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Wednesday 10 25 2006

Bad Month To Be Jim Gibbons

KLAS TV is breaking yet another Jim Gibbons scandal. It’s all after the jump, babies.

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READ MORE: booze, congress, immigration, jim gibbons, las vegas, midterms, nevada, republicans, scandal, sex

Tuesday 10 24 2006

Business As Usual

Great jerb! Here's yer medal! - WonketteIn a career move best described as “Nyah Nyah,” ex-CIA chief George Tenet has been hired as director of QinetiQ, the British Ministry of Defence’s mad-scientist division.

“I am especially interested in the capacity of the company’s technologies to meet a number of the challenges faced by our nations’ military and intelligence personnel,” the press release quotes Tenet, who sat on his ass while 9/11 happened and then pushed that whole phony WMD thing so we could occupy Iraq forever.

More slime, after the jump.

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READ MORE: 9/11, bin laden, carlyle group, cia, corruption, george tenet, qinetiq

Rumors On The Internets: Harold Ford Goes Swimming with the Fermented Semen of C-List Rockstars

  • What does Harold Ford do at Playboy mansion parties? “What happens in the grotto, stays in the grotto.” [Hot Air]
  • George Allen writes (!) a post to make sure the blogosphere, “a powerful new branch of the media,” knows that he cosponsored the “Porkbusters” bill — along with 48 other Senators. [Redstate]
  • Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama: the immovable object meets the unstoppable force. [The Gaggle]
  • Rick Santorum is back on the “Democrats are Nazi appeasers” hobby horse, displays Winston Churchill book with pages stuck together. [The Carpetbagger Report]
  • Sapped of his Joementum, Lieberman now ripping off Richard Nixon’s old Vietnam talking points. [YouTube]
  • Blogger makes love to Excel, assigns arithmetical values to each member of Congress. [The Right Place]
  • State Department makes sure soldiers in Baghdad can vote to keep Foley’s seat Republican. [Think Progress]

READ MORE: barack obama, congress, george allen, harold ford, hillary clinton, joe lieberman, playboy, rick santorum, rumors on the internets, state department

Gay Polish Prime Minister Accidentally Stones Self

Jokes to write selves:

Poland’s second-most important newspaper, Rzeczpolita, published documents-some only recently declassified, and some that were leaked-from the files of the Polish Secret Service that discussed Prime Minister Kaczynski’s homosexuality.

We also learned that Poland’s Prime Minister and President are identical twins!

Katherine Harris has already begun demanding to know how long the Democrats and their allies in the media have sat on this knowledge for their political gain.

Homophobic Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski is Outed [Towleroad]

READ MORE: gay, gays, poland, self-writing jokes

We're Number 53! We're Number 53!

These claims are part of a propoganda campaign against our country by evil nitwits Uzbekistan - WonketteAccording to some nosey international group, the United States has again fallen down the Worldwide Press Freedom Index.

The new index puts the USA at No. 53 — even with Botswana, Croatia and Tonga!
The United States (53rd) has fallen nine places since last year, after being in 17th position in the first year of the Index, in 2002. Relations between the media and the Bush administration sharply deteriorated after the president used the pretext of “national security” to regard as suspicious any journalist who questioned his “war on terrorism.” The zeal of federal courts which, unlike those in 33 US states, refuse to recognise the media’s right not to reveal its sources, even threatens journalists whose investigations have no connection at all with terrorism.

Freelance journalist and blogger Josh Wolf was imprisoned when he refused to hand over his video archives. Sudanese cameraman Sami al-Haj, who works for the pan-Arab broadcaster Al-Jazeera, has been held without trial since June 2002 at the US military base at Guantanamo, and Associated Press photographer Bilal Hussein has been held by US authorities in Iraq since April this year.
Oh well. At least we’re still ahead of Burkina Faso, Kosovo, the Congo, Russia, Kazakhstan and Saudi Arabia!

