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Who really cares about family values?

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 2/7/2007 2:55 PM | 661 words
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Perhaps you were wondering what happened to our exposé on YouTube porn, or our investigation of the mass media's involvement in the scandal. I must inform you that it is dead in the water, and that I do not see any signs that it will be resuscitated. Why?

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Mr. Man-ners: Do you hate women?

By Mr. Man-ners | 1/20/2007 6:02 AM | 98 words
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Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Are you a misogynist?
A Woman

 

Dear A Woman:
No! I love women. I love the way they cook. I love the way they clean. I love the way they spread their legs for my hard throbbing cock!! I just don't love the way they harp, gossip, or nag. So, I could never live with one. Been there, done that! Are you a sicko feminist lesbian who hates men? (before you answer, do you, or have you ever, owned a cat?). See--you ARE a lesbian! And I bet you have a toaster oven from your initiation (think Ellen Degeneres).
Mr. Man-ners

Keywords: Humor, Gossip, Mr. Man-ners, Women, Ellen Degeneres

Mr. Man-ners is the rude columnist of Bill's Bitter Pills. Ask your questions by clicking here.

25 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2451/

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Mr. Man-ners: Isn't art for art's sake good enough?

By Mr. Man-ners | 1/18/2007 8:04 AM | 144 words
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Dear Mr. Man-ners:

I'm an artist. I paint. I sculpt. I draw. So, one day while looking for a job, a prospective employer suggested I pollute my art. He said I could do graphic arts on the computer. It's not that I couldn't learn it, but how can I commercialize something that's part of me?

Artist

 

Dear Artist:

You're full of shit -- I mean pollution! Art doesn't pay the bills. It doesn't keep you warm at night or keep the raindrops off your head or pay for those condoms you must use with your girlfriend. Get over yourself. Become a prostitute like the rest of us. Sell your wares and accept money for them. You're not DaVinci! Maybe you're Van Gogh! Sell your soul to make a living, like the rest of us schucks out here in the real world (unless your fantasy world pays the bills!).

Mr. Man-ners

Keywords: Humor, Shit, Mr. Man-ners, art, Prostitute

Mr. Man-ners is the rude columnist of Bill's Bitter Pills. Ask your questions by clicking here.

28 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2452/

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I’ll show you mine

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 1/16/2007 9:07 AM | 679 words
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President Bush has thrown down the gauntlet on the national playground. He is demanding that anyone who would challenge his new Iraq policy (I thought sending troops to Iraq has already been tried) provided an alternative policy.

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Keywords: Iraq, Bush, Weeniecrats

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Mr. Man-ners: Why do you like that stupid Anarchy Concepts site?

By Mr. Man-ners | 1/15/2007 7:42 AM | 244 words
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Dear Mr. Man-ners:  

I checked that site you recommended. There were only a few t-shirts. And I found them offensive.

Not Liking You're Picking

Dear Picking Your Nose: 

WTF. Are you an asshole or what? Were you picking your nose when you should have been picking a brain? That site is great. They have some great mean spirited political t-shirts that bash bush and also some that are VERY sexual. And HOW can you find them tasteless and STILL read my column you moron?  Humor's my thing. I like good humor. From Benny Hill to Johnny Carson. I like it hot! I mean funny. Well when there's a girl involved I like it funny AND hot! And naked. And sweaty. Enough of that! I also like humor to be funny--and this site has some fucking-hilarious shirts, including: Pluto: 1930-2006, R.I.P. (discovered in 1930 Pluto is no longer one of our planets, it's a dwarf planet now. Rest in Peace-you will not be forgotten Pluto-your name STILL lives in MOST science books.)

Single: Apply in the rear (funny!)

Single: Oral applications accepted (even funnier!)
I see dead soldiers (where there's a picture of President Bush with his eyes crossed out-so obviously he does NOT see dead soldiers).

Bush Bash: The best party in town (it's funny if you enjoy bashing bush!)

The Bush Party: B.Y.O.B.B. (Bring Your Own Body Bag) (sad…but funny too!)

The t-shirts at Anarchy Concepts are funnier than hell. So get a life and stop bashing this business you fuckwad!  

Mr. Man-ners

Keywords: George W. Bush, Humor, Sex, Mr. Man-ners, T-shirt

Mr. Man-ners is the rude columnist of Bill's Bitter Pills. Ask your questions by clicking here.

12 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2541/

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We are getting an edumakashun

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 1/13/2007 12:31 PM | 522 words
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"This is a dangerously wrong-headed strategy that will drive America deeper into an unwinnable swamp at a great cost. We should be focused on helping the Iraqis find a political solution and creating a policy that allows us to leave Iraq honorably, has the sustained support of the American people and does not further destabilize the Middle East."

