last "“I didn’t ask to be born...”" :: Current :: next "I don’t care!"

July 17, 2001 :: "The Spanking"

Way back in the day, when your humble author was but a lad of seven, I did something terrible. To this day I have no recollection what it was. But it was bad. Bad enough that my father told me I deserved a spanking. My mother would often give me the Vulcan Death Grip if I acted up in public, but spankings were extremely rare. I must have done something awful.

My father decided that he would take this opportunity to make this The Spanking David Would Not Soon Forget. My father was vice-president of DMB&B; [then DM&M;] Advertising Agency. He knew all about the psychology of human reaction to stimuli and was determined to put his knowledge to good use. Lucky me.

“David? I want you to go to your room. Turn your bedroom light off, but leave the hallway light on. Wait for me there.” Crap. This didn’t sound good at all.

As I sat in the dark I heard a terrible sound. Slow, pounding footsteps, loud as cannons, ascending the spiral staircase. With each step it was hard to determine what was louder, the footsteps, or my heartbeat which at this point was in my throat. A huge, black figure appeared in the doorway; my father was a fullback at Michigan State. The black figure began sliding off its belt slowly and advancing toward me.

I received about three or four good wallops from the belt. From that point on, my father need only hint that I might deserve a spanking and I snapped to attention. [Konrad Lorenz would have been proud of him.]

He said. She said. There’s 12 Comments
Wow...sounds pretty traumatic. Of course now when I do this to Denise, we call it fun. By
Charles :: July 18, 2001 03:05 AM EST
Yikes! My father only spanked me once (with his hand) when I was about ten and it still smarts when I think about it. However, the one who favored using a belt was my mother, and that is why I will never, ever use a belt on my own kid. Although I have to admit that now when I think about it, it is kind of comical when I remember how my brother and sister would run all over the house from her to keep from getting smacked, while she'd run after them with the belt in her hand. Not only was it futile, but it would only succeed in getting her more upset. By Becky :: July 18, 2001 04:39 AM EST
I'm sure in a few years you can sue. By freedexter :: July 18, 2001 01:41 PM EST
Uh no. One, I ould never sue my parents. I don't happen to consider this a bad experience - just interesting. Two, my father has been dead for 24 years By Davezilla :: July 18, 2001 02:28 PM EST
so, "zilla", any recent spankings? ;)
haw haw haw!! i crack myself up...
seriously, a spankin' ain't that bad. it just depends on who is givin' it. me? i'd do anything to avoid feeling dick cheney's soft clammy palm smacking my tender ass, but when it's laura? heaven is in my pants!
and remember kids, spanking for fun should only occur within the sanctity of marriage.
By "w" :: July 18, 2001 02:51 PM EST
yeah, all i have to do is hint at a spanking and chuck "snaps to attention", if you know what i mean. ;)
By denise :: July 18, 2001 03:08 PM EST
My dad rarely used a belt, but just the threat was enough to keep us in line. It was the white one with about a gazillion holes in it.

My mom spanked us more often, but that was probably because she was in charge of raising us. At the time, I obviously thought it was bad. Now, I see it as just another part of growing up.

There were four of us, so we did not have to do something really bad to get spanked. We just all had to do it at the same time.

At family gatherings, we often joke about the weekly beatings we received, just in case mom missed something.
By upser :: July 18, 2001 03:10 PM EST
Ugh, I know all about that. My dad firmly believes in the "Spare the rod, Spoil the child" philosophy, although my little brother was 14 before he got his first spanking and by the time I was 13 I had gone through that wicked ordeal too many times to remember. If I ever go to therapy, I'm blaming everything on this. By Shiloah :: July 18, 2001 03:14 PM EST
I spent $6000 thousand out of pocket on therapy and all I got was to comment on this lousy website.

Luckily, turns out the damned spanking HELPED! Little positive reinforcement here, little oak paddle there. No worries. I'm not cuckoo - well, ok, not outright cuckoo, but it was fun!

Seriously, I remember some dads used to tell their sons; "This is going to hurt me, more than it is you, son". Not my dad. He always had a knack for not mincing words. His favorite saying while I waited for delivery? "Son, this is going to hurt you, MUCH more than it is me. Maybe you'll remember that."

Some folks get all uptight about this whole spanking thing. But I can assure you, I deserved every last one of them. And I think I see several kids outside right now whos dads apparently are falling down on the job! I gotta make a phonecall.
By six :: July 18, 2001 06:19 PM EST
mommy, daddy, how come every time i go over to denise and charles' house they are trying to hurt each other in the bedroom? they make an *awful* lot of noise in there... By bakiwop :: July 18, 2001 10:56 PM EST
my dad spanked me once. he never did it again, because i'd taunt him about how ineffectual that sort of punishment was. i think i was about 5 or 6 at the time. By ab :: July 18, 2001 11:35 PM EST
I had a friend whose dad knew that waiting for the spanking was often the worst of it, so he'd tell his kids "ok, that's it, you're getting a spanking! Now go to your room and wait for me." Sometimes they'd wait a couple hours, completely terrified, before getting one or two swats. psychological torture, I guess. By ari :: July 19, 2001 10:42 AM EST

Powered By Greymatter

All material is ©2001 Dave Linabury. All rights reserved.