up to support the war.
Btw, Cindy got arrested. The Powers that Be had to get a lick in somewhere, I guess.
Remember Wallace Shawn’s character on Murphy Brown in which he plays a newly-elected Congressman who then reveals himself on television to be the assclown that he really is by spewing all the insane shit that his corporate sponsors told him to? Meet Rep. Stacey Campfield of the Tennessee House of Representatives.
This man could occupy all the spots of this week’s Assclowns of the Week just by reading the posts on Jesus’ General and the links that he gives us from others who have had the misfortune of crossing swords with this incontrovertible bit of proof of why the south may not rise, after all.
Indeed, where does one start? Should we start with Campfield’s straight-faced application to the Tennessee Black Caucus (perhaps at the behest of Ken Mehlman) since he’s lighter than Carrottop (although not as intellectually gifted as he)? Or should one begin with his indefensible bill to the Tennessee State House of Representatives that channels David Horowitz’s jihad on liberal professors in our institutions of higher learning and how he immediately resorted to ad hominems in true Republican fashion when politely challenged on it by Tennessee college student Jon Fish?
Or perhaps one could commence by noting Rep. Campfield’s consorting with rabid conservative racists and Campfield fans such as tnsad (to whose blog I refuse to link as your ultra-fast computer may seize up like an Edsel that just drove from Maine to Rhode Island on one quart of oil on account of the ass-backwards stupidity that may actually be contagious).
Well, I myself prefer to start with Rep. Campfield’s latest blog entry (once again, I refuse to link to this site, as well. Perhaps the General has no qualms about it but I most certainly do, so pure, toxic and concentrated is Campfield’s stupidity that it may actually be weapons-grade), which reproduces almost in full the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s “I have a dream speech” and the comment I left in his comment box, which will no doubt be deleted as he has so many others of late (the italicized comment is his):
“I also make no claim of ownership nor do I reproduce for profit.
Shame. I think a quality white man such as you could make a mint hiring yourself out for stud services. Lord knows white men who don't share DNA with their cousins or livestock are scarcer than hen’s teeth (or human teeth, for that matter) south of the Mason/Dixon line.
I honestly thought that you had written those stirring words that would, if anything, better serve the noble southern cause of the preservation of the Caucasian Conservative Christian Male and the right to hold forth his beliefs in fine bastions of higher learning such as Bob Jones University, from which our finest amateur white golfers emerge…”
See youse in the funny papers, kiddies!
1 Comments:
The FDA tells starving people they shouldn't eat meat-meals donated by the UK? What a-matta, did they get a case of mad-cow?
Any humane person seeing this news would try to help, but apparently gov agencies, senators, and reps are not equipted to deal.
I just wonder how disorderly and obnoxious Cindy Sheehan had to get to finally be arrested n blamed for the death of her own son... due to missing vehicle armor.
Ya know AF1 n the SUV Bush motorcade are well armored as they shuffle to several locations day after day on our dime, while we are asked to cut back, like we haven't already when the fuel prices rose so sharply.
Rep Campfield, unequipted to deal...
I'm thinkin very few are!
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