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The Worst NCAA D-I College Mascots

With March Madness upon us, we hereby bring you 25 of the worst Division I college mascots. Enjoy.
In honor of March Madness, we at Drivl thought we would compile a list of the worst Division I college mascots and present them in an easily digestible list for your viewing pleasure. Each entry was researched carefully (meaning not at all) and judged on a variety of criteria, such as ugliness, randomness of mascot choice, cheapness of costume, and the all-important creepiness factor. We hereby present you, in descending order, our pick of the 25 Worst College Mascots currently enjoying D-I status:

25. Georgia Tech's Buzz the Yellow Jacket (ACC)
georgia_institute_of_technology_mascot
Apparently the bright minds over at Georgia Tech couldn't think of a better mascot than a yellow jacket. Sure, yellow jackets are annoying when they ruin a perfectly good picnic, and they are capable of killing (but only those with wimpy allergies), but I still can't help but laugh when I see this creature with albino eyes and scrawny legs.


24. University of Wisconsin-Green Bay's Phlash the Phoenix (Horizon League)

A phoenix seems like it would be a pretty sweet mascot, right? They're colorful, look bad-ass, and can spontaneously combust, only to rise from a dusty pile of their own freakin' ashes and be reborn. That's pretty awesome!

Based on the above criteria, I didn't think I'd ever in my life see a pathetic-looking phoenix...that is, until I laid eyes on UW-GB's mascot, "Phlash":
universityofwisconsingre
This thing looks like it's risen one too many times, but the creature's curse is that it can't be put out of its misery. It's gaunt, its eyes are sunken, it looks phlemy (Phlash the Phlemy Phoenix?), and it appears to have sprouted random feathers from its chin. Plus, aren't phoenixes supposed to be fiery in color? Last time I checked, green wasn't an inferno-y hue.


23. University of Miami's Sebastian the Ibis (ACC)

A plethora of aquatic mascots to choose from, and the University of Miami chooses an ibis. As if that's not bad enough, the school doesn't even know what an ibis freakin' looks like.

This is an ibis:
200pxstrawneckedibis

This, on the other hand, is Sebastian the "Ibis":
university_of_miami_mascot
Dude, that's a duck...with what appear to be either eyelashes or Eugene Levy eyebrows. It's wearing a sailor hat and giant cartoon shoes, for crying out loud.
You just can't make a duck look bad-ass. Need proof?
howard1
Howard the Duck. I rest my case.


Speaking of eyelashes...
22. Florida A&M's Rattlesnake (Mid-Eastern Athletic)
floridarattlesnake
I don't really have any issues with the mascot being a rattlesnake (although doesn't the fact that the costume has legs sort of negate the whole point of having a snake as a mascot?), but why God why did they give it a ponytail and eyelashes? To creepy it up? Well, mission accomplished.


21. Rice University's Sammy the Owl (Conference USA)
rice_university_mascot

And now, a little Drivl Math for you:
equation_400
It looks like the end product of a Predator infecting a bum and somehow spawning a filthy, outraged, Predatowl.


20. Tulane University's Riptide (Conference USA)
tulane
Three things:
  1. He's choking that dog.
  2. He's dropping a huge gonad while choking that dog.
  3. The look on his face indicates he is taking great pleasure from choking that dog.

19. Campbell University's Gaylord the Camel (Atlantic Sun)
campbellugaylord
Dude, seriously? GAYLORD the CAMEL?!

(I'd make more jokes, but it looks like Gaylord is sportin' The Glow from The Last Dragon, so I don't want it to fuck me up. Or spit on me.)


18. University of Nebraska's Lil' Red (Big 12)
university_of_nebraska_mascot_01
I envision Lil' Red as Big Boy's jealous, bitter younger brother, who tried to open his own chain of restaurants but failed, and is now reduced to shooting Slim Jims and children's coloring menus out of a t-shirt cannon to fans during Nebraska games.


17. Southern Illinois University-Carbondale's Saluki (Missouri Valley)
southern_illinois_university_mascot
I never thought there would be an uglier dog mascot than the bulldog, but Southern Illinois had to prove me wrong by adopting the saluki as theirs. These guys look like they were the result of several generations of inbreeding. They also look like they're going to eat your fucking face.


