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Smackdown
May 18, 2000
Detroit, MI

Hour 1Hour 2Hour 3Composite
4.524.914.73

Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Written by: Christopher Robin Zimmerman

My laptop appears to have died. I wonder if I can blame yesterday's Thunder report?

I GET LETTERS: Why, yes, I DID save a few WWF letters for today.

MarBu13 was the first to provide a correction from RAW: I just wanna tel you CRZ, that the ho that pinned Crash, the one in the pink, was the independent woman wrestler, Bobcat, who has been seen on MTV's Want to be a Wrestler, and has signed a developmental deal with the WWF a couple of monthes ago. Her other appearance on Raw, was when she was a ho, and got slammed by Viscera. She's also working in Jerry Lawler's Menphis Wrestling circuit. Just telling ya that..

Hey, ever wonder who still watches Superstars? From Steve: On Superstars they did a behind the scenes of the video. That was the DX theme signer, just with longer hair and the Hardyz did jump off the stage. Jeff hurt his ankles when he did the Senton. Also DX and Run DMC had to shoot on different days cause of schdeuling conflicts

MaximusPrime24 cries out: OH MONKEY BOY!!! If ou fail to notice (or do so just to get these e-mails) That whole "his judgement day is coming" complete with KID ROCK music. means kid rock is coming on raw (i'll say it for you...duh) THere gonna do the same thing with david arouqete only better

Well, we'll see if you're right...

And finally, taking on the subject of ECWA workers, BuddyJesus420 offers: They ARE, it's true!! It's true. Kidman, Christian, Shawn Stasiak, Test, Crowbar and Lance Diamond all wrestled for the ECWA. Some others like the Hardy's and Reckless Youth also wrestled there before. Yeah?? Yeah, whoo!!! Argh, I think I need to lie down. Later man.

Man, I'm depressed about my laptop. I haven't done a report from THIS computer in ... hmm, it's gotta be at least seven or eight months, right? I wonder if I can still do it.

I mean, I can't complain - I bought this Powerbook 160 for something like the change in my change jar - but...well, it's NEVER a good time to have a computer crap out on you, is it?

I wonder if Weird Stuff has any Powerbooks...

All right, we got two hours to do here...enough stalling...

You're watching the Rock - on UPN!

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Close captioned, it is - opening credits, they are

Light the pyro! We are on tape 18.5.2K (taped 16.5) and en espanol donde sea disponible from the Joe - Detroit, MI and the sold out Joe Louis Arena!

And right away, the HOLLYWOOD SQUARES come out to share a few words. Hey, there's a pay-per-view coming up Sunday - like EVERY Sunday for the past month of so. Batting leadoff, Stephanie: "Chris Jericho! You're gonna be sorry that you ever spoke my name, let alone disparaged it. Because, you see, tonight, Jericho, In This Very Ring, the intercontinental champion (Chris Benoit) - the man who will make you SCREAM into submission this Sunday at Judgment Day, will team up with the very unforgiving Hardcore Holly to face you...and a partner of your choice." Next up, Shane: "Quite frankly, I'm not in the greatest of moods. And I'm definitely not at 100% physically. However, I'm going to honor the challenge that I made last Monday night to the Big Show, so that this Sunday at Judgment Day in the no disqualification matchup, it will be Shane-O Mac and the Big Show, one on one. ["Shane's a pussy!"] Again I thank you for the compliment. You see, even though I'm hurt, I'm not trying to back out of the match this Sunday with the Big Show - no, as a matter of fact, I'm starting - I'm starting to psych up for this no disqualification - I'm starting to get pumped up for this no disqualification matchup with the Big Show this Sunday at Judgment Day - and why? Why, you ask? Well, let's go back to last Monday night, and let me show all of you...what the Show did to me. Roll the footage!

Let Us Take You Back to Monday, where Show threw Shane into the EntertainmentTron.

