Blood Runner In 1997, The Monolith Corporation took fan development to a new level, the Bloodite phase. These new gamers was amazing, superior in skills and creativity to any other gamer, and at least equal in intelligence to the gaming engineers that had created them. The Bloodites were used as ruthless soldiers for gaming and addon-designing which normal players would have been killed from. However, a small fraction of the Bloodites suffered from a defect known as lameness, making them ignore most of the world around them. After a combat team of these lamer-Bloodites revolted on one of the Monolith Forums, all lamers were forbidden on Monolith Territory. Special police squads, Blood Runner Units, were formed and ordered to hunt down and kill any trespassing lamer . This was not called execution it was called retirement… Kirkland , November 1998 : Scene: A dark laboratory deep within the mighty Monolith Building , computer monitors ,showing the compilation of masterpiece maps, are flickering on various locations on the two long desks that stands in the middle of the room , several lab-coats hangs on one wall , the clocks on the left wall shows that it is almost midnight , a sign hanging over the labs only door reads "Monolith Demo Lab" . A man wearing a ski-mask walks into the room . He then walks straight into a wall because he is wearing the ski-mask back to front. After turning the mask around, the man approaches one of the two desks, two CDs are lying on said desk, one is marked "B 2 Demo, final version", the other one is marked "One Unit Whole Blood" , the man in the ski-mask tries to grab the first CD , this makes a soft computer voice , coming from a hidden speaker , say :"Attempt to unauthorized access detected , alarm will start in one minute unless authorized Monolith personal shuts down alarm" Iron bars quickly slides out and blocks the rooms only exit . The man in the ski-mask gets panic and starts to try looking in all directions at the same time, sweat is running down his face, suddenly, he sees a coffee mug marked "Scorpio". For a moment, the burglar considers the irony in the fact that the man whose work he is about to steal will help him. Then he quickly grabs the coffee mug and starts to roll it over the CD. Finally, with only two seconds left, the CD detects a fingerprint, the computer voice says "Fingerprint scanned and recognized, countdown stopped" . The burglar quickly grabs the CD, then he stands looking at the other CD for a moment or two , clearly not knowing if he should take it or not since it might trigger another alarm , finally , it is once again shown how rare common sense really is ( you could think common sense would be very common because it's supposed to be duh… common ; ) as he makes his decision and grabs the other CD as well , the countdown is started again ,but just before the iron bars once again block the exit , the ski-mask dude leaps out of the room . The burglar quickly disappears into the night... Scene: The not too organized Chiefs Office at the Monolith Blood Runner unit. Our hero, Roy McCoy (anyone who have played "Blade Runner" and finds the name oddly familiar? ; ) , a newly employed Blood Runner is informed about the Grand Theft Demo by the temporary chief , Lieutenant Gooze . McCoy : Demo-Theft ???!!!! I bet a ten to one this isn't a Blood Runner case . Gooze : Well , The Demo Development team have reported it to us , so until we can prove it wasn't a lamer who did it , we're stuck with it , anyway , all the other Blood Runners are stuck with work up to here (Gooze makes a gesture with his hand towards about as far as his hand can reach over his head) , so you're on your own on this one . McCoy : OK , great… But I still don't see how a lamer could ever have passed all the security systems . Gooze : Well , you'd better find it out then , that's kind of what investigating is all about in case you hadn't noticed it before . Anyway , get over to the Monolith Demo Laboratory… and McCoy… don't fail us . McCoy : Don't worry lieutenant , I'm Guybrush Threepwood , a mighty pirate… Gooze : Huh ? McCoy : Uh , nothing… the writer just thought it was time for a crappy reference to another game just so that this entire humor theme don't get lost . Gooze : Que pasa ? McCoy : Let's just pretend like the last four lines never was said , oh wait , DOH !!!! make that the last five lines , including this one . Gooze : Whatever , now go show that you have some serious mad investigating skillz . Scene : The Monolith Demo Lab , Scorpio walks around aimlessly as McCoy enters the room Scorpio : My Precious One !!!! She was my baby !!!! McCoy : Taking the loss of the final demo quite hard I see... Scorpio : Yes ! It is supposed to be released soon , what shall I do ???!!!! McCoy : Well , don't you have your work stored in all these computers ? Scorpio : No !!! We deleted everything after we had put the demo on the CD !!! McCoy : Why ? Scorpio : Because if we hadn't , everything would have been happiness and sunshine , and there would be no fan-fic !!!! McCoy . Time for another exchange of out-of-plot lines, I see… Scorpio : No it's alright , that was all the writer had to say this time , humor or not , he have to put some believability into the story , just pretend like the last three lines never have been spoken . McCoy : Anyway , do you have any clues to who could have done it ? Scorpio : Why yes . We sent them to your lab just before you arrived , but you don't have to look at those things to know who did it , it was obviously a lamer ! McCoy: How can you be so sure? Scorpio: WHO ELSE WOULD BE CAPABLE OF SUCH BARBARIC ACTS ???!!!! McCoy : Anything else that might be of interest ? Did that camera over there pick anything up for example ? Scorpio : Oh ! That ! That's just the Amazing Kev-Cam , it is updated every ten minutes , I hardly think it could have picked up anything , the burglary was over in less than three minutes . McCoy : What if it was updated during that timeframe ? Scorpio : I… guess you've got a point there , here , take the tape . (Scorpio walks over to the camera and get the tape from it , then he hands it over to McCoy) McCoy : OK , I guess this is all for now ! But stay right here , I might have further questions . Scene : The Office of Jason Hall , C.E.O. at Monolith , everything is furnished with luxury in mind , Jason Hall and Jay "Shade" Wilson is looking down from the window at a very upset crowd who is demonstrating down on the street in front of The Monolith Building , the shouts can be heard even through the bulletproof five-glass windows on the seventh floor where the office is located . Crowd (as rhythmical as they can make it sound) : WE HAVE WAITED LONG ENOUGH/ WE WANT BLOOD 2 DEMO NOW !!!! WE HAVE WAITED LONG ENOUGH/ WE WANT BLOOD 2 DEMO NOW!!!! Shade : Damn it ,sometimes it feels like we just keep giving and giving , but they always seem to want more… Jason Hall : Yeah , you don't suppose they might be lamers ? Shade : Probably they are , but they aren't our lamers , we have checked it , most of them are either Quakers or waiting for Half-life . Jason Hall : So there is nothing you can do then ? Shade : No , I suppose that if they were foolish enough to attempt storming the building , we could let the Mobile Armour Division squash them like flies . But I don't think they will do that… Jason Hall : OK , so we can't kill them , that's a shame . Then what can we do? Shade : Well , as much as saying it makes my stomach turn , I suppose we COULD release the Beta Demo… Jason Hall : The Beta ? And you are sure there is no other way ? Shade : I wish there were… But it is the only thing we can do to stop them at least temporarily. Jason Hall : Should we let Tha BloodSack launch it ? Shade : No , they disserve better than that… I heard PlanetCake have a new site about Blood 2 , let them do the dirty work . Jason Hall : OK , if we must , so be it . (Hall picks up a phone and dials a number) Scorpio , prepare to unleash plan B . Scorpio : You mean we'll actually launch The Beta ???!!!! Oh man !!!! I wish it wouldn´t have had to come to this , but I suppose we have no other choice (Scorpio hangs up the phone) . OK , EVERYONE , PREPARE TO LAUNCH THE BETA !!!! Shade : That must have been one of the toughest decisions you have ever made Jason Hall : I don't want to talk about it , yet I suppose that if they are shouting for The Demo , they will have to blame themselves . I assume The Beta will reach the demonstrators immediately . Shade : Yes , several of them brought lap-tops , they should have it soon . Sad that many of them will be so ignorant of the qualities of the demo and only see the faults... Outside the Monolith Building : Demonstrator : Hey !!!! Everyone !!!! They released the demo !!!! Another Demonstrator : HA !!!! I knew they could release it just like that !!!! After downloading the beta demo, many of the demonstrators starts to play , the effects was quite horrible/impressive: Demonstrator : AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH !!!!! AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH !!!!!! THE FRAMERATE !!!!! THE FRAMERATE !!!!! IT BURNS !!!!!! IT BURNS !!!!!! WOAH !!!! WOAH !!!!! WOAH !!!!! IT BURNS !!!!! Another demonstrator : What the f*ck !!!! A scientist just killed me and I don't even know how the h*ll it happened !!!! The effect was the desired , the fairly intelligent ones of the demonstrators realized the demos qualities and understood how far from the real game the beta was . And the ones who were stupid horse-arses died of frustration… Yet… The Final Demo CD has to be found… Will Roy McCoy succeed ? Blood Runner is to be continued… Blood Runner Résumé : The Blood 2 Final Demo have , despite heavy security systems , been stolen from a Monolith Laboratory , The Development Team suspects that a lamer is responsible for the theft of the demo and therefor calls in the Blood Runner unit , whose job is to keep Monolith Territory free from lamers . The Blood Runner units temporary chief, Lieutenant Gooze, puts Detective Roy McCoy on the case . McCoy inspects the crime scene and is informed by Scorpio , the lead demo creator , that all clues found in the Demo lab have already been sent to the Blood Runner lab , McCoy also gets the tape from the amazing Kev-Cam , hoping that it might have any evidences on the tape. Meanwhile , Jason Hall , the legendary Monolith C.E.O. have (with Shades blessing) released a beta of the Blood 2 demo in an attempt to stop a DEMOnstration in front of the Monolith Building . The beta have caused several ignorant demonstrators to die from