"I read you guys before Power Line...Hell, I don't even read Power Line anymore!" Nihilist in Golf Pants (Jan., 2005)

"I think you Power Line guys are doing one hell of a job. Keep up the great work!" Nihilist in Golf Pants (To John Hinderaker, Dec., 2005)

"Like Scrappleface with tire irons. Like Powerline on meth. Like Nihilist without the black background." Mitch

"A very good-looking guy!" David Strom, on LearnedFoot's appearance

"Why does Sisyphus post his best material at KAR?" --Nihilist in Golf Pants

"Learned Foot is an inspiration to us all." --Sisyphus

"Truly riveting commentary. This is what Al Gore dreamed of when he was inventing the internet." --Chad the Elder

"[KAR] does not take any serious stand on any issue. It's satire 24/7." --Tracy, founder of the "Premium" blog Anti-Strib

"Ha, that's pretty funny stuff." --"Blog House" author Tim O'Brien on "The Blog Mart"

"I like Learned Foot. I mean, you got the first mainstream local blogger who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." Nihilist in Golf Pants

"Learned Foot knows all." --David Strom

Monday, July 02, 2007

We'll Get Through This Together

I have alarming news:

Haloscan - the site that handles this ThunderJournal's commenting and trackback - is down!


Please try not to panic. We here at KAR are well aware that the flood of comments we get every day are the spiritual nutrition that keeps much of the population on an even keel. I'm sure that right now there are literally thousands of folks out there hammering on their mouses trying to click on the trackback link that tragically does not appear. The throngs wandering zombie-like through the corridors of their offices, aimlessly searching for a temporary outlet for the comment that they must post - NOW.

Please do not panic. I'm sure haloscan will be back up shortly. Until that time, pray. Pray for those who are unable to vent on this ThunderJournal. Pray for yourselves, so that you may find something - be it drugs, sex or outbursts of senseless violence - to fill this gaping void in your lives . Pray for haloscan. Pray for KAR.

Indeed, pray for the world.

MilF Update

The Competition Committee is pleased to announce the following new Proxy Contest Special Awards for those competing in the 3rd Annual Millard Fillmore Memorial KARNation Open Championship celebrity Charity Golf Outing Classic on August 24 The Year of our Lord 2007:

* The Jeff Fecke Scoring Trophy

This traveling trophy will be awarded to the team who fakes their score card in such a manner that it most closely resembles the actual winner's card, minus one stroke.

* The Jeff Fecke Fecked Score Honourable Mention Plaque

The Honourable Mention Plaque goes to the golfer who marks down most creative fake score for a single hole. Last year's unofficial winner was Andy Aplikowski, who carded a 6-under-par -2 (an "eagatrossie") on the par-4 18th hole.

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I Had the Odds at 80-20 that the Strib Would 69 MN2020 Within 7-10 Days

Another "nonpartisan" "progressive" think tank forms. Strib fawns. Bear shits in woods. Again.

The cynical buzz about Minnesota 2020, the new progressive think tank launched last week by founder Matt Entenza, was that it is merely a launching pad for his political comeback.

No. The cynical buzz was that it's yet another cog in the machine the far left is constructing to control debate by monopolizing it, while simultaneously creating another outlet with a gloss of legitimacy to publish bullshit-laden Official Reports that support their unsupportable positions.

The Strib throwing itself rapturously at the latest lefty flavor of the month reminds me a lot of how babes tend to throw themselves at me after one of my stirring Iron Maiden karaoke performances.

But I digress. Let the hagiography continue!

But there's not much that's "mere" about Minnesota 2020, other than the low profile it gives to its founder and board chair. A visitor to www.mn2020.org has to search a bit to find Entenza's name and face.

15 seconds.

It took me 15 seconds to find Entenza's name. To be fair, it only took 3 seconds to find the word "non-partisan." I'm not all that interested in his face, so I didn't look for that.

Come to think of it, with the proliferation of all these "non-partisan" "progressive" "think tanks," I am almost certain the day is coming soon when the Democratorian Party will sell itself as a "non-partisan" organization.