"I gotta hand it to you, Show - superhuman strength! However, not any mortal would not be standing in this ring in front of all of you. So like I said last Monday night Big Show, I'm like a lion - and this ferocious lion, this Sunday, is gonna rip your heart out! Matter of fact, Show, talking about this is starting to make me feel a little bit better - it's starting to make me feel a little...frisky. So in addition to this Sunday's match at Judgment Day between you and I, how about we get it on tonight In This Very Ring, me and you, one on one!" Batting third, Triple H: "Well, if that makes you happy, this should make you even happier. Roll the footage of how we went off the air Monday!"

Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Rock put Triple H through a table with the Rock Bottom.

["Rock E!"] "I thought that would make you happy - it's - it's sickening to me how you revel in my pain - how you revel in my anguish. Well, tonight, I will revel in yours, because no matter how much you chant, tonight, when we go off the air, SmackDown! is gonna be a whole lot different from that. And Sunday, when Judgment Day is done, I can assure you that none of you will be very happy about the outcome. Because at Judgment Day... ["ass hole"]...since I was so rudely interrupted, I will start again. (ha!) Sunday, Judgment Day, Iron Man match, one hour - sixty minutes. The one at the end with the most falls wins. That includes pinfall. That includes submission. That includes countouts. That includes disqualifications. If, in the event that at the end of sixty minutes, there is a tie between the Rock and myslef, the Rock will remain the World Wrestling Federation champion...but don't get excited, because there will be no tie, and for all of you, there will be no happy ending at Judgment Day, because in case you don't get it yet, I will explain it to you one more time now, and I will prove it to you one more time at Judgment Day - I am the Game - and at Judgment Day, I will once again be the rightful owner, and I will be the undisupted World Wrestling Federation champion, because I am that damn good!" And, batting cleanup, Vince: "That's - that's inspiring! I would ask for you to show, here in Detroit, just one ounce of respect, please. Now, there's no question - there's no question, my wife - my charming, darling wife Linda McMahon has made some very popular decisions here in the World Wrestling Federation in the past. Why, at one time it was my charming wife who, at one time, reinstated Stone Cold Steve Austin...more recently, it was my charming, benevolent wife, who, despite the fact that he retired for good, gave Mick Foley his dream match at WrestleMania. And more recently, my charming, GULLIBLE wife (Linda McMahon) appointed Shawn Michaels as the - as the spokesperson of the WWF and appointed Shawn Michaels, as well, the guest referee in the World Wrestling Federation one hour Iron Man match for the title this Sunday, and I must say, I must now question the wisdom of my wife, after all it was Shawn Michaels who started this entire D-Generation X, and there's no question that Shawn Michaels' conduct has been, through the years, shall we say...very volatile. So therefore, Mr. Michaels, I would like to say to you that we hope you indeed use good judgement this Sunday at Judgment Day...or else. As a matter of fact, the only way I could ever see the Rock leaving this Sunday's arena as the World Wrestling Federation champion is if - the only way is if Rock makes a deal with the devil himself...and quite frankly, I have it on good authority the devil's unavailable and real busy. So, therefore, that would lead us to tonight - and I must say, WWF history will be made here in Detroit, in this ring tonight. Because tonight in this ring, we're gonna have ourselves a lumberjack match - no, wait a minute, this will be a lumberjack, handicap match! No, wait a minute, this will be a lumberjack, handicap, table match! Yes, here tonight, In This Very Ring, surrounded by lumberjacks, in a handicap matchup, the table matchup will see those damn Dudley Boyz on one side - and the Rock on the other!"

Hey! Bobbie! Wotta BABE! "Chameleon 3!" Tomorrow!

You're watching - UPN!

Crash Holly knocks on the door of the APA (still under construction) and asks for an hour of protection to get a nap. After producing the cash, the Acolytes let him curl up on the floor in the corner.