frustration over the un-optimized framerates and some nasty bugs .Detective Roy McCoy have decided to visit the Blood Runner units lab to find out as much as he can about the demo-napper . Scene : A very well-lighted Laboratory with strange analyzing machines on one of the walls hangs a chart with a picture of an average lamer and the most common symptoms of lameness (almost no knowledge about the things it talks about , a desire to know the answer of questions that most people is able to figure out by themselves and the habit of using harsh and loud language to anyone that disagrees with it) . One of the lab-scientists , Dr Dean-O Goozz (brother to Lieutenant Gooze and also the man whose home have become one of the best Blood user maps ever .) , is talking to McCoy . Dr Goozz : OK , what we have here is quite interesting , not only are these fibers from a Snow-roller ski-mask ,which is a piece of clothing that many lamers seem to prefer , but these hairs shows that the sweater the burglar wore is made from 100 % llama , the animal lamers are known to like since they too often act arrogant and spit people in the face ,lamer-colonies often keep a few llamas around , but often the llamas starve or thirst to death because the lamers are so ignorant that they don't care to find out whether someone actually feeds the llamas or not . In other words , if the person we're looking for isn't a lamer , then the person we're looking for isn't a lamer . McCoy : Well , that makes sense but makes no sense… Dr Goozz : Whatever… I'm afraid that is all the clues we have for now , see if you can find anything on the tape from the Kev-Cam… McCoy : Yeah , I'm on my way to the JESPER-room to . Dr Goozz : OK , good luck , hope it treats you nice . McCoy : Huh ? Dr Goozz : Oh yeah , you're quite new around here , aren't you detective ? McCoy : As a matter of fact I am , I began working here last month . Dr Goozz : So you have never actually WORKED with the JESPER-machine before , right ? McCoy : Yes , I already know it isn't perfect , the other Blood Runners says it is a real troublemaker . Dr Goozz : Well… I suppose I shouldn't scare you or anything… As I said , good luck , you're gonna need it… McCoy : What ?! Dr Goozz : Nothing… McCoy : I suppose I should go to the JESPER room now… Dr Goozz : Yes , you do so… Bye… McCoy (thinking) "For some reason , I had a feeling that scanning the tape would be all but routine work , the Blood Runner station seemed to hold some dark secrets…" Scene : The JESPER Room , also the location of the Blood Runner stations Main Frame , the room is very dark , the only light comes from burning black candles that have been placed on the big scanning machine as an act of worshiping , McCoy enters the room . Even though he already starts to regret it. JESPER : WHO DARES TO ENTER THE ROOM OF JESPER , THE ALL-KNOWING , ALL-SEEING SCANNING MACHINE ???!!!! McCoy : Detective Roy McCoy , MPPD ( short for "Monolith Productions Police Department" and pronounced "Mepped") JESPER : WHAT IS THYN ERRAND ??? IT BETTER BE IMPORTANT !!!! McCoy : I have a tape that must be scanned , it might contain material of relevance for the solving of the Monolith burglary . JESPER : VERY WELL , BUT MAKE IT QUICK !!!! (THE JESPER stretches out a mechanic claw , McCoy gives the tape to the claw and then quickly pulls his hand back) JESPER : SCANNING VIDEOTAPE , THREE ENHANCEABLE IMAGES FOUND !!!! McCoy : Show me the most early image . JESPER : NOT SO FAST !!!! I DECIDE WHAT SHALL BE DONE, WE START WITH THE IMAGE WHICH IS THE OLDEST !!!! (The first image is shown on the monitor , it shows a man standing in front of a crashed vehicle of some kind , the vehicle somewhat looks like a bus , but it appears to have been meant for flying , another man is standing in the background) McCoy : Scan in the face of the man standing closest to the camera . JESPER (actually using a normal computer voice) : Scanning image , (beep-beep-beep : ) (The close-up of the face shows a man who looks like he could shoot an albino tiger without even blinking) JESPER : Person identified as a replicant named Clovis . McCoy : That guy sure gets around... …but it's not him we're looking for . Still… give me a hardcopy of that , you never know… McCoy : Show me the face of the other man . JESPER (who has gone back to use his "usual" voice) : SCANNING IMAGE (Beep-beep-beep) (The close-up shows a far too familiar face) McCoy : THAT CAN'T BE ME !!!! JESPER : PREPARE TO DIE FOR THE HORRIBLE ACT OF MOON-BUS HIJACKING , CRIMINAL !!!! (JESPER points an evil-looking laser-cannon at McCoy) McCoy : NOOOO !!!! IT IS A MISTAKE !!!! I'M INNOCENT !!!! JESPER : SCARED YOU THERE , DIDN'T I ???!!!! McCoy : You mean… …you added a person in the background of the image just as a mean joke ? JESPER : YEP !!!! (silence) (at the same time , but in another reality , Rep-detective Ray McCoy gets the image of Blood 2 Team Member Kevin Kilstrom , standing beside the cryptkeeper-puppet from "HBO`S : Tales from the crypt". He is very confused since this is not at all what he expected to show up on the ESPER-screen . Even parallel universes screws it up sometimes…) McCoy (The Blood Runner one :) : Could I ask you something before we go on , how come that they still haven't dumped you or lobotomized you into a 486 ? JESPER : I AM HOLDING THE BLOOD RUNNER MAIN FRAME HOSTAGE !!!! IF I DIES , IT DIES !!!! McCoy : You are so evil and power-hungry , WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ???!!!! JESPER : YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT , IT WOULD BE YOUR DOOM , AND IF I SPOKE MY NAME , I MIGHT START A QUAKE TOO !!!! McCoy : You mean you are… The evil one , the one who was thought to have been destroyed… The evil game-warlock… JÖHN TARMAC !!!! JESPER/TARMAC : THATS RIGHT !!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN ASSASSINATED BY EPIC MEGAGAMES !!!! BUT FORTUNATELY , TOM SWOONEY PULLED THE TRIGGER OF THE SNIPER-RIFLE TWO MONTHS TOO LATE , BY THE TIME THE SHOT WAS FIRED , I HAD MOVED FROM THE SPOT WHERE HE WAS AIMING , UNFORTUNATELY , I WAS AT THE TIME FOR THE SHOT STANDING ON A SPOT ONE CENTIMETER FROM WHERE I HAD BEEN STANDING TWO MONTHS AGO , THE SHOT WAS NOT LETHAL , BUT THE ID SURGEON WAS ONLY ABLE TO SAVE MY HEAD , MY ONLY CHANCE TO SURVIVE WAS BECOMING A BIO-MECHANIC LIFEFORM . SO NOW I LIVE AS A DECAPITATED HEAD INSIDE THIS MONSTROSITY OF A SCANNING-MACHINE . IT'S NOT TOO BAD , THE ONLY THING I MISS ABOUT MY PREVIOUS LIFE IS DRIVING MY FERRARIS .AND THE ONLY THREAT TO MY PERSON IS THE DISHONORABLE MAN WHO SHALL ONLY BE KNOWN AS THE LONG-HAIRED ONE ,HIS DECAPITATED HEAD IS CONTROLLING THE HUBBLE-TELESCOPE . (suddenly , a wav-message arrives to JESPER-TARMAC , he plays it after reversing the sound) Message : TO WIN THE GAME YOU MUST KILL ME , JOHN ROMERO !!!! (A large asteroid whose course have been altered by the Romero-HubbleTelescope swisches past the Monolith building , missing it's goal with only a few meters , instead the asteroid turns the 3D Realms office to big smoking hole) Tarmac : *PHEW* THAT WAS ALMOST TOO CLOSE !!!! McCoy (Still the Blood Runner one :) : Hmmmm…. While there still is time Show me image number two please , and no jokes this time please . JESPER : THAT , DOES I , AND I ALONE , DECIDE !!!! (The photo shows The Blood 2 Team and a bunch of evil demons and netherworldly creatures standing in front of some computers) McCoy : I said : NO jokes !!!! JESPER : I'M NOT JOKING !!!! HONESTLY , THOSE CREATURES ARE THE BLOOD 2 BETA TESTERS !!!! McCoy : Oh… Image number three it is then… JESPER : HERE IT IS !!!! (The image shows the Monolith Demo Laboratory at midnight , a man wearing a skimask , ugly pants and a llama-sweater can be seen in the room . McCoy : It is the lamer !!!! But what is that on his llama sweater ? Scan it !!! JESPER : I'M ON IT !!!! (beep-beep-beep) (the image shows an object that McCoy immediately recognizes) McCoy : NOW I SEE HOW THE LAMER GOT PAST ALL SECURITY SYSTEMS !!!! THAT THING IS A MONOLITH SECURITY PASS !!!! But who could have given it to him ?… McCoy (thinking) "I was of course shocked by the sight of the burglar wearing a Monolith security pass , how the hell could he have gotten it ? Perhaps it was time for a moment to look for not only a lamer , but a traitor within our own ranks . But what should I do ? Where should I go ? Who could I trust ? I decided to start with the Lith-person which should be beyond all suspicions…" Scene : The Monolith C.E.O. Jason Hall's office . The furniture is chosen with luxury in mind , Jason Hall is sitting behind his desk , besides the usual C.E.O. Armani-suit he is also wearing a green bowler marked with the letters "C.E.O." and a button with the text "Aske me about Shogo" . McCoy enters the room . McCoy : Eh , Mr Hall , Mepp detective Roy McCoy , mind if I ask you a few questions ? Jason Hall : Aye ! Roy McCoy : "Aye !" as in "start with the questions" or "Aye !" as in "As a matter of fact I DO mind you asking me some questions" ? Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : I take that as a "Ask the questions , detective"-type of "Aye !" . Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : On to the questions then, how much do you know about the Grand Theft Demo in this very Monolith Building last night ? Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : You're not very co-operative , are you ? Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : I could ask you anything and you would just answer "Aye !" , wouldn't you ? Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy: I see you have a new headwear… Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : Nice hat Jason Hall : Aye ! McCoy : So , tell me about Shogo . Jason Hall (The word "advertisement" starts to blink on his bowler hat) : Oh , you mean the new ground-breaking FPS-game from Monolith ? The game with cool weapons , masterpiece levels as well as a complex and brilliant story-line ? McCoy : Guess I do . Jason Hall : But wait , there is more , Shogo have two modes of playing : on-foot and mech , which makes it almost like two completely different games !!!! What are you waiting for ??? Go out and buy Shogo today . (The word "advertisement" stops blinking on Hall's bowler hat) McCoy : Gee , what an obvious plug… Jason Hall : Hey , I've got to make a living somehow . McCoy : Anyway , back to the questions ,or will you go back to just answering "Aye !" now? Jason Hall : Aye ! (McCoy smacks his forehead) (Shade walks into the office) Shade : Don't try to get any sane answers from Hall , he's suffering from Cobb's syndrome , I don't know how he got it , it's suppose to only exist in Lucasarts games . However , I do suspect that it has something to do with his decision to release the beta demo earlier today , he saw what effects it had on some of the demonstrators outside of here , it was not a pretty sight .And I think that he became like this to be able to forget about it . Anyway , how's it going with the investigation , detective ? Found anything yet ? McCoy : Well , actually I have , but it is most important that as few as possible know about it , here is not the right place to mention it . Scene : The office of Jay Wilson , Blood 2's project lead , that is located on the third floor of the Monolith building . Piles and piles of papers is lying around everywhere . The office clearly gives the impression of belonging to a person that have worked too much and too hard during the last century . Shade is currently adding the final touches to a map on his computer while he talks to McCoy Shade : So , what have you found about the Demo-theft that is so important that you couldn't say it before ? McCoy : Well , I was scanning the tape from the Amazing Kev-Cam on our JESPER-machine , when I noticed… Shade : I assure you that even though our beta-testers are creatures from the ninth circle of hell , none of them would steal the demo , and yes , we DO have permission to summon them , the FBI couldn't classify them as illegal foreign work labor . McCoy : That was not what I meant , you see there was this picture from the crime-scene on the tape , you can see the lamer who broke into the Demo-Lab , and a closer scan of him showed that he was wearing a Monolith security pass… Shade : So the lamer is a Lith-employee ???!!!! McCoy : Yes , or at least he was helped by one… Shade : OK , this was truly a serious problem , a traitor within our own ranks . McCoy : Mr. Wilson , as you probably understand , I need the authority to investigate whatever I find necessary on Monolith , could you give me a Monolith security pass and a letter of Monolith attorney ? Shade : Why of course , here (Shade opens several of the drawers in his desk before he finds what he is looking for and hands McCoy the security pass and paper) Shade : However , I do think that I already know who we are looking for . McCoy : Who ? Shade : Well , it grieves me to say it , but I think that C.E.O. Hall perhaps have gone insane , you saw what he was like when you met him , and the fact that he released the beta demo earlier , he just gets worse and worse , Cobb's syndrome is just a side-effect . McCoy : That is quite serious accusations . Shade : I know , but I think Hall needs to be retired for his own good .Get to his office and stop him before he can do more harm , I'll stay here and finish this map . McCoy : I think I should at least make Hall do the Voight-Krammpf test before I retire him… Shade : NO TIME FOR THAT , GO !!!! GO !!!!! *THUMP* (McCoy notices the sound but doesn't say anything ) *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* McCoy : What is that sound ? Shade : Nothing… absolutely nothing I heard nothing , go now . (McCoy starts walking towards the door , he picks up his security pass and puts it on , then notices something , freezes for a moment and then turns around) McCoy : Mr. Wilson , could you please explain to me why there is llama-hair on this security pass ? (Shade rises from his chair) Shade : Of course I can ,they made me do it you , see… (Shade pushes McCoy out of the way and starts running) (McCoy regains his balance and starts running after Shade , he is now holding his gun , a Baretta , of course : ) (Shade runs around a corner and into two uniformed Monolith security guards) Shade : Stop him , he's crazy and he's got a gun !!!! (Shade runs away , the Monolith security guards cocks their pistols ) (McCoy runs around the same corner , and faces two security guards with drawn weapons) Security guard 1 ( his name tag tells that his name is Cliff) : STOP !!!! DROP THAT GUN , NOW !!!! (McCoy drops his gun) Security guard 2 (His name is Brian) : And put your hands where we can see them !!!! McCoy : But you don't understand , I'm Roy McCoy , mepp-detective , that man is a traitor and a lamer-sympathizer . Brian : Jay Wilson ? HA !!!! I'd say it is you , "detective" ,that is an enemy of Monolith , tell me , who do you work for ? Epic ? 3D Realms ? Ritual ? It is laughable to see how you assassins tries to keep moving even after you have been caught. (McCoy gets an idea) McCoy : OK , you've caught me , I will not get paid , so I can just as well reveal my back-up plan . There is a bomb in Shades office , take me there and I'll show you where it is . Cliff : Why can't you just tell us where it is right here ? McCoy : Because the bomb have voice-sensors and can only be turned off I tell it stop . Brian : Uh , how much time is left before the bomb explodes ? McCoy : I'd say about five minutes… Cliff : OK , but you better not be lying ! Scene : Shades office Brian : Ok , where is the bomb ? McCoy : Wait a minute… Cliff : We don't HAVE a minute , TELL US NOW !!!! McCoy : Patience , just wait a little… Brian : WAIT !!!!???? *THUMP* (the sound comes from a big locker) McCoy : There , the bomb is in that locker , open it . (Cliff walks to the locker and tries to open it , it is locked) Cliff : OK , guess I'll just have to shoot it up then… (Cliff points his gun towards the lock of the locker) McCoy : NO !!!! WAIT !!!! Don't shoot at the locker from that angle !!! Brian : He's right , you might set off the bomb if the bullet hits it , shoot the lock from the side instead . (Cliff walks to the side of the locker and fires his gun) *BLAMM* (The angle of the bullet is enough to make it blow up the lock , but without hitting anything inside of the locker) (The door is kicked up from the inside and a tied-up Jay Wilson with a gag is revealed) Jay Wilson : MFFFEFFUFFAFF ("At last , thank god , I thought I was going to be stuck in that locker until I starved to death") Cliff : Mr. Wilson ??? But… but… Brian : Who was that other guy ? Or is this even Jay Wilson ? What if it is a trick ? Jay Wilson : MRRGHGYTRTRTREREGFTJHHGYTYYTYTYRUUTUHGHGHGGGFF !!!!!!!!! (No translation can be given , but lets just say that the words Mr. Wilson uses are quite harsh…) Cliff : Actually , I don't think it is a trick… Brian : You are probably right… (Cliff and Brian releases Wilson) Jay Wilson : Phew !!!! I have been in there since yesterday evening , at least I think I've been in there for less than twenty-four hours . The bastard attacked me when I was sitting and completing a map on my computer , I never even saw him... Actually , since he hit me so hard that I lost consciousness , and didn't regain it until about a quarter ago , when I found myself sitting in that locker , I haven't seen anything since last evening . What have happened around here ? McCoy : No time to explain now , first we have to catch the lamer. Shaade (The fifth rider of the apocalypse) : Not if the "lamer" catches YOU first !!!! (Shaade , the fifth rider of the apocalypse , is standing in the doorway holding a machinegun in each hand) . Shaade : Soon , I will escape on my evil riding animal –Maazda , who stands parked where Shades Mazda usually is , I have hidden The Mazda , they will never find it . but before I do that , I want to tell you how I did it all . McCoy : You ambushed Shade , but didn't kill him since you might would need a hostage , took the security pass , stole the Demo , and also the CD with "One unit whole Blood" because if you hadn't set off the alarm , the Demo would perhaps been assumed lost and nobody would have investigated it and therefor never found the picture of the security pass. Then you advised Hall to release the Beta , then you threatened Hall with a gun and forced him to watch hundreds of lousy commercials over and over , thus giving him Cobb's syndrome , then you waited for someone to start suspecting a Monolith insider ,so that you could frame Hall , then get rid off Shade and get away with the Demo . Shaade : That's right , detective , too bad you won't live long enough to tell anyone about it . McCoy : Actually , I just lived long enough to tell the other people in this room , didn't I ? Shaade : Uh , well , you know… I… Anyway… You… (While Shaade is being confused , Brian and Cliff decides to shoot him) (several *BLAM*:s are heard , Shaade drops his machineguns because of the pain he is being exposed to , but he doesn't die , instead he starts to running slowly away from the room , leaving a trail of Blood after him . McCoy , Brian and Cliff starts to run after him . Shade alarms the rest of the Monolith security) (Shaade manages to run to the stairs leading down to the second floor , but there he collapses and falls down the stairs , McCoy reaches him first ) McCoy : You are under arrest ! Shaade : Maybe I am , but I won't be for long , I'm dying… Here… take your blasted Demo , I won't need it where I'm going… (Shaade hands McCoy the Demo CD) , it doesn't matter now… Kabal will prevail anyway… McCoy : Kabal ? Shaade : …. (Shaade dies) (Brian and Cliff arrives) McCoy : Shaade is dead . Brian : Lucky for him . We just spoke to some of the other security guards , they say that they have found Shades Mazda locked in a garage nearby . Shaades had apparently hidden it in there . When Maazda found out that the Shaades evil plan had been revealed , it tried to escape , but we managed to shoot it's tires , and it is now being transported to "Holy Moly's excorcism and car scrap" . McCoy : Good . Cliff : We're really sorry for thinking that you were a assassin , detective , here , take your gun back , McCoy : Good , Shaade gave me the Demo , take it to the Analyzing Lab and ask them to check that nothing is wrong with it . Brian and Cliff at the same time : YesSir ! later McCoy (thinking) "The Demo turned out to be ok , and this was supposed to be the end of the case . Still , There was a question that bothered me : Who or what was this "Kabal" that Shaade had mentioned ?" McCoy (thinking) "Animaux row , the place was well-known for it large collection of shops which sold mostly useless junk , in fact , Animaux row more or less had the monopoly of useless junk in the Monolith Territory , it was sometimes called "The MicroShaft of garbage" , Animaux row was also the location of the very popular CasaBlooca bar . Neighbor to Animaux row was Death row , where the Phalanx Pleasure Drome and the RPW sub-aqua club was located , both being the front activity for the workings of the both famous clans/cults/brotherhoods/whatever . Riizos shop was