What's more evident is that the new organization is well launched, well staffed and positioned to become a regular source of analysis and ideas for state policymakers, particularly those with a liberal bent.

When you look up the term "a fortiori" in the Strib editorial stylebook, it gives that sentence.

It's a welcome complement to Growth & Justice, another progressive Minnesota think tank that focuses more on economic matters, and an ideological bookend to the conservative Center of the American Experiment.

I can't even begin to go into all the things wrong with that sentence.

A Minnesota 2020 trademark will be an emphasis on nonmetro Minnesota, particularly those agriculture-dependent counties where economic growth has lagged and population has declined in recent decades. Entenza, who represented a St. Paul district in the Legislature, grew up in Worthington. That background lets him see clearly what may escape urban dwellers' awareness -- that this state is an economically interdependent system.

OK, I get it now. Growth -n- Justice comes up with ways to confiscate wealth, and MN202 finds the folks to redistribute it to. I'd say it was a vote-buying scheme, but both of those organizations are "non-partisan" so we can dispense with that theory.

"Rural Minnesota is the seed corn for the Twin Cities," he said last week. "If we let rural Minnesota go, we're next. It'll be Chicago or New York or California gobbling us up."


No, really:


That's why the first formal report to come out of Minnesota 2020 is about the economic plight of small towns, and the potential for state assistance targeted at small businesses to help.

What did I write just a few grafs back...?

The first-week web page also featured news of a Winona program that helps outstate families with severely disabled children keep those children at home.

Minnesota 2020's staff includes several former journalists, whose work will be showcased on a web page that ambitiously promises a new feature each weekday.

And whose output will be indistinguishable from their former employer.

As for Entenza, the former state House DFL minority leader who left the attorney general's race last summer after an intraparty storm of his own making, he's back to practicing law. He's underwriting and shepherding Minnesota 2020's start, but says it will solicit many sponsors.

FUN ANAGRAM GAME: What other words can you make from "sponsors"?

[Jeopardy theme]

OH!! OH!!! I've got one:


"I have no plans to run for anything," he said. But if he builds a successful source of something that's always in short supply in politics -- new ideas -- his party someday might ask him to change those plans.

Yes, the supply of "think tanks" is indeed short. Almost critically so.


I Have Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine

I just puchased this.

Having played a round with my brother's club, I can safely say that with this driver in my bag combined with Bill's short game, the playing of the MilF is now a mere fomality.

Polish up the hallowed Lord Jones' Pitcher. It's coming home.


Friday, June 29, 2007

YES! KAR - The Showgirls of the Internet

Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating

And we managed this rating even without pictures of the Thong Babe!

(Kool Aid Guy raises his glass to the very PG Bogus Doug for the tip.)


Doing the Gatekeeping that the Fraters Won't Do

Today over at Fraters Libertas, Wall Street Journal gadfly Mark Yost begins his series of critiques of several ballparks between here and Brooklyn. Full disclosure: Yost initially approached KAR for this project, but decided to seek another forum because our Chief Editor demanded that all his stories include pictures of the best floaters he found in the restrooms of each stadium.

And after reading today's misleading installment about my beloved Miller Park, I'm relieved we decided to go our separate ways:

The National League-leading Milwaukee Brewers beat the Houston Astros, 6-3, in 11 innings at Miller Park Wednesday afternoon to complete the three-game sweep.

This is an important fact we shall return to...

George and I arrived at Miller Park about 45 minutes before the 1:05 first pitch. It was easy to get into from I-94 and general parking was $8. We quickly found a guy selling Loge tickets, the second deck, for $4 off face value and made our way toward Section 209, about halfway between first base and the foul pole.

Another important fact that shall be revisited anon...

It had been raining in the morning, so the retractable roof was closed. That, combined with the 80-degree temperatures outside, made the place a real hothouse. The humidity was palpable at about 90%.

I'll give him this: I can't understand how some of the decisions are made to open or close the roof. I mean, if the rain has passed, why not open that bad boy up?

I've been here before and like Miller Park. The fans like to show up early and grill in the parking lots.