16. University of Florida's Albert E. Gator (Southeastern)
floridagator
Albert E. Gator looks like the Danny Glover of mascots: he's, quite frankly, getting too old for this shit. The gator has about eight teeth, beady old man eyes, and is wearing the same huge, frumpy sweater I gave to my grandpa three Christmasses ago. Saddest. Gator. Ever.


15. Syracuse's Otto the Orange (Big East)
syracuse_01
ORANGE you glad I didn't...ah, fuck it. This mascot is really retarded. They should have a banana and a strawberry as co-mascots and call themselves "The Smoothies." At least they'd never have to worry about getting scurvy.


14. Vanderbilt's Commodore (Southeastern)
vanderbilt
The really freaky mascots are the ones that are (sort of) supposed to be people, and the Commodore is no exception. His head is suffering from an unfortunate case of gigantism, and he's all tranny'd out with a feather, eyeliner, and satin stripes. He manges to look creepy and FABulous at the same time.


13. George Mason's Gunston (Colonial Athletic Association)
george_mason_mascot_01
I like how the school didn't even bother to identify what their mascot is--they just named it Gunston and called it a day. It looks like Oscar the Grouch's friendly gay cousin. I bet their Sunday night dinners together are awkward:

Oscar: "Would you pass the garbage, Gunston?"
Gunston: "Puhleeese. I won't touch that stuff. I just got a manicure. Do you have any Perrier?"
Oscar: (under his breath) "...you're such a fag..."
Gunston: "Excuse me Mr. Trash Man? Oh no you di-n't!"


12. Saint Louis University's Billiken (Atlantic 10)
saint_louis_university_mascot
According to Wikipedia, a billiken is:

a charm doll created by an American art teacher and illustrator, Ms. Florence Pretz of Kansas City, Missouri, who is said to have seen the mysterious figure in a dream. In 1908 she patented the Billiken, who was elf-like with pointed ears, a mischievous smile, and a tuft a hair on his pointed head.

Thus, Saint Louis University took it upon themselves to pick a mascot that is based on some hippy art teacher's acid trip. It looks like Bat Boy.
batboy_01


11. Ohio State's Brutus Buckeye (Big 10)
buckeye
My hatred of Ohio State (or, as I like to call them, Southern Michigan University) notwithstanding, Brutus Buckeye looks like a turd nugget that has a chunk of corn embedded in it. He should be called a Butteye.


10. Western Kentucky University's Big Red (Sun Belt)
For those of you who wondered what the Kool-Aid Man would look like if he decided to go sugar-free and subsequently lost forty pounds:
western_kentucky_mascot
OH YEAH!


9. Providence College's Friar (Big East)
providence_college_mascot
If the friar is supposed to be a religious, pious figure, then why does he look like he's going to rape you? (The password is Fidelio, by the way.)


8. Wichita State University's WuShock (Missouri Valley)
wichitastate
It looks like an organic tampon, with "WUSHOCK!" being the exclamation you hear when someone shoves that thing up their hoonaner.


7. Purdue's Purdue Pete (pictured)/Boilermaker Special (Big 10)
purdue_mascot
I don't know what a Boilermaker is, but Purdue Pete sure looks special, all right. In fact, you know who he reminds me of?

mask
I didn't know Eric Stoltz moonlights as Purdue's mascot!


6. George Washington University's Colonial (Atlantic 10)
george_washington_university_mascot
For some reason, the Colonial reminds me of the Norseman, McKinley High's mascot in Freaks and Geeks. Both are unintentionally terrifying, with their gigantic heads and soulless eyes. While the Colonial isn't sporting a spine-tingling grin, somehow his look of placid indifference is even scarier.


5. Wake Forest's Demon Deacon (ACC)
wake_forest_mascot_2
The Demon Deacon will haunt my dreams, and here's why:

wake_forest_mascot
vs.
poltergeist_2
He looks like a cartoon version of the creepy old guy in Poltergeist II, who, if any of you saw that movie when you were about six years old, was pretty much the Bogeyman. If the Deacon came running out onto the court screaming "You can't keep her! I AM NOT DEAD!", I would seriously lose my shit and crumble into the fetal position.