SCOTTY TOO HOTTY v. KURT ANGLE (AMERICAN HERO) - SmackDown! is brought to you by Metacuts' Metaform, snowball.com (they are not), and RC Edge Maximum Cola! "You know, when I was in the Olympics (which I won - for all of you, by the way), I thought I had seen every single wrestling hold, every single wrestling move that you could possibly see. But you know something? I was wrong. I discovered a wrestling move - well, not so much a wrestling move here in the WWF - that would make the stinkface almost as technical as the German suplex. It is the single most insulting move to all the wrestlers across the country. And that move is...the Worm. People - people! The Worm is not a sanctioned wrestling move - it's true...it's true. If your Olympic Hero were to use the Worm in the 1996 Olympic games, it would be so embarrassing to all the other athletes - and our country, mind you - that the USA would have finished behind Guam - perhaps dead last - and you all would not have an Olympic Hero to look up to - and that would be a shame, and you would be FORCED - you would be forced to cheer for the Detroit Tigers - it's true...it's true." Lockup, go behind by Angle, elbowing out, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Hotty, off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog, gutshot, snap suplex by Hotty, nips up. Time to moonwalk! Angle charges him, Hotty steps aside, slap, charging, dumped over the top, but Hotty drops to the mat and pulls Angle's legs to the ringpost. Top-rope missile dropkick as he comes back in - 1, 2, no. Into the corner, charge misses and Hotty hits the post. Backdrop suplex by Angle. 1, 2, kickout. Right, right, into the ropes, duck, double clothesline and both men are down. Both men up - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by Hotty, again, right, right, off the ropes, back elbow, into the ropes, backdrop, startin' to make faces...into the corner - bulldog out, now he DOES make the "I'm gonna do it" face - W - O - R - M - snake - snake - snake - hoo - hoo - hoo - hi-ya! Angle rolls outside. Hotty slides out, puts him back in, and comes back in himself. Piggyback ride for Hotty - going for the victory roll...but Angle stops and leans back on his shoulders - 1, 2, 3! (3:08) Hotty can't believe he lost to a WRESTLING move, I guess.

Holly snores as the Acolytes play cards and yuk it up.

Triple H shills steroids - I mean, Weider product

WWF SmackDown! continues - after some more ads

Commentators hype tomorrow night's Blockbuster Shockwave Cinema presentation of "Chameleon 3: Dark Angel"

THAT SLUT CHYNA is out - don't treat her like a sausage - don't treat her like a ham. BaZOOka. Got THE STICK: "Ladies and gentlemen, I must announce that there will no longer be a Triple Threat match this Sunday. This is because the winner of the following contest will then face Eddie Guerrero one on one for the European title this Sunday at Judgment Day. So, without further ado - your first competitor. He has the uncanny ability to hunt birds and squirrels at the same time - he is...perry saturn." Chyna motions as if she could see in two directions at the same times. "And your second competitor - he is your lightlightlightLIGHT heavyweight champion - Mr. Personality! Mr. Charisma! Ladies and gentlemen, stay awake for...deanmalenko." Chyna pantomimes dozing off, then turns to referee "Blind" Jack Doan. "Oh...Jack. Hit the bricks - you're outta here. I almost forgot! Your special guest referee for this match. He is your European Champion - he is my Love Machine - he's got more Latino Heat than any WWF Superstar - EDDIE GUERRERO! Ohh, and he's lookin' good."

