5 reasons Guns N' Roses should call it quits

Have you heard the latest dirt on Guns N' Roses? It seems that Axl Foley ... umm, I'm sorry ... Axl Rose and his anonymous bandmates canceled a show in Portland, Maine, this week after state officials told them they couldn't drink alcohol on stage.

The band usually likes to swill some beer, wine and Jagermeister during their concerts, but fire marshals were concerned over nearby stage pyrotechnics. A statement from Rose read: "I agree with, and ultimately take responsibility for, the end decision not to jeopardize the safety of the fans, the crews, the bands and myself as a result of the methods of these particularly draconian authorities."

My guess is the band didn't really want to play at all. In fact, I'm surprised their tour is still continuing. Usually the over/under on GNR tours is 10 days. When they played Tampa last month, the band pulled all the media credentials on the day of the show in an effort to keep the press from reviewing the show. Then they didn't take the stage until after midnight. Nice, Axl.

5 reasons Guns N' Roses should call it quits:
5. Their new album, Chinese Democracy, will arrive in stores about the same time democracy will arrive in China.
4. With all that plastic surgery, Axl is looking more like Danny Bonaduce every day.
3. Can't play without drinking? Here's how it works. Let the fans drink. The musicians drink then play. Unless you're Bon Scott, and we all saw how well that worked out.
2. Good timing to form a rap/rock act with Kevin Federline.
1. Jagermeister? At your age, Axl? And people say I'm stuck in the 80s.

[Guns n' Roses vs. AC/DC -- check out our podcast]

Say Anything? How about "Go Away!"

I'll bet my weekly Stuck in the 80s stipend that Kevin Federline is no 80s movie fan. But now that Britney Spears is divorcing him, he's gonna have some "alone time." (As one blogger put it: "When asked why the earth suddenly feels like it's spinning faster, scientists said it's because Kevin Federline just fell off the face of it.")

And the 80s, it turns out, is chock full of great movies to help make a broken heart feel even worse. Like the feeling of having Kirstie Allen sit on your chest. Or members of Culture Club stabbing you in the back. (But still not as bad as listening to Billy Idol singing White Christmas.)

Recommended viewing list for K-Fed:

SAY ANYTHING (1989): "Kevin ... Kevin ... she's written 65 songs. They're all about you. They're all about pain."

LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982): Just like the character Gary, Kevin will soon be driving around, crying while listening to James Ingram. ... And paying prostitutes for sex too, of course.

HEATHERS (1989): Poison K-Fed with drain cleaner and pass it off as suicide? Too obvious. But as with Christian Slater's character, it's never too late to tie 50 pounds of explosives to him and light a fuse.

THE OUTSIDERS (1983): I'm thinking Kevin's the kinda guy who thinks "Soc" bad-boy Leif Garrett is a role model. Plus, like Leif, he's always got that singing career to fall back on.

ST. ELMO'S FIRE (1985): Think Rob Lowe, sitting in the back of the bus, driving away, never to be heard from again. Now switch him out with Kevin Federline. See? It did have a happy ending.

[Click here for the Say Anything and the Heathers podcasts]

Kirstie dares to bare

A proud confession: I never watch Oprah. Never. Not two seconds. Not since her last notable appearance, which for me was in 1985's The Color Purple. To me, everything she's done since then has been a dreadful waste of her time. But when Oprah's show featured 80s "could-be" vixen Kirstie Alley dropping her clothes and prancing around in a bikini on the show this week ... well, you gotta at least glance at the TV.

The 55-year-old Cheers actress once consumed as much as 8,000 calories a day. (Jagermeister-filled doughnuts maybe?) But that was 75 pounds ago. Today, well, it makes you want to go back and watch her best work from the 80s all over again.. Or at least list them while you leer at the photo. (Sorta reminds me of the Princess Leia bikini photo -- minus Jabba the Hutt.)

Top 5 Kirstie Alley flicks from the 80s:
5. Runaway (1984): Anytime you play the girlfriend of Gene Simmons, that's a plus.
4. Look Who's Talking (1989): A tolerable movie that Bruce Willis and John Travolta would probably rather forget about.
3. Star Trek 2 (1982): Kirstie as a Vulcan in her first big-screen role? That's logical.
2. Loverboy (1989): Kirstie seduces Patrick Dempsey? That's not logical!
1. Summer School (1987): The most underrated movie of the 80s? You bet, thanks to Kirstie and Mark Harmon.

Wino forever

Winona Ryder turns 35 today, and although she's probably more associated with her work during the Dark Ages (the 90s), let's not forget her nuggets of entertainment from the 80s. But where do you go after the genuis of Beetlejuice?

Well, not far it seems. Her career seems to have peaked in 1994 with Reality Bites.

Her biggest contribution to popular culture outside of acting and shoplifting? Gotta be the tattoo on Johnny Depp's arm, which changed from "Winona Forever" to "Wino Forever" after the couple broke up.

So where does that leave us for a top 5 list? Desperate.

Top 5 Winona Ryder flicks:
5. Mermaids (1990): "Oh god. I think I might be pregnant with the next Jewish Italian Messiah."
4. Girl, Interrupted (1999): "What kind of sex isn't casual?"
3. Heathers (1989): "Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up."
2. Reality Bites (1994): "I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something."
1. Beetlejuice (1988): "I myself am... strange and unusual."

Stay away from: Lucas, 1969, Great Balls of Fire, Bram Stoker's Dracula, The Age of Innocence and many more I wouldn't admit to having watched.

Harrison Ford is kidding himself

This is not a photo of Harrison Ford today. This is a photo of him back in .... oh let's say 1979 or so. But that's seemingly how Ford thinks of himself today, because he continues to say he's fit enough to play Indiana Jones again if a sequel is ever made.

(Don't hold your breath. A script has been in the works for 10 years now. We're more likely to see a sequel to American Graffiti at this point.)

At 64 years old, Ford is older today than Sean Connery was when Connery played Indiana Jones' dad in the The Last Crusade.

For the record, Ford looks more like this today. He's old, gray and grumpy. He should be playing Henry Fonda's part in the remake of On Golden Pond. Or maybe he can co-star with Ted Danson and Burt Reynolds in another installment of the Cocoon movies.

He needs a little help from his friends

Poor Paul McCartney. He's on his third-or-so wife and things are going badly again. According to court filings, he beats her (or she beats him), he drinks too much and belittles her. All in all, sounds like a night at the Kid Rock or K-Fed households. But my third-favorite Beatle could rewrite one of his 80s classics to make himself feel a little better:

"I can wait another day, until I sue you
You've only got my wallet on a string, and every quid a flutter
But another sober night
Might take forever
We've only got our lawyers to blame
It's all the same to me, witch
Cause I know what I drink feels so right
No more sober nights
No more sober nights
Divorce is my only light
Day or night it's always there...

(Other possible remakes: Silly Love Songs, My Brave Face, and of course, Live and Let Die)

Bruce, you're famous (but bald)

Bruce Willis got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Monday. Just now? Yeah, it seems the process of getting a star awarded on the Walk of Fame is about as crooked as winning Florida's electoral college votes. But better late than never (or insert your favorite cliche here).

Bruce is also in the news these days for lesser honors:

• Producers of his latest "Die Hard" sequel want to close down key freeways leading into the Los Angeles airport. Which is more disturbing? Gridlocked airport traffic or another installment of this tired, sad movie franchise? I'd rather see four sequels to The Fifth Element or Armageddon.
• Willis also is threatening to beat up anyone who makes fun of his baldness. (OK. Bruce, you're so bald, you make William Shatner's hairpiece look good.)

But we love the Brucester, though he'll always be David Addison on Moonlighting to us.

Top 5 Bruce Willis flicks:
5. Die Hard: "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister."
4. The Sixth Sense: "I didn't leave you."
3. Armageddon: "I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna take a foot off of him. A man can work with one foot."
2. The Fifth Element: "Negative, I am a meat popsicle."
1. Pulp Fiction: "I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean s--t."

Worst 5 Bruce Willis flicks: The Bonfire of the Vanities; The Whole Ten Yards; Unbreakable; The Story of Us; Hudson Hawk.

Hollywood's most famous sister?

Joan Cusack, the sister of John Cusack, turns 44 years old today. And maybe as a birthday present, I'll stop referring to her as the second-half of the Cusack Dynasty. After all, she's got a impressive list of film credits of her own. And while she rarely steps in the lead spotlight, her films are largely as entertaining as her brother's.

If I had a little bit more moxy today, I could even suggest she's more talented than John. Nah, the Stuck in the 80s gang is hopelessly devoted to All Things John. But we still get a kick out of seeing Joan and John star in the same flicks.

So how about two Top 5 lists today? And because I think of J&J as both being eternally part of the 80s, I'm opening the lists to movies from any decade.

Top 5 films starring Joan and Joan Cusack:
5. Class: They're both credited with roles here. John's easy to pick out. Joan, not so much.
4. High Fidelity: Joan plays the mutual friend of the broken-up couple. Her best lines can't be repeated in this family-friendly blog.
3. Gross Pointe Blank: Joan books the hits for John. They're never in the same room.
2. Sixteen Candles: They both played geeks. Joan outshines John here as the girl in the neck brace.
1. Say Anything: Brother and sister in the movie too. Director Cameron Crowe brings out the best in his two co-stars.

Top 5 Joan Cusack films:
5. Broadcast News: "Except for socially, you're my role model."
4. School of Rock: "I've just been informed that all your children are missing."
3. In & Out: "I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!"
2. Say Anything: "There's no food in your food."
1. Working Girl: "Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!"

