Raw Results 1-26-04
    Submitted by Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 at 8:32 PM EST

    One day removed from the Royal Rumble, Raw from Hershey PA. HHH is still champion and Mick Foley returned. The night started with an appearance by Chris Jericho, complete with new entrance music from WWE Originals. He says he is fine with Benoit winning the Rumble last night, because Benoit is on Smackdown! Since has the last Raw participant in the Rumble, and is still owed a favor from Survivor Series, he wants a title shot against Triple H tonight. Cue Howard Dean speech – complete with victory scream. Bishoff enters and Jericho refers to the fact that ten thousand people are calling him an “Asshole.” Bishoff agrees to the favor, if that is how Jericho wants to use it. You see, he made a match between Trish and Kane tonight! Will Jericho use his favor to win the World title, or save his little girlfriend? He does the right thing to save Trish from the Big Red Machine. Bishoff is still pissed that Jericho (and RVD) were unable to win the Rumble last night, so he books them against Evolution’s Batista, Randy Orton and Ric Flair – next!

    Evolution took on Chris Jericho and RVD. This was a very unique outing, with the out-numbered face pair completely controlling the heel team during the first commercial break of the match. The pair of RVD worked well together, playing off one another’s moves as though they had been a tag team for years. After countering and out-wrestling everything Evolution could throw at them the tide finally turned. Jericho flew off the ring apron onto Batista, but was caught and given a spine buster on the outside of the ring. As we went to commercial RVD was surrounded by the heels, alone.

    We returned from commercial with the match still in progress. RVD remained in control of the match briefly, but was quickly overwhelmed. Randy Orton locked in a triangle-arm bar (With enough intensity to keep it interesting) and for the rest of the match the heels would punish the limb relentlessly. Over a long period of time, Chris would crawl back to stand in his corner. RVD got the tag and Jericho came in with as much fire as I have ever seen. He took Flair and Orton out of the ring and began to take Batista apart with drop kicks and chop blocks to the slower man’s legs. The monstrous Batista was in the Walls of Jericho, poised to tap, while RVD made sure Ric Flair wouldn’t interfere by giving him a 5* Frog Splash. Randy Orton rushed back into the ring, going to RKO Jericho only to miss the move! So he did what every rookie does when they screw up the finish – did it again. Batista rolled over onto Chris Jericho for the pin fall.

    In Eric Bishoff’s office Randy Orton complains that Mick Foley ruined his chances to win the Royal Rumble last night. He wants permission to attack Foley, who he heard is supposed to show up that night. The camera panned back to reveal Stone Cold Steve Austin. He confirms Mick’s appearance tonight, and says Orton cannot attack him until he has time to defend himself against those advertisements calling him a coward. In the locker room, Jericho broods until Trish Stratus comes and thanks him for what he did for her. Trish thinks that they can be really close… friends. Every male in the arena groaned at that terrible thought. Trish mentions Christian taking Jericho out on the town to score chicks, and Christian enters. Trish bows out, and Christian berates his decision to save Trish. He says the reason he didn’t come to make the save was Jericho threw him out of the Rumble the night prior and he was busy smoothing things out with Bishoff, who is angered at Jericho. He says he got them a number-one contender’s match next week for the tag-titles, and asks him if he is in or if he will throw it away for a teenage crush. “This is Raw Chris, not an episode of the OC.”

    Last night Victoria pinned the women’s champion (Molly Holly) in a non-titles match. Dressed very well she would pair up with Lita against Molly Holly and Jazz. Jerry Lawler mentions that Playboy is looking for the hottest pair of WWE Divas for a spread. Victoria literally begged Lita to tag her in against Molly, who promptly tagged in Jazz. Molly would attack Victoria from outside so Jazz could take control, and only entered to face her when she was down. Victoria got the tag to Lita after Jazz missed a splash, allowing her to clear out the ring. Jazz might be the worst bumper on the roster, using rag doll physics like she were a dead combatant in Unreal Tournament 2k3. Victoria came back in, nearly getting the pin with a power slam before Jazz broke up the pin. Lita took Jazz outside, and Molly went for a suplex only to rolled up for the small package pin. Victoria and Stevie Richards celebrate Victoria having pinned the women’s champion twice in as many nights. Backstage Triple H (With his standard night-after-PPV band aide) walked through the arena with his title.