PERRY SATURN v. DEAN MALENKO in a #1 Contender's Match - Eddie tells them to have a good clean fight...I think. No handshake? Lockup, side headlock from Malenko, into the ropes, knockdown by Malenko, cover, zero, reverse legsweep from Saturn, cover, zero, side headlock by Saturn, Malenkoer turns it over, hammerlock by Saturn, fireman's carry by Malenko, to an armbar, to the ropes, into the ropes, reversed, head down, Sunset fliip, 2 by Saturn, kickout, near fall by Malenko, near fall by Saturn, near fall by Malenko - damn it's fast. Malenko offers a hand - Saturn goes to take it but goes to the eys instead. Right, right, right, into the ropes, Malenko with a crucifix - Saturn presses him but Malenko breaks free - waistlock, standing switch, Malenko back elbow twice, off the ropes, body scissors rollup - 1, 2 - was that a fast count? Malenko with a gutshot, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, Guerrero tries to pull him off, and Malenko shows disdain. Into the ropes is reversed, but Malenko holds on and the dropkick finds only air. Malenko over to try the cloverlead but Saturn backstrokes to the ropes and puts Malenko outside. Malenko tries to get back in but Saturn pulls the ankles and Malenko hits the apron on his way down. Put back in - big clothesline for Saturn - 1, 2, no. In the corner - right, right, right, right, right, Guerrero tries to break it, Saturn shrugs him off, right, right, right, Guerrero tries again but gets a BIG shove. Right, right, Guerrero shoves HIM - Saturn turns around and he's ready to go. Guerrero puts up his dukes - then decides to point to the stripes instead. Meanwhile, Malenko picks up the Light Heavyweight title and clocks Saturn. Cover - but Guerrero decides not to count. Hey, up to this point, Eddie's been in the right! Guerrero takes the title to *Malenko* and now both men are out. Guerrero calls for the bell? Chyna: "Aw, darn - this match has been declared a draw! So I guess, therefore, you know...notwithstanding the physical condition of both Malenko and Saturn - BOTH Dean Malenko AND Perry Saturn will face Eddie Guerrero for a triple threat match for the European title this Sunday at Judgment Day - good luck, guys!" (Draw 3:43) Guerrero makes an "I'm naughty!" laugh and he and Chyna walk off, leaving Saturn and Malenko laying. SELL those belt shots!

His Judgment Day is coming - I am SHOCKED and OUTRAGED that they would sing "London Bridge is falling down" so close to the anniversary of Owen Hart's death! OUTRAGED! SHOCKED!

Big Show eats some ravioli

Trash Talkin' Stage ad

WWF SmackDown! returns after some more ads

And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by WWF Aggression! From RAW, Shawn Michaels announces his special guest refereeness, and then shoves Vince McMahon.

It IS the Joe Louis Arena! Look! It's in big letters on that building up there!

CHRISTIAN v. GRAND MASTER SEXAY - Christian comes out to Edge's music because his music is apparently completely forgotten. Christian teases a pose, but then gives us a "nah nah nah" as if he's too smart for us. Sexay has got that "I'm diggin'" dance down, don't he? Later tonight, Edge takes on Rikishi! Sexay spends a bit too long dancing on the second turnbuckle, and Christian takes him quickly to the floor with a shot from behind. Christian out as well, now - into the steps - reversed - Christian blocks it, then dumps Sexay face first onto the STEEL. Christian teases another pose. Sexay ducks a punch and crotches Christian on a post. Back in the ring now. Atomic drop. Off the ropes with a clothesline for 2. The shirts off - you may scream now. Christian pushes him into the ropes off the side headlock - up and over we go. Leapfrog - Sexay ducks a clothesline and hits a full nelson into a reverse Russian legsweep. Bust a move! Into the corner, but the splash only hits the turnbuckle. Christian hits his Slop Drop! Guess that's not a finisher anymore? Stomp, into the ropes, powerslam, 1, 2, no. Into the corner, Sexay springs off with a crossbody for 2. Arm wringer, dueling armwringers, Christian wins - side Russian legsweep. Crowd coming to life for Sexay. Snapmare takeover by Christian. All this wrestling makes my head hurt! Right, choke, Christian brings it back. Big backbreaker. 1, 2, kickout. Scoop - and a slam. Sexay sat up on the top - Christian climbs up, but Sexay punches him down. Now they're trading punches. Sexay takes Christian's face to the mat. Right hand. Right. Into the ropes is reversed, head down, BIG powerbomb by Sexay. 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed by Christian, but he runs into a superkick. Sexay going for the goggles...but Christian is over and beals him to the mat, Flair style. Lawler recognises this by mentioning "that move never really works." Christian with a rollup off the ropes - 1, 2, Sexay rolls it backwards and holds the tights for good measure - 1, 2, 3! (4:33) Cole says Christian went for the tights first, so it's okay - replay clearly shows that Christian didn't go for the tights until Sexay started reversing the move...oh well. The thought was there, right?