4. Xavier Univerity's Blue Blob (Atlantic 10)
xavier_mascot
The Blue Blob looks like what an alcoholic single dad would craft for his son for a Halloween or school pageant costume. "Look son, it's the Cookie Monster!" No, it's not. It's the personification of a failed father.


3. Harvard's John Harvard (Ivy League)
harvard_mascot
I didn't know that Harvard founder John Harvard was a retarded burn victim. He looks like the Phantom of the Opera (sans mask, but with a pilgrim hat). I bet he lives in Harvard's basement, sobbing and sadly whisper-singing to himself, "Masquarade...see the faces on parade..."


2. University of Tulsa's Captain Cane (Conference USA)
university_of_tulsa_mascot
What the hell is this supposed to be?! A bee hive? A tornado? An adobe? A sixth grader's pottery class project? I just. Don't. Get. It.


1. Stanford's Cardinal (Pac-10)
stanfordmascot
Ah, the Stanford tree...I don't even know where to begin. When I set out to make this list, I wasn't sure who would grace the coveted 2-25 spots, but I knew right away who would land at #1. This abomination looks like what a class of kindergartners would create as a Christmas decoration for their classroom, with their parents patronizingly oohing and ahhing with faux-impressed approval.

Being a classy institution, Stanford likes to add a little formality to whatever they touch, so, naturally, this tree is outfitted in a bowtie and top hat. The big red lips and googly eyes add a vaguely racist (if that's even possible with an evergreen) touch.

Congratulations to you, Stanford, for spawning the most heinous, ugliest, random, and downright retarded mascot in the NCAA.


Honorable Mentions:

We had to award three honorable mention awards to the following mascots:

Dartmouth's Keggy the Keg
dartmouth_mascot_01
Not making the cut because he's the "unofficial" mascot, Keggy the Keg is both awesome and awful: awesome because, well, he's a keg, and awful because how lazy was the student body to come up with a drum of beer as their mascot?


Pepperdine's Wave Men
pepperdine_wave_men
The Wave Men were both unofficial and short-lived, as indicated by this gem of an article I came across. I'll share the best part:

In the unveiling of the Wave Men, a video presentation of the assassination of the old mascot, King Neptune, was shown.

Then, from the ashes, emerged the team of five, the Wave men.

"The majority of the audience just appeared confused," said senior Kristine Sward, who was at the event.

The idea of having a five-in-one mascot consisting of blue and orange super clowns may have looked good on paper, but the unveiling in front of the Smothers was not well received by students.

"I don't know how I felt about them, I guess if I saw them at a game I might give them a better chance, but Smothers was just an odd place to unveil them," senior Diana Hernandez said.

You just can't make that up. That is comic gold.


University of California-Santa Cruz's Banana Slug
ucsc_mascot
Disqualified for being a D-III school, we nonetheless felt compelled to include UC-SC's mascot because, come on, wouldn't you?

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41 Comments

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Jane Copland JaneCopland 1 day, 23 hours ago

I would have thought the University of Oregon's duck would have deserved a mention. I mean, come on, Oregon. It's a college, not a Disney movie.

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 23 hours ago

There was room for only one duck on this list, and the "ibis" won out.

William Paris blitzhund 1 day, 23 hours ago

At our secondary school we had a mascot that was a "Fighting Gamecock" or if you will - a big fuck-off Rooster. Yes, I know, this has all sorts of connotations of its own.

Then the Piss-and-moan about everything brigade came out and said that our Rooster was too aggresive looking and sent a violent message to kids...so they changed it...into a big Hen-like looking chicken. For info kids, a hen is female and known for laying eggs rather than fighting.

So we had a big fucking chicken sponsoring our sporting teams.

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 22 hours ago

Haha, nice. I thought about including South Carolina's Gamecock mascot on the list, but it seemed too easy...so, naturally, I went with Gaylord the Camel, instead.

