February 21, 2005

Catlin Warned Me, "Alice!"

I cut long bangs at the crown of my head. C sat nearby, making little noises that meant "good" or "stop it". Finally the haircut was done.

I drove the car out in the snow, parallel parking as often as I could. I drove down a long driveway and slid all over the place. It was sunny. I got out and went inside the house, wrapping a thick and long coat over me. Inside there were beautiful windows, with a crystal gracing every one. Someone was playing hippy music on the stereo. I drove around and parked some more. And I met a man who was also a parent at my school. He had dark hair and was handsome. I shouldn't have flirted with him, but his arms were strong and I liked his smile.

Posted by sarah at 09:52 PM

February 20, 2005

M's an Alcoholic

I got fed up with it. I just couldn't take it anymore as they say.

I went outside to throw his value-sized jug of whiskey away and threw it on a camaro parked below the deck. A voluptuous woman there laughed, smoking a cigarette. "Honey, they all got something" she guffaws. "If he's bad in bed, it's not worth it, but otherwise, they're all about the same". I laugh and agree. The jug bounces up and down on the sunroof of the camaro. The whiskey pours out, but the bottle just bounces away and rolls down the driveway. It's glass. I don't know why it doesn't break.

He's not an alcoholic, I think to myself. But still I just can't take it anymore. And then he tells me that he's leaving me because he just can't take it anymore. So I throw his other bottle at the camaro.

Posted by sarah at 09:46 PM

February 19, 2005

Tricia, Your Baby

T is back from England. She and I sit on a plane, facing each other. We're circling the airport out over the nearby lake. I can't say enough about how beautiful the sky is, or how lightly warm it is. She's wearing a thrift store leather jacket and a button down shirt inside. Some women are just always gorgeous; they don't even try. Is it their noses?

On the plane she updates me about London and film and being mildly pregnant. She is, finally. She chides me about my announcement, with came to nothing.

And then she and I join hands and skate down, giants, to the sand around the edge of the lake. We're huge beings, and each foot path forms the track that the new lightrail system will make up. We're also on the local planning committee, maybe you didn't hear.

We skate around the lake once, making the track, and then sail back to the plane where we eat green olives with pimentos. I drink a martini; she has a soda water (the baby).

Posted by sarah at 09:32 PM

February 18, 2005

Suspected of Murder

M and I are at home, high up. People are surveying us from below; they are scientists with heart and pulse monitoring equipment. Are we acting guilty? They can't find evidence yet but they're waiting for it. And they'll have it recorded on their long strips of paper and harddrives if it happens.

And M and I are also remodeling the house while we're being watched. I've remodeled another house, before, remember? The one in the country?

We drive out to the country, to the vast and vacant whiteness of that old and tired place. It's sad there, bright white. R is still sitting, watching TV, snarfling. His wife is there. She hates us. We don't care. R pretends to make friends. I use the bathroom and rub their ultra-soft toilet tissue on my hands before I use it.

Continue reading "Suspected of Murder"
Posted by sarah at 09:28 PM

February 15, 2005


I gave myself a haircut, long bangs that started at the crown of my head and shorter sides that I shaved off with a straight razor. I thinned everything out, so it hung limp and frail. And it was like I was Rosemary, pregnant and fighting but losing. I couldn't speak to anyone, I could only smile at them.

Posted by sarah at 08:00 PM

February 12, 2005

The Bigger Me

I'm getting married. It's warm, and I'm wearing a white silk dress. A group of women in the room come up to me, one by one, and tell me that they notice my boobs have gotten bigger. One leans in, squeezes me on the arm and says, "You look beautiful".

Posted by sarah at 06:11 PM