King of the World  
   
 
 
 
Let me just start off by saying that this isn't gonna be another one of my usual rants about some personal torment - this piece deals with a much more expansive issue: the impeachment of President Bill Clinton.

Okay, so let's cut to the chase: now that we've nuked the guy (as in Impeached), should we throw his ass out of the White House or not? God knows, unless you live under a rock, you've heard the facts, seen the debates and formed your own opinion.

Before you answer, let's just take a moment to be clear about what we're proposing here. We're talking about removing a United States President from office. This isn't like canceling a magazine subscription - this is a once-in-a-lifetime event. He's the guy with the most important and influential job in the entire world - it's basically like dethroning the King of the World.

So, the question naturally arises. On what grounds are we allowed to get rid of the King of the World? I'm not a constitutional scholar, and I'm not gonna spew quotes from that sacred document, but it's pretty clear to me that it has to be something MONUMENTAL. That's not just my opinion - our Founding Fathers made sure of this when they drafted that wonderfully frustrating document.

In it, language exists that allows us, under extreme circumstances, to dethrone our King. It is, for good reason, very hard to do. In order for us to send him packing, we have to pretty much prove that this King, if you will, is either a felon or a traitor.

Okay, so, back to the issue. Has our current King, Mr. Bill Clinton, acted in a felonious or traitorous manner? Do you feel that he has jeopardized our very Republic by his actions? The reason why I'm asking this is to make damn sure that we're not talking about dethroning a King, publicly elected, merely on the basis of poor judgement and questionable moral character. If that's the case, then I pity the fools who seek public office in the future.

History has revealed, time and time again, that Presidents, like it or not, are mortal. They make dozens of important decisions every day and I'm sure that most of you will agree - not all of them meet with our approval.

Let me ask you, would you like to be President? I'll bet most of you would say, "Hell no, Jack," and with good reason - it's a chump's job. How well do you think you would hold up under near-24 hour scrutiny? I, for one, would get the willies if I knew everything I ever said or did in a four, or eight-year period was public record. I'm sorry, maybe I'm just a wimp, but I think that would be extremely difficult, if not maddening.

So, I ask you - when did we get so bloody righteous all of a sudden? When, exactly, did our High Horse arrive? Past Presidents have ordered Atomic Bombs to be dropped, for Christ's sake. There are tremendous moral issues surrounding that decision, but we never asked THAT king for HIS crown back. Does a man's inability to keep his willy in his pants deserve to be judged on the same level? God above, I hope not.

Look, I don't want to ignore, or gloss over what our President, as a representative of our country, has done - he blew it, plain and simple. He's definitely off my "10 Coolest People" list, but even at that, I simply can't make myself bend down and toss that first stone.

Those of you who have never lied, never "obstructed" any form of justice, never "tampered" with any thing or any person - hey, go for it - chuck that thing with all your might. The rest of us will stand by and watch that poor mortal bleed.

Best,

Bruce Campbell