Studfest IV: A Tale of Two Pities
Getting together near Port Block

A Tale of Two Pities

Prologue    Part 1    Part 2   

Once upon a time, there was a suave and debonaire master oriental battle dude by the name of Bond ( - James Bond) ladies' man extraordinare and all round super dude.

Known to his men as Bond-sai, he learned of a castle at the farthest reaches of his domain - the Castle of King Kevin the Bold-ish. Bond-sai knew that to keep his reputation as a suave and debonaire master oriental battle dude, he would need, sooner or later, to go plant his colours atop Castle Kevin (the Castle of King Kevin the Bold-ish).

Ok. You got it all pretty much right there. Bond-sai dude wants to take the place over. And I wouldn't be even a bit surprised if he roped in some help, eh?

Yet Castle Kevin was strong and well defended. Bond-sai's men would be a long way from home, and frankly, had become just a lttle sick and tired of the whole 'Lookee there, a Castle, let's go plant our colours on top of it' game. Bond-sai knew he would have to enlist help.

He also knew that a rather peculiar ex-English potentate, one Richard II, and his Battle Fleet of the Restoration were sailing along the coast near Castle Kevin, bearing the Army of the Restoration off to Great Brikain, where Richard II planned to retake his throne amidst some general carnage.

So Bond-sai summoned his foremost master magical dude, and directed him to furnish Richard II with motive. That night, Richard IIs wife (of whom he was not particularly fond) her sister (double ditto the fondness thingie) and their two ladies in waiting (to whom Richard II had taken a special fancy) disappeared from their beds aboard the Agamemnon, and found themselves deep in Castle Kevin.

See? Told you didn't I, he went and got some help. No fool this Bond-sai kiddie.

Kevin, being just the kind of opportunist one had to be to be a medieval King in charge of a decent sized castle, said 'Cool!' and had the ladies placed under guard while he worked out which he would keep and which he would sell.

Bond-sai's foremost magical dudes then gave Richard II a vision of where the ladies were. What Richard II thought began as just another happy dream (seeing wife and sister of wife locked up in some vicious dude's prison), turned to a nightmare when he saw the two ladies in waiting, er, waiting.

By morning, the Battle Fleet of the Restoration was riding quietly at anchor in the mouth of the river Kevin (being the river near the Castle Kevin, the castle of King Kevin the Bold-ish), and two cogs stacked to the gunwales with soldier dudes were sailing upstream as fast as they could go.

At Castle Kevin, the sun rose bright and happy. Fishermen fished the river, peasants peasanted the countryside, the bog bogged about in the bog, soldiers soldiered about in the meadow outside the Castle, and King Kevin king kevined to and fro rubbing his hands with glee over how much money he could make ransoming wife and sister back to whomever they belonged. He felt their owner was bound to show up sooner or later to ask for them.

If you look veeeeery veeeeery closely, you'll see that the tables on which the boats are sitting (on your right) - that's the river Kevin, silly.

Ah, the sun came out...all the better to see you with :-)
Richard II was showing up, but you, gentle reader, may remember that Richard had had just about enough of having things taken away from him - he did not plan to ask. And Bond-sai was ordering his men to pick up their nasty long pointy sticky things, ready to go demonstrate his stature as a suave and debonaire master oriental battle dude.

Peering out the window into the bright sunshine, Kevin the Bold-ish noted the approach of the two cogs up the river, the heavy horse massing across the river to the northeast, and the movement of some nasty long pointy sticky things in the forest to the west. "Pity" he said, "I fancied a spot of wenching this morning." whereupon he walked back to his wardrobe to find his best fighting trousers.

Prologue    Part 1    Part 2   
Castle Kevin with Peasants peasanting.  No I don't know why they're carrying weapons, and no I don't know what that is in the background.

Richard II's cogs manoeuvre in close, as the disembarked horse ford the river.  Time to party hearty!