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Simon says he'll quit the show.
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If Sanjaya Wins?

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If Sanjaya Wins...

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Last Update: April 6, 3am

Denise from Brooklyn, New York:
If Sanjaya wins, I will go on a date with Michael Richards to a 50 Cent concert.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-

Jes from Canada:
If Sanjaya wins, I will tongue wash all the toilets in Grand Central Station.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Geoff from Santa Cruz, California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will smirk endlessly, knowing that the subversives have won a round against the mindless boobs who actually give a flying about this show.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Caroline from Nevada:
If Sanjaya wins, Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline will admit that Chris Richardson is their love child.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Blake from New York City:
If Sanjaya wins, the seventh season of American Idol will begin with Pam Ewing discovering her presumed-dead husband Bobby, alive and showering! Bobby will emerge from the shower and assure Pam that the sixth season was all a dream.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Jon from Mayfield, Kentucky:
If Sanjaya wins, Howard Stern will make a one-day-only return to terrestrial radio for some major gloating while Eric the Midget finally floats with weather balloons.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Allie from Huntsville, Alabama:
If Sanjaya wins, his hair won't fit on the cover of his album..
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-

Reid from California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will shave "I hate the Raiders" in the back of my head and run around downtown Oakland.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C

Michael from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil:
If Sanjaya wins, I will pack up my children's bag and send them to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch for Blanket's surprise b-day Slumber party.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-

Danette from Oceanside, NY:
If Sanjaya wins, I will know that everyone who voted for him would be a loser on “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Jo from South Carolina:
If Sanjaya wins, I will make certain that my tombstone reads "Died Laughing".
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Rick from California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will sit and watch "Glitter" everyday for a year.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Kate from Kennedale, Texas:
If Sanjaya wins, I will go to that little blonde girl's house and cry with her.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Drea from North Carolina:
If Sanjaya wins, I will actually kill my television- like those bumper stickers told me too.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Mary from Normal, Illinois:
If Sanjaya wins, I will send an ice pick and some rock salt to Hell!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Lisa from Roslyn, New York:
If Sanjaya wins, I'll call Barry Manilow and personally tell him he can retire. The heir to the throne of cheeseball cabaret singer has been found. He is alive and well and-gasp!-Indian.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Mike from Des Moines, Iowa:
If Sanjaya wins, I will join the sunni's and shiite's in holding hands and singing kumbaya.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Cheri from Oklahoma City:
If Sanjaya wins, we need to put legalizing marijuana on the national ballot because obviously everyone is smoking it!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Ray from Alexandria, Virginia:
If Sanjaya wins, I will start buying Ashlee Simpson CDs and professing my allegiance to her vocal virtuosity, since by comparison, she must truly be the greatest singer that ever lived on this planet or any other.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-

Diane from Missouri:
If Sanjaya wins, I will take up masturbation .......Don't want to get screwed again.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-

Mike from West Palm Beach, Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, I’ll braid my armpit hair and tie it to the ceiling fan blades, turn the speed to high and spin around my room like a giant piñata.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-

Maggie from Baltimore:
If Sanjaya wins, I will have proven my point that this was a terroist attack against America.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C. So wrong! lol

Jim from Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, I will will snort Keith Richards armpit hair.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Anthony from Phoenix:
If Sanjaya wins, I will re-circumcise my penis.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Drea from North Carolina:
If Sanjaya wins, I will actually kill my television- like those bumper stickers told me too.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Nora from Illinois:
If Sanjaya wins, I will personally pay for whatever medical costs Simon Cowell racks up from his mental breakdown. This includes, and is not limited to, hospital stays, medications, overpriced day-spa-slash-rehab-clinics, and hookers needed for sexual healing.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

If Sanjaya wins, I will be eagerly awaiting the remake of "From Justin to Kelly" starring Sanjaya and Antonella.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Terena from Boston:
If Sanjaya wins, I will finally be convinced the show is not rigged....by the producers.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Flu Ridden Tony Bennett from The Hospital:
If Sanjaya wins, I will never sing in public again... if I ever get out of this hospital.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-

Mommy from Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, I will pay for VoteForTheWorst's bandwidth bill for one month!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Mike from Denver:
If Sanjaya wins, I'll remind myself that an untalented "idol" is better than a dumbass President.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Mary from Pittsburgh:
If Sanjaya wins, I will become a "Loyal Bushie" for a day of bird hunting with Dick Cheney.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Vesper from Hollywood:
If Sanjaya wins, Nicole Richie will eat 4000 calories every day for the next year.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Heather from Illinois:
If Sanjaya wins, the Cubs win a World Series.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Linda from Los Angeles:
If Sanjaya wins, I will submit a new definition to the folks at Webster's: sing-ing com-pe-ti-tion n. 1. the effort of two or more parties vocally performing, on- or off-key, to secure the most votes from tone-deaf viewers by distracting them with outrageous hair styles.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Ben from Tracy, California:
If Sanjaya wins, Mel Gibson will celebrate Hanukkah with the Jews this year.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

MaryLauren from Georgia:
If Sanjaya wins, I will personally screw every employee of the record company that is obliged to give him a record deal. Wait. Looks like they will have already been screwed.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-

If Sanjaya wins, I will join scientology, jump up and down on couches, and marry a washed-up teen soap actress.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-

JB from The Cayman Islands:
If Sanjaya wins, I will line up and let everyone in the world kick me in the junk.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Anthony from Chicago:
If Sanjaya wins, I will renounce my homosexuality, vote conservative Republican, listen to Rush Limbaugh every day for the rest of my life, marry a sweet, young southern baptist girl and move to Arkansas to raise our family in a trailer park.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Kevin Covais from Levittown, New York:
If Sanjaya wins, I will know for sure that I was robbed of my well deserved victory.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A-.
He IS alive!