    Triple H entered the arena. Triple H talked about his match with HBK last night and reminded everyone he was still the World Champion. Shawn Michaels entered and Hunter asked what he had to do and Shawn said they hadn’t even gotten started yet. Austin road down to the ring on his ATV, and said how it was a shame the match last night ended as a draw since the Champion retains in the advent of a draw. He says that Michaels deserves a rematch, but he didn’t win the Royal Rumble. The rules state the winner of the Rumble goes on to face the Champion at Wrestlemania, but they don’t state which one he goes on to face. So he asks Chris Benoit to come down to the ring! The Rabid (No B and P substitution tonight) Wolverine comes on down. He says that they both worked their ass off the night before for the title, but so did he. He tells them that at Wrestlemania it doesn’t matter who the Champion is, because he is going to go there to fulfill his destiny and win the World Heavyweight Title. HHH and HBK stare dumbfounded.

    The announcers are still amazed at Benoit’s revelation that he apparently wants to face the Raw champion and win that title. Kane would face Bubba Dudley, who sought revenge for Spike from last night. Surprisingly Bubba controlled the match until Kane drove his thumb into his eye on the floor while the referee watched. Kane brought the steel steps into the ring ad decked Bubba with them to be disqualified. Devon ran in, but his injured ribs from the table match last night left him too weak to do anything but accept a Tombstone pile driver. Then, the gong went off, and the arena went black. The Titan Tron played a creepy video of snakes, a chair and the burying of the Undertaker until Kane decided to run away. In Bishoff’s office, he talked into his speaker phone and claimed ignorance in Benoit’s appearance on Raw. Heyman doesn’t believe him, and threatens to sue his ass. The Coach comes in, and he jokes about his scuffle with Paul last night. Eric puts him in a no-disqualification match against Goldberg since he is so funny.

    La Resistance’s Rob Conway squared off against Rico. Rico played the face, using his “I’m gay” spots that Gold Dust did so much better. This included slapping Conway’s ass and humping his arm. The highlight of the match was obvious. Miss Jackie jumped up on the ring apron and faced Conway (The camera caught it momentarily from the side), distracting him long enough for Rico to get the pin. After the match Stacey Kiebler returned wearing a short skirt, and JR and the King state that those two will be the pair posing for Playboy will indeed be herself and Miss Jackie. While I would require many issues of that magazine (They get wet and sticky and don’t last long) every rumor has been contrary to this. Wrestlemania IX, one of the worst shows in history, is shown in a WM Recall.

    Goldberg had his match with Coach, but Theodore Long and Mark Henry came out to try and help. Goldberg faced Henry at first, but disposed of him in time. Then, as expected, he destroyed Coach and landed his pair of finishers for the victory. Henry wanted to continue fighting Goldberg, but Teddy-baby wouldn’t let him. Bill told the camera’s that Brock Lesnar was next.

    Mick Foley returned to explain why he did what he did. He explains that anger fueled him his whole career, and he gave up that motivating anger when he retired. He compares himself to Pete Rose, saying that he didn’t want to go old and bitter like he did. I guess Senior Rose will not be at this year’s Wrestlemania for his pile driver paycheck. He asks Randy Orton to appear to do him a favor. Orton enters, and is told by Mick to spit in his face. He does, and Mick doesn’t kill him. So he asks him to do it again, on his other cheek – and once again he doesn’t go crazy as expected. Of course, Foley is a father and disgusting things aren’t so disturbing anymore. What was disturbing, he would go on to say, were the commercials. He felt the commercials spit not on Foley but instead his Legacy. This drives him past the brink, and suddenly Mick is insane. He beats himself bloody as the hatred that spurred him on throughout his career returns, and he goes after Orton. Batista and Flair make the save, but Foley fought them off with a chair as the screen went black.

    Match Results
    Batista, Randy Orton and Ric Flair defeated Chris Jericho and Rob Van Dam via pin fall
    Lita and Victoria defeated Jazz and Molly Holly via pin fall
    Bubba Dudley defeated Kane via disqualification
    Rico defeated Rob Conway via pin fall
    Goldberg defeated Coach via pin fall

    Hate Mail
    you want some hate mail

    put more detail in your recaps and put some spaces in so it isn't so cluttered.

    but actually, it's pretty good stuff.

    benoit winning the rumble or being a world champion for that matter is a joke. i bet you were one of the few people who accepted chris jericho as heavyweight champion. lol, how can a cruiserweight be heavyweight champion and make the fans believe it? answer: HE CAN'T!


    About damn time a new retard E-mailed me. I was beginning to wonder if they finally followed my advice concerning burning them for fuel. I will have your answer as to why Chris Benoit can make people believe it next week.

    Steven “Rommel” Schaeffer can reached by sending an E-mail to address above or by sending an instant message to AIM name Winged Mystery. Happy Doink Day.


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