Chris C7D 1 day, 22 hours ago

The University of Idaho's mascot is Joe Vandal, a viking-like character. Which the athletic department made ultra-gay when they turned him into a 12ft tall blow up doll. The only thing the person inside could do was waddle around the field, with his head flopping about. Despite repeated protests from the student body, Joe "Blow" Vandal lasted 2 seasons before someone popped him with a blow dart. I'm not kidding.
R.I.P. Joe "Blow" Vandal

Jane Copland JaneCopland 1 day, 21 hours ago

I have only one thing to say to that. GO COUGS.

Sorry.

PS: Moscow smells like cow poop.

Chris C7D 1 day, 20 hours ago

Yeah well they call it Wazzu because it smells like one.

And leave our holey cows alone!

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 20 hours ago

Haha, true true.

Jane Copland JaneCopland 1 day, 20 hours ago

I always loved the girls who wore the pants with WAZZU on the ass. I mean, did they INTEND to be ironic?!

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 20 hours ago

The girls at the University of Washington who wear pants that say "HUSKY" on the ass are even worse...

Jane Copland JaneCopland 1 day, 20 hours ago

Wouldn't you rate WAZZU and HUSKY as equally bad things to have spewed across your rear end?

Oskar Oskar 1 day, 18 hours ago

Right up there with the girls at Tufts. They are the Jumbos.

Steve sbiko77 1 day, 20 hours ago

Technically, Xavier University's mascot is the Muskateer. The Blue Blob is unofficial, and basically just for the kids at the basketball games.

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 20 hours ago

Well, it's too late to bump him to the "Honorable Mention" category, so I guess we'll just have to live with it.

Rob Genkins rgenkins 1 day, 19 hours ago

"Not making the cut because he's the "unofficial" mascot, Keggy the Keg"

The Stanford Tree is also not the official mascot of the university.

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 19 hours ago

What is their official mascot? The tree's at every game...

Jane Copland JaneCopland 1 day, 19 hours ago

Their official mascot is a pretentious jackass who wears a pink Lacoste polo shirt.

zazerh zazerh 1 day, 2 hours ago

This is probably far more than anyone wants to know, but according to the Stanford Athletic site:

The Mascot: There is no official mascot at Stanford University. The "Tree," which is a member of the Stanford Band, is representative of El Palo Alto, the Redwood tree which is the logo of the city of Palo Alto. (http://gostanford.cstv.com/school-bio/stan-nickname-mascot.html)

After dropping the Indian mascot in '72 Stanford very nearly chose the griffin (eh) but my favorite contender (also the student favorite) was the "robber barons" inspired by the origins of the school. (I always picture the Hamburgler for some reason). Stanford chose to just be the color "Cardinal" which was so weak the band made up a mascot. Until the mid-80's the tree was just the band manager's girlfriend.

Damon Moore Fyt4Cal 1 day, 2 hours ago

My favorite candidate name from that early '80's period was derived from a certain man-made Stanfurd campus feature: The Steaming Manholes.

I kid you not.

Jay skatterbean 1 day, 19 hours ago

The neat thing about the Stanford tree is that it changes every year and is created by the person who is the mascot. At the end of the year vs. Cal all the Cal students charge the tree and rip it to shreds.

Kimson Nosmik 1 day, 18 hours ago

Congratulations on finally making Digg. Go forth and shove it to that guy from Gary, Indiana!

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 17 hours ago

Oh, I'm gunnin' for him ;)

saluki saluki 1 day, 17 hours ago

Jesus Fucking Christ on a unicycle! BOTH of my schools are on the list. Southern Illinois and UCSC.

The Saluki is a oldest pure bread dog in the world. It is a beautiful, lean, greyhound like to dog, that and has special dispensation in the Koran.

You are right about one thing though. It will bite your face off, and rightfully so, for putting it on this list.

Dave Go_DAWGS 1 day, 5 hours ago

No doubt the DAWGS rule. Salukis were racing dogs. Where is the other one. They are a great dog.

JohnDarling JDZ 1 day, 5 hours ago

What kind of pure bread dog is it? White, wheat, rye or pumpernickel?