France, the United States and Japan slip further Mauritania and Haiti gain much ground [Reporters sans frontières]

U.S. Rank on Press Freedom Slides Lower [Washington Post]

READ MORE: censorship, congo, fear-mongering, media, russia, terrorism

Metro Section: Gazing at the Same Desert Wasteland

  • Nostradamus: “You’re fucked.” Apocalypse should look more or less like this. [Introvert]
  • “I think the people who work on electronic voting are the same people who have MySpace pages with navy text on a black and purple plaid background with hot pink javascript skull and crossbones raining down and rainbow trails following the mouse pointer.” [blah, blah black sheep]
  • Women be shopping: “For the Ladies: Five Reasons To Watch the World Series Tonight… I hope this help and who knows, maybe if you’re nice he’ll flip back to Veronika Mars or Nip/Tuck during commercials :)” [Circle V]
  • Boys will be boys: “If I got a girl pregnant right now, and she insisted on keeping it, I’d skip out of the country without hesitation… I’ll be a father when I’m ready, not because a reformed whore is bored with her life.” [DC Bachelor]
  • More from DC’s #1 web novelist SethJ: “Death and loss are all around them. They’ve been there from the beginning. The only difference now is that one of them fights, resists, these unavoidable tropes while the other lives in them, and makes them his home. Whichever one is a better survival strategy remains to be seen. Both men are here, gazing at the same desert wasteland and soaking in the same chill of night.” [American Night]

READ MORE: metro section, women be diferent from men

Freedom On the March

Guess what websites are being blocked by the Pentagon to make sure U.S. troops in Iraq don’t get any big ideas?

One hint: Free Republic is coming through loud and clear! A Marine writes Wonkette:
I am currently stationed in Al Taqaddam, Iraq with the Marines…you’ve done a short piece about this before, but this is getting ridiculous.

It seems that every non-conservative politics website has been blocked by our firewall guys…including your site. The reason it is blocked is because it is a “personal page.” Which means they don’t have a reason to block it … but they want to block it, so they do. This was done recently, just in time for mid-term elections. As I said, it was not only your website, I have gone through lists of liberal sites and most of them are blocked. I’ve also taken the time to go to some conservative sites….none of which are blocked.

I don’t have the words to describe how I feel. They have sent me to this desert three times…each time saying that we are defending freedom…which is BS and everyone knows it. And on top of that they have taken away many of the freedoms that we are supposedly fighting for….

I don’t think there is much anyone can do about this, but I just wanted you to know that this was still going on.

READ MORE: censorship, iraq, pentagon, war, wonkette

Hillary Opponent Likes, Doesn't Like Like Clinton

This line of questioning would really liven up any Senate race:

Dominic Carter: For the record Mr. Spencer, lets put this to rest right tonight. It really doesn’t have any role in the campaign, but do you find Hillary Clinton to be an attractive woman?

John Spencer: I’ve always, I’ve always said that. I said it the other day. I like Hillary Clinton. And I said she’d make a terrific candidate for president because we’ll beat her. She’s a liberal.

DC: But physically, do you find her to be an attractive woman?

JS: [mumble]. She’s not ugly. That’s for sure. Hehehe.

Ok, now we know what to ask at the Ford/Corker debate.

Attracted to Clinton [NYO]

READ MORE: campaigns, hillary clinton, john spencer, new york, senate

Richie Rich Won't Help Democrats!

George W. Bush’s fellow Bonesman and professional fall guy John Kerry has enraged the Democrats by contributing a paltry $15,000 — or, .001% of his $14 million campaign chest — to Dems in tight races.

Kerry henchman David Wade says Old Longface actually “contributed $2.8 million to campaign committees, state parties and individual candidates in this election cycle,” according to the New York Times. That sounds like overly qualified bullshit.

Find out who Wade calls “cowards,” after the cowardly jump.

