Kickin' it: The passing of a great man
Giants kicker Jay Feely blogs weekly for NBCSports.com.
I have not written anything since the season ended for us two weeks ago in Philadelphia. And, although many things have happened in the world of football during that time, I am sure you know most of them. I won't bore you talking about my feelings about our season (disappointing), coach Coughlin (deserved to be retained...and I said so publically before they made a decision), or the playoffs, which have been fantastic. I want to write about a man that I love that passed away a week ago.
My grandfather, Tom Feely, was a great man. What made him so was the principles that he believed in and the manner in which he lived his life. They were one in the same and that is something I strive to emulate every day of my life. His life was governed by his faith and his family. Everything else was secondary to these two pillars in his life. He was not a perfect man, only one man was or every will be, but he was a stalwart in a world of cowards. He was devoted to his faith, adored his wife, cherished his family, and relished every moment of his life.
Other than a priest, I have never witnessed a man so committed to his faith. He was a strong Irish Catholic, and since he retired 25 years ago, was a daily communicant at church. That means he went to church every day. Can you imagine that?! He knew God was most important in his life and he wanted to honor Him daily. His faith trickled over into all other areas of his life but none more so than his character. This was a man who lived with integrity. Thirty years of college coaching without a whiff of impropriety. This was evident in the constant stream of former players who came to the wake and funeral to honor a man who had impacted their life. They came to tell his family about the difference he made in their lives and they left after encouraging me to be more adamant about the man I want to be in my life.
The day before he died, my grandfather celebrated his 63rd wedding anniversary to the queen of the Orange Bowl and never wavered in his commitment to her or his marriage. Today, when over 50 percent of all marriages in our country end in divorce, and most of our children are being raised in single-parent or dual-family homes, 63 years of faithful marriage is something to be revered. He loved to say the key to a happy marriage is never to go to bed angry at each other (then he would deliver his punch line)... "One time we stayed up for two weeks straight." He approached his marriage with dignity, honor, respect, humor, and most importantly, reverence. It was not something to be taken for granted; it was to be honored. He had a pride that existed for his marriage that most Americans have lost.
After his faith and his wife, the most important thing in his life was his family. Hopefully when I die, all who I knew in life will be able to say the most important things in my life were my faith, my wife, and my family. What other things truly matter in your life? Do accomplishments have meaning if you sacrifice your marriage or your family to achieve them? Money, success and accomplishment mean nothing if you sacrifice the truly meaningful things to acquire them. My grandfather had a choice early in his career that would define his priorities. He was a coach at St. Thomas, a NAIA school in Minnesota. And he had the chance to move to Marquette, a Division I college basketball program. Ultimately he chose to stay at his alma mater mostly so he could ensure a steady environment for his four boys to grow up in.
What I think about most when I think about Papa is playing cards with him. I started with crazy eights, progressed to cribbage and jin, but our all-time favorite was hearts. Our entire family plays hearts when we get together and they are legendary games. When I played for the Falcons I had a weekly hearts game with three coaches -- Joe DeCamilis, Wade Phillips, and Ollie Wilson. My grandfather's teaching came in handy!! He loved to compete, that is the epitome of his legacy.
I will miss him competing in our annual family tennis tournament (that he would still win, at 70 years old). I would call him after every game I played in the NFL and detail the game plan, the coaches' decisions, our players' mentality, and listening to the old coach tell me his perspective. When I went to Mr. Mara's funeral last year with the entire Giant organization I was struck by the fact that every person who talked at his funeral spoke about his faith and his family...nothing else. This great man who helped guide the NFL from its infancy and was the father figure to his Giant team, which left an unmistakable mark on me because his priorities were correctly aligned. My grandfather and Mr. Mara had a lot in common.
Tom Feely coached college basketball for over 30 years, won many titles and always conducted himself in a manner that was hall of fame worthy. In fact, he is in the college hall of fame for playing and coaching. He was one of the first to use the four corners offense. I was actually with Dean Smith in the Bahamas at a golf tournament a couple of years ago. We were paired together all weekend and during one of our conversations I playfully teased him for taking credit for the offense my grandfather first introduced. Coach Smith sent me his book that I gave to my grandfather with the inscription, "From one great coach to another." That was one of the best Christmas presents he ever received and the inscription was very appropriate.
The coach never really retires he just changes who he coaches. My grandfather left college coaching to coach the Feely family. He didn't teach me skills related to football -- although he would often brag about his ability to drop kick back in his day -- but he taught me about life. He taught me the principles that molded and shaped me and gave me the foundation upon which I stand today. He showed me that my faith, then my wife, then my family were to be most important. Everything else follows distantly behind, but when doing everything else, do it in a manner of greatness. Compete in every arena as hard as you can. Don't make excuses for failure, refuse to fail, but when you do fail, do so valiantly and with dignity. After my Seattle debacle last year, he called to tell me that he had never been so proud of me in his life. When he watched the press conference after the game and I failed "valiantly and with dignity," I exemplified that motto he preached. Then he told me to make a game winner next week. He was right, it was two weeks later.
You can read a story and view a clip about Tom Feely at this site: http://www.stthomas.edu/tommies/news.cfm?ArticleID=4684