There's a knock at the door of the APA - it's the former hardcore champion from Monday, travelled all the way to Detroit to sneak another pinfall on Holly! Bradshaw tells her to take her shapely ass (and Teddy Long's non-shapely ass) out of their office. "Hey man, we could have let her hang around a while!" "We got a job to do!" "Yeah - I was HOPING to do it with her!" Faarooq is the MACK, so hit your knees and start praying!

BALD VENIS is out. "You know something, for the last two months the Big Valbowski has been repressed by the single most repressive regime in the history of the World Wrestling Federation - the McMahon-Helmsley Regime! And week after week after every damn week, as the Big Valbowski strolled through the arena doors, he heard the exact same excuse: 'Val, as of right now we just don't have any plans for you.' Well, as of tonight, the Big Valbowski has decided...he'll make his own damn plans. So just to refresh your memories, it was just last year when this waist was decorated in intercontinental gold. So with that in mind, the Big Valbowski issues a challenge for next Monday night on RAW to whomever is the intercontinental champion after Judgment Day!" This brings out CHRIS BENOIT. "'Whomever?' Let me make something clear, Val. There is no doubt in my mind that after Judgment Day, I will be intercontinental champion. You say you've had intercontintal gold? Good for you. You fell like you've been passed over? Tough break. You think you deserve a title shot? You got it. Not only will I accept your challenge - I say we do it right here...right now...before I lose my patience-" but the Y2J countdown brings out CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO, who might have something to say as well. 18,438 is the attendance, sneaks in Cole. "There's only one little problem, Chris Benoyt! While you're on your way to retaining that intercontinental championship, you may run into a little bit of a roadblock - you may run into a....wall. Because after you experience the Walls of Jericho, you're not going to have to worry about that championship, because the Crippler is going to become the crippled! And after Sunday at Y2Judgment Day, the only way you're going to properly walk is if you're cooking Chinese food! So on Monday night, it's gonna be the Big Lebowski versus the Big Bad Mamma Jamma!" And now HARDCORE HOLLY is out to join the fun. Sheesh! "Now, Chris Jericho, why don't you shut your hole for just a minute! And Val...what gives you the right to come out here and start making challenges? If anybody's got the right, it should be me. I should be the one facing the winner Monday night - not you!" "Hold on a second, Baldcore! Since Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley (who just happens to be a filthy dirty disgusting brutal skanky bottom-feeding trashbag ho) wants me to choose a tag partner, and since you're so unhappy, Val - and most importantly of all, since you're here - I choose YOU. Let's dance, baby!" Jericho leaves the ring to meet Holly as Venis and Benoit tie up - so I guess it's

CHRIS BENOIT & HARDCORE HOLLY v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO & BALD VENIS - Holly and Jericho trade blows on the outside, while in the ring, they're bouncing off the ropes - Venis takes charge with an atomic drop, and a clothesline off the ropes for 2. Benoit chops back - into the ropes, powerslam by Venis - 2 count, Holly breaks it. Venis dumps Holly through the ropes and it's settling down to a tag match now. Venis going for a suplex, but Benoit counters by hitting his own snap suplex first. Venis' head to the buckle, chop, chop, into the ropes, head down, kick, duck, off the ropes, double clothesline takes down both men. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan puts on the count - getting to 4 before Jericho gets the hot tag and goes through both men. Bulldog for Benoit! Chop, chop, off the ropes, duck, back elbow by Jericho, Lionsault! Holly breaks it up. It's all breaking down now as all four men fight - Holly and Venis tumble outside as Jericho trips Benoit and tries the Walls of Jericho. Outside, Holly chair Venis - then comes in and brains Jericho (DQ 2:17). Benoit gets up...Holly says "Hey, Chris!" and chairs HIM. Holly then works to shatter Benoit's knee into a million pieces or so. Kneebreaker on the knee. The refs and officials are out, but the damage is done. Benoit holds his knee and makes a lotta noise. The EMT's are out as we check the replay.

Judgment Day promo - The Rock - Triple H - Shawn Michaels - are you up for it yet?

U! P! N!

