Dr. William Fitzgerald answers:
Dear Aroused by Thoughts of Rape,
The single most common theme in romance novels is some variation on the "gentle rape." That is, a woman engaging in sex because she "has to" in some way, such as out of gratitude or obligation, or because of mild force. This theme is intensely appealing to women in American society because it absolves the woman of responsibility for being, or wanting to be, sexual. After all, the predominant messages are that "Nice girls don't, those who do are nasty, and those who enjoy it are sluts!" I hypothesize that you inherently want to feel aroused, but that when you start to have those feelings, intense guilt quashes the positive feelings, and the thoughts of rape take the responsibility out of your hands.
For reasons probably related to guilt induced by Judeo-Christian messages, many people experience guilt around their thoughts of rape. I implore you to re-think the purpose (and groundlessness) of the guilt.
I encourage you to share your arousal when thinking of rape with your lover(s). You might be delighted with what they share in return based on your role modeling! In addition, many heterosexual and homosexual couples engage in light bondage and rape role playing precisely for these reasons. Incorporate it as a positive force in your sex play instead of fighting it. If it is still distressing, consult a sex therapist.
This question has been answered by Dr. William Fitzgerald, a.k.a. Sexdoc. He is a bona fide sex therapist. He is one of the sex therapists at the Silicon Valley Relationship and Sexuality Center, in Santa Clara, California. For more of Dr. Fitzgerald�s work, visitors can check out Ask the Sex Doc, his website devoted to answering questions about sex therapy, sexuality, and relationships. Or, for more information visit his Compact Information Page at Body-Mind QueenDom.