Here's hoping we won't have this same weather a year from now.


But either way, I'm sure the weather will be the last thing on my mind.

It’s as though I’m stomping around in the desert, shouting that I’m not strong enough to handle it all. The tasks (and adventures) that lie ahead feel very Large and Cumbersome right now. And overwhelmed is a word that has suddenly become a frequent part of my vocabulary. Suddenly I can understand Moses’ jaw dropping at the thought of speaking in front of Pharaoh.

Monday morning’s disaster, which in the future will be called the Ice Wreck Incident, was enough to shake me emotionally. When I walked down the dock that morning, I saw that the grass had that crystallized look to it and that my windshield had a few ice sprinkles on it. But since I’ve seen a lot worse, I decided to go ahead and leave. Minutes down the road, I decided to use my windshield wipers to scrape the rest of the ice off. Instead of my window clearing up a bit, it became one massive sheet of ice. I suddenly realized that I was rounding a curve on a country road (popular for redneck folk heading to Hardees for their Early Morning Coffee and Cinnamin Raisin Biscuits) and that I COULDN’T SEE.

So I rolled down my window, hung my head out, and attempted to steer. There was one moment where I passed a truck and he gave me a long stare but I just smiled at him as though hanging my head out of the window to drive was the normal thing to do in icy cold weather. By the time I neared my church, I realized that I was going to have to stop my car and get the ice off before I drove any further.

But the problem was that I couldn’t turn the car right while looking out the left window. But I tried. And that’s when the Incident occurred. Dad, if you are reading this, it was your lovely daughter who rammed into the wooden thing near the church driveway. And now there is something odd sticking out from my bumper but I’m ignoring it and hoping it will go away.

And then tonight is my second night of Switching Mail with the little old man who lives on the street behind me. Our mail lady is either blind as a bat, dyslexic, or playing a horribly wicked joke on us. The little old man is nice enough.

See, it’s not One Big Thing that’s causing me to feel so overwhelmed. It’s all the little things. Trying to find the balance.

As I told Daniel tonight, my biggest fear is that I’m going to allow all the grand new things to throw me off-kilter with the rest of my life. No job, no person, no situation is important enough for me to lose focus on the reason I was created. To glorify God.

And although my fears of inadequacy seem Large and Cumbersome at the moment, I shall hope and pray with quiet confidence that the same God who strengthened Moses to speak for a nation will help a woman in South Carolina who feels very overwhelmed right now.

The emails keep pouring in, and the phone calls keep coming. When are you going to blog again?? I’m not trying to avoid anyone- it’s just that it’s been all I could do to get sleep lately. So, here’s somewhat of an update.

Although my co-workers and I have had a countdown going for quite a while, I think all of us were breathless when D-day arrived. But as the rest of the world state is beginning to realize, we are making history. We had the largest initial public offering for a community bank ever in South Carolina.

And then one week ago, Daniel made me swoon when he asked me to marry him. Yes, marry him. It was around 1:30am and little did I know that my best friend from college (who is going to be my Maid of Honor) had been proposed to thirty minutes earlier! These men know timing.

The memories that follow will always be sweet in my mind. I can still see the look in Daniel’s eyes as we were standing on the front porch around 3am. Whispering. Smiling. Attending the morning worship service on Sunday morning and acting as though everything was normal as pie. Trying to sing without looking at him because his smile was HUGE. Standing in the foyer with Daniel when he decided to announce it to everyone. Seeing the squeals, wiggles, and tears happen in slow motion. His mother holding me and whispering, “I guess you can have him.”

So, that’s pretty much it.

Helped open a bank and made plans to marry the most wonderful man in the world.

I said yes.

Is there some problem in your life to solve,
Some passage seeming full of mystery?
God knows, who brings the hidden things to light.
He keeps the key.

Is there some door closed by the Father's hand
Which widely opened you had hoped to see?
Trust God and wait–for when He shuts the door
He keeps the key.

Is there some earnest prayer unanswered yet,
Or answered not as you had thought 'twould be?
God will make clear His purpose by-and-by.
He keeps the key.

Have patience with your God, your patient God,
All wise, all knowing, no long tarrier He,
And of the door of all thy future life
He keeps the key.

Unfailing comfort, sweet and blessed rest,
To know of every door He keeps the key.
That He at last when just He sees 'tis best,
Will give it thee.