Curtain call for Curtis

Jamie Lee Curtis says she's through with acting. (Her critics might snicker and wonder when she ever started.) She'll instead spend her time tending to husband/actor Christopher Guest and their two adopted children.

We'll survive. After all, we have an entire video library devoted to the daughter of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh. And of course the best of her work is in the 80s. (I'll go as far as saying the only decent non-80s flicks -- and this will upset the "Halloween" fans out there -- are True Lies in 1994 and The Tailor of Panama in 2001.)

Top 5 favorite Jamie Lee Curtis flicks:

5. The Fog (1980): "Thank God you're weird. The last one was so normal, it was disgusting."

4. Grandview, USA (1984): No great quotes, but I can't leave a movie with Curtis, John Cusack, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Patrick Swayze off the list.

3. Perfect (1985): "What's wrong with wanting to be perfect? What's wrong with wanting to be loved?"

2. Trading Places (1983): "Food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch."

1. A Fish Called Wanda (1988): "Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not 'Every man for himself,' and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up."

Forget Madonna: Here are some better adoptive parents

Flash news alert! Drop your mocha frappachino and pay attention to me! Now! Here it is: Madonna may -- or may not have -- adopted a boy from the African country of Malawi.

Uh, yeah. That's all. Seems the blogosphere is wild with rumors over the last 12 hours that the Queen of Kabbalah (oh yeah, I hear she sometimes sings too) adopted a 1-year-old orphan while visiting the impoverished African country this week. Even the government there had confirmed it. This morning, though, her spokesman denied the claim in an interview with American media. (The only media you can really trust, right?)

Of course, Madonna isn't mad about all the sudden attention focused on her. Heavens no!

"I think that anything that brings attention to the country is fine with her, even if it's information that's not correct," her publicist told the Reuters news service. "She wants people to pay attention to Malawi and to the 1 million children who don't have parents and don't have care there."

Personally, with the possible exception of being adopted by Tom Cruise, I can't imagine a more undesirable adoptive celebrity parent. Maybe Carrot Top. Or Roseanne Barr.

Top Five 80s celebrities who would make good adoptive parents:

5. Pheobe Cates: Imagine the fun at pool parties. Your friends would keep playing "Living in Stereo" on the boom box and crossing their fingers.

4. Mr. T: Nobody would dare beat you up at the bus stop. Plus, you'd get good seats to all the Rocky movie premieres.

3. Kelly LeBrock: Equally hot to Pheobe, but with her "Weird Science" powers, she'd score me a cooler wardrobe and fake IDs.

2. Joe Montana: I sucked at football and never got off the bench back in high school, but I'm thinking if I were "Steve Montana" and Joe was watching from the stands, Coach would have played me more.

1. Chevy Chase: I'm thinking more along the lines of Clark Griswold than Fletch here. He'd give me a beer, drive me across country in the Wagon Queen Family Truckster to theme parks and still have the energy to score with Beverly D'Angelo and Christie Brinkley in the same night.

If you want my vote, you got it

Can you name the famous 80s rocker shown here chatting with Florida gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist? One hint: He and Crist are both residents of Tampa Bay. Oh heck, that's not a hint really. But that's all you're getting.

Calling out Mr. Axl Rose

The Stuck in the 80s blog and podcast has been fortunate in the last few months to snag several cool 80s celebrity interviews: Adam Curry, Stan Ridgway, Patty Smyth and Rick Springfield. So when the news broke that Guns N' Roses was touring again and they planned a stop here in Tampa Bay at the St. Pete Times Forum, I immediately began to ponder the possibilities....

An interview with Axl Rose. Ahh, that's the flavor.

But I'm putting my money on this outcome: No way does Axl agree to meet with us. And I have my reasons (in list format, of course).

Five reasons Axl Rose wouldn't want to talk to Stuck in the 80s:

5. He doesn't need us. He's in the headlines plenty, albeit usually in some dark light. Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsey Lohan, Deborah Lafave, Kevin Federline ... they'd have to combine all their evil powers to reach Axl's level on his quietest day.

4. We're not his core audience anyway. Stuck in the 80s fans have distinctive tastes in music, preferring the pop and new wave that made the decade great. Not the whacked-out, West Coast whammy guitar rock that lead to the end of the 80s fun.

3. What album would he pimp during the interview? He's been working on "Chinese Democracy" since the days I feathered my hair back and wore navy blue corduroys. It's still nowhere close to being on store shelves. I guess I could ask questions about the rumors that he slept with Liza Minelli.

2. My bet? The show gets canceled anyway. Axl is a legendary no-show. In 2002, the band canceled a show in Vancouver at the last minute, sparking a riot. Their entire tour was later called off when Axl showed up late for a show in Philly.

1. In a fair, backstage pre-rockshow brawl, I'm thinking me and pop critic Sean Daly can easily take Axl and gang. Axl will be testy when he discovers I've gotten some mileage out of mocking him in on this blog. (Here and here and here.) But come fight night, they'd be hopped up on liquor and tiny cocktail sandwiches; Sean and I will be juiced on our usual preshow spread of lukewarm energy soda and sugar-injected Willy Wonka Runtz candy. No rope-a-dope needed for this one.

Come and get us, Axl. Oh and bring us a copy of that new CD if you can.

Olivia Newton-John vs. Linda Hamilton

Two of the sexiest screen sirens of the 80s share a birthday today: Olivia Newton-John (58) and Linda Hamilton (50). Don't let their ages fool you -- any testosterone-driven 80s fan would gladly crawl through broken glass for either of them. Paris Hilton will look more like her chihuahua than an actual human when she reaches their age.

But what if you had to choose to take just one out for a special birthday dinner?  Let's go to the stats:

Movies:
Olivia: Grease, Xanadu, Two of a Kind
Linda: The Terminator, Black Moon Rising, Mr. Destiny
Edge: Linda, since the only thing good about ONJ's later films is the music.

Secret talents:
Olivia: singing, roller-skating, grilling shrimp on the barbie.
Linda: personal training, advanced weaponry.
Edge: I'm couple-skating with Olivia.

Signature line:
Olivia: "Tell me about it ... Stud."
Linda: "Come on. Do I look like the mother of the future?"
Edge: We're hopelessly devoted to Olivia here.

Painful blowoff line:
Olivia: "Your a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you. "
Linda: "You're terminated ..."
Edge: Ouch, I've had both those lines delivered to me. No winner here!

In real life:
Olivia: Latest boyfriend missing since fishing trip in 2005.
Linda: Married and divorced Terminator director James Cameron.
Edge: So, they're available, right? Tie again.

Final winner: Olivia Newton-John in a squeaker. Go queue up Grease and remember, if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.

Patty Smyth still rocks (She is The Warrior afterall)

I'm listening to the audio from my podcast interview today with Patty Smyth, the 80s singer and lead vocalist for Scandal, and -- before she answers the phone -- I'm so nervous that you can hear each breath gurgle through my lungs onto the microphone set up before me. If I turn up the volume, I'm certain you can hear the blood gushing quickly through from my head to my stomach and back.

Turns out, all the anxiety was for nothing, because Patty Smyth was more than comfortable being stuck in the 80s with me.

"We are stuck in the 80s, aren't we? And we can't get out!" she starts. "I've been here for 20 years!"

That's the 80s for you: One big welcoming family.

Smyth and Scandal have been traveling around the country on VH1's "We Are The 80s" tour with Eddie Money, Loverboy and Rick Springfield. The tour makes its next stop Saturday night (Sept. 23) at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, Fla., and the Stuck in the 80s podcast team will be taping an episode from the show.

"I like doing it with a couple different bands," Smyth says of the touring adventure. "Loverboy is great and Mike Reno sings his butt off. They're sweet guys and they play great. It's fun watching them. It's fun for us."

The whole tour might not have happened without goading of VH1. A few years ago, the cable music network surprised Smyth and the band by featuring them on an episode of "Bands Reunited." A best-of CD also was released for the occasion.

"I don't think Scandal would have gotten back to together ... it wasn't in my mind at all," she confesses. "I wasn't that familiar with the show, so I didn't know who they were." It was her daughter, who was present at the show's ambush of Smyth at a SoCal restaurant, who talked Patty into agreeing to reunite on the show.

At the televised reunion, the band members "sat around for two hours and talked and it was like group therapy," she said. "It was a real joyful reunion. When we played, it was like 20 years hadn't gone by. We decided we wanted to do more of it because it was so fun."

Fans attending her show can expect to join in the fun with hits like "The Warrior," "Goodbye To You" and "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" on the set list.

Smyth also confirmed the juiciest rumor about her in the 80s: She was indeed invited to join the rock band Van Halen after singer David Lee Roth left. "It was like an urban myth, but it was true," she says.

Eddie Van Halen came to a Scandal show one night and ended up jumping on the tour bus and traveling with them for three days before he popped the question. But Smyth was eight months pregnant when she was asked to make a final decision.

"It was just not the right time for me," she says now. "I was a New Yorker, I didn't want to live in L.A. ... and those guys were drunk and fighting all the time."

In retrospect, she says, she should have given it a little more thought. "I would have liked to have done one record with him."

The only other regret Smyth has is keeping the fans waiting so long. "Person after person keeps coming up and saying they've been 20 years for this, and it makes me feel bad," she says. So now, her plan is to stay in the spotlight and keep making and playing music.

"I'll just keep doing it until they say, 'OK, stop."

That's something that's not likely to happen anytime soon.

[VH1's "We Are The 80s, featuring Rick Springfield, Eddie Money, Loverboy and Scandal: Saturday, 7 p.m., Ruth Eckerd Hall, (727) 791-7400. To hear more from Patty Smyth, stay tuned for upcoming "Stuck in the 80s Goes To A Concert" episode.]

