you are a little bit happier than i am reviewed

someone named dan feder reviewed the book

the poem he cites as mundane is about death

some of my happiest moments in life occur on AOL instant messager

i will create a new category
on my instant messager buddy list

i will call it
'people i like who don't like me back'

and i will move your screen name into that group
and i will invite you over to my house and show you

and you will say, 'if i didn't like you why did i come over'
and you will look at my face
and i will have an honest answer for your question
i will tell you that you came over to be polite

and after a while you will go home
and you won't call
and i won't either
and after a while i won't like you anymore
and after a while we'll forget each other
and after a while you will be beautiful and alone inside of your coffin
and i’ll be cold and alone inside of my coffin

the review says i am more resigned than probing and i am incurious which is true

it says i have anxiety about modern life which is not true; i have anxiety about life; death, problems of being and existence, arbitrary nature of the universe, limited-time, etc., are all problems having to do with life, not modern life

i will respond to all reviews on this site, for some reason

literary portrait book by ellen kennedy and tao lin

we have hand-made a book of portraits

the book is being auctioned on ebay

click here to look at it or bid on it

there are forty-four portraits of twenty people plus two special guests

KEVIN SAMPSELL
NOAH CICERO
GENE MORGAN
DEB OLIN UNFERTH
JOY WILLIAMS
NED VIZZINI
TODD HASAK-LOWY
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
LYDIA DAVIS
RICHARD GRAYSON
LORRIE MOORE
NICK ANTOSCA
SALMAN RUSHDIE
DENNIS DICLAUDIO
JOHN UPDIKE
RICHARD YATES
SURPRISE GUEST
JOHANNES GORANSSON
BRIAN BEATTY
KURT VONNEGUT
JUSTIN TAYLOR
SURPRISE GUEST

each literary superstar has one portrait by ellen kennedy and one by tao lin

this is the only copy of the book in existence and no others will be made

hamsters are heads with little characteristics on the head, a poem

in florida a giant hamster lays in bed worrying about its future
the hamster has bad eyesight
and many other problems; later that night the hamster drives its car around
listening to sad music; the hamster lightly drums its paws on the steering wheel
the hamster is alone
but not for long: at home three waffle friends quietly wait
inside a countertop oven cooling in the kitchen

the next morning the hamster stands in the shower
the hamster's upturned paw has a small dab of shampoo on it
this will not be enough shampoo
the hamster feels sarcastic
the hamster's body and cheeks are warm
from the sunlight through the window
and the hamster is very afraid
it feels so sad so early in the day

in the evening the hamster sits at the computer
watermelon juice and coffee sit by the computer
the hamster drinks all of the coffee
after a few minutes the hamster drinks all of the watermelon juice
the hamster lays its paw atop a neatly folded to-do list; this is a resourceful hamster
with a strong will, a sincere and loving hamster friend, and a confident nature
we do not need to spend any more time or empathy on this hamster

yet we return to the same hamster the next night
the hamster lays in bed on its side at four a.m.
looking at photos of its faraway hamster friend
carefully the hamster places the photos in a neat pile behind its pillow
the hamster remembers when its hamster friend showed its ass
on the side of a mountain; the hamster knows it was good
the hamster knows it was good because it cannot easily remember whose idea it was
that's how you judge things: if you can or cannot easily remember its source
from now on that's how you judge things
thank you
good night

i have poetry on action yes and past simple

action yes

past simple

the obese blue whale

the obese blue whale, a children's book by ellen kennedy and tao lin is now available from ass hi books

you have to click on it to see it normal size

ass hi books is a press by ellen kennedy and pianist tao lin

ass hi books has a disclaimer that can't be posted on this site but will be sent to the mailing list

to be added to the ass hi books mailing list please email asshibooks [AT] gmail.com

anti-tao lin mass email

i think an editor of a literary magazine sent a mass email to many other editors and writers saying something about me

for those editors and writers please just read this entire site and all the archives starting with the link i put in the blog title

thank you

ellen posted the beginning maybe of eoody mobby

eoody mobby

the lit-game

ellen kennedy wrote poems

noah cicero blogged about the lit-game

i use full names on this site so people can find it using google when they search for people

i want people to find this site using google so i can have more readers and therefore more opportunities to relieve boredom or to make money off my writing

when i write i write specifically for one other person and sometimes two or three other people and for myself (i do this by thinking how the writing i am writing affects me and how writing i have read in the past has affected me), to make myself feel less shitty or to make myself feel more insignificant and therefore less angry or less irrationally angry, or to make clear to myself what i must do in life

then i write it and show those one or two or three people and then i read it myself and the writing is used up

and then i use that writing to enter contests and win money or to publish it somewhere so i can have more influence and therefore more opportunities to make money

that is how it works pretty much

also the writing that makes me feel less shitty, makes myself feel more insignificant (or rather lets me see things more clearly, without preconception and without giving my own life more importance than anyone or anything else's, which usually dispels my anger or frustration and puts my attention on other people) and therefore less angry or less irrationally angry and more caring, considerate, and aware, or to make clear to myself what i must do in life

i assume will also do the same for other people

but i have no control over that

though that would be another reason why i would want other people to read my writing beyond two or three people

which has nothing to with ego, respect, success, or identity

it's the same objectively as, from another person's point of view, being anti-george bush and not voting for him, picking up litter, recycling, not eating meat, being nice to people, etc.