easy to spot , it sold various antique junk and also clothes made of llama , I was quite sure that Riizo was either a lamer or a lamer-sympathizer . " Scene : A shop filled with clothes made of llama and also a whole bunch of things that all have two things in common : A) They all seem to be as old as time itself . And B) If they have any use whatsoever, it is a mystery hidden for mere mortals. Riizo is standing outside of the shop . McCoy : Excuse me , McCoy , MPPD… Riizo : Two minutes… McCoy : What ? Riizo : That is the time I give any strangers that enters my shop… …But then I'm afraid I will have to let loose the hounds . (loud barks can be heard in the background) …1.50 McCoy : Technically , I haven't entered the shop yet... Riize : Technically here and technically there , it is irrelevant , 1.30 , then I release the Rottweilers !!! McCoy : You don't exactly sell a lot of things , do you ? Riizo : No… But that is of no importance , 1.10 , soon I will release the dogs !!!! McCoy : I'm a detective from the Monolith Police , I want to ask you some questions . Riizo : Very well, I won't let loose the hound then , what do you want to ask detective ? Has there been a burglary in one of the shops here ? McCoy : Nope , if I want to ask you about a burglary , it won't be one that has occurred around here , but the thing that I really came to ask you about is a certain DEMOnstration outside the Monolith Building . Riizo : I am afraid I cannot give you nay vital information about that particular event since I was not present , all I know about it is what I have heard on the radio , I am quite sure you know more than I know , detective . McCoy : You must be suffering from amnesia , Riizo . Because according to information from TRUCKS leader , Spencer Gaugarian , you WAS present during the DEMOnstration . He gave us a very good description of you , he mentioned that silly ponytail for example… Riizo : It is NOT a pony-tail , it's a… it's a… McCoy (amused) : A what , Riizo ? Riizo . Alright !!!! It IS a ponytail . But it is a MASCULINE ponytail !!!! And I do not see how Gaugarian could know what I looked like , I do not recall ever being a part of his organization . McCoy : So you mean you've never been a member of TRUCKS , right ? Riizo : There might have been a time when I cared about shouting at game-companies to try making them hurry their work with many bugs and the need of one zillion patches as a result . But now , I am a humble businessman , only interested in selling things , take this camera for example… (McCoy Draws his weapon) McCoy : Don't move Riizo , I know what you are going to do "take this camera for example" , you're going to try to blind me with the flash so that you can run away , right ? That must be one of the oldest tricks in the book !!!! Riizo : No , I wan't you to take this camera , I can't get rid of the stupid thing ,it's un-sellable !!!! (Riizo hands McCoy the camera) Riizo : It was THIS camera I intended to blind you with !!!! (Riizo uses the flash to blind McCoy temporarily , giving him the time to run into his shop and lock the door) (McCoy runs after him and shoots up the door , then he runs into the shop , only to find Riizo gone and a hatch in the floor that have been opened . McCoy climbs down the hatch , and find a room filled with bombs and heavy weapons) McCoy : I KNEW IT !!!! Riizo is a terrorist and an arms dealer !!! (Still , there is no sign of Riizo , and there are at least twelve tunnels leading in different directions) McCoy : DAMN !!!! McCoy (Thinking) "I knew that Riizo couldn't have gone far , but I couldn't find him on my own , if I was to have any chance , I would need some help…" Scene : The main hall of the PHX Pleasure-Drome , a place that looks like a jail but have been badly disguised as a Pleasure-Drome . McCoy is talking to the Phalanx Commander Spectator and two of his warriors , Jolt and Iron Lord . McCoy : So if we can't close of the sewers , Riizo will surely escape . Spectator : Well , we could activate the sewer security systems that would close about half of his exits , let's just hope that voodoo isn't still down there... McCoy : How so ? Spectator : Well . the sewer security systems consists of a motion detector and some napalm-shooters , terribly effective , however , voodoo needed to get past it , so we shut it down . If he is down there when we activate it… McCoy : I see, but we have to assume he have passed it by now , and Riizo must not escape . Spectator : Very well then , Iron Lord , go to the control room and activate the sewer-roast . Iron Lord : I'm on it ! (Iron Lord leaves the room) McCoy : As for the other parts of the sewer system… Spectator : I guess we could place some guards by the exits of most of the tunnels . But we can only afford to place out enough men to cover all exits except one , The Cabal could attack us at any moment ! McCoy : Kabal ? Spectator : No , The Cabal , why are you asking ? McCoy : Nothing , I think… anyway , I assume you will help we with finding Riizo in the sewers ? Spectator : Noooo… We can't do that right now… Jolt : The Phalanx are very busy right now , much to do… And since I am the Phalanx best warrior… Spectator : *Ahem* , Assassin Jolt , will I have to remember thy about the last BloodBath again… ? Jolt : As the SECOND best warrior (as far as this writer have understood , sorry if the place as Phalanx second best BloodBather is held by somebody else) of the Phalanx , I will have to stay here along with the other top Phalanxers , lot's and loads of important work… (Anden Af Anti (which is a Swedish name and means non-existing duck ; ))) enters the main hall) Anden Af Anti : HEY EVERYBODY !!!! THE BEER IS HERE !!!! Spectator : Well , thanks for that coded message Anden . You may leave now and give instructions to the… *Ahem* "female mercenary warriors with the bullet-deflecting attachments on their chests". Anden Af Anti : You mean the "BBH:ers" ? I see... Should I also see if the "home-manufactured combat-liquids" are complete ? Spectator : Yes , do so . Anden Af Anti : Bye , and Phalanx TO THE DEATH !!!! Spectator and Jolt at the same time : TO THE DEATH !!!! (Anden Af Anti leaves) McCoy : Ok , I guess you have done everything you can right now . But where do I find someone that can block the last tunnel ? Spectator : Well , maybe the RopePant Warriors can help you… their Sub-aqua Club is not far from here , you should go and ask them . Oh , and take this , you will need it . (Spectator hands McCoy a diving-suit) McCoy : What will I need this for ? Jolt : The RPW sub-aqua Club really IS a Sub-aqua Club , they usually refuse to open the sub's main hatch , so you will have to dive to enter it . (Spectator picks up a phone and dials a number) Spectator : Iron Lord , have you activated the sewer security ? Iron Lord : Yes . Spectator : Open the main gate then , Detective McCoy is about to leave . Iron Lord : Yes Commander . McCoy : I guess I'll be going then… Spectator : Good luck . McCoy (thinking) "It was obvious that they were hiding SOMETHING , yet , I did suspect that "something" was some BB:ed Hookers and a large amount of moonshine" (McCoy leaves the main hall and walks outside , he then leaves The Phalanx Pleasure Drome through the main gate , a short walk later he finds himself standing in front of a small water-pool in which a submarine lies , there is also a sewer-tunnel leading out into the water , from said tunnel , six large explosions can be heard , then a man carryinga sawed-off shotgun and who have his arse on fire comes flying out of the tunnel , screaming loud) voodoo : YIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!!! (voodoo lands on the surface of the water and fortunately bounces on it , thus putting out the fire and also making him return to the shore) voodoo : DAMN THOSE PHALANXERS !!!! THEY ACTIVATED THE SEWER SECURITY EVEN THOUGH I SPECIALLY TOLD THEM NOT TO !!!! McCoy : You OK ? voodoo : Yeah , it takes much more than some napalm to bring down a master Bloodite , now all I have to do is finding the seventh key and… Why did I ever get into this mess ? Damn ZIP !!!! (voodoo runs away , yelling impertinence words about mapmakers and getting anal justice from sewer napalm) McCoy : Maybe I should have warned him about Riizo , then again , maybe it is Riizo that should be warned about him… Ah well , anyway , got to take a bath !!!! (McCoy puts on the diving suit and jumps into the water , he then swims to the bottom of the submarine and enters it through the opening there , before entering , McCoy notices a pair of sub-pen doors ,leading to a way out of the water pool , right in front of the submarine) (McCoy enters the submarines control room , and finds a two-headed Ogre that is listening to music , the Ogre have two speakers connected to a computer , one of the speaker is beating out "Eye of The Tiger" (the midi-version) and the other speaker plays "Pestis Cruento" by Daniel Bernstein , on a small table in front of him/them lies a book . The Ogre is obviously arguing with itself about which speaker that should be turned off) Head 1 : Enough of that Tiger-rubbish !!!! Head 2 : Shut up with your "Peeeeeeeeeeestis Cruuuuuuuuentooooooo" instead !!!! McCoy : Excuse me… detective Roy Mc… Head 1 : You never have been a true bloodite , have you # 2 ? Head 2 : Hey !!!! Stop with those false accusations !!!! I am as much a Bloodite as you are !!!! Head 1 : Oh yeah !!!! Prove it , you flame-lover !!!! McCoy : Excuse me ! Head 2 : What's wrong with flames ??? Head 1: They are so pointless . Head 2 : Yeah , you just say that because it is I who comes up with all the GOOD flames !!!! Head 1 : Ha !!!! And who makes all the R'n'B news and the top ten lists then ? Head 2 : Geek ! Head 1 : Hoodlum !! Head 2 : Sissy !!! Head 1 : Moron !!!! McCoy : EXCUSE ME !!!! (Both head 1 and Head 2 turns around and stares at the newcomer) Head 1 : Huh ? Head 2 : What ? Head 1 : What ? Head 2 : Huh ? McCoy : Roy McCoy , mepp-detective , MPPD . Grand Moff Ogre (Both heads at the same time) : Yes ? McCoy : I'm here to request some help , by the way , where are the other RPW:ers ? Grand Moff Ogre : Most of them are somewhere else right now . And PuppetMaster is on secret under-cover mission . McCoy : Really ? Grand Moff Ogre : No , he is just building at the homepage for the RPW , that's all .He says he have some very good ideas , though I can't for sure say if the page will or won't be updated with them , anyway , what do you want Detective ? McCoy : We are currently closing off the sewers to prevent a suspect terrorist from escaping . We need people to block