- Anonymous

So, I’m a little swirly tonight. My best friend from college called to say that she and a Boy I haven’t met yet (tonight is the first time I’ve found out about him) are together and discussing rings and dates and she made some comment about my being fitted for a bridesmaid dress.

Augh! WHERE are the days when we flitted across the Bridge of Nations??

Anyway, I put together a little list of my favorite pictures from 2004. Here they are:

In January, we got an ice storm one morning that shut down schools, stores, and most driving. But I braved the danger (hmm, it was only like 2 inches of ice) and walked around with my camera.

After a night of serious guitar playing and top-of-your-lungs-singing, she was tired. So she put the guitar down and we drank sweet tea. Which is a soothing balm to any soul.

This is one of the reasons I would move back home in a heartbeat. I miss my tower so much. When I moved my bed up in there, I could watch the storms, listen to the wind whip the flag late into the night, and I could also spy on people in The Valley. Delicious fun.

It was inevitable that we would run into Romance while on our trip to the Biltmore House. It was Valentines Day. And when we saw her having her bridal portraits made, we stopped to ooh and ahh.

Amber and I swung up to North Carolina one evening for a Jars of Clay concert. This picture captures my memory of the night perfectly. Charlie really got down on the keyboard that night.

This was the first bloom on Mom’s Japanese Maple tree last April.

My church family spent the day at Lake Keowee, enjoying the sun, fishing a bit, and playing in the water. I caught Meagan in this cute little pose.

While on a church retreat to Tennessee this past June, we rode a riverboat down the Tennessee River. I was standing on the upper deck when I snapped this picture of my mom.

I was at the intersection in front of Wal-Mart and CVS in Easley when I looked up and saw the silver lining.

I rounded the corner of my parent’s deck and found Pepper curled up in the grass. He looks so cute and innocent.

I found him begging for food on Thanksgiving Day.

What you don’t see is who Daniel's looking at in this picture. Oui, moi. I was curled up on the organ bench and he was playing lovely music and giving me that look.

This church is in a little town called Pendleton. I use to drive by it every day for work and finally I just stopped on the side of the road and took a picture. It’s just so cute.

I took this picture of Heather while we were at the Biltmore House. I think the reason I love it so much is because she was wearing braids (which she doesn’t do much).

My dad works for an Aerospace company and each summer they host a Huge and Glamorous air show for employees and family (and the friends you sneak in). Emily’s dad works there as well. So, at some point she walked over to hand me something and I snapped this picture of her. I think it’s the combination of her smile, the blue sky, and her funky t-shirt that makes me love this picture.

He has an incredible amount of personality (the glasses probably do help him a bit, eh?) and I have a little too much fun posing him. But this picture just looks adorable.

Although I haven't written anything on Aelki about the tsunami, the tragedy has certainly been on my mind.

I read the articles, glance through the pictures, and am harshly reminded that I'm on the other side of the world. A co-worker mentioned yesterday that she felt helpless. And then we pondered what it would be like to be able to go there. To help feed the children. To share the Gospel, hold them when they cry, and help rebuild their lives.

And after reading through some of the reunion stories, I feel overwhelmed. It puts the “harsh tragedy” into everyday language. People searching for best friends. Looking for lovers. Missing their children.

There is much to pray for.

Matt: “And so here is the main server, and the backup server, and the email server…”

Realizing that I'm completely zoned out.

Matt: “You know that saying starve a fever, feed a cold? Well, you should eat. Drink Powerade. Stuff your face. It always works for me. You’ll feel better soon.”

And with that license to stuff my face, I just finished off the Largest Barbeque Sandwich I’ve ever seen. In fact, it’s larger than the green-apple candle over on the coffee table, larger than the cd lying beside my phone, larger than circumference of the lamp base on my desk, and yes, I’m home from work. Miserable. Exhausted. Sick. And thinking about how large and glorious that sandwich was.

So, if you are ever sick- travel to SC and order a sandwich from Little Pigs Barbeque.

And on a very odd note, I’m realizing that being sick is causing me to be exceptionally observant. For instance, while studying how large my sandwich is compared to this-and-that, I realized some wildly wonderful things I didn’t know about my place.

My tablecloth has a little plaid hem on it. All the tissue boxes in my house are the Puffs Plus type. I absolutely don’t know how to work the cute little white fire extinguisher near the pantry. From my loveseat, I can see exactly 22 books scattered about the living room.