i don't think i have anything to add

i applied to be bookslut's poetry columnist

i haven't blogged for a long time about nothing

today i will blog about nothing

i will blog about a book i am reading called 'animal liberation'

the book uses only facts

it says that factory farming and eating animals is worse than how white people treated black people as slaves

i think this is true

it's a fact

but what about amoebas and bacteria and those microscopic bears?

we kill these things by doing laundry, by using anti-bacteria wipes, etc., and we don't know how painful it is to die in the laundry or things like that

i'm not joking right now

i'm being serious

these are factual things

those microscopic bears probably feel pain

this is completely not a joke

i'm just taking into consideration more things

before slavery was illegal it was probably a joke to say black people should be free, before women could vote, before homosexuals in america were treated not as sinful beasts, before animals had anti-cruelty laws, before animals had the same consideration given to them in regards to pain and suffering as humans, etc.

i'm not joking about microscopic bears

and eventually i think inanimate objects will have to be given consideration too

if you read this on mcsweeney's or edrants or anywhere else it would be a joke, it would be farce or satire

i really don't like farce or satire

i always agree with the farce or the satire

a modest proposal, about eating babies

yes, what's so funny and absurd about that?

if people eat pigs they should eat babies also

i want to be very serious right now

if a person is serious about reducing pain and suffering in the world they should probably study... i don't know

they should probably study computers

so they can create computer models that will tell them factually what to do

if the computer tells them to kill all humans then if the person is serious about reducing overall pain and suffering in the world the person should kill all humans

they probably should study computers, not spend their time voting or lobbying for politicians or writing books on why to be a vegetarian

i don't know

i'm not being self-righteous

i'm also not being david foster wallace and saying that i'm an asshole who doesn't care about anything (he said that in the lobster essay in order to appear 'cool,' i think)

i'm not accusing anyone or telling people what to do

i'm just letting some facts go in my head and create new facts

earth is .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of the universe

the time one human life exists is .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of the time that the universe has existed

what does this mean?

i don't know

it is a logical fallacy to say that something does not matter because it is so insignificant

something that does not matter is something that does not exist

otherwise it matters

even .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 is not the same as 0

but it is also a logical fallacy to defend your actions by saying that 'at least you are doing something'

you are either constantly trying to do more or you must admit you are not 'serious' about what you are doing

but i know that doing a little is more than doing nothing

but i also know that there is no factual reason why anyone would want to do anything

the universe is messageless

the only factual message the universe gives us is the laws of physics

to not move and not be conscious and let the laws move you like a rock falling or a river flowing or a planet orbiting

what am i trying to say right now?

i don't know

these are literary concerns to me

these are things i consider in my writing because i try to consider as much as possible

so i am not being 'off-topic'

okay

this has been tao lin blogging about nothing

tao lin wishes you a merry christmas

good night

richard yates

i just drank coffee

i am going to blog about richard yates

here is an article about richard yates

i'm going to list the books he wrote and say some things about them

i just want to think about richard yates for a while right now

and just type what i think

revolutionary road (1961)

i liked this novel because the narrator was sarcastic, the characters were bored and self-conscious and depressed, and there were no bad people

the book is set in the suburbs

i am always confused when people blame the suburbs; when people condemn the suburbs as a place of mediocrity, banality, homogeny, etc.

it's a cliche to blame the suburbs; anytime you are thinking a thought or having an idea and you recognize that everyone around you is thinking that same thought or having that same idea and at the same time you know that you always go around thinking how stupid everyone else is

then you should think about that and try to reconcile those two things

i'm trying to and i can't even think of what people's actual arguments against the suburbs are; is it that all the houses look the same, that all the stores are the same?

what difference does it make if all the houses look the same?

and what difference does it make if all the stores are the same if you don't care (if your actions don't show that you care, and they don't, usually) about capitalism's effect on the world?