Ronny from West Hollywood:
If Sanjaya wins, I'm gonna need what ever drugs Paula is on!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Jeff from Kansas City, Missouri:
If Sanjaya wins, I will buy his (shudder) album.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B

Arlene from Manteca, California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will write a letter to American Idol telling them to apologize to William Hung for eliminating him so soon.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Sam from New York, NY:
If Sanjaya wins, Hilary Clinton's sex tape with Elizabeth Dole and Dennis Kucinich will be leaked to the Internet, and will make Dustin Diamond's look like Bambi in comparison.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+

Kristin from Pittsburgh PA:
If Sanjaya wins, I will put my hair up in 7 ponytails and do a shot for every off-key note he ever sang during the competition.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C+

Paris Hilton from Hollywood, California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will give up sex... forever.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: F
For Fraudulent.We're not 100% sure we can verify the authenticity of this statement. But we're pretty sure it's Paris Hilton.

Courtney from Bridgton, Maine:
If Sanjaya wins, the Apocalypse will occur immediately after his "victory," God will appear, tell us all we've been punk'd, and all human existence will cease to be. So long humanity...so long.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C

Abby from West Virginia:
If Sanjaya wins, the people in his homeland of India will collectively consume juicy, 100% beef hamburgers.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+

Robert and Nicole from Marina del Rey, CA:
If Sanjaya wins, our organization will lobby congress for a formal public inquiry under oath regarding the dismissal of the other American Idol finalists. We have e-mails logs from the White House showing that the dismissals were politically motivated.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+

Lynde from Montana:
If Sanjaya wins, I will legally change my children’s names to Sanjaya and Malakar.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B. Calling child protective services.

Jen from Denver, Colorado:
If Sanjaya wins, Jews will form the new and improved Nazi Party.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+++.
New favorite.

Alex from Buffalo, New York:
If Sanjaya wins, I will tear my ears off and feed them to my cat. When she craps them out, I will burn her poop. I will then piss on the ashes. I will proceed to scoop up the ashes and throw them in my garbage disposal. Only then will I know that I can never hear him singing again. Just to be safe, I'll perform brain surgery on myself to make sure I'm deaf forever.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+.

Simone from ?:
If Sanjaya wins, I will have a memorial feast in memory of J, the hungerstriking myspace retard.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+.
Is anyone buying this hunger strike? Please. If it is true, are we really going to miss "J"?

Charby from Stockton, CA:
If Sanjaya wins, I’ll buy all his CDs just to break and burn them!!!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C.

Sarah from Kalamazoo, MI:
If Sanjaya wins, I will streak naked around my block with a mohawk.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C.
If you take pictures, C+.

D. Young from ?:
If Sanjaya wins, he’ll be the second most accomplished louse ever (after George W. Bush).
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B+.

Ray from Brooklyn, New York:
If Sanjaya wins, I will party over the graves of the record execs that will kill themselves because they have to give him a record deal and then they will realize that American Idol is not necessary because there is so many talented acts that wished they could have a chance.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-.
The B for a damn good point. The minus for the grammar.

Martin from The Philippines:
If Sanjaya wins, paula will finally sober up.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: F.
For Fat chance.

Beth from ?:
If Sanjaya wins, will send Simon a letter every day asking him when he's going to quit. Because we all know he won't.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B.
Probably true. But Simon is the only reason to watch. Now if only Paula, Randy and Ryan would make that pledge.

Fernanda from Brazil:
If Sanjaya wins, the rest of the world will love american's again for the cool people they can also be! Id like to tell you guys that down here from Brazil we are all rooting for Sanjaya too, he's so horrible!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B.
Wow, if Sanjaya wins, international relations improve!

A.J. from Boston, MA:
If Sanjaya wins, I will go into fenway park with a derek jeter jersey and yell at the top of my lungs redsox suck and thats practically suicide.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B.
Sorry I'm a Red Sox fan. That's gutsy.

Bill from Hartford, CT:
If Sanjaya wins, I will probably have to change my clothes because I will piss my pants from laughing so hard. It will be worth it.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B.

Amy from Cairo, Georgia:
If Sanjaya wins, I will never watch idol again.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+.
That's the whole reason for the site!

Christina from Visalia, California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will shave my head Britney style!!!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B-

Steve R. from Huntsville, Alabama:
If Sanjaya wins, I will french kiss William Hung.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A+.
Best yet!

Carmella from Orlando, Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, Ryan will start dating women.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: B.

Scott from Boston, Massachusetts:
If Sanjaya wins, I'll finally admit that the Yankees are better than the Red Sox. Maybe.
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: C.
Yankees suck!

Riley from Auburn, California:
If Sanjaya wins, I will spray paint my dog with gang colors and send her walking down the streets of compton! You think im joking? Nope, I have a blue and a red rattle can ready. And when my dog gets shot in a drive-by shooting, the blood will be on Sanjayas hands. I hope he knows he will be responsible for the un-necesary death of a cute chuahuah!!
IfSanjayaWins.com Rating: A.
Would've given this an A+, but PETA would've been all over us.

What will you do... If Saynjaya Wins?
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