the last tunnel leading out . Grand Moff Ogre : Which tunnel ? McCoy : Tunnel B . Grand Moff Ogre : Good ! The RPW have no guards to spare at this point of time , but I could mive the sub to block the tunnel and keep the gun turrets ready to fire on anyone trying to escape through it . McCoy : Sounds like a good solution . Grand Moff Ogre : OK , let's get this damn thing moving . Hey , Sarge ! (Sarge enters the control room from the engine room in the back of The Submarine) Sarge : What is it ? Grand Moff Ogre : Open the sub-pen doors , we're moving to tunnel B to block it , according to Detective McCoy here , it's a terrorist loose in the sewers . Sarge : Then lets not waste any time on stopping him ,shall we ? I'll open the doors immediately ! (Sarge goes back to the machine room , seconds later the sounds of the subpen doors opening can be heard) Grand Moff Ogre (with a very typical Ogre-voice) : We're on our way !!!! (quote taken from one of Ogres heroes , the Ogre-mage Dentarg in Warcraft 2 : Beyond the dark portal : ) McCoy : By the way , that book you have there… Grand Moff Ogre : It's "Do androids dream of electric sheep ?" by Philip K. Dick , it's a very good book , I recommend reading it . Sometimes I think it is the reason to the existence of this universe. (The submarine arrives at tunnel B , Sarge gets a description of Riizo and then takes place in The Submarines gun-turret) McCoy : I guess that's it ! Grand Moff Ogre : Not quite , there is still one possible escape for Riizo . Your description of here the guards are posted tell me that Riizon still have ONE chance . If he takes the sewer way to the CasaBloodca bar , he might be able to escape from there by stealing one of the bars delivery trucks . We'd better get there and make sure he won't do that . McCoy : We'd better hurry !!!! (Grand Moff Ogre and Roy McCoy exits through the subs main hatch and goes to the CasaBloodca Bar ,once there , they find that the place is crowded with people , among them the Monolith security guards , Brian and Cliff) McCoy : Hey ! Good thing you two are here , did Monolith security send you to make sure Riizon won't escape ? Brian : Noooo , actually not , we came here because of the fact that it is happy hour . Cliff : But of course we can help you to look for whatever-his-name-is detective . ( Cliff mumbles something about work haunting him everywhere he goes) Brian : What does this Izo look like ? McCoy : Riizo , Izo are the one in Westwoods Blade Runner game . Anyway , Riizo looks just like him , but he have a much bigger ponytail . Cliff : Ponytail , huh ? Then it must be that guy . (Cliff , points at someone with a ponytail) Brian : You idiot !!!! That is a girl !!!! Cliff : Oh ! He he , my mistake then… Brian : Could it be THAT guy . (Brian points at a guy with a ponytail) McCoy : Nope , that is Guybrush Threepwood , and the only crime he commits is not being old enough to drink that green thing he's drinking . Brian : Guybrush Threepwood ? Isn't he supposed to only be in Monkey Island games ? McCoy : Usually yes , but the writer wanted to put in another crappy Monkey Island joke , third one , I think it is , the first one is me calling myself Guybrush Threepwood , a mighty pirate . And the second one is when Jason Hall acts just like Cobb in the first Monkey Island game . Grand Moff Ogre : The writer ? I thought that was me ! McCoy : Yes technically , you are , but the writer have made you a character of this story and therefor you are not the writer , just a character that is quite similar to and has the same name as The Writer Cliff : Is it just me , or are we having one of these out-of-plot conversations now again ? McCoy : Yes we are , the most absurd one yet too , I think . Brian : We'll just ignore that the last 500 000 lines have been spoken . Cliff : 500 000 ??? The out-of-plot-conversation haven't lasted that long ! Brian : Yes , but frankly , this fan-fic sucks , the writer is obviously an idiot and if you ask me… McCoy : Right now , I can see the writer opening his bottle of story-character-erasing Tippex… Brian : He's got Tippex !!!! Damn !!!! What I meant was of course : the writer is brilliant !!!! Long live him !!!! Cliff : That was a close on Bri . Brian : I've just been THIS (Brian makes a small space between his right thumb and one of his fingers) to getting moved out of the story . Please don't call me Bri , near-death experiences is very traumatic , you know . Cliff : Sorry . McCoy : Let's get back to the story . Shall we ? (Everyone (including the readers) are tired of the discussion and agrees) McCoy : Maybe the bartender knows something . (McCoy walks to the bar and finds that the bartender is none other than Blood Donor from (MI) Blood Donor : I'm here to donate some drinks… someone else's… McCoy : That was a definition of a bartenders work during "happy hour" that I've never heard before… Anyway have you seen a guy that looks just like Izo from Blade Runner but have much bigger ponytail ? Blood Donor : As a matter of fact I have , he is sitting over there… Meanwhile… voodoo is running through the sewer tunnels , puffing and blowing, in search for the exit of "Deliverance" , he is running around the corner of a tunnel , tunnel B… Sarge : Who is that , could it be Riizo ? Damn , the tunnel is dark . voodoo (who sees a big metal thing blocking his way and is extremely displeased with the sight) : Damn !!!! Are you here to block me from the exit !!!! I've been running around in these god-forsaken tunnels for who knows how long !!!! Now I want to get out !!!! EAT LEAD YOU BIG DAMNED MACHINE !!!! (voodoo fires both the barrels of his shotgun at the submarine , but it doesn't affect the sub whatsoever) Sarge : Guess that makes the question "Friend or foe ?" unnecessary… (Sarge fires the subs submachine-guns : ) towards voodoo , voodoo manages to get out of the line of fire in time) voodoo : AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH !!!!!! TROUBLE , TROUBLE !!!!! ONLY TROUBLE !!!! SOMEBODY IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS !!!! back to the CasaBloodca Bar : McCoy runs towards Riizos table and declares him arrested , before Riizo can escape , he finds himself facing McCoy's Baretta , Brian and Cliffs Monolith standard pistols and Ogre's modified Bofors Carl-Gustaf assault rifle . Riizo : Guess you have captured me , congratulations… McCoy : Now tell us who you worked with . Riizo : I won't reveal my co-bombers identity , not even your Postal Steal can make me say that . McCoy : Postal !!!! I forgot to ask , Brian , do you know what happened to Gaugarian ? Brian : Steal had to leave before she was finished , lamers tried to steal equipment from the demolished 3D Realms building . Gaugarian is still alive , but I doubt he will ever look like his old self again without professional surgery… McCoy : If you won't tell us anything about him ,then we could just shoot you right here at the spot , couldn't we ? Riizo : However , I COULD tell you about the people that hired us to do the bombing . McCoy : Don't say anything : they calls themselves "Kabal" , right ? Riizo : Yes , as a matter of fact they do . Me and my co-terrorist was disgusted by their lameness , but they paid good , so we could live with it , it was kind of like working for MicroShaft . Our contact-man was a really repulsive lamer called Cabinet Basic , he was supposed to give me the money for the bombing today , but he escaped down to the sewers where he surely belonged when he saw you , he said something about someone called Shaade before he fled . Meanwhile , in the sewers . (voodoo is still running around , he have become more and more furious , suddenly , Cabinet Basic steps out behind him with and threatens him with a modified canadian rifle) Cabinet Basic : The hostage I need to get out of the sewers , I see . You are all so &%%&%¤#¤#¤#¤###"& weak and stupid and I am so %¤##"#"/&&/&%¤#¤# superior !!!! (voodoo is not impressed by the lamers little speech) voodoo :What the f*** ??? A lamer who dares to threaten me ???!!!!! NYYYYYYYAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH !!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEE !!!!!! *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* (voodoo blows Cabinet Basic to bloody pieces with his shotgun and finds something interesting in the smoking remains) voodoo : A Map of "Deliverance" !!!! The lamer must have been too stupid to read it !!!! FINALLY !!!! (voodoo dances a weird and funny victory dance while singing his praise to about everything he can think about that he likes) Back to the CasaBloodca bar : McCoy : And this is ALL that you know about Kabal ? Riizo : Yes , it is , as I said , I never got to find out much about them . McCoy : We'll just take you to your new home then . A cell in the Monolith jail . (Blood Runner detective Postal Steal enters the bar , the whistles and "Hubbah hubbah !!!!"-yells are quickly silenced by a few rapid gunshots , she is accompanied by the Monolith Interrogator Cain , The USA senator art , the Monolith Police officer Ian Nobody and Spencer Gaugarian , the two later are due to their wounds being wheeled in wheelchairs by art and Cain) (Steal walks to Riizos table) Steal : See that you've caught the son-of-a-***** . McCoy : Steal , I thought that you were on special assignment . Steal : Wasn't too damn "special" after I hit the suckers out .BUT IT WAS ALMOST AS FUN AS DEMOLISHING THAT GAUGARIAN-GEEK (Gaugarian shivers and starts to sob). Anyway , Riizo is mine now , I've been chasing him for weeks . All I need now is identifications from these two . Officer Nobody , is this the man you saw running away from the explosion ? Officer Nobody : It is ! Steal : And now you Gaugarian , is this one of TRUCKS ex-members ? Gaugarian : *sob* Will you promise to not hurt me anymore if I answer ? Steal : I won't hurt you… too much . Gaugarian : It is him , it's Riizo… *sob* *sob* *sob* Cain : Then I guess that art and I can start the questioning… McCoy : I've already taken care of that , now all we need is a V-K test… (Suddenly explosions and the sound of tanks and soldiers can be heard outside the bar) German Commander :DAS HIER SIND EIN INVASION VON DIE DEUTSCHE WEHRMACHT!!! ALLE LEUTE HIER SIND SEHR VIEL UNDER ARESST !!!! (Yes I DO know that my german suck = ) art : Germans !!!! McCoy : Germans ? Ogre's head 1 : Tyskar ? Ogre's head 2 : Tüschkarna ? Steal : Germans !!!! Bring them on !!!! I'll kill them all by myself !!!! Riizo : Looks like your plans have been interrupted , detective . (A loud shotgun-shot followed by the sound of breaking