Famous Last Words
They may never talk to us again, but over the course of publishing this barrage on your senses known as The Wave Magazine, we’ve interviewed a fair share of pop culture’s genetically superior entertainers, not to mention just as many of pop
“I’ve been shot at, I’ve been run over by a motor home, I’ve been hit with baseball bats, I’ve been attacked by girlfriends, I’ve been bitten by dogs. I could go on.” — Interview with a Bounty Hunter [Vol. 1, Issue 4]
“I was parading around nude with leaves in my hair at the house I filmed E.T. in. I felt like a wood nymph.” – Drew Barrymore [Vol. 1, Issue 4]
“If something comes up that’s really screaming at me to do it, that’s really good or has a money bag with a big dollar sign on it, I’m still your whore.” – John Goodman [Vol. 1, Issue 4]
“I recently communicated with Bane and Hera, the two dogs involved in the Diane Whipple dog mauling case.” – Maria Whitworth, Animal Psychic [Vol. 2, Issue 9]
“Stripping down emotionally makes it easier to strip down physically.” – Cameron Diaz [Vol. 2, Issue 9]
“Everyone across the table says, ‘We love The Rock.’” – The Rock [Vol. 2, Issue 9]
“Right now it feels like [the whole indie rock scene] is divided up into different sections of a vintage clothing store.” – Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse [Vol. 2, Issue 9]
“I’ll wait until I get a script that I can commit to. Then I’ll take out the whip again.” – Harrison Ford [Vol. 2, Issue 15]
“Anyway, yes, I always wanted to be God.”– Val Kilmer [Vol. 2, Issue 9]
“I was standing there and my leg was on fire, I felt like a Big Mac or something.” –Jimbo Wallace of Rev. Horton Heat [Vol. 2, Issue 15]
“I’m not able to answer that question due to possible legal proceedings.” – Corey Feldman (on his falling out with Michael Jackson) [Vol. 2, Issue 15]
The Wave: How long have you known you were a psychic?
Gary Spivey: I knew before I knew I knew. [Vol. 2, Issue 15]
“I used to stay with a friend in the Mission District. Once, when we got out of a movie, some guy ran towards us swinging a chain. I thought it was just that neighborhood.” –David Sedaris [Vol. 1, Issue 3]
“There’s no such thing as bad press.” –Anthony Michael Hall [Vol. 2, Issue 15]
The Wave: What do you remember about your teen movie days?
John Cusack: That I was a teenager.[Vol. 1, Issue 3]
“My character is ‘the girl with the boobs and the butt.’” – Leelee Sobieski [Vol. 1, Issue 3]
“We’ve finally reached the bottom of the barrel. I’m waiting for the world to blow up.” – Matt Damon [Vol. 2, Issue 13]
“No! I don’t do weddings! I’m the last f*cking DJ you want to play a wedding.” – Paul Oakenfold [Vol. 2, Issue 13]
“The economic squeeze that the West put on Germany certainly wasn’t very popular. It backfired on the West.” — Lemmy Kilminster of Motorhead [Vol. 2, Issue 13]
“School children just grow up to be f*cking people.” — Lemmy Kilminster of Motorhead [Vol. 2, Issue 13]
“Mushrooms. I’m on a strict diet of mushrooms.” – George Clinton [Vol. 2, Issue 12]
“Anyone who gets pussy in the White House has got to have the funk.” – George Clinton [Vol. 2, Issue 12]
“I was gonna go with the lasers on the dune buggy until you said ‘time travel.’” – Scott Hill of Fu Manchu [Vol. 2, Issue 4]
“I’ve never been to jail and I never will go. I just don’t want the cops getting on my ass.” – Wesley Willis [Vol. 2, Issue 4]
“I’ll have Mel Gibson play my butt part.” – Verne Troyer [Vol. 2, Issue 16]
“I don’t play to the cameras. The cameras find me.” – Martin Lawrence [Vol. 2, Issue 17]
“There’s still a little vinegar left in the old dog.” – Paul Newman [Vol. 2, Issue 14]
“People are pussies when it comes to the word ‘pussy’.” – Ruyter Suys of Nashville Pussy [Vol. 2, Issue 14]
About a year ago, I was doing Barney at a party that had about 50 or 60 kids. When I was done with the show, I went in another room and put the costume away in a box. One of the older kids noticed and started a rumor that I had killed Barney. He pointed at me and screamed, ‘He killed Barney! He killed Barney!’ Suddenly the kids broke into the room where the costume was, but I grabbed the box before they could see it. When I was carrying it out to my car, they followed me. That’s when they saw part of Barney’s head. They went crazy. I finally got into my car, but couldn’t go anywhere because they had me surrounded. I kept telling them, “Okay kids. I’ve got to go,” but they wouldn’t budge. I was trying to slowly inch my car forward, but then they all jumped up on the car and started pounding on the windows. It was kind of spooky.” – Jeff Herring, professional mascot and party entertainer [Vol. 2, Issue 11]
The Wave: In action movies, have you learned a lot about running in slow motion?
Ben Affleck: No, I haven’t really. The camera does the slow motion, I do the running. [Vol. 2, Issue 11]
The Wave: Do you have an opinion about Ewan McGregor’s comments against the title Attack of the Clones?
Hayden Christensen: No, has he commented on the title?
TW: Yes, very harshly.
Hayden Christensen: That was wise of him.[Vol. 2, Issue 11]
The Wave: Would Elvis have taken a dump on command?