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READ MORE: congress, corruption, john kerry, midterms, moveon, skull and bones

Denny Hastert In Two Places at Once, Not Anywhere at All

Embattled ( © Mainstream Media) Representative Dennis Hastert’s appearance before the House Ethics Committee was so surprising, the AP only had time to rewrite the first couple grafs of their story, placing us in a bizarre time-space continuum shift:

WASHINGTON — House Speaker Dennis Hastert on Tuesday sat down with ethics investigators trying to pin down when he and his staff learned about ex-Rep. Mark Foley’s come-ons to former male pages and what they did to stop it.
[…]
Hastert’s appearance followed that of Rep. Tom Reynolds of New York, the House GOP campaign chairman, who said he warned the speaker about Foley last spring.
Hastert, expected to testify this week, has said he doesn’t recall the conversation.
[…]
Hastert has returned to Washington for testimony this week. He would not tell reporters Tuesday when he’ll testify.

We hope Denny had fun with all his friends.

Hastert Goes Before Congressional Panel [WP]

READ MORE: ap, cocktober surprise, dennis hastert, house ethics committee, mark foley, pagefuckergate, top

Lovin,' Touchin,' Squeezin' ♥

Hugs, Not Drugs - WonketteWhat we learned from the Post about Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele and his campaign for the Senate:

  • He has “an extraordinary handshake” that’s “not too weak but not crushing, either.”
  • The eye contact! It makes people swoon!
  • Of course you want him to kiss you, and by god, he’ll do it — and do it well.
  • Need some hugs? Whether one-handed or double-barreled, Steele is a hugging machine. Those hands, that muscular chest ….

OK, now we will go take a shower.

A Political Natural, Railing Against Politics [Washington Post]

Crappy Journey song reference for our hard-core Polo Club pizza-mackin’ negro-beating boat-shoe-wearin’ homies

READ MORE: maryland, michael steele, midterms, porn, senate, washington post

Li'l Scandal Roundup: We'll Never Run Out

It’s time for another edition of “Stuff not quite filthy enough for a whole post, because you basically need to rape a baby live on C-SPAN to get a whole post this month.”

And we’ve got a Logo Winner, as you can see by the Logo. Thanks to Dan Milberg for the world’s angriest baby — you’d be angry if you were raped on C-SPAN, too!

Lots of congressional crime and even some hot abuse of the handicapped, after the jump.

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READ MORE: abramoff, arizona, bribes, california, congress, corruption, crime, mark foley, midterms, republicans, sleaze, tom delay, wyoming

Gossip Roundup: Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Santa Fe

  • Heard on the Hill: Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are planning a move to Santa Fe, where terrorists and Bob Novak will never find them… Two little Indian-American boys start “Macacas for Webb” t-shirt line. [Roll Call]
  • Reliable Source: Swedish “rock” “star” Ola Salo recommends during concert that passing airplane fly into the White House. Meanwhile, Sweden’s King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia dined with the Bushes. [WP]
  • Yeas and Nays: HOT. SENATORIAL. CANDIDATES. And fer chrissakes people, don’t let creepy Mark Kennedy win… Shell Oil prez suggests riding a bicycle… World Series will predict Midterm results. Dems need Cardinals to win, Dems don’t have a shot in hell. [Examiner]

READ MORE: baseball, campaigns, joe wilson, macaca, mark kennedy, midterms, sports, sweden, valerie plame

Baby Killing, Degenerative Neurological Diseases Continue to Entertain America

murderjfox.jpgDear YouTube user ding1999,

Your single video, a parody of Michael J. Fox’s unnerving Claire McCaskill campaign ad, is the funniest thing we’ve seen all week. Even funnier than when Rush Limbaugh said Fox was faking the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease. Why must you disable embedding?