A love letter to Ione Skye

Dear Ione,

Let me start by saying "Happy Birthday!" I'm a huge fan of your 80s movies -- especially Say Anything and The Rachel Papers. There simply is no other more seductively beautiful actress from my favorite decade. I own both movies on DVD, VHS and Laser Disc. (Who am I kidding? I own all your movies.) I know every one of your smiles and laughs by heart -- probably because I watch Say Anything before going to work each morning -- and the Rachel Papers each afternoon when I get home. (On special occasions, I reverse the order. And I like to save your 90s work -- Dream for an Insomniac and Gas Food Lodging -- for weekends and holidays.)

But I'm more than just a fan. I think I'm your destiny. I've taken the time to learn everything about you. For example, I know your last name "Skye" is really your legal middle name and it was given to you because you were conceived on the isle of Skye, Scotland. (Beautiful place. I go there every year as the honorary emcee of the annual Ione Skye Film Festival and McEwans Drinking Contest.)

At last week's festival, I unveiled my latest tribute to you. Steve's "Top 5 Lines Delivered in a Movie by Ione Skye." It received thunderous applause.

• 5. "I'd kick you in the b---s if you had any." (Gas Food Lodging)
• 4. "Never trust a man who doesn't have eyes like Sinatra." (Dreams for an Insomniac)
• 3. "I feel like someone dipped me in used cooking oil." (River's Edge)
• 2. "I love you. How many more times do I have to say it?" (Say Anything)
• 1. "Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time." (Dreams for an Insomniac)

I know many others have courted you, but I think it's time to finally unite the ultimate 80s vixen with the ultimate 80s fan. What do you say? (Please answer quick before my wife wakes up and wonders what I'm typing.)

Yours truly,
"Stuck in the 80s"

Tom Cruise is fired. Now what?

Tom Cruise's career has officially jumped the couch. Paramount Pictures has decided to end its longtime relationship with Cruise's production company after the star's recent bizarre behavior. We're shocked ... SHOCKED!

And very, very happy. Hollywood -- I almost love you again. And since you seem open to suggestion, here are a couple more...

Top 5 Ways to Fix The Movie Industry:

5. Sever your ties with some more overrated phonies -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Hayden Christensen, Harrison Ford, Nicole Kidman and Keanu Reeves.

4. No more musicians or athletes in leading roles in any more movies. Call this the Madonna/Shaquille O'Neal Rule.

3. We've had enough movies about cops, fire-fighters, lawyers and dance schools. New rule: Anyone pitching a movie about one of those topics is locked in a closet with a rabid wolverine. After an hour, if they still want to pitch it, let's talk.

2. Bring back the entire cast of St. Elmo's Fire for a sequel -- with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and Demi Moore. (Have the screenwriters write a side-plot in which they were both eaten by grizzly bears 5 years ago.)

1. Find the writer of a successful blog about the 80s, and offer this deserving person a seven-figure deal to write a touching yet hilarious movie about his 20-year class reunion. Budget enough money to lure John Cusack for the lead role. Bring back John Hughes to direct and choose the music - with the stipulation that the movie can't have his stereotypical and improbable happy ending. Because no class reunion has a happy ending. Sit back and rake in the cash.

Callin' Stan Ridgway

Big day here in Stuck in the 80s Land. We're set to interview Stan Ridgway today, the frontman for Wall of Voodoo and one of our favorite American singer/songwriters. We're hoping to get the inside scoop on the disappearance (and reappearance) of Wall of Voodoo, the experimental punk rock outfit whose "Mexican Radio" video shook up the bland fare of early MTV.

Without Wall of Voodoo, Stan has had an impressive solo career. His latest solo CD, Snakebit, has a classic song called "Talkin' Wall of Voodoo Blues, Part 1." You can download the full song off his website, or just click here. In the song, he recounts the history of the band and the evil forces that tore it apart.

Another can't-miss offering: An anti-Bush tune from his band Drywall and their latest CD "BBQ Babylon." Titled "Hidden Bonus Track," it uses the cleverly edited actual words from the speeches of George W. Bush to create an entirely different message. Playing over the top of a drum machine, it ends with the president seemingly saying, "I have a message for the people of Iraq: Go home and die."

If you have any questions for Stan, leave us a comment below. And listen for the full interview in a future Stuck in the 80s podcast.

Bruno Kirby, 57, dies

Bruno Kirby, one of the most underexposed but certainly not under-appreciated actors of his generation, died Monday in Los Angeles from complications related to leukemia. He was 57.

Some of his best movie roles came in the 80s and early 90s:

Where the Buffalo Roam (1980): Kirby plays Hunter Thompson's editor, based not so loosely on Jann Wenner of Rolling Stone.

This is Spinal Tap (1984): A quick cameo but big laughs as the band's limo driver. (Podcast)

Good Morning Vietnam (1987): A breakthrough role playing 2nd Lt. Steven Hauk, the straight man to Robin Williams. "Sir, in my heart, I know I'm funny." (46th funniest movie?)

When Harry Met Sally (1989): Another great job as Jess, Billy Crystal's best friend and love interest of Carrie Fischer. "You made a woman meow?" (Movie trivia | podcast)

The Freshman (1990): Maybe his best supporting role, playing Victor Ray, opposite Marlon Brando and Matthew Broderick, in the most underrated movie of the early 90s. "You know how big this is? Bacio di tutti baci... the kiss of all kisses."

City Slickers (1991): Maybe Billy Crystal brought out the best in Kirby, who reprises his best-friend role in this classic. "I like your a--. Can I wear it as a hat?"

"Bruno's spirit will continue to live on not only in his rich body of film and television work but also through the lives of individuals he has touched throughout his life," his wife, Lynn Sellers, said in a statement today.

[Publicity photo; click to enlarge]

Mel Gibson is having a bad week

Mad Mel, this just isn't your week.

Exclusive photos of a very "impaired" Gibson with fans Friday night (at TMZ.com), shortly before his unplanned sidetrip to the pokey. (In one photo, the fan looks frightened.)

10 acts that owe their success to MTV

We're finally on the eve of the 25th birthday of MTV. So it's time for some of you millionaires out there in Musicland to hand-deliver a heartfelt letter of appreciation along with a nice gift of scented soaps, because without the invention of MTV, you'd still be singing at the lounge at the Days Inn in Wichita Springs (home of the coldest 8-ounce beers in town.)

10 acts that owe their success to MTV:

Men At Work: They came from a land down under, but without videos ("Who Can It Be Now," "Be Good Johnny" and "Down Under" all had heavy rotation), no one would have ever seen their true Aussieness (and the tricky eyeball of Colin Hay).

Def Leppard: They made Union Jack t-shirts cool (for a few weeks anyway) and later proved you could drum with only one arm. All thanks to videos, starting with "Photograph" and "Rock of Ages."

Frankie Goes To Hollywood: It's questionable whether anyone outside of England would have heard of the lads from Liverpool before MTV made their video for "Relax" famous -- by banning it.

Paula Abdul: Cheerleader and choreographer, Abdul achieved by herself. But singer, Mrs. Emilio Estevez and future American Idol judge? That's all MTV, baby. Because as videos for "Straight Up" and "Cold Hearted" proved, you don't have to sing well -- just so long as you can dance around like a half-naked stripper.

Twisted Sister: "You're all worthless and weak." Yeah, that's how the record biz felt about this New York City act until their comic videos for "I Wanna Rock" and "We're Not Gonna Take It" -- featuring Animal House's "Neidermeyer" (Mark Metcalf) -- scored some album sales.

Weird Al Yankovic: Does anyone ask "Which of Weird Al's songs do you like best?" Nope, they ask "which video."

Stray Cats: It's cool to be old school. Even better when people can actually see it. This rockabilly act had to move from Long Island to England to get noticed. If they'd only waited a little while longer, MTV videos for "Stray Cat Strut" and "Rock This Town" would have worked better.

a-Ha: The Norwegian band went through multiple versions and ignored releases of "Take On Me" before the break-through animated video finally led to millions of sales. Also, a-Ha is the first band to receive a "Best Video" award.

Duran Duran: Plenty talented on their own, but who knew they were such babe magnets until the boys from Birmingham turned video-making into high art with "Rio" and "Hungry Like The Wolf." (Maybe MTV owes them a thank-you letter as well.)

Madonna: Ah, the Material Girl. Nobody would even be calling her that without the video for -- what was that song called? -- oh, yeah ... "Material Girl." If you once dressed like her, danced like her, dyed and wore your hair like her, and yes, if you're now BORED by her, you can thank MTV.

Other acts who should at least drop a card in the mail: Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, U2, Prince, Peter Gabriel, Cyndi Lauper, Billy Idol, Robert Palmer.

[Photo: AP; click to enlarge]

Confessions of an 80s addict

While I generally consider myself a complete 80s fan, I will admit there are several things I didn't get to experience. I never figured out how to "moonwalk" like M.J., I never tried break-dancing and I couldn't stomach wine coolers. Maybe more important, I missed out on several 80s classics in the theaters.

Here, for your consideration, are the "great" 80s movies I haven't seen -- at least not all the way through -- to this day:

Goonies (1985): Sean Astin, Corey Feldman. I catch a lot of flack for not seeing this one. I can only guess that because it came out the year I started college, it probably didn't seem cool enough at the time. Plus, Anne Ramsey gives me the creeps.

E.T. - The ExtraTerrestrial (1982): Henry Thomas, Drew Barrymore. Let's see, 1982 ... year of Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Last American Virgin. Yeah, my priorities were elsewhere. Can't see it now because the thought of my lust-idol Drew Barrymore as an adolescent is wrong.