Extreme Elvis: Elvis’ final act was taking a dump. The premise of my show is what if Elvis had picked himself up, wiped himself off and kept going. I like to remind people the king still has a throne. The last time I took a dump on stage, I got banned from the club. Had I known that was against the rules, I definitely would have complied. During another show, I asked everyone to come into the bathroom to watch me do it.
TW: Can you poop on command?
EE: Yes, I can. The secret is dairy—lots and lots of dairy. [Vol. 2, Issue 11]
“The night I was bitten and transformed in London – as Count Dracula puts it, he ‘embraced me’ – that was the end of my life . . . but not the end of my existence.” — Mina Harker, San Francisco Vampire [Volume 1, Issue 1]
“Every time I take a dump or walk into a bathroom where someone didn’t flush the toilet, it’s 100 times worse than the animal poop I have to deal with.” — Anthony Brown, Poop Truck Guy [Volume 2, Issue 12]
“There are no rules about bringing food on board. If you want to bring a 12-piece bucket of chicken, that’s fine. In fact, some flight attendants encourage it. It makes their jobs a lot easier.” — Kurt Ebonhoch, Northwest Airlines [Vol. 2, Issue 12]
“Alternative music? Yeah, I invented that!” — Frank Black [Vol. 2, Issue 12]
“It seems the only way to get big is to suck, so if we did get big, what would that mean?” — Scott Ian of Anthrax [Vol. 2, Issue 1]
“I’ve seen ghosts since I was in the crib.” — Jim Fassbinder, Ghost Hunter [Vol. 2, Issue 7]
“You are a woman, aren’t you?” — Prince Philip (after accepting a gift from an indigenous woman in Kenya. He didn’t actually say this to The Wave Magazine but it’s pretty goddamn funny.) [Vol. 2, Issue 7]
The Wave: If you could do Super Mario Bros. over again, what would you do differently?
John Leguizamo: A lot. I would make it closer to the game and have the mushrooms . . . and the coins. — John Leguizamo [Vol. 2, Issue 7]
“I normally roll with about $1.50 and some lint.” —DJ Z-Trip [Vol. 2, Issue 7]
“I saw bubbles everywhere – when I was cutting Swiss cheese, when I was doing the dishes, everywhere.” —Tom Noddy, Bubble Man [Vol. 2, Issue 10]
“As far as when I’m on drugs, I’m not sure how wise I am.” — Nick Jago of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club [Vol. 2, Issue 10]
“Sixth Street is the safest street in town. We get no Marina crowd, no fights, no frat boys, just people who want to party.”
— Angel Cruz, owner of Club Six [Vol. 2, Issue 10]
“We were having a potluck supper of beans and wieners one night when someone let one go; we thought, ‘We’ve got to do something about this.’” –Jim Huza, Inventor of GasBGone. [Vol. 2, Issue 2]
“I was possessed by the spirit of Bruce Willis.” — Christian Slater [Vol. 2, Issue 12]
“There is no difference, in my view, between a dead person and a live person. They’re a person.” –Donald C. Dimond II, Mortician. [Vol. 2, Issue 2]
“There are animals that freak.”—Dean Beyerinck, Animal Acupuncturist. [Vol. 1, Issue 7]
The Wave: Okay, so it’s about more than just violence, but you do bite someone’s ear off. What’s the message there?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: I have to say that I liked Columbian food.[Vol. 2, Issue 4]
“Some girl from Michigan always writes us saying things like ‘I saw a dog the other day and there was a tire on the roof of a car with an antenna coming out of my ear…’ She’s a real freak.” –Scott Hill of Fu Manchu [Vol. 2, Issue 4]
“We Satanists see ourselves … as people who set their own horizons. We’re beyond good and evil; we have to establish that for ourselves. And we don’t feel a lot of people can stand up to those high standards and the responsibility. They actually look to some sort of religion and authority figure to embrace them.”—Peter Gilmore, Church of Satan. [Volume 2, Issue 8]
“In 22 years of raising sheep I’ve never encountered nasty sheep. I think we’ll all be fine.” –Linda Doane, Maple Ridge Sheep Farm. [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
“Once a transvestite wanted me to repair his teddy bear.” –Geoff Vassallo, Taxidermist. [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
“Torture is funny.” —Mel Gibson [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
“After L’Oreal I come home thinking, ‘Who am I? I suck.’” –Milla Jovovich [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
“I like life outside of prison.”—Kerry King, Slayer [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
“’80s. It was truer, trying to make it in music, the whole quest. Stealing food just so I could eat, it was real…The ‘90s that was some shiny, glossy sh*t.”—Jason Newsted, Metallica [Vol. 2, Issue 6]
The Wave: Who would you rather see tied to a Kabul-bound warhead: Courtney Love or Fred Durst?
Petey X: I’m sure there’s room enough for both of them. - Petey X of Rocket from the Crypt [Vol. 1 Issue 6]
The Wave: Why would someone want to become a mortician?
Richard Fischer: I was interested in medicine when I was younger. But at that particular point in time, my study habits would not have gotten me into medical school. [Vol. 1 Issue 5]
The Wave: Have you made any progress with Gwyneth (Paltrow)?
Steve Martin: Well, as long as I never meet her, I’m going to have a baby with her. As soon as I meet her, of course, I know it’s off. [Vol. 1 Issue 5]
“Tonight, we’d like you to lay on the mat at the end, face up and this 320-pound guy wearing a thong will sit on your face and really rub it in. He’ll count one, two, three and really rub it in again. What do you say?” – Rowdy Roddy Piper [Vol. 2 Issue 5]
“The number one rule when we’re on a bus in Europe or America is ‘No poopy in the potty.’” – Ken Jay of Static-X [Vol. 2 Issue 5]
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