Moments Ago, Holly done chaired everybody in sight, by golly

In the back, Benoit screams a lot as EMT's keep touching his knee. Man, they're CRUEL! "Hey, Chris, does THIS hurt? Hahahahaha"

EDGE (with Christian & Kurt Angle) v. RIKISHI (with Too Cool) - hey, I just figured it out - all three of these singles matches are hype for the big six-man tag involving all these folks at Judgment Day! Man, it's all THERE if you just LOOK at it, yo. Christian is now donning a Red Wings jersey. "Fine people of the Motor City...you know how we SO hate to disappoint our fans. And you know tonight, we're not gonna let you down." "So, for the benefit of those with flash photography...we will unveil a brand new post (for five seconds only) - we call this piece 'the NHL's Greatest Moments.' Edge removes his trenchcoat to reveal a Colorado Avalanche jersey. Angle provides a hockey stick and Edge hits an imaginary puck between the legs of Christian (who ducks his head down and watches) while Angle hits his "Olympic" celebratory pose and Edge rasises his arms. The only thing that would have made this better is if they'd actually given us a good shot of seeing the whole thing on TV! Cole mentions that this is a rubber match of sorts - with it being 1-1 for each team. After this match, Shane takes on Big Show, so just sit tight, okay? Edge ducks a punch, Rikishi blocks and hits it. Right. Into the corner, warming it up, there's the splash. Edge slumps down...it's not time for that ALREADY, is it? Christian removes his goalie helmet and puts it on Edge. This apparently blocks the stinky face. Rikishi: "Hmm, something doesn't FEEL right..." Rikishi turns to Edge who nods wildly - runs at him, but Rikishi catches him in a Samoan Drop. Rikishi puts on the helmet on (hey, he's Samoan! His head is hard enough!) and drags Edge to the corner - but Angle is in (DQ 1:13) and now it's the bona-fide Pier Six brawl. The good guys quickly clear the ring. Say, you think NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! Did you REALLY not know what that was about? You'll be REALLY confused when the movie comes out. Hey! Christian, Edge and Angle wait for their backs to be turned and attack from behind! This automatically makes them the COOLEST TEAM EVER!! Even better, these three stand in the Too Cool pose and then THEY dance! Angle falls to his knees in the celebratory pose and proceeds to bust a move *while on his knees*. Edge & Christian do their pose, then Edge goes into this MANIACAL hip-hop...well, the faces finally recover and chase them out, but not before my loyalties in the 6-man are firmly established.

The Acolytes continue to play cards...and Holly continues to snore.

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment (or...really...four more ads)

And now, the High Energy Smack of the Night, brought to you by Metaform by Metacuts! From RAW, Show takes a chair from Shane, grabs him and puts him in the WWF.com sign - from several angles

Gerald Brisco brings Joe C. to the Acolytes, thinking he's a little kid. C. gets bleeped and invites the Acolytes to a bar. Conveniently, Crash's hour is up, so the Acolytes are free to take off with him. Gerald Brisco feels some more (bleeped) wrath on their way out.

