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Tuesday, May 08, 2007
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FROM HOT WATER TO HOLIER WATER

<B>SALMA HAYEK</B><BR>"In my dreams I was tall, blond, blue-eyed."
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May 4, 2007 -- NEW trend. Guy's in trouble? He dumps his profession. He dives into the ministry. Hot water must be the new baptismal. Forgetting Father Jim McGreevey, a real thrill for the church since it already has enough problems with gay priests, comes now Father Michael Lohan. Parent of Lindsay. Newly released previously jailed daddy of the year, he is working as a minister in West Babylon, L.I. So, like, Michael, I asked, how does a bad boy spring from the can to the confessional?

"I took a correspondence course while I was away and am now credentialed to be a minister. I'm not licensed or what you call officially ordained, but I am certified.

"Will I stay where I am right now, or am I going to go further into ministry or what, I can't quite say. It depends on where things are going. But I want to give back. I want to rescue young people. I want to help them. I want to show them the way. I'm a drug, alcohol and rehab counselor. It's called Teen Challenges. And working here side by side with me is Stephen Baldwin."

Oy, does this pair have firsthand knowledge. The Rev. Michael, looking to rescue young people from demons, has daughter Lindsay. The Rev. Stephen, looking to help mankind out of whichever crisis it's in, is brother to Alec.

Brethren and Sistren, let us pray. Who knows who might be America's next Man of the Cloth . . . could even be Our Father Which Art in Headlines Joey Buttafuocco.

SALMA Hayek, running hot with mov ies, impending motherhood and one of France's wealthiest fiancÚs: "I'm 5-foot-2. This was always a difficult image. As a child, I felt deformed. In my dreams I was tall, blond, blue-eyed. It's hard being Mexican. A Mexican is not your real ideal in the U.S.A." . . . "Grey Gardens" ' Christine Ebersole: "I did one show in the South with hilarious material and no reaction from the audience. Nothing. Later a cowboy in a 10-gallon hat said, "Y'all were so funny, it was all we could do to keep from laughin'."

. . . Trudie Styler prepping a lavish, elegant, big-price, coffee-table photo book to include designs, farming, spirituality, recipes and a soupçon of life with Sting . . . Someone trying to hire Sanjaya for a personal appearance was told the kid's "owned" by record man Simon Fuller, and the answer's no, he isn't available for PA's.

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