Sen. Chuck Hagel, Republican Senator from Nebraska

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Keywords: Iraq, Bush

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Feeling a little crowded?

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 1/11/2007 8:58 AM | 641 words
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If you are old enough to remember what things were like just over forty years ago, you may recall hearing someone tell you that the nearest town was at least fifty miles away. I remember hearing expressions similar to this many times, and I also remember nervously eyeing the gas gauge and earnestly hoping that the distance was not under estimated.

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Keywords: overpopulation

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Okay you're right

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 1/8/2007 8:33 AM | 346 words
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There's a school of thought that says that an increase in the amount of water vapor is responsible for the most of the increases in greenhouse gases. There is evidence to support this thought and I will not dispute this argument. It is similar to someone noticing only their swelling thumb after they have pounded it with a hammer, but I digress.

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Keywords: Global warming

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Stop feeding us your damned dualities

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 12/18/2006 4:59 PM | 1050 words
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A well-intentioned visitor commented yesterday and informed me of how an American court had ruled that Christmas was a secular holiday. Somebody needs to inform Bill O'Reilly, and most evangelicals of this fact, because they have been complaining for some time now about the secularization of Christmas. I'm afraid I might have to agree with O'Reilly and his evangelical friends on this one.

Nothing about Christmas is secular.

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69 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2597/

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Whose country is this anyway?

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 12/13/2006 11:40 AM | 1091 words
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Abraham Lincoln should not have needed to write the Emancipation Proclamation, as blacks were in fact equals under our Constitution's own language, however when our Constitution was drafted, many of our founding fathers owned slaves. This forced Lincoln to draft the Emancipation Proclamation, to correct the mindset that allowed ownership of slaves. While this would not be the first time or the last, our Supreme Court failed us miserably in this instance.

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27 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2596/

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Your delusion is being interrupted by reality

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 12/7/2006 6:54 PM | 445 words
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"The war on Christmas". If I should hear that one more time, I am likely to puke. Somebody, anybody, please tell me how any individual citizen has had their right to celebrate Christmas removed. I can show you where somebody is being fined to remove a wreath shaped like a peace sign from their house, but I would really like to hear where a private US citizen has been blocked from celebrating Christmas.

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Keywords: Christmas

11 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2595/

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Happy Ramadan Wal-Mart shoppers!

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 12/6/2006 8:44 AM | 1017 words
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You are a good Christian right? I hope it wouldn't bother you if you went through your checkout at Wal-Mart, and the cashier cheerfully sent you on your way wishing you a "Happy Ramadan", "Happy Chanukkah", or a "Happy Winter Solstice". You of course must be aware that there are roughly 6 million Jews, 6 million Muslims, and somewhere around 500,000 pagans living in this country, and they all have their own significant holidays to observe, just like Christians.

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Keywords: Wal-Mart, Ramadan, Chanukkah, Christmas

7 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2594/

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So sorry to bother you

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 12/1/2006 3:42 PM | 327 words
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Over the Thanksgiving holidays, I left several pieces up that completely lacked humor and had zero focus on current world events. I had the highest daily traffic flow ever during that five-day period, however my time on page stats were down substantially, it appears that the absolute worst mistake you can make as a writer is to attempt to make anyone feel anything other than anger or abject bliss.

Read More...

5 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2593/

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Anything to stay alive

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/27/2006 10:11 PM | 710 words
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I usually spend Thanksgiving holidays with my shoulders stuck in a sort of semi-permanent wince, and anticipating that someone from my family is going to really screw things up by dying on the rest of us. This Thanksgiving I spent most of the holiday stuck in a semi-permanent wince mode, but not over concerns that anybody was going to up and die on us. No, this state of near-anxiety occurred because I had to repeatedly explain to "recently acquired" family members, why I was running outside the house every time there was a communal gathering in front of a television set.

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Keywords: O.J. Simpson, Thanksgiving, television

26 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2592/

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So Rooskie butt-blaster didn't cut it?

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/21/2006 2:58 AM | 432 words
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I am sure that by now, most of you have heard that the U.S. Agriculture Department has declared that hunger has been eliminated from America. Someone apparently hired one of Ronald Reagan's old wordsmith's, the guy who created the moniker of "peacekeeper missiles", a lovely name for a missile with a nuclear warhead attached. Now thanks to him, we no longer have any hungry Americans, we just have "Those With 'Food Insecurity".

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68 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2591/

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I told you so

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/17/2006 11:24 AM | 480 words
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I noticed that O.J. Simpson has decided he was going to fess up and inform all of us how he disposed of his wife and the even more unfortunate Ronald Goldman. How completely tasteful, such class, grace, and elegance, good heavens what a man.