And yet none of this trivial blathering is keeping me from thinking about why my heart hurts right now. I found my tattered copy of The Sacred Romance a few minutes ago and I think I will curl up under the New and Glorious Electronic Blanket I got for Christmas and read for a while.

Up: An old friend from the Previous Work came to visit me at the New Work today. We caught up over old times and had some jolly good fun.

Down: This cold/flu is a real beast right now. Hot soup, a bottle of ginger ale, and a cup full of ice (for chewing, of course) have helped a bit.

Up: My dad walked traipsed down to my place tonight and brought me a six-pack of Sprite. Six whole bottles of something other than water. My fridge will be delighted.

Down: After puppy-proofing my house (and rearranging my furniture), I found out that the puppy in question is staying with his family. Alas, I shall put my furniture back and wait a bit longer.

Up: Enjoyed supper Tuesday night with a girl who normally gives me product support on the phone. She flew into town for some work and we met up at Capri’s. Which is normally a happening place but was actually quite empty. Shockingly so.

Down: My lunch break was spent in the parking lot downtown. Crying in the rain. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Feeling sick.

Up: But while on that same lunch break, I heard You by Waterdeep and was encouraged.

Down: The new pillows I bought a week ago are a bit fluffier than I prefer. Each night, I fluff them a bit and then feel my face sliding off of them because they are too full.

Up: Barlowgirl’s Never Alone absolutely never gets tiresome. Especially tonight.

Terribly Down: Closed doors and goodbyes farewell-for-now’s are never fun.

Shockingly, I believe I have a craze for the color green now. (Which is somewhat different than my passion for anything and everything the color red) I suddenly discovered this while glancing around my house tonight. And because this discovery has nothing to do with anything, I’ve decided to share it with you.

January (or at least my first Monday of this year) certainly started with a wham and a bang. I feel as though I’ve barely had time to catch my breath after ’04 and now I feel like I am paddling upstream to stay on top of ’05.

A few of us stayed after work tonight to tie up some loose ends. And I’m not sure if it was because a long day of work needs a bit of silliness to be bearable or if it was a small bit of celebration in regards to our opening in two weeks- but we gathered around the parking lot tonight and watched the CEO and one of the stock guys race each other on foot through the parking lot.

And then I traipsed to Wal-Mart to order new contacts and discovered that a South Carolina law prohibits the girl-behind-the-counter from handing me my refills unless there is a doctor present. She was holding the box of contacts. And she told me I would have to return after 9am tomorrow.

Hmm. I wonder if I’m brave enough to swing that green Ketchup?

If the past few days are any clue as to what this year holds, then I am a very blessed woman.

Curling up on the couch, with our respective laptops. Eating Strawberry Tallcake late into the night. Discussing the “accoutrements” of various things. Watching him play Scrabble with my friends. Watching him watch me fall asleep on the couch and having to be woken up to ring in the New Year. Singing with Aunt Judy. Eating at Cracker Barrel and introducing him to the delightful and heavenly biscuits they serve. Laughing as he and Jon and explained what a “fat client” is.

But these blessings that seem so tangible right now are nothing to take for granted. With each new wonder that I’m given, I must realize that more responsibility is required.

It’s hard to believe that it’s 2005. It’s also somewhat mind-boggling to think of how my life has changed in the past few months. And somewhat overwhelming to think of all that this year might hold.

And, I present the Inevitable Resolutions list:

1. I’d love to be able to finish writing my book. The Nattering was born out of frustration, hurt, and a lot of valleys. And of course, I was foolish to think I could swing the entire manuscript with NaNoWriMo. So, here’s to finishing it in 2005.

2. Memorization is something I have no trouble with when it comes to lyrics or poetry. But it takes real discipline for me to memorize verses. My attempts at memorizing John 3 have been somewhat lackluster and that’s something I want to change.

3. Oh, and I would like to actually open the bottle of vitamins that is sitting on my kitchen table each morning and not just once a week.

4. And although I have lost 15lbs in the past 3 months, I don’t want to lose the desire to be healthier. Hmm. I’ll try to ignore the fact that I have a cake in the oven as I’m writing this.

5. The stack of “unread books” is growing. Albeit my life is a bit dramatic and busy at the moment- I don’t want to allow myself to just muddle through days without being challenged. Reading is good for me.

6. Learn more about the “winged life” that Hannah Hurnard describes. We begin the winged life, she says, when we allow God to begin transforming us by the renewing of our minds. He does this by going to the very root and heart of our trouble, the thought life.

Happy New Year’s!