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. SKIPPY - Shane's got a mic...hmmm. "Show, I'm sorry, as you can see, but I have misplaced my gear this evening, but I assure you, this Sunday at Judgment Day you will not have to ask that question 'which way did I go,' because I will be there, gear and all, to take you out! But Show, it seems that every time I'm down around you with my cheetah-like speed, I seem to run circles around you - and quite frankly, show, it doesn't make you look like the Big Show at all - it makes you out to look like...the Big Slow. So, tonight's exercise - Big Show, I would like to find out just how fast you are. Just how fast you are, as you being to run the very special *gauntlet match*. So I would like to introduce you to your two opponents - ladies and gentlemen, give it up for T&A!" Trish stays up on the stage with Shane as T&A hit the ring. Well it's a big headbutt for Test - and one for Albert. Well it's a big scoop slam for Test - and one for Albert. Show trying to put Test outside the ring, but Albert is on him from behind and now the doubleteam is finally on. Into the ropes, duck, double clothesline to both men! Test thrown out - Albert gets ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. Shane tells Show the fun isn't over and welcomes out BIG BOSS MAN & BULL BUCHANAN. Hey, Shane stole "Big Slow" from Rock - and HE stole it from Herb Kunze! Test clips the knee from behind as Show watches the ramp. Four on one we go, Boss Man holding him for the other three to punch away. Into the ropes, duck, double clothesline for T&A - double clothesline for Boss Man & Buchanan! I'm starting to think that trying to double clothesline the Big Show is a bad idea. Shane says he's got two more special friends...X-PAC & ROAD DOGG. Tori joins Stratus at the top of the ramp as Shane walks down to the commentary area while the six men pound on Show...until he does an "explosion" scattering the six guys as if they were Kaientai and he were Giant Silva. Show gets to headbuttin', clothesline, right, double noggin knocker, does it matter who gets what? Oh, if it's X-Pac in the choke, you KNOW it does...but Shane has a chair - WHACK! That turns the tide just enough as it allows Buchanan to hit his scissors kick. Holding him for Dogg's left jabs and right funky. X Factor on the chair! Test and Albert hold him up as Shane motions for ... the chokeslam? No, he grabs the chair - Shane STANDS on the chair and pretends to chokeslam him as T&A lift and drop him. Shane covers - refere "Blind" Teddy Long goes ahead and counts it - 1, 2, 3. (3:48) Test and Boss Man put Shane on their shoulders. Nice to see Test and Shane are still friends.

His Judgment Day is coming

U! P! N!

Moments Ago, Shane chokeslammed the Big Show. No, really! I have footage!

Backstage, Gerald Brisco tells Jim Korderas to make his count "quiet as a church mouse." Oh, man, don't tell me....Brisco creeps up on Holly, once again directs Korderas to make a silent count, puts a finger on Crash's chest - he almost wakes up - Brisco tries again. Silent count - 1, 2, 3 - Korderas makes the "ring the bell" pantomime, Brisco makes the celebration pantomime, and the commentators are whispering this whole time. Surreal. On his way out, Korderas trips over a chair, making a lotta noise, waking up Holly - whoops. The chase is on!

GERALD BRISCO v. CRASH HOLLY for the Hardcore championship - Brisco runs to the ring, all smiles - but his celebration is cut short - Holly hits the ring and catches Brisco just as he's leaving. Brisco wails on him with a left - left - left! Holly fires back with rights, kicks, and goes outside for some props. Brisco again tries to escape, but Holly pulls him off the barricade and puts him in the ringpost. Back in the ring, gutshot, broom broken on the back. PAT PATTERSON is out, and Holly turns to face him - giving Brisco enough time to put a garbage can on his noodle. Patterson in the ring - Holly put in the corner. Lawler suggests this is fixin' to get a different kind of hardcore. Brisco makes his escape as Patterson removes his pants...and gets ready to remove his underwear as well?!? Fortunately, Holly manages to recover, kicks him in the ass and then takes a broomstick and...ummm....yeah. It looks a bit less painful on the replay, but did we REALLY need an answer to Ralphus in this federation?

Wow! Kevin Kelly stands in front of an exciting door! Brisco happens to run by just before we go to break.

Big Show eats some more ravioli - no WONDER he's so big, what with all that ravioli and all

U! P! N!

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY tells us he's still standing in front of a door.

Let's Take A Special Video Look at Shawn Michaels' return to RAW. Well, YOU look at it - I'm fast forwarding through it.

Kevin Kelly stands with the Rock. Rock makes a rhyme out of "DQ's and countouts now count as falls / and Shawn Michaels makes all the calls / well Triple H you can go lick on some monkey's (beep)" and then reminds us that last time that Michaels, Rock and Triple H were in the ring, Michaels cost Rock the title. Rock never forgets! Speaking of never forgetting, Rock hasn't forgotten any of the matches he and Triple H have had, and he lists them all off - cage, ladder, lumberjack, strap...and now Iron Man. Rock tells us he's gonna win - that's a shocker, eh? Then he asks us to smell what he's cookin'. Trust me, I hit the highlights - you missed nothin' if you missed this on TV.