Stand By Me (1986): River Phoenix, Corey Feldman. I keep thinking I've seen this one, but when friends quiz me, I can't remember a single quote or plot line.

Heathers (1989): Winona Ryder, Christian Slater. Actually, I was forced to watch this when we did our Heathers podcast (one of only a few shows I deliberately delayed as long as possible). And still, I don't think I ever got through it without falling asleep. I have no recollection of the ending whatsoever.

Raising Arizona (1987): Nicolas Cage, Holly Hunter. Another naptime favorite of mine. I hear those forced country/western accents, and see a movie based in the desert, and I nod off. I realize this was named to our top comedies of the 80s list, but I never appreciated it. Sorry, Nic.

Rad (1986): Bill Allen, Talia Shire. OK, not a classic, but you'd be surprised how many e-mails we get from podcast listeners who want a show on this movie. However, I dropped my fascination with BMX when I was about 10 years old.

Dream a Little Dream (1989): Corey Feldman, Corey Haim. Maybe it's just Corey Feldman movies I don't like (with the exception of The Lost Boys.)

The 'Burbs (1989): Tom Hanks, Carrie Fischer. Hey, this movie has Corey Feldman too. I think we have an official motive here. I caught some grief in my top Tom Hanks movie list for not including this stink-bomb. Again, tried to watch ... couldn't come close to finishing.

Howard The Duck (1986): Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones. Once again, not a classic, but surely an infamous film. But you figure an 80s fan like me who has seen "Red Dawn" a dozen times could take time out for another sad flick. Nope.

[Photo: AP; click to enlarge]

Mel Gibson arrested for DUI

Guess Mel Gibson is a Road Warrior after all. According to the AP, the actor/director was arrested in Malibu, Calif., early Friday for investigation of driving under the influence. His Lexus was pulled over at 2:36 a.m. for going 87 in a 45 mph zone.

A field sobriety test showed Gibson had a blood-alcohol level of 0.12 (in California, 0.08 is the legal limit).

Rick Springfield is my therapist

While I'm locked away in a closet, preparing for Wednesday's big Duran Duran podcast, the 80s world is quickly going straight to hell. Observe:

• George Michael is caught prowling the parks for sex -- again. His muse this time? A 58-year-old, unemployed van driver.
• The Miami Vice movie is about to open nationwide. Unfortunately, it bears little or no resemblance to the 80s show the characters are based on. "We never conceived of it as a derivative,” director Michael Mann says. Um, then why not just call it Toledo Vice?
• Rick Springfield has embarked on a tour with other 80s acts -- such as Bow Wow Wow and A Flock of Seagulls -- and says the world needs 80s music again: "The 80s were probably the last safe decade, the last time anybody ever felt safe in the world. "

Amen, Rick. Amen.

Here's a Confession: I still hate Madonna

NBC announced this weekend that it will air a special two-hour Madonna concert, taped this summer at London's Wembley Stadium during her "Confessions" tour. The November broadcast is reportedly the first network concert for the dancer (ok, yeah, she sings a little between the lip-synced numbers too).

NBC Entertainment's president gave this obligatory statement to the press: "Madonna is one of the greatest artists of our time and never fails to generate excitement."

(Translation: "Madonna is an overexposed celebrity whose marginal talent vanished years ago, but we'll jump on the bandwagon too if we can make two nickels pimping a show to her legions of meat-headed fans.")

The statement continues: "We think this is going to be a big event for television."

(Translation: "If she rips off her pointy bra or makes out with another half-naked female celebrity in a kinky S&M scene, the notoriety we earn will be well worth whatever fine the FCC slaps on us.")

(Photos: AP)

Tom Hanks: God's animated cartoon

Tom Hanks better love the 80s -- his career took off during those magical years. Hanks, who turns the big Five-Ohmigod years old today, had his first acting credits in 1980 as "Elliot" in He Knows You're Alone and as "Rick Martin" on an episode of Love Boat.

But it was 1891 that Hanks would make his big entrance, playing cross-dressing Kip on Bosom Buddies. (Anyone else out there love Hanks in 1982's Mazes and Monsters? Classic.) The flood doors opened with Splash in 1984. Hanks ended the decade with THIRTEEN big-screen appearances. Can anyone say he didn't own the 80s?

It'd be easy to give you a top 5 list of our favorite Hanks movies. Instead, I'ved a different birthday present for the The Most Likeable Guy in Hollywood ...

Five Most Underrated Tom Hanks movies from the 80s:

5. The Man With One Red Shoe  (1985):  Any 80s movie that also stars Lori Singer, Dabney Coleman and Jim Belushi is high on my list.
Signature quote: "I'm not tense. Well, I did pass out today ... and got hit in the head by a basebal l... and brushed my teeth with shampoo ... then butchered Rimsky- Korsakov in front of 1,500 people, and my clothes fell apart. But I'm not tense."

4. Volunteers (1985): Hanks met his future wife, Rita Wilson, during the making of this film. John Candy and Gedde Watanabe (Long Duk Dong in 16 Candles) co-star.
Signature quote: "It's not that I can't help these people. It's just I don't want to."

3. Nothing in Common (1986): The final film for co-star Jackie Gleason, who plays Hanks' dad.
Signature quote (Gleason this time): That was something we all had in common... your grandfather, me, you. We always knew had to talk a girl into bed.

2. Bachelor Party (1984): Possibly the funniest movie Hanks has ever done. Supported by a cast of actors who no one would hear from again.
Signature quote: "Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to Hell and beyond."

1. Punchline (1988): This movie suffered at the box office because people weren't ready for a drama about comedy. Too bad. With Sally Field, John Goodman and Taylor Negron, it's one to remember next trip to the video store.
Signature quote: "If you're sending someone down, you better send him fast - 'cuz Funny Steve's going under."

Nothing trivial about the 80s! Except the game

Applause, applause. There's a new Trivial Pursuit boardgame on the way -- the "Totally 80s edition." Can you handle 2,400 questions about pop culture in the 80s? Sure you can, just keep reading this blog and you'll never lose.

The game even features four new player tokens -- the Trapper Keeper (ah, my favorite school notebook), Compact Disc, Care Bear, and Rubik Cube. (What, no Smurfs or jewel-encrusted gloves?)

The game, which should reach most retailers by September, is being promoted with a commercial featuring some of the biggest A-list (well, B-list) stars from the decade. Cyndi Lauder directed the shot, which included Kelly LeBrock (Weird Science), Philip Michael Thomas (Miami Vice), Corey Feldman (Lost Boys), Charlene Tifton (Dallas) and even 80s NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Check out this photo from the commercial shoot...

OK, so now that we've whet your appetite, how about a few trivia questions to get your mind working too?

1. What was the name of ABC's show that was meant to mimic the success of NBC's Saturday Night Live?

2. In the movie "Pink Floyd's The Wall," who played "Pink"?

3. On Knight Rider, what was the name of the tractor-trailer that "Garthe Knight" drove?

4. Who died of a drug overdose two days after being selected second in the 1986 NBA Draft?

(Nominate Stuck in the 80s for the annual Podcast Awards. Click here)

80s dance-off: Joel vs. Duckie

When it comes to lip-syncing and toe-tapping, which epic 80s dance scene gets your vote: Tom Cruise ("Joel Goodsen") in Risky Business or Jon Cryer ("Duckie Dale") in Pretty in Pink?

Let's get ready to Rumba!

The song...
Joel: Bob Seger's Old Time Rock & Roll.
Duckie: Otis Redding's Try a Little Tenderness.
Advantage: They both go old school, but Otis gives Duckie the slight edge here. Even Seger sings that he "rather hear some blues or funky old soul."

The outfit...
Joel: Ray-ban sunglasses, oxford shirt, tighty whities, socks.
Duckie: Thrift and military surplus store chic.
Advantage: Joel wins by a nose, thanks to the female votes.

Location and audience...
Joel: Solo in the living room (needed for the tricky sofa flop).
Duckie: In front of Andie and Iona at the record shop.
Advantage: Duckie gets my vote here for courage alone.

Signature move...
Joel: The slide across the wood floor at the song's beginning (though I'm a big fan of the spastic frenzy move on the couch too -- that had "whiskey-induced dance fever" written all over it).
Duckie: Banging and stomping the floor as the song reaches the pinnacle.
Advantage: Joel gets the vote here, for creating a moment that transcends pop culture.

And when it's all over...
Joel: Presumably drunk, horny and hungover.
Duckie: Andie blows him off and goes on a date with Blane.
Advantage: Nobody!

See, guys? You can never win by dancing. But either Joel or Duckie can win this dance-off. So leave your vote. And remember, to paraphrase Joel, "if there were any logic to our language, 'dance' would be a four letter word."

John Cusack is 40?

If our hero of the 80s -- the one, true symbol of all that was once good -- turns 40, does that mean it's officially time for us 80s addicts to grow up and accept modern reality?

Heck no! John Cusack turned 40 earlier this week, but I unfortunately missed celebrating the exact date (Wednesday, June 28). But I felt a disturbance in the force, as if a thousand bands from John Hughes movie soundtracks cried out and were suddenly silenced. ("Bring on the dancing horses.....")

Usually, this would be the time for me to plod on endlessly about how much we love the guy and quote his movie lines to death ("Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn't mind if you puke in his car, Nick.")

Instead, let me refer you to some of the great posts already written about Mr. Cusack. Click then, read them, savor them:
-- Lloyd Dobler vs. Jake Ryan
-- Sometimes, you're Better Off Dead
-- A study ... in moppishness
-- And my all-time fave: Everything I Need to Know in Life, I Learned From a John Cusack movie.