Yours,
Wonkette

Murder J. Fox [YouTube]

READ MORE: claire mccaskill, jim talent, michael j. fox, missouri, stem cells, youtube

To Do: 3 Classics

  • Drag Race meets at JR’s on 17th Street at 8PM. Arrive early with sparklers. [WP]
  • Richard Dawkins refutes the existence of G-d at Politics & Prose. He’s an Oxford biologist and author of The God Delusion, in which he argues that God is a concept by which we measure our pain. [P&P]
  • 1973’s Venereal Disease —The Hidden Epidemic and 1933’s Damaged Lives at the LOC. In the first one, “The audience is then shown (in graphic detail) how to recognize syphilis and gonorrhea in its various stages.” Free at 7PM. [LOC]

READ MORE: god, movies, to do, venereal disease

Libertarian Candidate Stunt Watch

Handicapped people deserve to get slapped. - WonketteOur libertarian brothers and sisters represent something like four or five guys nationally (despite their ridiculously disproportionate Washington representation — don’t you guys know that if you lived anywhere else in the country you might get a congressman?), but their candidates can always be counted on to stir shit up. Today’s laissez-faire heroes:

Thomas Rankin, running for Wyoming’s only House seat. Mr. Rankin, who is in a wheelchair, says Representative Barbara Cubin threatened to slap him.

“My aide and I were packing up to leave the debate, and Barbara walked over to me and said, ‘If you weren’t sitting in that chair, I’d slap you across the face.’ That’s quote-unquote,” Rankin said.

It is Cheney’s old seat, so we’re sure this is pretty par for the course.

In Alabama meanwhile, write-in gubernatorial candidate Loretta Nall helpfully offers that she enjoys marijuana and doesn’t wear underwear. If you donate to her campaign, you get to see a flash animation of her… flashing.

Flashing for Freedom [Lorette Nall]
Candidate is Up Front About Using Her Cleavage to Campaign [Houston Chronicle]
‘Insulted’ Cubin Confronts Opponent [Billings Gazette]

READ MORE: alabama, barbara cubin, breasts, campaigns, congress, libertarians, lorette nall, thomas rankin, violence, wyoming

Tenn. Senate Race: WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?


The Tennessee Senate race between Democrat Harold Ford and Republican Bob Corker is really damn close. Ford, unmarried, does have a bit of a thing for white girls. But because both candidates are pretending that this is about Iraq or some other bullshit like that, Corker has to pretend to “distance” himself from ads like the one above, in which, yes, the terrifying spectre of Harold Ford cavorting with dangerously pale models and strippers is suggested — briefly, but a little too obviously.

Ford responded by crashing Corker’s press conference, which is pretty cool. Ford was ostensibly upset because of Corker’s ad trashing Ford’s family (which painted the other Fords as somehow lazy gadabouts and hard-working corrupt lobbyists). Because everyone’s more comfortable talking about the suggestion of familial impropriety than the race-baiting thing, we’ll compare the Ford and Corker families’ embarrassment potential after the jump.

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READ MORE: bob corker, campaigns, clips, facebook, harold ford, julia corker, kids, race, senate, tennessee, top

Daily Briefing: Kewl Kids Vote Dem

  • New poll shows Democrats favored by 2 to 1 among the important independent voters who have soured on Iraq. [WP]
  • Black and Latino voters once supportive of GOP turn to Democrats as previous campaign promises go unfulfilled. [LAT]
  • President Bush no longer saying “stay the course.” Difference between old course and emerging new course unclear, though might involve setting up progress benchmarks in Iraq. [NYT]
  • In a sign he intends to run for president Barack Obama talks about getting high with a room full of magazine editors. [NYT]
  • Academics disagree about whether the midterm elections will constitute a Democratic “wave” or a “wavelet.” Larry Sabato sides with the “wave year” camp. [WP]
  • Long-shot candidate in California incites rash of corny headlines, may be “washed” into House next month. [WP]
  • Dennis Hastert’s top aide testified before the House ethics subcommittee yesterday in a sign that the “Who knew Foley was a perv and when?” investigation may be drawing to a close. [ ]
  • Former Enron CEO Jeffery Skilling expresses remorse while maintaining innocence, but the sentence is 24 years and 4 months in Federal “pound me in the ass” prison. [LAT]

READ MORE: barack obama, black people, campaigns, democrats, dennis hastert, elections, enron, jeffrey skilling, midterms, minorities