One more Judgment Day Iron Man match promo

And one more Trash Talkin' Stage ad

And one more look at the "WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN" ad bumper

And one more look at BOBBIE - droooooooooooool

And now - well, first, let me say that 4:45 is TOO FUCKING LONG TO ENDURE AN AD BREAK

Okay.

And now, some Maximum Power - from RC Edge Maximum Power Cola! Monday, Tori went through Buh-Buh Ray and a table and made us all think over her as just a bit cooler.

ROAD DOGG, X-PAC, TORI, STEPHANIE ONO & TREBLE H are announced as lumberjacks, and come out to "The Kings." They are followed by T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model), BIG BOSS MAN & BULL BUCHANAN, GERALD BRISCO, PAT PATTERSON, and SKIPPY & BILLIONAIRE VINCE. 3DO's "Army Men: World War" bring you WWF Judgment Day LIVE this Sunday from the Freedom Hall in...Tommy? "Louisville."

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. LA ROCA in a lumberjack handicap table match - we got two tables in the ring, one outside, and probably some more that I don't know about. You realise it's been almost ten minutes since Rock's interview ended? D-Von goes to the apron, so we'll TRY tag rules...at least, at the start. Buh-Buh Ray and Rock to tie up - Rock kicks, right blocked, right, right, right, right from Dudley, into the ropes, reversed, back elbow by Rock. Into the ropes, T&A hold the ankles, Dudley spins around, Rock clotheslines him out of the ring. The lumberjacks swarm and work on beating up Dudley real good. D-Von is quickly in to distract referee "Blind" Tim White. Finally, Buh-Buh Ray is put back in the ring. Right by Rock, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Dudley with a sidewalk slam. Tag to D-Von. "Headbutt to the graun" spot is in plain sight, since it's no DQ. Dudley with a right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Rock with a right, right, right, right, clothesline over the ropes, Buh-Buh Ray comes in and Rock puts HIM over the ropes. Lumberjacks converge and again mete out some punishment to both men. Triple H on the apron now - Rock over and there's a right for HIM! X-Pac pulls him out by the ankles and now there's a lumberjack convention on the Rock. All three men put back in the ring. They take turns looking at each other...I think they're all coming to the same conclusion...you can see the expression on Vince's face change. All three men leave the ring and go after the lumberjacks! Crowd goes nuts. Buchanan accidentally takes the nighstick to Boss Man, and the Rock gets a hold of it. The McMahons, Stratus and Tori are up on the ramp, but not heading for higher ground yet. Triple H is over, right, Rock blocks the next one and lays some smack down. Down you go, Brisco. Triple H regains control on Rock - but it's fleeting. Dudleyz with a nice double suplex on Albert on the ramp. Triple H taken over to the timekeepers table, now choked with a cord. DX is finally over to help out Triple H. Meanwhile, Test is placed on a table for a top-rope plancha from D-Von - and an UGLY one at that! Now the Dudleyz are in the ring, and pulling X-Pac and Road Dogg away from Rock. These four meet in a table match Sunday, yup. Rock is back on Triple H on the outside as the Dudleyz set up two tables in the ring. Rock with a punch to the package! Stephanie looks so unhappy that she might have to ask her father to sleep with her! Tori is finally up on the steps to try to stop the carnage - Golota for Buh-Buh Ray. X-Pac climbs to the top rope - Super X Factor through the table! X-Pac over to the other corner to turn the tide THERE - Road Dogg powerbombs D-Von through a table! D-Von twitching OLD SCHOOL style. Patterson and Bsciro are in with another table and so are T&A. Rock and Triple H still fighting on the outside. H dumps Rock in the ring - X-Pac tries a punch, but Rock blocks and starts punching anything moving. This works for a bit. Bull Buchanan gets a spinebuster through the table. Finally, it's Triple H and Rock trading punches once again - moving to the other table - X-Pac makes the save. Big spinning heel kick. Triple H picks up the Rock - ROCK BOTTOM BY TRIPLE H? Yup. Through the table. Vince gets the mic: "And the winners are - D-GENERATION X!" The DX theme plays and Vince struts to it. Hmm, let's call it (6:48) and get outta here.

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