Caterine Vaubaun is the author of the critically acclaimed book "If Not Now". First published in 1979, “If Not Now” lays out Vauban’s uncompromising clear eyed look at our existence. When everything is rejected, she states, nothing is left- not even the language that describes this terrifying predicament nor this sentence right here. Yet in the acceptance of this infinite misery lives the liberation that is Vaubanism. She is a distinguished professor of philosophy at the Ecole Superieur of Paris.

Below are commentaries written by a diverse cross-section of readers – from international dignitaries, to otherwise unknown seekers of their own personal truth. Ms. Vaubaun also offers some recent thoughts, and a brief list of other published works she hopes you will find useful and enlightening as well.

Additionally, this important book is available for purchase by following the link at the bottom of this page. We urge you to read Ms. Vaubaun's words, which are as timely and important now as they were 25 years ago.

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Why bother? Are you one of the few who are brave enough to see the truth, that existence is a cruel exercise in suffering? Do you dare speak it? Against the prevailing hope offered by all major religions, therapies, philosophies, and other groups? The world is a stage for absurd meanigless drama being played out moment to moment, day after day, often through the various forms of desire and appetite.

Even if you are one of the disciplined few and are able to enter into a state of pure being by stopping the incessant voice of mind through intense physical activity, prayer or meditation you inevitably are drawn back into the unexplained circus of drama we call our universe.
This book changed my life.

Reviewer: Elaine Sebold
It seems harsh but it makes complete sense. If you accept what a raw deal our world is – you don’t complain anymore and you’re free to do whatever you want because it doesn’t matter.

True but so depressing.

Reviewer: John Linder
She reminds me of Ayn Rand – we are what we make of ourselves – period. Like looking at a traffic accident, I couldn’t tear my eyes away – or deny the insane reality Vauban describes – but it left me adrift without any of my old faiths. Maybe I’ll make it to through to a stronger freer place she describes – but I’m not sure I have it in me.

The dustbin of nihilism.

Reviewer: Barry O’Connell, Professor of English at Amherst College
Vauban’s classic remains a bright beacon in the tradition of other unsentimental visionaries like Nietzche, Althusser, or even Ayn Rand – but unlike Rand, she fails to recognize the greatness humanity is capable of, and this relegates her to the dustbin of nihilism.

Shattering Illusions...
October 18, 1989
Reviewer: Ardith Sarat,
Wayne State University
Wow. Half amazing, half crap. She sounds like an angry bitch to me, spouting bile like any damaged person. At the same time, how could it not be true that right now is all we have. It is constantly changing and only by accepting this – and shattering any illusions of romance or God – no matter how heartbreaking can we attain a measure of peace in this imperfect world.
Pour Marx


The Dark Side: Thoughts on the Futility of Life



The Myth of Sisyphus


The Question of Being


The Decline of the West


Being and Nothingness


From Logic to Language to Play


Beyond Good and Evil


Thus Spake Zarathustra


Genealogy of Nihilism: Philosophies of Nothing & the Difference of Theology

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