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Keywords: O.J. Simpson

16 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2590/

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Whispers to Nancy : Part 3

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/16/2006 9:02 AM | 550 words
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"We support the appointment of judges who respect traditional family values and the sanctity of innocent human life."

From the 2004 Republican Party Platform
"A Safer World and a More Hopeful America".

Greetings again Mrs. Pelosi,

If one were to approach the subject of abortion looking only at the economics involved, it would not be difficult to make a convincing argument that abortions should continue. Raising a child to adulthood can cost a parent anywhere from $ 250,000 to $400,000, and that is not even considering tuition for college. If you look at the trends in our inner cities, if we were forced to raise most of these children rather than abort them, we would have an increase in violence and all of the associated costs, as well as a vastly higher number of people receiving government assistance.

Read More...

9 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2589/

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Whip out the pitchforks and torches

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/14/2006 10:55 AM | 449 words
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Tom Cruise will tell you that psychiatry is pure voodoo, and I will admit that if you've ever had a bad shrink, you would be inclined to agree with him. That said, Tom Cruise's behavior has never managed to indicate that he has all his oars in the water, so I'm not sure that being "metered" did very much for him either.

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Keywords: Nancy Pelosi

14 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2588/

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The "Dear Nancy" letters

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/13/2006 6:04 AM | 458 words
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Dear Nancy Pelosi,

I am one of those independent and swing voters that just gave you and your fellow Democrats control of the House and Senate. I thought I'd toss off a letter to you and offer several ways that you can successfully avoid having all of us vote for Ralph Nader in the next election. I figured that if you were offered a choice, you would rather count the number of Democrats who were chairman of committees in the House, than count the number of Prada handbags in your closet.

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Keywords: Nancy Pelosi

19 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2587/

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Time to get real

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/9/2006 9:03 AM | 525 words
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Voters all across the country cast their ballots Tuesday, and the only ironclad indicator that I could pull out of the results, was that a whole lot people were angry. I did not need an election to tell me this, as everywhere I have traveled during the last six months, I have personally witnessed the building resentment.

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7 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2586/

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Markos Moulitsas Zuniga = LOSER!

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/7/2006 8:37 PM | 11 words
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Feel the power of Kos: Swift like sloth, strong like bunny rabbit.

 

Keywords: Kos

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy was brought to you by the Unholy Church of Reverend Gisher, and the Evangelical House of Those Bastards. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time at Less People Less Idiots

7 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2585/

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Less of a fishy smell about

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/6/2006 10:46 AM | 380 words
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Today we have a story that explains why it's a good thing Catholics are not forced to eat fish on Friday anymore, another piece questioning the IQ of President George W. Bush, and a video on what one hand can accomplish that does not in any way involve Mark Foley.

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Keywords: neocon, George W. Bush

10 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2584/

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Dance with the one that brung ya

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/4/2006 12:56 PM | 548 words
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If you were to read this article on MSNBC, I would hope that you came away with the same impression that I formed after reading it. Richard Perle, a certified hawk and neocon, stated plainly "had he seen at the start of the war in 2003 where it would go, he probably would not have advocated an invasion to depose Saddam Hussein."

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Keywords: Iraq war

10 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2583/

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Is the condom big enough?

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/2/2006 11:00 AM | 389 words
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Today we have a man fornicating with the most unusual mate you could possibly conceive of, a war in the skies above us, and the story of an extremely violent videogame.

Read More...

Keywords: Korea, Kinky Sex, Video games

24 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2582/

2 Comments | Add Comment

Transgendered doggie biscuits

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 11/1/2006 7:36 AM | 308 words
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Today we have posts on a transgendered carpenter and shade tree mechanic, a potential terrorist threat colliding with an extramarital affair, and the human slant on the war in Iraq.

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Keywords: Transgendered, terrorist threat

14 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2581/

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All the colors of Christ

By Rev. Billy Gisher | 10/31/2006 7:36 AM | 219 words
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Our first editorial today is on the subject of the new movie "Colors of Christ". I've heard so many Christians say how tolerant we are in this country when faced with offenses towards Christianity, and how completely intolerant Muslims are when they are confronted with the same situation. Why is it then that any time a movie comes out that in some way attempts to deal with the story of Christ that such a massive ruckus occurs? Is this a case of a director calling Jesus black, or the pot calling the kettle black?

Read More...

Keywords: Colors of Christ, Muslims

8 Trackbacks | Trackback URL for this entry is: http://www.thosebastards.com/trackback/2580/

4 Comments | Add Comment


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