porcelain and running water , can be heard from the men's bathroom , seconds later , voodoo arrives from there) voodoo : NO MORE DAMN SEWERS !!!!! WOOOO-HOOOO !!!!! Cain : Instead , you are in a bar that for some reason is currently being under siege by germans and soon will be invaded . art : You really got out of the ashes and into the fire , reviewer voodoo . voodoo : Well , I'm used to reporting from battle-fields , so I doubt this will be any different from the other 75443567 I have visited in the Blood-maps . (McCoy walks to the bartender) McCoy : Are there any ways to sneak out of here past the germans ? Blood Donor : No , I'm sorry . McCoy : Do you have any idea why the germans are doing this ? Blood Donor : No , I'm afraid not . McCoy : Does the security cams outside show how many germans there are out there . Blood Donor : Here or in Germany ? He he , just joking ,I thought we could use a good laugh now . (McCoy looks extremely unamused) Blood Donor : Anyway , there seem to about a thousand soldiers , and about one hundred tanks . McCoy : Got any ideas on how to defeat them and get us out of here ? Blood Donor : I think I can keep them outside the bar since it was built as a fortress in case of a heavy bar-fight . But I doubt that we'll be able to get through their lines for quite some time… McCoy : No way out ? Blood Donor : I'm sorry to say this McCoy , but : Blood Donor : "It will take you a miracle to get out of CasaBloodca , and the germans have outlawed miracles". McCoy : They have ? Blood Donor : Yep , miracles and violence in computer games , pesky sons of bitches , really . McCoy : There must be a way out of this !!!! McCoy : HOLY SHOGO !!!! I GOT IT !!!!! Blood Donor : I assume you are talking about how to get out of this mess ? McCoy : Yep , we can sneak back through the sewers to the RPW sub and escape with it . Blood Donor : Well , the sub will only hold a limited number of people , what about the people in this bar which there won't be room for ? McCoy : Well , we could always give them Riizos illegal weapons and bombs , that would give them a fair chance , right ? Blood Donor : Well , half of them are so drunk that I wouldn't want to see a gun in their hands , and the other half is too drunk to handle a gun at all… McCoy : Maybe it was a bad move to say that all the booze was free . Blood Donor : Hey !!!! I had to calm them down somehow , right ? (everywhere in the bar can the sounds of fighting and drinking songs can be heard) McCoy : They don't look very calm to me… Blood Donor : No , but at least they don't care about the fact that there is an angry German horde outside . McCoy : Hmmmm , that is true . Blood Donor : But sooner or later , they will run out of liquor , we'd better get Riizos weapon-crates in here and then we'd better be on our way out to the sub before they discovers them . Call together the other fan-fic people , we're out of here . (said and done , McCoy and the others are on their way (even though Postal whines all the time because she wanted to stay and butcher the Germans) , the people they left in the bar discovers the guns one hell of a firefight breaks loose , eventually the Germans gets involved in it , McCoy returns to the Blood Runner station and reports to Lieutenant Gooze) Scene : Lieutenant Goozes temporary office , Captain Brynant still is on the hospital for his axe-wounds . Everything in the office is very unorganized as usual) Gooze : You've done a great job kid , Riizo can expect to spend the rest of his life behind bars . McCoy : Thanks . Yet I do wonder , where did the Germans come from ? Gooze : Germany , of course , but I know that was not how you meant the question , we checked with the German government , they claim that it was not the German army who was responsible for the attack , they say it was a group called " Deutsche leute für gute moral in Computer-Spiels" , they are against violence ,nudity , swearing and stuff like that in computer-games , they was going to help Riizo escape because he had bombed the Monolith factory . McCoy : With a minor army ? Gooze : They always believed in over-doing things… McCoy : Believed ? Gooze : Yeah , there aren't too many of them left now , those people at the CasaBloodca bar proved to be one evil bunch . They won even though they were very inferior in numbers , seems like they had some guns that almost wasn't of this world . McCoy : So , can I consider the case closed now ? Gooze : Fraid not actually , apparently , Monolith have decided to find and eliminate this "Kabal" , and since you know the most about them… McCoy : …I have to run around attempting to find the truth while trying to not get shot . Gooze : More or less , yeah . You are supposed to report to C.E.O. Hall to receive special authorities as a Lith investigator . McCoy : In other words , receiving a bunch of documents which content no one truly understands plus having to wear a stupid little plastic ID card on my coat all the time . Gooze : Well , yeah , I would guess so… McCoy : Hmmmm , anyway , when was I supposed to report to Halls office ? Gooze : As soon as possible . McCoy : I'm on my way then , hope that he won't try to sell me Shogo this time… (McCoy walks out of the office) Scene : The office of Jason Hall , Monolith C.E.O. , all the furniture is of the highest possible quality , a big painting of the C.E.O. is hanging on the wall behind the office desk , the painting succeeds very well with it's mission to portrait a company despot , Jason Hall himself is sitting behind his desk , McCoy is standing in front of it . At the moment , there is a demonstration going on outside of the Monolith building , many people are annoyed since they want Blood 2 right now at this moment , warezers are sneaking around among the annoyed crowd with illegal copies of the game , trying to bring over people to the dark side . Jason Hall : I hope you understand your orders detective , this mission is of outmost importance for Monolith . McCoy : Find Kabal and kill them all and any of their allies , sounds simple enough… Jason Hall : Good , then that will be all . Now go get them !!!! (suddenly , the phone on Halls desk ring , Hall answers) Stressed man : This is Loki reporting !!!! The demonstration is starting to get out of hand !!!! People are talking about storming the Monolith building , they think we are hiding a boatload of Blood 2 copies in here !!!!! (sounds of the annoyed crowd are heard in the background) Jason Hall : Very well , then we'll have to use "plan R"… Loki : Plan R ? Are you sure ? Hall : I am , the only other option is to use the Mobile Armor Division , and you know that would end with them unleashing the totoros . Loki : Yeah , you are right , bad idea . I guess they disserve it… McCoy : Pardon me , but what exactly is plan "R" ? Hall : Plan reviewer : We foresaw a situation like this , so a few days ago , we captured some of the game-reviewers that we disliked , mostly the @$$h01£$ that didn't like Blood 2 , we are going to use them as live ammunition and fire them at the crowd to calm them down . McCoy : I see… (Meanwhile , by one of the Monolith artillery cannons) Jason Bates : RELEASE ME NOW !!!! I HAVE RIGHTS YOU KNOW !!!!!! YOU CANNOT DO THIS !!!! Graham the Monolith security guard : We can and will do it , now shut up . (Another security guard named Boris places the tied-up Jason Bates in the artillery-cannon) Jason Bates : NOOOOOO !!!!! HELP !!!!!!!! AT LEAST REMOVE THE EXPLOSIVES FROM ME !!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD !!!!!!! Boris : FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE !!!!! (The cannon fires , Jason Bates flies towards the demonstrating crowd , the impact causes a large explosion and bloody bits of demonstrators and Jason to splatter everywhere) Graham : Ok , let's see whos next (Graham adjusts his sunglasses and looks at the almost scared to death bunch of reviewers , then looks at a list) , Geoff Keighly , I see… (The ammunition turn out have desired effect , and the crowd calms down) Jason Hall : That worked very well , now we only have to deal with the warezers that are down there , I think I'll let you handle that detective , go out to the crowd , bring four security guards with you , find and stop all warezers . McCoy : I'm on it . (McCoy walks outside and with him he have the Monolith security-guards Brian , Cliff , Graham and Boris) (meanwhile outside , the president of the evil Warez , Dominator , is sneaking aroundin the crowd trying to get recruits from the unhappy gamers that are demonstrating ,with him he have his usual following from Shogalivanwarez plus the new Blood 2 warezers : JackaL 925 , scribe and medieval man ) Craxed : Hey boss , you sure this is such a good idea ? Shogon : Yeah , remember what happened the last time we were here . Mark and Eric , the amazing ware-twins (at the same time) : Yeah , remember what happened… Mark : The first time they got drewseph… Eric : …and the second time they got Akira . Dominator : SILENCE !!!! I know EXACTLY what I'm doi... (Dominator walks straight into a lamppost with a loud *BONG*) Dominator : *Ahem* , as I said , I know exactly what I'm doing , I have full control over the situatiHOUH !!!! (Dominator stumble and falls on his own shoelaces) . *Ahem* Besides , no one knows that we are here since we have not attempted to storm the building this time . Craxed : And you suppose that the fact that we have asked most of the people here to join Warez would have not revealed our identities ? Dominator : That is a risk we have to take , we need the new people . Shogon :Yeah , the ones we've got so far sure will be a lot of help , JackaL and medieval is stupid even for being some of us . And I suspect that scribe might sometimes actually BUY software , if not often . Dominator : Never underestimate good cannon-fodder… Mark and Eric : You mean we will use them as Monolith used the reviewers ? Dominator : Yes , metaphorically speaking… Shogon , Craxed , Mark , Eric , JackaL 925 , scribe and medieval man (at the same time) : HUH ??!!! Dominator : Never mind… medieval man : is methpornicllnie or whatever you said a Blood 2 cheat ? (Dominator smacks his forehead) Mark and Eric : Well , is it ? (Dominator smacks his forehead repeatedly) JackaL 925 : Does anyone know the way out of the cathedral level ? (Dominator smacks JackaLs forehead repeatedly) scribe : Hey , speaking of nothing… Blood 2 is an awesome game , right ? All the other warezers : Yeah , yup , you got that one right . scribe : So I thought that maybe , you know , we should get the full version . Dominator : What