And, not merely content to constrain a Cusack list to only 5 items, the Top 10 movies by John Cusack:
10. The Grifters (1990): "Nobody does that single-o."
9. Tapeheads (1988): "You look ravishing and I'd like to chew on your thighs."
8. Gross Pointe Blank (1997): "I was hired to kill you. But I'm not going to. It's either because I'm in love with your daughter or I have a newfound respect for life."
7. The Sure Thing (1985): "How would you like to have a sexual experience so intense it could conceivably change your political views?"
6. True Colors (1991): "They say great men are embraced by thousands of strangers. I wanna be great."
5. Eight Men Out (1988): "Those fellas are all gone now."
4. Say Anything (1989):  "I am looking for a dare to be great situation."
3. Better Off Dead (1985): "Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."
2. Max (2002): "Come on Hitler, I'll buy you a glass of lemonade."
1. High Fidelity (2000): "What came first, the music or the misery?"

(Nominate Stuck in the 80s for the annual Podcast Awards. Click here)

Boy George, Axl Rose in trouble again

PROVO, Utah -- The state of Utah is holding elections today, as I continue my visit to the land of mountains and Mormons, so on this day state law mandates no drinking of alcohol! (Bars, already restricted to members only, can't open until the polls close.) Two hooligans from the 80s (three if you include me) who could never survive Election Day in Utah just made the news again: Boy George and Axl Rose.

Boy George (click for podcast) was threatened with a spell in prison on Monday if he didn't complete his community service requirement stemming from falsely reporting a burglary (thus avoiding drug possession charges.) According to reports, Boy doesn't want to rake leaves in a New York city park -- it's too humiliating. (Pausing for obligatory laugh.) Personally, I'm hoping he blows off the leaves. It never gets old blogging about George. I'm already working on a list of "Top 5 things Boy George needs to avoid saying while incarcerated."

Meanwhile, Axl Rose  (click for podcast) was arrested in Stockholm, Sweden, earlier today for damaging a hotel room and roughing up a security guard. (I'm not sure that's even a crime anymore back in the States). Media reports from overseas say the Guns N' Roses botox boy was too drunk to answer questions so he's passing the hours in a cell until he's sober enough to straighten things out. A little hair of the dog, Axl. That'll do the trick.

Is it just me or have these two 80s celebs erased whatever accomplishments they had with their ongoing criminal behavior?

Why Adam Sandler is the Man of the 80s

Let's face it: You either love Adam Sandler or you don't. Here's my argument ... if you don't love Sandler, you don't love the 80s. Because Sandler is the King of the 80s.

Every one of his movies is neck-deep in classic 80s tunes (Styx, The Cars, Lionel Ritchie, Kansas, Rush). And he starred in the best non-80s movie about the 80s: The Wedding Singer. So good, I own it on video and DVD. (And for some reason, watch it on both formats still.) So good that my love of the soundtrack led indirectly to the end of one relationship back in the heartless 90s. (Long story there. Suffice to say, she didn't enjoy me singing "Video Killed the Radio Star" at 2 a.m. at home one night with my work buddies during the final credit role of the movie.)

Sandler's latest flick -- "Click" -- just cleaned up at the box office this weekend. Me? Yeah, I saw the very first local showing of it on Friday at noon. I nearly jumped out of my seat when I heard The Cars' "Magic" playing under the opening credits. (Wait until you hear next week's Stuck in the 80s podcast about The Cars and hear Sean Daly's childhood memory of the song. Very stimulating.) Movie critics around the country are less than enthusiastic about the film's merit, but I loved it. Will you enjoy it? Consider Kurt Loder's review on MTV.com: "The pleasure of the movie is in watching it work out pretty much the way you'd hope it would."

Loder, you big stud. I wish I could write reviews like that.

I'm sticking to lists. Top 5 Adam Sandler movies:
5. Mr. Deeds: "Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac."
4. Billy Madison: "Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out."
3. Click: "Your father's stereo blows?"
2. Happy Gilmore: "You're gonna die, clown."
1. The Wedding Singer: "Now let's cut the stupid cake because I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon."

80s TV icon Aaron Spelling dies

The man who christened the Love Boat, enchanted Fantasy Island, re-deputized Capt. Kirk as T.J. Hooker and popularized ZIP codes in Beverly Hills 90210 has gone on to the great TV variety show in the sky.

Legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling died Friday in Los Angeles, a few weeks after suffering a stroke. With more than 140 TV movies and a slew of television series, Mr. Spelling is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most prolific television drama producer of all time.

Though not always high art, many of his creations offered signature roles for dozens of actors and redefined the way Americans were entertained by their TV sets. A few more of his shows from the 80s era include: Vega$ (starring Robert Urich), Hart to Hart (Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers), Dynasty (Linda Evans, Joan Collins, John Forsythe), Hotel (Connie Selleca). Other milestone series include: Starsky & Hutch (1975-1979) and Melrose Place (1992-1999).

Here are a few of our favorite Aaron Spelling productions:
-- Boy in the Plastic Bubble (1976): Based on a true story, John Travolta plays a boy who must live in a sterile environment to protect his fragile immune system. Everyone who grew up in the early 80s remembers the film, but who remembers how it ends? (Leave us a comment and prove your trivia acumen.)
-- Mr. Mom (1983): Spelling was executive producer of big-screen flick, starring Michael Keaton (in his follow-up role in Night Shift). Signature line: "Yeah. 220... 221, whatever it takes."
-- Satisfaction (1988): Under no circumstances is this a classic, but I can't resist dropping in the only starring role in the film career of Justine Bateman. (Hey, she once dated Leif Garrett!) The world, however, continues to celebrate the genius of her younger brother, Jason Bateman. (But not for Teen Wolf Too.)

The story goes that after ABC axed "Dynasty" in 1989, Mr. Spelling realized he was without a show for the first time in nearly 30 years. "I was so depressed, I would have quit," he wrote in his autobiography. "But I like TV too much."

Michael J. Fox: Mr. 80s

He was razor-sharp smart. Funny. Smarmy. Preppy. And very, very Republican. So answer this: Is Michael J. Fox the most beloved of all 80s TV stars?

Fox, who turns 45 years old today, parlayed his big breakthrough as Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties into a substantial (if not fully appreciated) career in movies before Parkinson's Disease starting to slow him down in 1991.

Consider his TV peers of the 80s:

The Facts of Life gang: No one really sticks out here except maybe Lisa Whelchel ("Blair") and Charlotte Rae ("Edna Garrett"). The theme song still sticks in the head though, doesn't it?

Who's the Boss?: Sure, we may lust after Alyssa Milano and ponder the enduring charm of Tony Danza. But that's where the love affair ends.

The Full House crew: Dave Coulier, John Stamos and the Olsen twins. Ugh. Just creepy. Never mind.

Bill Cosby: He's a legend that transcends the decades. Could have been spokesman for the colorful sweater lobby, but squandered his power to pimp pudding.

Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains): Now a born-again Christian (usually marking the end of any career in Hollywood). He'll always have that flick with Dudley Moore --"Like Father Like Son" -- to hang his hat on.

Don Johnson (Miami Vice): Aside from Cheech Marin and former Times TV critic Chase Squires, does anyone really love the Donster? I'm still waiting for an apology for Tin Cup.

There are many more: The boozers from Cheers, Gary Coleman, David Hasselhoff (yeah, now I'm kidding).

I'm sticking with our man Michael J. (by the way, the J. doesn't stand for anything. His middle name is Andrew, but he adopted the J to honor character actor Michael J. Pollard.) Anyone remember what the P stands for in his character's name?

So beloved is the man and that particular character that there's a bar in London, Ontario, called The Alex P. Keaton. Check out the website.

These days, Fox has returned to do some small (but smart) parts in acting while continuing his push to find a cure for Parkinson's.

Five best Michael J. Fox movies:
5. Bright Lights, Big City: "There's a certain shabby nobility in failing all by myself."
4. The Secret of My Success: "I have become seriously and emotionally involved with someone who isn't my aunt."
3. The American President: "It's always the guy in my job that ends up doing 18 months in Danbury minimum security prison. "
2. Doc Hollywood: "You want to trade, the pig for the part?"
1. Back to the Future: Just the first one. The second two? Better left aside (along with the "Don't call me chicken" lines). "Are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?"

Breakfast Club star dies at 67

Paul Gleason, who played the villainous high school principal in The Breakfast Club, died this weekend at age 67. He had a rare form of lung cancer, according to media reports.

In his acting career, Gleason appeared in more than 60 films though he's probably best known as Principal Vernon in Breakfast Club, the 1985 movie by John Hughes that served as a landmark film for the 80s generation. As the antagonist to Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy, he scored some of the most memorable lines, including:

-- "You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you."
-- "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."
-- "Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me."
-- "I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus."
-- "The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls."

Put Breakfast Club aside, and Gleason's acting career is impressive. Remember these gems?

-- Arthur (Unnamed executive): "He gets all that money. Pays his family back by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough ta make ya sick."
-- Trading Places (Clarence Beeks): "Back off! Or I'll rip out your eyes and p--s on your brain."
-- Van Wilder (Professor McDoogle): "Ok, Wilder. Let's dance."

That's just a small taste. To be honest, most of his best quotes are unprintable in this family-oriented blog. So queue up your DVDs to enjoy the real Paul Gleason. We'll miss him.

He'll have a Raspberry Beignet (the kind you find in a natural food store)

I didn't even know Prince was a vegetarian, much less the "world's sexiest vegetarian," but it's true. PETA named the Purple One (oh, that sounds bad) to the title this week. (They also tapped Kristen Bell, but she's no 80s queen.)

