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Crazy subtitles: War of the Worlds

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these subtitles posts; even though I previously said that I’d be doing them regularly.  So sue me.  I have two excuses: 1) my camera was busted for the better part of a month, and 2) these are pretty time-consuming posts to write.  I have to watch a 2-hour movie, then watch it again and read the ridiculous subtitles, pick out ones that I think are funny, take the pictures, upload the pictures onto the internet (currently I’m using flickr to host photos), write a post, insert all the photos into the post, try to think of funny comments to go with the pictures . . . you get the idea.  I can’t just whip these out in a few minutes.

Anyway, I bought this DVD of War of the Worlds months ago, when the film was still fresh in the theaters.  On an early copy of a film like this, the quality of the DVD is almost always crap.  But you can’t beat the price.  And if you want good quality, you just wait a couple of months and then buy a high-quality pirated copy.

War of the Worlds is a modern adaptation of H. G. Wells’s classic novel.  The film is directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Cruise, who plays a man trying to keep himself and his two children alive when the Earth is attacked by aliens.

I’m about to watch an 80-cent DVD!

This DVD was apparently pirated via Russia.  The menu was in Russian, and was for an entirely different film:

The film’s opening credits were also in Russian:

I learned a bit of Russian when I was in Kyrgyzstan, but I’ve all but forgotten it all now.  So this is a good refresher for me: “War of the Worlds” is война миров.

Tom Cruise’s character’s name is Ray, but translated into Chinese and then back into English “Ray” becomes:

Ray’s daughter’s name is Rachel, but translated into Chinese and then back into English it becomes:

(“Hello, Rachel.”)

Ray’s son’s name is Robbie, but translated into Chinese and then back into English it becomes:

(Tom Cruise called out “Robbie, Robbie!” so you can take your pick.  Neither one is nearly as cool as “Thunder” or “The-Thunder-Slices-The.”)

Robbie’s mother explains that Robbie has a very complicated homework assignment to do.

Ray really wants to play baseball with his son.

Ray doesn’t have to threaten the good elephants to get them to play baseball; the good elephants like to play!

Hummus.  She actually said “hummus.”

I guess the DVD pirates aren’t too familiar with Middle-Eastern food.


I have to admit that this sounds way cooler than simply “Rachel, Rachel!”  I am thinking about changing my own name to “The Thunder Slices The.”

I’ve heard of people worrying about their hair turning gray, but this is a new one.

“Stop the car!”

Ray is looking for something to wear.

(Actually he’s looking for his son.)

Yet another variation of Robbie's name.  Still not nearly as cool as a name with the word thunder in it.

The soldiers are discussing the best time to attack the aliens.

This caught my attention because General Grevious’s troops used the same term in Star Wars Episode III (as posted on Jeremy’s site).  Obviously “a day after the fair” has something to do with war or the military in the subtitlers’ language.

While the army tries to decide when to attack, Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins discuss their educational backgrounds.

“No, no, no!!”

The closing credits, unlike the opening credits, were in English.

As always, all of my crazy subtitles posts can by found via my crazy subtitles homepage.

posted 2005.04.10 Sunday

Rob made this comment,
Excellent! Thanks for posting
comment added :: 28th September 2005, 11:38 GMT-06
sockchan made this comment,
The good elephant, after the day of the fair thanks you for posting such thunderous goodness.
comment added :: 16th October 2005, 06:30 GMT-06
Rob made this comment,
"Play baseball with me, otherwise I will kill you" is possibly the best line anywhere on the Internet. Thanks for the post!

Overused abbreviations aside, this was the first time in a long while I was actually Rolling On The Floor Laughing at something.

comment added :: 17th October 2005, 19:56 GMT-06 :: http://robvincent.net
Celandine made this comment,
Someone directed me to your site after I blogged about this on the weekend.

The baseball line was absolutely my favourite.

comment added :: 2nd November 2005, 09:03 GMT-06 :: http://celandine.blogdrive.com
Calvin made this comment,
Holy Crap...I nearly died laughing when it said "Play baseball with me otherwise I will kill you."
comment added :: 17th December 2005, 21:54 GMT-06
stepan made this comment,
погмоему всё в порядке)))
comment added :: 19th April 2006, 02:17 GMT-06
Медвед made this comment,
Превед!!! бухахаааа... Жгем шописец!!!
comment added :: 19th April 2006, 02:56 GMT-06
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