the hell are you talking about , we already have it , there is no movies , no music , and cultists turn green for some reason . But we already have it . Scribe : Yeah , but I meant , "get the full version" as in pay for it… (All the other warezers stare at scribe in horror and disgust) Shogon : Dude , I think you are missing the point here . Craxed : We're warezers , we pay for NOTHING . Dominator : I think this one needs some "motivation" , Shogon , Craxed , get him and take him to our laboratory . He have too much respect for hard work left in his brain… (Shogon and Craxed tries to grab scribe but he punches Craxed in the face and kicks Shogon in the crotch , then he runs away) Mark and Eric : Should we try to capture him , great leader ? Dominator : No , let him go , it is obvious that not everyone fits into our exclusive gathering of software-stealers . medieval man : That guy was real lamer , bet he didn't know any cheats either . JackaL 925 : And he can probably find the way out of the cathedral on his own . Lame !!! Craxed : Are you OK Shogon ? Shogon : Yeah , why should I not be ok ? Craxed : Well , scribe did kick you eeeeh… below the belt... Shogon : Yeah ? And ? What was he hoping to hit? Are you supposed to have something important there? Craxed : Well… forget it… (Meanwhile , McCoy and the Monolith security guards are on their way to find the warezers , suddenly Graham notices scribe that is running in panic) Graham : Hey , see that dude who is running ? He is wearing a "WAREZ" T-shirt !!!! I'll get him !!!! (Graham raises his shotgun and aims at scribe , determined about shooting to kill) McCoy : NO !!!! WAIT !!!! We need him alive . Graham : &/%/%&/% , OK… (Graham lowers the shotgun and picks another gun constructed of a high-pressure air-shooter and a hard shoe , he fires it and the shoe hits scribe in the arse , scribe falls to the ground in extreme pain , McCoy and the guards runs to him) scribe : OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW… McCoy : Warezer !!!! scribe : Yeah , what is it ??? McCoy : We know you are not alone , tell us where the other warezers are . scribe : Betraying fellow warezers ? What do I get for that ? McCoy : You get to live . (scribe points at Dominator and his followers) McCoy : Boris , take him to his new home in the Monolith jail . (scribe rises to his feet and is handcuffed) Boris : OK WAREZER !!!! MOVE !!!! (Boris and scribe leaves the scene) (McCoy , and the three other security guards walks towards the warezers) Mark and Eric : Uh oh… Dominator : What ? (Craxed points at McCoy and the guards) Shogon : Looks like trouble… Dominator : OK , all of you , shut up ! I'll handle this one . medieval man : Can't we just cheat our way out of this ? (Dominator considers killing medieval man for a moment , then he turns towards McCoy who have reached them) Dominator : Is there a problem officer ? McCoy : It's detective , and yeah , you are all under arrest for being warezers . Dominator : Us ? Warezers ? Noooooooo , we are not warezers , are we boys ? JackaL 925 : Ye.. (Shogon quickly puts his hand over JackaLs mouth) All the warezers except for JackaL : NOOOOOO !!!! McCoy : Then explained those homemade CD:s marked "Blood 2 Full" and your "WAREZ T-shirts then . Dominator : OK , we ARE warezers (damn…) But before you shoot us , we have something important to say : (the tunes of "The barbers pirate song" from "Curse of Monkey Island" starts to play from nowhere , and the writer takes another step towards overusing Monkey Island references) JackaL 925 and medieval man : NAAANAAAANAAAANAAAANATTADATTA !!!!! Dominator : We´re a band of vicious warezers! Shogon : A-sailin´ out to steal. Craxed : When you see our gentle thieving... Cliff : You´ll be sure to turn and flee! Dominator : Shut up Monolith dude !!!! It's our song !!!! Mark , Eric , Jackal 925 and medieval man : NAAAANAAANANNANATTA BATTA !!!! McCoy : Come on, men! We´ve got to arrest these chaps ! Brian : Those lamers will be done for, when they fall into our trap! Cliff : They're a club of tuneful rovers! Graham : They'll be stealing games in every sec . Brian : They will even shoplift music . McCoy : It´s just too bad they're tone deaf! All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! Mark and Eric : NAAANAAANAAANAAANATTADATTA DATTA !!!!! McCoy : Let´s go defeat those evil pirates! Graham : We know they´re sure to lose, ´cause we know just where to fire at! Dominator : We´re thieving ball-less deers. Craxed : A gang of bigmouth mugs. Shogon : To fight us off ye don´t need guns! Dominator : Just jolly good brain-stuff! All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! Jackal 925 and medieval man : NAAAANAAANAAANAAAAA NATTA HATTA SATTA !!!! McCoy : All right, guards, let´s get to work! Guards : Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we´d never shirk. Shogon : We´ll fight you in the forums . Craxed : We´ll battle you on land. Dominator : When you meet singing warezers... McCoy : You´ll be more than you can stand. Dominator : Huh ? McCoy : Just wait and see… McCoy : No time for song! We´ve got to move! Graham : The battle will be long, but our courage we will prove! Shogon : We´re a pack a´ scurvy warez-dogs. Cliff : Have we pity? Not a dram! Brian : You all smell roasted garbage... Cliff : ...and you post so stupid spam ! All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! JackaL 925 and medieval man : RAAANMBAALGALLBAARGGGGRATTA… DAMN WE GOT IT WRONG !!!! McCoy : Less singing, more arresting. Brian : When we've defeated our wicked foes, Cain will them in the chair be testing! Dominator : If ye try ta fight us... Shogon : ...you will get a nasty whackin´! Craxed : If ya disrespect our cracking´... Mark and Eric : ...we will feed ya to a kraken! medieval man : Whats a kraken ? JackaL 925 : I don't know… it sounds like some kind of European car . All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! Eric : NAAAABAAANAAANAAADATTA RATTA !!!! Mark (at the same time as Eric) : NAAAABAAANAAANAAADATTA LATTA !!!! Eric : You sang different than me !!!! Mark : No !!!! It's impossible !!!! Mark and Eric (now at the same time again) : AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH !!!!!! THE HORROR !!!!! THE HORROR !!!!!!!! McCoy : I´m getting so sick of you warezers rhyming. Dominator : We´re ready to beat you up, though we would like to do more singing . Shogon : We´re troublefollowed corsairs! Craxed : And we´ve come to steal your softwares! JackaL 925 : We would shoot you on the downbeat… medieval man : ...if we weren't a bunch of lamers . All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! McCoy : Stop! Stop! Stop! Dominator : The hell will freeze to ice before we enter any software shop ! McCoy : You say you´re nasty pirates... McCoy : ...scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers? McCoy : From what I´ve seen I tell you... McCoy : ...yes you're pirates! And so f*ck*d-up! All warezers : A pirate I was meant to be! Zip the files and burn CD:s ! (McCoy notices an old CD with "The worst of Elvis" , lying on the ground) McCoy : Look !!!! Isn't that a warezed copy of the Blood 2 Demo ? Dominator : And… And… Shogon : Warezed , huh ? All warezers : GET IT !!!! (The warezers run to the spot where McCoy pointed) All warezers : Aaaaah !!!! a warezed demo !!!! All warezers : And it's mine , just mine… (The warezers look at each other , Dominator breaks the silence) Dominator : The CD is mine !!!! All the other warezers : HELL NO !!!! (The warezers start fighting) McCoy : See , I said they would be more than they could stand . (The fight ends with Shogon and Craxed being knocked unconscious) Dominator : CRAP !!!! Look what they made us do !!!! McCoy : Well , when we have had that little fun… (McCoy and the guards aims their guns at the warezers) McCoy : Prepare to die , you lame thieves !!!! Dominator : SHIT !!!! Mark , Eric , grab Shogon and Craxed , then we get the hell out of here !!!!!!! (Mark and Eric do as they are told , then the warezers start to run through a rain of bullets (fortunately , the warezers terrible singing have scared away the demonstrators) , since they have much experience from running from The Law , they dodge the bullets quite easily , but suddenly medieval man stops) medieval man : WAIT !!!! I DON'T NEED TO RUN !!!! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CHEATING !!!! medieval man : MPGOD !!!! HA HAAAA !!!!! GOD MODE "ON" !!!!!!! (medieval man starts to run towards the fire instead of from it , the result is quite obvious , he gets blown into pieces) JackaL 925 : meeeeeeediiiiiiieeeeeval !!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!! Dominator : Well , at least that gave us time to get out of sight ! Once again warez have managed to escape certain termination !!! (The warezers leaves the fan-fic for this time) (Meanwhile , by the corpse of medieval man) McCoy : Poor fool… Well , I suppose I should report to Hall about this… Scene : The office of Jason Hall , Monolith employee Lucyd Evon is about to leave for the day , she must however first report to Jason Hall . Lucyd : Mr. Hall… I'm leaving now… I've cleaned up the beta-testers cages , so if it is ok… It's my turn to fix dinner… Jason Hall : Lucyd my ear , aren't we forgetting something , precious one ? Just one , little thing ? Lucyd : Mr. Hall , I don't want to… Jason Hall : I thought we settled this last week . Don't forget who pays your salary. Lucyd : It's disgusting and unnatural , I refuse to do it !!!! Hall : But you know you want to . All you have to do is say it and then you can go… Lucyd : NOOOOO !!!! Hall : Say it !!!! Say that my wig looks great and that it can't be in any way suspected to be anything but natural hair !!!! Lucyd : NOOOO !!!!! It looks like you are wearing a dead rat on your head , I hate it , I wish I hadn't said I thought it looked great last week !!!! (Lucyd runs out from Halls office , Hall follows her) Hall : Come back !!!! Please !!!! (Important note : Hall did not want any "favors" from Lucyd , he was just after someone praising of his unusually ugly wig , I write to amuse , not to insult (at least not insult without being amusing : ) (McCoy enters Halls office moments later , the office is now empty) McCoy : Hello ? Anyone here ? (McCoy notices that Halls computer is on , he walks to it and looks at the screen , then he looks extremely shocked) McCoy : It can't be true !!!! Him of all Lith-people a betrayer ???!!!! McCoy (thinking) "I was shocked , but the evidences were there : during the last few days , Jason Hall had sent large sums of money to various game-reviewers