My feet hit the floor at 5am this morning, and in an unprecedented event, I was up busying about before the morning sunlight streamed into the living room.

I’m not sure what caused the change. But the wonderful productive feeling has lasted all day long. Cooking scrambled eggs before six o’clock, drizzling honey on my toast, and watching the White Kitty flop about near my front door. A lunch with friends, that made me laugh so hard I cried. An organized and fruitful work day. Literally. I brought a bunch of grapes and kept dolling them out this afternoon. Washing my car the old-fashioned way. Washcloths, cold water, hot sun, and a very-loud-dog-who-was-wiggly-as-pie. Finding gas that was below $2.00! A brand new cell phone for FREE. Driving the long road home tonight…full moon, country roads, and listening to Sara Groves sing.

Call it what you will, I call it rain
When troubles come and pan against my soul
Go in if you like, I will remain
And let the washing waters make me whole

Today has been an encouraging and refreshing today. And in little small ways, I’ve been reminded that He can wash away what I do not understand. What I possibly will never understand.

Spring has just sprung, but I’m already longing for summer. I’m not sure if it’s my desire to catch fireflies again or to feel the hot night air brushing my face, but I’m ready for it.

While walking downtown tonight, I passed the pool hall, the aromatherapy shop, the goodwill store and then opened the back door of Poor Richards.

And found Watership Down by Richard Adams and a black and white cloth journal.

I love the feeling of fresh, exciting purchases.

There are some Sunday mornings when I wake at 9 o’clock and rush to get ready for church. A harried shower, clothes thrown on, lipstick on the way to church. But then there are these mornings.

When I wake early, and have time to curl up on my loveseat in the living room. The morning sunlight is streaming in through the windows, Nicole Nordeman is singing, a stack of books is beside me, and I have time to think.

Time to think, to ponder, to wish, to hope, and to crave a cup of coffee. I wish that just a bit of time could heal my soul right now. I wish change didn’t take so much time.

I have such a hunger to be in the Lord’s house this morning. An ache to feel the presence of the Lord.

Today feels like an annoying drip from the kitchen sink.

I woke early, but instead of heading to the coffeehouse to read and indulge, I just spent the morning staring at the ceiling. And after a pillow-adjusting of sorts, my eyes saw the freshly-purchased Season 9 of Friends and I spun through a few more episodes.

And as I’ve walked through the house this morning, I have found plenty of things I need to do. The daisies in the living room need to be thrown out, the roses in the kitchen need more water, I need to do laundry, I still have a stack of work things to be deciphered, and the glasses are stacking up near the kitchen sink.

Saturdays are my Days of Motivation. The things I don’t have time for during the week are put off until today. This is when I straighten, clean, organize, and do things in Excel. But it’s as though I simply don’t care. Ambivalent. Unconcerned. Frustrated at the day’s lack of luster.

But what grips my heart soundly is the knowledge that I hate this complacent day. My life isn’t moments of unconcern surrounded by carefree living. I have relationships, goals, things-going-on, and learning to do. And when I hit these walls, these bits of frustration- it burns me up inside.

It’s as though I’m sitting unmoved by the realness of life.

And I hate it.

And after reading something from Kim Thomas this afternoon, I am struggling between throwing this book at the wall and running away from everything I know right now.

We have dipped our toes into the waters of faith, but kept a safe distance from the demands and responsibilities of deeper waters. We just keep our lives moving. As long as we are controlling things satisfactorily, our spiritual needs are reduced to a simple good night prayer with fingers crossed. “God,” we pray, “don’t woo me to the deep end.” Our Bible study is reduced to a dose of chicken soup or a precious moment. And the only time we are really pouring our soul out in the throne room is when we have turned it into an emergency room.

Our sins have been downgraded to “oops” and “oh well” as opposed to being shalom breakers that separate us from fellowship with God. Thus, we feel no need for a sacrificial Savior, just a good pal who puts the amen on all of our plans. Our casual low-maintenance integration of Christ into our schedules is like a cheap surface coat of paint that peels after a few rains. Then the rawness of our lives is exposed to the elements, and we run for a quick patch-me-up prayer and go on our way.

So, whether I want to admit or not, her words hit home.

It’s an understatement to say that I’m excited about getting married. In fact, I would say that I’m insanely eager to jump into that new chapter of my life. But while poring over bride’s magazines, number-crunching with my Excel spreadsheet and exploring the delights of vintage fabric – I am well aware that I’m on the verge of a lifetime of learning and not just a day of glorious glitz and glamour.

A married friend rolled her eyes the other day and said, “Just wait until the honeymoon wears off and he leaves his clothes lying all over the place. The awe will wear off, my dear. And you’ll have to learn to do things the way he wants them done.”

Sadly, I’ve heard that from quite a few people. Of course, the encouragement and warm wishes have outweighed anything negative- but it’s still been something I haven’t expected from certain people. I’m not naïve enough to think that marriage will be easy, always fun times, and that he will be perfect (I already know better, because he KEEPS SLIPCOVERS ON HIS BOOKS!).

But I’ve been around godly, true love enough to know that marriage is nothing to fear. It’s just something amazing that will probably whip the hat off my head before I know it. So to speak.

And, as I ponder this new life that is just months around the corner, I remember the Rules for Married Life that Maud Hart Lovelace wrote in Betsy’s Wedding (one of my favorite childhood books).

1. Handle his money well.
2. Keep yourself looking nice when he’s around. Don’t plaster on sticky creams at night, or wear your hair in curlers.
3. Wear pretty house dresses, like Mamma does, and see that they’re always clean.
4. Learn to cook.
5. Always, always, be gentle and loving. No matter if you’re tired or feeling cross.

Thankfully, my hair is curly.

And the clouds just parted on a corner of my life
And I can see for miles
And the things I was stuck on
Things I thought would never change
They just broke open wide

This is the one thing I know
You said you won’t let me go
You said you won’t let me go

And the veil just lifted
I can finally understand
The way you work in me
But even if I didn’t
You are still a sovereign God
Who has a plan for me

It ‘s good to know you work with hurt and broken souls
And that you’ll take a soul like mine

And it feels like I’ve been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
I was caught in the habits of a lifetime
Giving up I could never find the right time
All the indefensible things I would defend
All the million ways that my heart was bent
Then the clouds just parted

- The One Thing I Know by Sara Groves

Sunday afternoon was the grand opening of the Pickens County Library. But the weather was frigid so I squelched my desire to be among the first to see the new stacks of books. To make up for it, I went to the library yesterday and today while on my lunch break and discovered all the nooks and crannies. I’m quickly realizing that I may have just found my Place to Hole Up.

But even though the new library has ambience and atmosphere, it doesn’t have all the books it should. So I made a quick trip to the cozy little bookstore in downtown Easley and found some real treasures. Visiting Poor Richards always brings back good memories. Sitting cross-legged on the second floor, pouring through the hardback Babar books. And the oh-so-precious little dog who sometimes sneaks around the books to lick my shoes, as though to say, “mmm, Doc Martens- very nice.” (Oddly enough, my trip to the bookstore caused me to do a quick Google-search, which resulted in my finding the blog of the girl who helped me find my books today. Gasp!)

But, in other exciting news- Publix now has tiny bottles of unsweetened tea for $0.79. And with two packets of Splenda, it tastes like heaven.