Prince always has that "Ghandi" physique going, so maybe it's not a shocker afterall that he prefers broccoli to burgers.

Then again, the lyrics in the extended version of "When Doves Cry" kind of give it away:

"Dream if you can a buffet,
Tofu and salads in bloom,
Carnivores strike curious poses,
Cuz there's no meat,
No meat between me and you."

Here are the other 80s stars that made PETA's list of sexiest vegetarians: Alyssa Milano, Annie Lennox, Chrissie Hynde, Daphne Zuniga, Joan Jett, Marilu Henner, Pamela Anderson, Tatum O'Neal, Alec Baldwin, Boy George, Bryan Adams, Corey Feldman, Ed Begley Jr., Eric Stoltz, Forest Whitaker, John Cleese, Kenny Loggins, Larry Mullen Jr., Woody Harrelson and "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Excuse me? Boy George, Weird Al and Corey Feldman are on a "world's sexiest" list?

There's no grail beneath this Rose

Axl Rose generates enough news to warrant a daily series of blog items, if only:

a) The guy had enough talent to warrant the attention;

b) He didn't have a shelf life of a head of lettuce, and;

c) Deep down inside, we all didn't think he was such a pathetic clown.

The latest news? Seems the Guns N' Roses singer got into a scuffle with designer Tommy Hilfiger at a Manhattan nightclub on Thursday. Yes, Hilfiger. Not a real brute like Mickey Rourke or Lenny Kravitz, who were also at the club that night (laughing themselves into a coma no doubt at the surrealness of the mini-melee between Corn-Row Boy and the Frail Prince of Prep Fashion. Seriously, this is the EA Sports boxing videogame equivalent of Glass Joe vs. Butter Bean.)

The playground feud started after Axl moved a drink belonging to Hilfiger's girlfriend so it wouldn't spill. Hilfiger smacked him in the arm and told him to move it back -- and kept smacking him. (No word on if either warrior began crying or pulling hair.)

Axl later took to the stage and performed a surprise set (for the record, any GNR set is really a surprise set), dedicating the song "You're Crazy" to "my good friend Tommy Hilfiger."

Some casting suggestions for Knight Rider

Hollywood is ready to turn another quirky TV series into a feature film. (You'd think the last dozen or so box office bombs would deter them.) This time, it's Knight Rider, the 80s classic (dare I use that term loosely) that starred David Hasselhoff and featured the voice of William Daniels (as K.I.T.T., the talking, crime-fighting car).

The Weinstein Co. greenlighted the project and production should begin next year. The word is that Hasselhoff won't reprise his role as Michael Knight. Probably a good idea. In fact, Hasselhoff should pretty much be restricted to only appearing in roles that lampoon his very existence (Dodgeball, EuroTrip).

Personally, I never "got" the show. You have a custom Trans-Am (nice ... in the 80s, I would have approved) but with a haughty voice and snobby personality. And a German-crooning, tight-jeans, blowdried haircut as your lead actor. And they're supposed to be a menacing combination?

You know what would have made it better? Give the car the voice -- "By Your Command" -- of the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica -- the original series, of course. (Did you know spellcheck tries to change Cylon to "colon"? Just a little trivia.) The car has the Cylon-looking "eye" already on the hood. Wicked.

Then -- here's the best part -- put Kristy McNichol behind the wheel. Keep the tight jeans but make her character a rogue vigilante with a morally challenged past. Now that's a movie or show I'm buying every season on DVD.

'The bloke who delivered the pizza to Spicoli'

Let's give a shout-out to comedian Taylor Negron, one of the most underappreciated actors of the 80s and beyond. In two 80s classics, he's just a mailman, delivering a copy of "How to Pick Up Trashy Women" to Badger in Better Off Dead and the bad news to Marlon in How I Got Into College. And in the epic Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he delivers the pizza to Spicoli during class.

An accomplished stand-up comedian, Negron has filmed his own HBO special and even played the role of an up-and-coming comedian with Tom Hanks in Punchline. He's appeared in more than 50 films and currently has four movies in post-production, including National Lampoon's Pledge This, co-starring Paris Hilton.

Raised in Southern California as Brad Negron, he's the cousin of Three Dog Night co-founder Chuck Negron. These days, "Taylor" supplements his acting and comedy with a successful career as an author of novels and short stories.

Five best Taylor Negron films of the 80s:
5. Punchline: The first movie when Tom Hanks is less than funny -- on purpose. Negron fits into the tight cast as another starving comic trying to make the big time.
4. Better Off Dead: "What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?"
3. Bad Medicine: An entertaining movie with Steve Guttenberg. Wow. Negron plays Pepe the cab driver at a Latin American medical school.
2. The Whoopee Boys: One of the funniest movies no one has heard of from the 80s, starring Michael O'Keefe and Paul Rodriguez. Taylor's signature line: "I've been peeeenalized."
1. Easy Money: Negron plays Julio, who tries to marry Rodney Dangerfield's daughter, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, offering her the Spanish version of The Joy of Sex and reassuring her: "I'll translate."

However, it's his role as the Fast Times pizza man that still to this day gets him kudos from  die-hard 80s fans. He did the small role as a favor to his friend, director Amy Heckerling, and was paid with as much pizza as he could eat. In the closing credits, he appears only as "Taylor." But hardly a day goes by when he's not recognized. "Once in England," Negron writes on his website, "a skinhead yelled out, 'Hey, you're the bloke who delivered the pizza to Spicoli.'"

Don Johnson, wife celebrate new baby

Former Miami Vice and Nash Bridges star Don Johnson has a new baby boy, his third child with wife Kelley, it was announced Sunday.

The baby, who hasn't been named yet (Sonny anyone?), was born in an L.A. hospital Saturday morning. According to his publicist, Johnson described himself as "over the moon times six."

Over the barrel times six: Johnson was in the news again last week after he was forced to pay out $14.5-million to avoid foreclosure on his Woody Creek, Colo., estate. It seems two of Johnson's companies failed to make good on a $10.5-million loan.

Miami Vice podcast: Our podcast tribute to Miami Vice is online. Click here to download it. Remember you can always find the Stuck in the 80s podcast on iTunes.

Stone falls from tree

Of all the things that we figured would do in the legendary Keith Richards, a palm tree didn't make the top 10 list. But the Rolling Stones guitarist has been hospitalized in Auckland with a concussion after falling out of a palm tree in Fiji. Which, of course, brings up this question:

What was Keith Richards doing high up in a palm tree? Or better yet. How did 62-year-old Keith Richards climb up a palm tree?

Sorry, no answer to those two questions yet. But media around the world are waking up from their Friday night hangovers and spreading word of the accident. Richards was vacationing in Fiji -- reportedly at the exclusive Wakaya Club -- with his wife after the band's recent gigs Down Under. Their next show isn't until the end of May in Barcelona, Spain, so hopes are Richards will recover with time to spare.

The best of both worlds

Van Halen or Van Hagar? Rock fans, sound off. Our Stuck in the 80s cohort, Sean Daly, already polled his pop music followers on this question, but now it's time for the only votes that matter: the 80s crowd.

So tell us: Which Van Halen do you prefer -- the one with pretty boy David Lee Roth or tequila-crazed Sammy Hagar? Both have their hits and misses. For every epic "Runnin' With The Devil" or "Cradle Will Rock" by Roth, there's a pathetic "Pretty Woman" and "Dancing In the Streets." Sammy diluted his "Right Now" with "Why Can't This Be Love."

In a few weeks, we'll do a podcast featuring both versions of the band and feature your comments.

Personally, not to sit on the fence, but I enjoy both versions. Tie me up and force me to enjoy an umbrella drink, and I'll confess that it's hard to beat early Van Halen. Their debut album is - dare I say - classic. Too bad Roth got freaky later on, and tortured us with his lame solo efforts ("California Girls" is a roughly equivalent to a war crime).

  Both Sammy and Diamond Dave in the news...

By now, every knows Roth recently was fired as the radio replacement for Howard Stern. Did anyone think he'd really succeed in that job? Who wants to follow up a legend? Give him credit for taking on a no-win scenario like that. At least he got his name back in the papers.

Meanwhile, Sammy recently told Billboard.com that he won't tour again with Van Halen, mainly because of differences with Eddie Van Halen. "There were nights I didn't know what song Eddie was playing," Hagar said. "There were times I wanted to kill that guy for what he was playing. I would have left that tour in the middle of it if it wasn't for the professional aspect. He's never going to see my ass again unless he goes and gets himself some help."

Eddie's history with alcohol, coupled with the end of his marriage with Valerie Bertinelli, has certainly detoured one of America's greatest rock bands.

Cheers, Eddie. Here's our list of Top 5 favorite Van Halen albums:
5. 5150: Best of Both Worlds
4. Fair Warning: So This Is Love, Unchained
3. Women and Children First: And the Cradle Will Rock, Everybody Wants Some, Take Your Whiskey Home.
2. 1984: Jump, Panama, Hot for the Teacher.
1. Van Halen I: Runnin' With the Devil, Eruption, You Really Got Me.

Welcome back to the headlines, Georgie

George Michael is back in the news. Back on tour. Back to feuding with Elton John. Back to boring the rest of the civilized world.

First the tour... Michael's new tour -- dubbed 25 Live -- is his first in 15 years. He'll cover all 25 years of making music, including -- gasp -- the Wham! years. (Side question: What's worse -- "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" or "I Want Your Sex"?)

The tour begins in Madrid on Sept. 27 then heads to England. Is the demand still there? You bet. According to one European website, tickets sold out in two hours. No official word yet on whether George-mania reaches U.S. shores. The tour supports a new greatest hits album, to be released soon, which will contain four new songs.