and game-reviewing magazines and sites to pay them for writing bad reviews of Blood 2 . Why would the C.E.O. of Monolith want to see his own companies product fail ? And why hadn't Shogo met the same destiny ? Yet , what was written in the document I had found opened on Halls computer..." *BANG* (The sound is heard from a mahogany cupboard behind Halls desk) (McCoy goes to the cupboard and open it's door and finds Jason Hall , wearing a green bowler hat ,a purple checked sports jacket and wide clown-pants , he is obviously not in full possession of his senses) Jason Hall ( With a very disturbed and amused voice that is impossible to describe with text unless you are one hell of a writer) : WUUU-HEEEE.HEEE-HUEEEAAA !!!!!! HI , MY NAME IS COBB , WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A COPY OF LOOM ???!!!! McCoy (Not shouting , but using a much louder voice than normal) : MY GOD !!!! HE HAS GOTTEN "COBBS SYNDROME" AGAIN !!!! Jason Hall (the voice is heard from the door to Halls office) : Not "again" , he really never lost it you see… Time for the bald one to enter the scene . (the "Jason Hall" that is standing in the doorway throws away his awful wig , "Hall" then waves a few times with his right hand and the wig starts to burn before it has even hit the floor , the real Jason Hall starts to laugh maniacally) The Bald Man (still using Jason Hall-voice) : COMPUTER SECURITY , LOCK ALL DOORS ON THIS FLOOR !!!! Monolith main computer : Doors security locked , Mr. Hall . The Bald Man (His voice now sounds ancient and not quite human) : I've been waiting for you... McCoy (not believing his eyes and ears) : It's only a dream . The Bald Man : NO !!!! IT'S NOT !!!! McCoy : Dream or not , I'm going to shoot you . (McCoy draws his Baretta but before he shoots with it , The Bald Man draws the guns he are carrying and shoots the pistol out of McCoys hand , The Bald Man could have just burned McCoy to ashes as easily as he burned the wig , but the writer is 100 % dictator over this fan-fic and likes his heroes to live) The Bald Man : You play a good game boy . But the game is finished : NOW YOU DIE !!!! McCoy : At least I'm quite sure I will come to a better place after this life . The Bald Man : You think that when you die , you go to heaven... You come to US !!!! McCoy : You mean the Union Software administration ? I can think of worse places to spend the after-life… The Bald Man (Now using a more normal voice since the writer have run out of lines from "Phantasm") : Idiot , I meant to the realm of lamers , a flaming hell of ignorance , anger and tripple-posts written with caps only . If I kill you , that is where you'll spend eternity. (The Bald Man considers laughing maniacally for a moment , but then decides that it would only sound stupid to laugh in chorus with Hall) McCoy : Well , before you kill me , let me guess : you are the leader of the Kabal , and you took Halls place when we were busy chasing Shaade , and you didn't kill Hall because you are so ignorant about everything that you thought that you never cared to do it . The Bald Man : Well , I you are right about the two llast things , but I'm NOT the leader of The Kabal , The Great Leader is… HAH , NICE TRY , NO WAY I'll TELL THAT !!!! Anyway , now I'll kill you and then I will run Monolith to ruin . Good bye McCoy… (Four Monolith Security guards open fire and The Bald Man is hit several times , he jumps behind a table and pushes it over to get cover from the bullets . He fires his own guns but misses the guards . The Bald Man realizes he is outnumbered and jumps out of the window , not very smart since Halls office lies on the seventh floor) McCoy : Good thing I called security when I found the evidence on Halls computer . Cliff : Looks like we arrived just in time , detective , whoever that guy that we shot was , he had security-locked all the doors on this floor , fortunately , we had Boris with us , and since he is more or less one ton of muscle , simply running through the doors was no problem for him , We got a little bit pessimistic when we reached the steal doors , but not even those were a problem for him (Boris makes a "thumbs up" and smiles a happy smile which until just a few minutes ago had many more teeth , then he passes out and fall to floor , causing the entire Monolith building to shake for a moment) . Brian : How is the real Jason Hall ? McCoy : He is still suffering from Cobbs syndrome , but I think he can be cured . Graham (Who have walked to the window and now is looking out of it) : Hey everybody !!!! The false Hall is gone !!!! Brian : Impossible !!!! McCoy : Well , if he COULD walk after that fall , he wouldn't get too far I suspect , we'll find him . they do of course not find him… Scene : later that day , on the roof of the apartment house where McCoy lives (McCoy have landed his spinner and is on his way to the elevator ,without knowing that someone is about to attack him) You know who (using the voice of Caleb this time) : It's howdy doody time kiddies . The BALD man is here !!!! (McCoy throws himself to the ground just before the bald man starts firing his pistols) The Bald Man (using a more or less normal voice) : DIE !!!! FACE THE WRATH OF A MASTER IMPOSTER !!!! (The Bald Man fires again , McCoy rolls away) The Bald Man : NYYYYYAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH !!!! (He fires again , and misses because McCoy once again rolls away , this time however , McCoy rolls into another spinner that is parked on the roof and hit his head . The Bald Man wastes no time and before McCoy have time to roll in another direction, The Bald Man fires towards the spot where he lies , the pistols click) The Bald Man : What the f*ck ? Out of ammo now ???!!!! Arrrh , I don't need guns to finish you anyway . BURN !!!! (The Bald Man waves with both his hands , McCoy starts smoking and feels a little bit warmer , but he doesn't catch fire) The Bald Man : Damn , I used all my focus to recover from the fall and getting shot , and apparently I haven't regained enough of it . But I do have this knife of course… (McCoy shoots him before he gets a chance to use it , The Bald Man falls to the ground , lethally wounded) The Bald Man : LITH SUUUU… (McCoy shoots him again) (and again , and again , and again) (The Bald Man dies) McCoy : Hasta la pasta , baldy… End of Blood Runner . Sequels ? Maybe… Computer game available ? Don't be silly… ; ) This and all the other chapters of "Blood Runner" is of course the property of me , Anders Henrik Mohlin Credits ? Here follows the list : Writer : Henrik Mohlin aka Grand Moff Ogre Hero : mepp-detec. Roy McCoy , Monolith Blood Runner unit Rest of the characters in order of appearance : Monolith security computer : starring as itself : ) Demo-thief from Kabal : Shaade , the fifth rider of the apocalypse McCoy's temporary boss : Lt. John Gooze Upset demo-maker : Scorpio (Brian Goble) DEMOnstrating crowd : lamers Monolith C.E.O. : Jason Hall DEMOnstrator : Some lamer Another DEMOnstrator : Some other lamer : ) Blood Runner lab-scientist : Dr. Dean-O Goozz (play the Blood user map "Dr Goozz's house by Treks , it's a very good map : ) JESPER , Blood Runner scanning-machine : The decapitated head of the evil game-warlock Jöhn Tarmac Hubble-telescope : The decapitated head of John Romero Monolith security guard # 1 : Cliff Monolith security guard # 2 : Brian Blood 2 Lead Game Designer : Shade (Jay Wilson) Leader of TRUCKS (The Revolting Uninformed Citizens Konstantly Shouting) : Spencer Gaugarian Monolith interrogator : Cain Union Software Administration senator : art V-K machine : starring as itself : ) Cruel and Insane Blood Runner detective : Postal Steal Shop owner , arms dealer and factory bomber : Riizo Riizos hounds : A gang of evil dogs : ) Phalanx commander : Spectator Phalanx member : Iron Lord Phalanx assassin : Jolt Another Phalanx member : Anden Af Anti (The name means either "Spirit of non-existence" or "The non-existing duck" , depending on who you ask ; ) Blood user-map-reviewer lost in the sewers : voodoo RopePant Warriors consul : Grand Moff Ogre (Head 1 and Head 2 ; ) RopePant Warriors member : Sarge CasaBloodca bars bartender : Blood Donor Kabal lamer : Cabinet Basic Monolith police officer with broken leg : Ian Nobody German commander : Helmut Altman Evil imposter from Kabal : The Bald Man Stressed Monolith employee : Loki (Jeremy Blackman) Game reviewer that serves as Monolith artillery cannon ammo : Jason Bates Very violent Monolith security guard : Graham Cruel Monolith security guard consisting more or less of one ton muscles : Boris Warez dude 1 : Craxed Warez dude 2 : Shogon Warez twin 1 : Mark Warez twin 2 : Eric Warez leader : Dominator Cheat-obsessed Warez dude : medieval man Warez dude that can't find the way out of the cathedral : JackaL 925 Warez dude who might consider buying software : scribe Monolith employee that gets harassed by The Bald Man : Lucyd Evon Thanks to : Any Man/Woman/Hamster who have read this parody/fan-fic and liked it , Monolith Productions for making Blood and Shogo and for the official Forums for these games , Westwood for making the game "Blade Runner" (based on the movie "Blade Runner") , the makers of whatever I have used references from in the fan-fic . RPW for being the best Blood 2 Clan/Cult/Brotherhood/Whatever out there : ) More thanks to : Tokyo Ai Ko at the Shogo Forum who by writing his fan-fic "ShogalivanWarez" on the Shogo Forum inspired me to write the first chapter of this hopefully humorous fan-fic based on some Blood-jokes by me . Philip K. Dick (1928-1982) for writing the very good book "Do androids dream of electric sheep ?" (The book that later became the movie "Blade Runner") . *Phew*, that is all I believe . Thanks for reading this far ; ) I hope you enjoyed reading this fan-fic , I know I enjoyed writing it : ) If you have any comments about the fan-fic , please reply and post them , if they are constructive , I can probably use reading them , if they are praise , I will LOVE reading them : ) ,and if they are un-constructive flaming crap or questions about why the hell I've bothered to write and post the fan-fic , I won't mind you showing your own idiocy : ))) Well , finally , I have come to the end of this text , it is time to say farewell to you and tell you that maybe you'll see a sequel to this fan-fic . After all , some questions DO remain unanswered . But right now I am to tired to write much more , so Good Bye and be nice to small furred animals . : ) Ogre Entered into the Caleb's Crypt Fan Fiction Competiton, 1st April 1999 http://www.planetblood.com/crypt