Alane Spinney RIRed 1 day, 14 hours ago

In the un-official catagory, may I suggest the mascot for my alma mater's hockey team. The Rhode Island School of Design hockey team is known as the Nads. Their mascot is Scrotie
http://risd.dailyjolt.com/pictures/picture.html?picture_id=15943

Rebecca Kelley Rebecca 1 day, 3 hours ago

YIKES.

Scott Willoughby ScottWill 1 day, 1 hour ago

Way to go, RISD! And people wonder why folks tend to have a certain stereotype of design students' sexual proclivities.

Dan Madio mad4psu 1 day, 1 hour ago

Hard to top THAT one!!

Ryan dukeofdrums 1 day, 5 hours ago

Not DI, but....Just to put it out there. Cincinnati State Technical and Community College has a mascot named the "Surge". To date, nobody has seen it yet.

supah supahstar 1 day, 2 hours ago

Purdue's mascot is not Purdue Pete... its the train. Trains can't dance around like jackasses, so obviously another character was needed.

Richard Tennenbaum RTennenbaum 1 day, 2 hours ago

I know I guy who played the Syracuse Orange; he was gay and I'm pretty sure he molested animals.

Andrea Abrahams AndreaCG 22 hours, 9 minutes ago

The Otto I remember was a woman who got in a fight with a couple of the male athletes, basketball players IIRC.

You are very funny, Rebecca. I don't know which description I liked best but Bat Boy was up there.

Laura Johnson LDJ 1 day, 1 hour ago

I just want to know how East Tennessee State's "Bucky" didn't make the list. http://img3.freeimagehosting.net/image.php?5f25b863db.jpg

lee ilostmydrink 1 day ago

Hey, at least all of these D-I schools still have some sort of mascot.... At Ole Miss we used to have a Rebel until the administration took it upon itself to deem a goofy looking man with a beard, jacket, pants, and big shoes was racist.

During football season Col. Reb used to walk through the grove with young kids running up wanting hugs. He'd run out on the field before games and the crowd would go crazy.

When they took him away, wanna know what they introduced?

A RED LIGHT! One of those that spin in emergency situations. Red Alert Rebels is what they tried to coin it as.

Pitiful.

Jack Jackster 22 hours, 17 minutes ago

How is it possible that this list does not mention the Evergreen State College Geoduck?

MCicc1141 MCicc1141 21 hours, 48 minutes ago

For Miami... the picture you put of an Ibis, well, that's not an Ibis. Or at least it isn't the ibis Miami uses... http://www.photobirder.com/Bird_Photos/white_ibis.jpg
this should give you a better idea.

John Kane 19 hours, 14 minutes ago

Thanks MCicc1141, I was about to reply with the same picture. There are two different breeds of Ibisis. The Ibis that Miami patterned "Sebastian" after is the white one that you have given a link to. It still does look like a duck, but after you see the picture of the ibis you can see why our "Sebastian" looks like he does.

Mike Ross almadenmike 7 hours, 2 minutes ago

Lovely photo. I've seen ibises when I lived on the Gulf Coast, and I still can't see how Miami turned a thin, down-curved ibis bill into a broad Dewey Duck bill.

Ed Reymann bearcat 18 hours, 42 minutes ago

First of all. I love this site. Secondly, what does Brutus have to do with a Buckeye? Being in the southern part of the state I also refer to them as F*ckeyes.

Some other local favorites: Miami Red Hawks. The name was only changed to appease to the Indians who lost their land. (cry me a fucking river). Next step: let's take all of their casinos back and send them to Mexico.

Akron Zips: Seriously if your mascot is going to be named Zippie, can you do a little better than a kangaroo? What an embarassment!

Finally the Dayton Flyers. How original. Why don't you just call them the Dayton Wright Brothers.

Jesse Martin jessemartin 15 hours, 9 minutes ago

Interesting additions...
Though still officially the Pachyderms or whatever, who the hell wanted to rename Alabama the Crimson Tide? Bet their women's swim team has fun, as does Marshall's Thundering Herd...I mean, what would that make the women's swim team there? The Sea Cows? Same geniuses that named the Red Wings and DSL, I think.

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