The tour also probably supports Michael's rising legal bills. The star was arrested in February after police found him slumped over the wheel of his car with drugs in his possession.

Michael recently took a shot at his  long-time tormenter, Elton John, who issued a statement back in 2004 that Michael appeared to be in "a strange place" in his life. Michael told the media the statement has fed the media's desire to cast him in a dark light.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, Michael this week also announced plans to marry his long-time partner, Kenny Goss, on their 10-year anniversary. Intentionally following in the matrimonial footsteps of Mr. Crocodile Rock? Let tongues wag at will.

Meanwhile, we give Stuck in the 80s Top 5 Concerts We'd Rather See This Summer Than George Michael:
5. Echo and the Bunnymen: Which one's Echo? Are those the Bunnymen? Just enjoy. (Tour dates)
4. Elton John: Boy, you know that just steams George's bean to hear that. (Tour dates)
3. Journey: No Steve Perry, but they're touring with Def Leppard. (Tour dates)
2. Thomas Dolby: His one-man show is winning raves. (Tour dates)
1. They Might Be Giants: Frankly, you should see the two Johns every time they come to a venue near you. (Tour dates)

So you might ask, would we choose a George Michael show over any other big tours this summer? Sure thing! Here's our list of shows we don't want to see -- period. Start with Madonna, proceed to Bruce Springsteen, add Guns N' Roses and Bryan Adams. Don't forget Cinderella and Poison!

The evil of Hardy Jenns

We lavish praise on the collected works of John Hughes but usually fail to give one particular movie and one teen villain the proper kudos: Some Kind of Wonderful and "Hardy Jenns," played by today's birthday boy Craig Sheffer (46).

Sheffer got his start on TV's One Life to Live, but made the transition to film in 1985's "That Was Then ... This Is Now." But his role as in 1987's Some Kind of Wonderful had to be the breakthrough role. Playing the snobby, cheating boyfriend of Lea Thompson and tormenter to Eric Stoltz, Sheffer is the perfect -- albeit stereotypical -- Hughes villain: smart, good-looking, rich and lechorous. And why do all John Hughes' bad boys have strange names? Hardy? Stef in Pretty in Pink? (OK, just those two.) Pals in the 80s and beyond, Stolz and Sheffer would team up again years later in 1994's Sleep With Me.

Of course, two of Sheffer's best roles would come outside the 80s -- college QB/alcoholic Joe Kane in 1993's The Program ("All I want is a place at the table!") and fly fisherman/writer Norman Maclean in 1992's A River Runs Through It. But for some pure guilty pleasure, hit the video store and enjoy Sheffer's 80s gems.

Top 5 Craig Sheffer movies:
5. Sleep With Me (1994)
4. Fire With Fire (1986)
3. The Program (1993)
2. A River Runs Through It (1991)
1. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)

Do You Feel Like He Does? (Yes, only younger)

Peter Frampton is 56 today, and while he's not a child of the 80s per se, he's certainly an idol of the decade. His 1976 opus Frampton Comes Alive was the standard bearer of all concert albums to come afterward.

His "talking guitar" -- the centerpiece of the 14-minute-long "Do You Feel Like We Do" -- has been celebrated on episodes of the Simpsons and Family Guy. "Baby, I Love Your Way" was a cruel barb in the movie "Reality Bites." Wow. What else does the guy have to live for now?

Though born British, Frampton became a U.S. citizen after the Sept. 11 attacks and campaigned for John Kerry in the last presidential election. These days, he's touring with Styx in support of his latest album, "Now."

A birthday present for Mr. Frampton. A rare Top 10 list. The Stuck in the 80s list of best concert albums:
10. Journey Captured
9. Simon & Garfunkel Live in Central Park
8. Queen's Live at Wembley
7. Cheap Trick at Budokan
6. AC/DC's If You Want Blood, You Got It
5. Bruce Springsteen's Live 1975-1985
4. Kiss's Alive and Alive II
3. Frampton Comes Alive
2. Talking Head's Stop Making Sense
1. U2's Under a Blood Red Sky

Hollywood's pretty boys share a birthday

Crispin Glover and Clint Howard. The C&C Boys. Sounds catchy. Two of the freakier looking actors in the biz celebrate birthdays today. But Crispin (42) and Clint (47) have more in common than just date of birth.

Both starred in several classic 80s flicks (Crispin in Back to the Future and At Close Range; Clint in Night Shift, Cocoon, Gung Ho -- and frankly any other movie directed by his famous brother). Crispin even broke into acting with a guest spot on Happy Days (which - yeah - co-starred Ron Howard).

And let's face it: Neither one is likely to break into People Magazine's list of most beautiful people. (But Hollywood has always been about talent -- not looks -- right?) Actually, both Ron and Clint Howard landed on one publication's recent list of 100 Unsexiest Men. (Ron was actually ranked No. 21 with Clint at No. 22).

Both of their best work was outside the 80s. Crispin stole the show during The Doors, playing Andy Warhol. And Clint's opus has to be his underappreciated non-comic role as Sy Liebergot in Apollo 13.

Let's put looks and decades aside and cherish their best quotes:
Crispin: "Lorraine, my density has popped me to you." (Back to the Future)
Clint: "Gene, the Odyssey is dying. From my chair here, this is the last option." (Apollo 13)
Crispin: "Somebody gave me this telephone... I think it was Edie... yeah it was Edie... and she said I could talk to God with it, but uh... I don't have anything to say... so here." (The Doors)
Clint: "I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain." (Waterboy)

Tom, you're not funny

Attention, Planet Earth. Tom Cruise finally has a new baby girl. (No, not the one he's engaged to. A newborn.) Now we can all get back to our normal, boring lives without minute-to-minute reports of Scientology birthing practices, daily ultrasound updates and the nutritious value of eating the baby's placenta.

Uh, yeah, Cruise thought it'd be funny to joke to GQ magazine that he'd like to eat his baby's placenta. "I'm gonna eat the placenta," he's quoted as saying during an interview. "I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Cruise later explained he was kidding in an interview with ABC's Diane Sawyer, but when the majority of the world thinks you're a nut-job, it's bad to have an awkward sense of humor.

Tom and Katie Holmes' new daughter, Suri (meaning 'princess' or 'red rose'), was born Tuesday afternoon and weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces. No other details, including whether Katie obeyed the silent birthing practices of Scientology, were made available. (Does anybody really want to hear more anyway?)

George Stone? What's your REAL name?

Andy Garcia turns the big Five-O today. Think Hawaii Five-O because some of Garcia's best work, especially in the 80s, is playing a cop. Untouchables, The Mean Season, Black Rain. (It'd be years later until he's gain notoriety as a villain in The Godfather Part III and Ocean's Eleven.)

Born Andres Arturo Garcia Menendez in Cuba to a wealthy family, Garcia moved to Miami after Fidel Castro gained power. Getting seriously ill his senior year in high school derailed a promising basketball career and turned Garcia toward the acting profession. His breakthrough role came as "George Stone" in 1987's The Untouchables. Director Brian DePalma wanted to cast the young star as one of Al Capone's henchmen, but Garcia pushed for the heroic role as a crack shot who hid his Italian heritage to get a job on the predominantly Irish police force in Chicago.

For his 1990 role as Vincent Mancini in Godfather Part III, Garcia had to beat out more established actors including Val Kilmer, Alec Baldwin and Charlie Sheen. His work earned him an Oscar nomination.

Five memorable Andy Garcia quotes:
Untouchables: "Much better than you, you stinking Irish pig."
8 Million Ways to Die: "Sometimes in the course of doing business, it becomes necessary to remind people that they bleed when they die."
Black Rain: "What is this, a conspiracy to ruin my evening?"
Godfather Part III: "I am your son. Command me in all things."
Ocean's Eleven: "All right, you proved your point. You broke into my vault. Congratulations, you're a dead man."

World's hottest would-be librarian

Paulina Porizkova, the 80s supermodel turned actress turned rock star's wife, turns 41 today. To 80s addicts, she's best know for her modeling work in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions and for marrying Cars lead singer Ric Ocasek.

The Czech-born Porizkova met Ocasek in 1984 on the set of the video for the Cars ballad "Drive," which was directed by actor Timothy Hutton. They married in 1989.

Aside from her modeling career, she starred in several films during the 80s, including the notoriously hideous "Her Alibi" with Tom Selleck. She reportedly turned down an offer to be a "Bond girl" in the 007 flick "Goldeneye."

Playboy magazine, which featured her as a cover model but not in any nude photos, once quoted Paula as saying, "My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian."

Whatever happened to Eddie Murphy?

Remember that hilarious young comedian of the 80s? The genius behind the comedy specials Delirious and Raw. Axel Foley (Beverly Hills Cop). Billy Ray Valentine (Trading Places). Heck, even Prince Akeem in Coming to America. Yep, Eddie Murphy.

He's known today -- not for the better -- as Pluto Nash and Dr. Doolittle. What a sad turn of events for the actor, who turns 45 years old today. Once poised to take over the head of the class as the next Richard Pryor, today he's more likely to be the next Andrew Dice Clay.

Eddie! The family friendly films aren't cutting it! Kiss and make up with your old Saturday Night Live pals and let's get back to business.

In the meantime, in memory of a career that once looked infallible...

Top 5 Eddie Murphy movies of the 80s:
5. Coming to America: "The Giants triumphed by kicking a pigskin ball through a big H. A most ripping victory."
4. Beverly Hills Cop: "This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in my life."
3. 48 Hours: "I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there's a new sheriff in town."
2. Trading Places: "I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside!"
1. Delirious: "Hey boy, hey boy! Ya look mighty cute in them jeans."

