Studfest III: Battle of Tank Stream
Getting together near Port Block

The Battle of Tank Stream

Battlefield North, toward the SHAG base on the horizon (in front of the lounge, see it?)

Inside SHAG.  Who in their right mind would want to take on this auspicious collection of mechanised nasty thingies?
Prologue    Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5   

Once upon a time, there was a suave and debonaire master spy by the name of Commander Bond ( - James Bond) ladies' man extraordinare and all round nice dude (as well as talented assasin, star-knife flinger, gyrocopter pilot and general saviour of all good things and stuff like that).

He came to know of a new secret base of SHAG (Super Humans Against something that starts with G) and realised that for the safety of the somethings that start with G everywhere, the base had to be excised from existence.

See? This is called plot exposition. We have to destroy the base. Got it? Hello? You there, sitting on your fat behind staring at the computer screen, you paying attention?

Yet the base was strong and well defended, and Bond's own spaceborne militia (strong and worthy as it was) would be no match for SHAG. Bond knew he would have to enlist help.

The planet on which SHAG had built their base was already inhabited by the Vill-Idge people, a hairless species of tallish ewoks. SHAG kept the natives in beads and mirrors to keep them away from the base, and to keep them working as a kind of early warning system, keeping SHAG awake to the landing of anything even vaguely especially cross piratical dude attack fleet-ish. The Vill-Idge people were poor and their material posessions were worthless-ish, and included no really tasty pretzels, but Captain Ahab, Captan of the especially cross space piratical dudes, did not know this. (As a side issue, the Vill-Idge people were steeped in invaluable understanding of the swinging of the hips and the puckering of the lips, but like so many invaluable cultural type things, it proved to be no match for a simple hand blaster).

Captain Ahab and his Black Guard and his Tanker Babes and his especially cross piratical space dudes thought the hapless Vill-Idge people were custodians of great wealth and treasure, including a huge stash of excellent, crisp, salty pretzels. Ahab and his etc etc believed this because that is what piratical folk like to believe of everyone else, and because that is what Commander Bond told them to be true.

Battlefield South, toward Ahab's encampment, beyond which lay the Great Barrier (glass doors), and the Great Garden of the Succulents

Heavens to Murgatroid! Look at that Infantry!

A shaky aerial shot of two of the vehicle bays.  Good thing no-one in SHAG was looking up at the time.

Looking up at the overhead crane.  Have you any idea just how low and fast Bond had to fly to get this shot?
One of Bond's hovertanks sets down nearby

Judge Class Mechs Phil and Steve look on as the Saucy Sal takes her place in the line.  Oh the pain that was to come.
So Ahab landed his force far enough away from the SHAG base that no-one there or in the forest would hear them preparing. Presumably because of the flawless application of unbelievably advanced stealth technology, that meant they landed within an hour's walk, completely undetected. Obviously someone in communications at the SHAG base was going to be in some deep doo doo.

Ahab disembarked his motley crew and marshalled for battle. Ahab rode the line himself before they moved out, talking up the pretzels - his men roared their approval. Bond's force, being made up almost entirely of independently spacemobile units more or less turned up in orbit, whipped down and over the SHAG base for some last minute happy snaps, set down near Ahab and sallied forth.

To the amazement of everyone concerned, the very earth heaved and convulsed for about ten minutes as the hand of god oriented and reoriented the battlefield before them. When the heaving and carrying on had subsided, Ahab took the right, Bond took the left, and reality took a flying leap.

Prologue    Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5   
The Saucy Sue, landed and disembarking her chicks...

...and sending them out to visit a very bad day upon the swivel hipped Vill-Idge