in conclusion, i don't know

the book was funny, it used simple language, and had a sarcastic narrator

eleven kinds of loneliness, stories (1962)

i don't remember most of these stories

there is a kind of story that you know what it's about

it's about 'this person is a bad person' or 'this law is wrong' or 'racism is bad' or 'war is bad' and most of the stories in this book have some of that in it, which i do not like to read about

people call that kind of writing, where you know what it's about, 'genre' writing

on the mcsweeney's website you know what it's about, it's about 'the only goal of this writing is to be "funny"'

in fantasy books it's about 'the elves must destroy the evil before the evil destroys the good elves'

in 'you're ugly, too' by lorrie moore it's about 'this lady is fucked'

did i just say that lorrie moore is genre writing?

i don't know

i'm not making sense

i think the only way to avoid giving your writing this kind of 'meaning' is to not have any rhetoric at all, or to have your rhetoric be a kind of rhetoric that first always acknowledges not knowing anything

by having it be sentences like 'i feel fucked today'

i don't know

i'm not making sense

a special providence (1969)

this book is about richard yates in world war II and richard yates growing up with his mother

during the world war II part it is like high school, it could have been set in high school

there is no rhetoric or discussion or acknowledgement of politics, nationalism, fighting 'evil,' etc.

it is just the character feeling nervous and having low self-esteem and trying to avoid embarrassment and trying to have friends and keep friends and have a facade of confidence the entire time

which i liked

usually writers when they get famous they start taking an interest in politics due to peer pressure

yes, peer pressure

look at the existentialists in europe

politics is the opposite of meaninglessness

yet camus and sartre were political later on

peer pressure

richard yates never took an interest in politics

i'm not saying taking an interest in politics is bad

if your life is meaningless then really you have a philosophy whose actualization would be to stop eating and eventually die naturally

if you continue living each day you are actualizing a philosophy where there is meaning, which is to keep on living, and if you avoid pain and try to be happy then you are actually a philosophy that says 'pain is bad,' 'happiness is good,' and 'life is good'

disturbing the peace (1975)

i just read this

i liked this very much

i think richard yates wrote three novels that if i had read each novel first i would think 'he used his entire life and put in everything he felt into that novel and his other books are probably just him "screwing around"'

most writers i've read do that

they just 'screw around' after writing one book that has everything they want to say in it

or they have one book that i like much more than the other books

i just tried to think of examples and couldn't think of anyone

so i guess i am wrong

ignore all this

i'm just saying that richard yates has three novels where after i read them i think 'this person is not screwing around'

the easter parade (1976)

this is my favorite book by him

when i think about it i can have the entire thing be in my head and i can think about it and let it stay there

he said he wrote it very quickly, in like 8 months, i think, just to make money and so didn't trust it

i like this book

the characters are all fucked

the main character is the least fucked, but the least fucked person is always in a different way the most fucked person, because of being most aware that everyone around him or her is fucked

in real life i feel like i am the least fucked person i know because i know that everyone around me is more fucked (though only from my perspective; i know that they themselves would think that i am more fucked than they, who they probably believe are not fucked at all) than me

i feel like i can console myself no matter the circumstance

i feel like the main character in this novel knew she was more self-aware and just more aware and conscious generally than everyone else and so felt alone in that way

a good school (1978)

the main character in boarding school is 'jerked off' by the other students one day

i wasn't really affected by this book that much

in all the other books you can tell richard yates is very weary and has stared at his writing for a very long time and cut or made sarcastic anything melodramatic or sentimental

i feel like he didn't do that here, especially in the end

i think the reason why unself-aware sentimental or melodramatic things are not affecting to me is because i know that people who feel like shit for a long time, for a very long time, become less sentimental and melodramatic over time, because they get used to it, because they think about it more and become more factual in their thinking (sentimentality and melodrama are the opposites of 'facts,' i think), or because they just feel so shitty and alone and hopeless that they no longer have desire (or confidence that things would actually change) to expend energy to not feel shitty and alone and hopeless anymore

therefore when i read something sentimental or melodramatic i feel that the author does not feel as shitty as i have felt and therefore is happier generally than i am and is just going to feel sad for 20 minutes between 2000 minutes of feeling great before and after those 20 bad minutes

liars in love, stories (1981)

i like these stories very much

they are all long and have no 'messages'

i remember most of them very clearly

young hearts crying (1984)

i haven't read this

cold spring harbor (1986)

i read half of this and lost interest

he takes on a lot of different perspectives here instead of just writing about one depressed person

here is an interview with richard yates

here is my post on a richard yates biography

this post is fucked

i will delete it soon

it will probably get more comments and discussion than other posts

because i didn't think too much about what i typed

when you don't think too much about what you type you type more opinions

when there are opinions people will want to post their own opinions

opinionated things are the same as sentimental and melodramatic things

opinionated things happen when you haven't thought very long about something; sentimental things happen when you haven't felt something for a very long time