Houston, you may have a problem

The tabloids are boiling over with fresh gossip over 80s pop diva Whitney Houston. (For the record, we here at Stuck in the 80s hate the term "diva" but with a select group of stars, it's the only word that fits.)

The National Enquirer folks -- ok, so it's journalism but not with a capital "j" -- reports that Houston's sister-in-law told them Houston spends her days locked away in a dirt-bag bedroom abusing crack and other drugs. The paper printed photos allegedly showing the room, along with piles of drug paraphernalia.

The Enquirer also quotes Tina Brown (Houston is of course married to the never-squeaky-clean Bobby Brown) as saying she and Houston were "drug buddies" once upon a time.

Anyone who has witnessed Houston's erratic behavior during her long fall from fame couldn't be surprised by the allegations. In 2000, after years of winning Grammy's and selling more than 100-million records, airport security in Hawaii found marijuana in her and Bobby's luggage. Thus began years of rumors of drug use.

Last week, singer Mary J. Blige, who has had her own addiction problems in the past, told a British magazine that she has counseled Houston to face up to her drug addiction.

Bono looking to buy Nirvana catalog?

Is U2 lead singer Bono looking for Nirvana? Word on the web is that Elevation Partners, which includes Bono as a partner, is ready to make an offer on the musical catalogue of grunge pioneers, which would includes tunes such as "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Come As You Are."

Courtney Love, the widow of the late Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain, is looking to sell as much as a 25 percent stake in the band's catalogue, reportedly because the burden of managing it has become overwhelming. Probably from cashing those endless 5-cent checks every time MTV plays Weird Al's "Smells Like Nirvana" video. ("A garage band from Seattle ... Well it sure beats raisin' cattle!")

Meanwhile, back in Bono's universe

Hollywood actor Edward Norton today praised Bono for being able to work with people he doesn't like. Quoted in the Ireland Online website, the star of Fight Club said, "It's very enlightened to choose to seek as much positive connection as he does, even with the people who are the instruments of these terrible terrible policies."

Among the people Bono has broken bread with in his anti-poverty and anti-AIDS campaigns: George W. Bush, Jesse Helms and Kofi Annan.

So good she has two first names

Sarah Jessica Parker knows the 80s. Though best known for her leading role in Sex & The City, Ms. Parker -- Mrs. Matthew Broderick turns 41 today and has seen her career takeoff in the 80s, with appearances in TV's Square Pegs and Footloose. Will her latest leading role -- Failure to Launch, in theaters today -- be her first blockbuster role on film?

Top 5 Sarah Jessica Parker movies:
5. Footloose (1984): "I haven't noticed a wet T-shirt contest in town yet."
4. Ed Wood (1994): "Nobody cares! These movies are terrible!"
3. Honeymoon in Vegas (1992): "We're the Flying Elvises. Utah chapter."
2. State and Main (2000): "This is what people died for ... the right to make movies in this town."
1. L.A. Story (1991): "I'm studying to be a spokesmodel."

Ones to forget: Hocus Pocus, The First Wives Club, Mars Attacks!

Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.

Matthew Broderick turns 44 today. And like Ferris, it's hard to say much goes badly for the youthful Broderick.

Top 5 Matthew Broderick movies:
5. War Games (1983): "I loved it when you nuked Las Vegas."
4. Biloxi Blues (1988): "Once you start compressing your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity."
3. Addicted to Love (1997): "I'm the Milky Way man, and I know everything."
2. The Freshman (1990): "There's a kind of freedom in being completely screwed."
1. Ferris Bueller (1986): "One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second."

Ones to forget: Godzilla, The Road to Wellville, Inspector Gadget.

Stuck at Sea update: The Stuck in the 80s crew is 4 hours off the coast of San Juan at the moment, suffering from mild sunburn and lack of cold Diet Cokes. But the good news is the ship is Stuck in the 80s too. Nothing but 80s tunes in the lounges and theater before shows. I'm with my people.

Webster turns 35!

Emmanuel Lewis is 35 years old today. Thirty-five? (That just feels wrong, doesn't it? Like the first time you realized that your parents actually had sex, or you wouldn't even be here today.) Lewis starred in Webster from 1983 to 1989, playing an orphan who comes to live with one of his father's friends (played by Alex Karras). Not much of plot really. Just a chance for Lewis to show off his cuteness. (In the 80s, "cuteness" was enough of a plot to launch any TV series. Otherwise, how can you explain Silver Spoons, Punky Brewster and Doogie Howser?)

Lewis also became a "mascot" of sorts to Michael Jackson, who brought his pint-sized friend along to award shows long before Jackson's behavior/fetish was officially categorized as "creepy."

These days, Lewis keeps himself busy making cameos on TV shows and movies about child-stars. He also appeared on the first season of The Surreal Life back in 2003, along with other has-beens like Jerri Manthey (Survivor), Vince Neil (Motley Crue) and Corey Feldman (Dream a Little Dream). You know you're on the road to becoming a future Trivial Pursuit question when you find parentheses after your name.

No jail for Boy George

Boy George avoided jail time today when he agreed to a plea bargain to settle cocaine possession charges. Instead he'll perform "Karma Chameleon" for 36 straight hours on a garbage barge anchored close to the Statue of Liberty. No, not really. (He'll perform 5 days of community service and enter a drug rehab program.)

"I am relieved and happy that this case has been disposed of," Boy said in a written statement. "I love New York and am looking forward to coming back and working in the states later this year."

Boy, whose real name is George O'Dowd, was arrested last year in New York after he called police to report an alleged burglary in his apartment. Instead of a burglar, however, cops found a pile of cocaine on his desk. As part of his plea deal, Boy admitted guilt in reporting a false incident to police.

Another 80s star in jail (yawn)

Back in the 80s, when I was suffering through the grating but necessary initiation we call "journalism school" at the University of Florida, I worked the cops and courts beat for a short time for the student newspaper. Who knew that'd be such good training for this blog. Yeah, another 80s celeb has been thrown in the pokey again. Who's it this time? Boy George again? Nah, too obvious. Madonna for beating up Guy Ritchie? No, just wishful thinking. Styx for criminal impersonation of a musical act, forcing them to take back Dennis DeYoung? No, no, no.

No, this time, it's our old buddy George Michael. The Brit singer was found slumped over unconscious in his car in a London park Sunday morning, according to media reports from the U.K. He was arrested for suspicion of possession of marijuana and liquid Ecstasy and booked under his real name, Georgios Kyriacos Panayitou. (Gaylord Focker has nothing on Georgios.)

In a statement to the media Monday, Michael said the arrest was "my own stupid fault, as usual." He didn't deny the charges or begrudge the arrest. "I was in possession of class C drugs, which is an offense, and I have no complaints about the police who were professional throughout."

Michael, 42, is semi-retired from music these days (in the same way I'm semi-retired from my pursuit of becoming an Olympics pole-vaulter). But he still finds his way into the tabloids from time to time. Eight years ago, he was arrested in L.A. for "gross indecency" in a public toilet. Despite his recent attachment to a more private life, Michael remains one of Britain's wealthiest pop stars. (Good, he may need the money for lawyers.)

A little G.M. trivia

While we ponder the future of our razor-challenged popster, how about some trivia on his career? Good luck with these gems.
Question 1: George Michael penned his first song at age 17. Can you name it?
Question 2: What's ironic about the title of his second album, "Listen Without Prejudice"?
Question 3: He doesn't appear in the video for his tune "Freedom 90" -- who does?
Question 4: Which two cover songs sung by George Michael were worldwide hits after their release? (Hint: both were live performances.)

Axl ready to work again. Luckily no one cares.

They were serious? It looks like Guns N' Roses really is going to be a working band again. Reports from the continent this week have Axl & Co. booking gigs around the U.K. The BBC reports today that the hard rocking band -- pretty much AWOL since the early 90s -- is going to play the "Download Festival" in Derbyshire, Great Britain, on June 11. Another report has GNR playing Dublin a few days earlier.

Axl has been working on the band's latest album -- Chinese Democracy -- for a few years now (umm, nine years actually), but promised fans they'd hear the music this year. (Which will happen first? "Chinese Democracy" or Democracy in China? The band hasn't released an original album since '93.)

Actually, three cuts from the album -- "There Was a Time," "I.R.S." and "Better" -- have already found their way to the Internet. Boston radio station WAAF put the songs on heavy rotation until a court order from GNR put an end to the fun, according to E! Online.

Howard Stern, on his morning satellite radio show, critiqued the GNR comeback this week, concluding with the rhetorical question: When did Axl go "from so cool to being a d--che?"

Cindy Crawford and MTV's House of Style

Cindy Crawford turns 40 today. So it's time to remember her single contribution to the 80s: serving as the first host for MTV's House of Style. Beginning in 1989, the popular series ran for more than a decade.

Why so popular? We have no idea. The writing was awful -- Cindy's commentary sounded like a contest between stoned college freshmen to see who could form the longest sentences composed of nothing but cliches. ("Here's the low-down on high fashion ... a sampling of street-looks from the mean streets East Coast to West Coast, featuring rocking and rolling style victims and summer designs from today's hottest designers.")

The fashion advice was non-applicable to anyone outside Manhattan and L.A. And it proved that MTV programming gurus had officially jumped the shark. The show's shallowness was mocked ruthlessly in the 1994 movie Reality Bites (ah, when Ben Stiller was still a genius).

Poor Cindy. She's taken her lumps for her acting (1992's Fair Game) and her past marriages (Richard Gere). At least she has her appearance as the July 1988 Playboy cover model to look back on. Plus, her modeling career and exercise videos ensure she'll never have to worry about schlepping herself on MTV again.