For the benefit of those from more provincial parts of the country, like Brooklyn, the term for this is "tailgating".

Inside, the brats are good, too. I took Learned Foot's [waving] suggestion and got one with the red sauce and grilled onions.

Fraters did not contact me for comment, but if they did, they would have learned that I in fact did not recommend the grilled onions. Although, there is nothing wrong with them. But for the authentic experience, I would have recommended sauerkraut on the brat. But since I think kraut is disgusting (hellooooo? Fermented cabbage anyone? Yum!), and I prefer my brats unadorned with even non-disgusting vegetables, I only don my brats with the exquisite Stadium Red Sauce, and I advised Yost of as much.

Delicious, and reasonably priced at $4. Catering to the many beer-bellied cheeseheads, Miller Park has a pretty good selection of beer, too.

On the downside, they have a coffee bar, something that has no business being in any major league park. The bottled water was outrageous at $3.50. While I inhaled my brat, George forced down the nasty Palermo's pizza. Six bucks for some gooey dough with ketchup and barely melted cheese. If my barber from New York, Tony Palermo, had been with us, he would have slapped the counterman. And the service was pretty poor. The guy who waited on us clearly hadn't mastered the cash register yet.

Um, not to put a too fine of a point on it, but allowing a child to eat pizza at a ballpark - any ballpark - is a disgraceful failure of parenting. It's like going to Brooklyn and eating something that does not contain olive oil. Or going to the Metrodome and eating anything.

What a gavone!

Once in our seats, we found ourselves literally wedged between the drunks and the retards. Behind us were two rows of developmentally challenged adults. Many just sat there, staring blankly at the field. Unfortunately, we got the seat in front of the hyperactive one. Throughout the game, he loudly yelled cheers and encouragement that had nothing to do with the action on the field.

Geez. Imagine that: a rowdy drunk...at a baseball game! Milwaukee is totally unlike those polite folks at Yankee Stadium who golf clap politely for a base hit by the home team and never, ever throw D-cell batteries at a players head.

But he's obviously a regular, because he responded appropriately to all the prompts from the sound system. He also knew the lyrics to every Heavy Metal song they played (his last name must be "Nugent.")

Or McBrain!

But if he's from Milwaukee, his name is probably something along the lines of "Styczinski".

In front of us were the aforementioned fans who were here for anything but the baseball. As best I could figure, it was the yearly outing for one of the local tire shops. They had absolutely no interest in what was happening on the field.

And as I asked you to recall at the very beginning of this, the game that Yost attended (and the fact he is blissfully ignorant of, presumably because he was focusing all his attention on the mid-inning warmups) was, in fact "LaCrosse Day". LaCrosse Day at Miller Park is a special day for the simple, bucolic folk of that western Wisconsin river town; when its citizens climb aboard several buses and make the trip down to Milwaukee and stagger around wide-eyed and slack-jawed at the wonders of the Big City.

"Look Myrnah! There's one of them colored fellas we done seen on the TV!"

Yost was sitting behind a bunch of LaCrossians.

All they cared about was the location of the beer man and taking close up photos of the thong straps of the cute 20 something in their group who was all too willing to show evermore as the game went on.

In yet another gatekeeping flub by the Fraters, they neglected to publish any photos of the Thong Babe. An oversight that would not have occurred here.

They did take notice of the sausage mascot race at the end of the sixth inning. The Polish sausage won, although the brat holds the season-long lead, having won 28% of the races.

It's a good thing the Nihilist wasn't there. He would have bet on the Choritzo.

During the 7th inning stretch, our neighbors behind us sang enthusiastically during "Take Me Out to the Ballpark." The drunks cleared their pipes for the "Beer Barrel Polka" sing-along that followed.

Another dropped ball by the gatekeepers: it's called "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."

For those who were paying attention, it was a pretty good game, knotted up at 3. At the end of the 7th inning stretch, sweaty from just sitting there, I said to George, "Just two-and-a-half more innings. You can do that standing on your head."

He looked at me, soaked in sweat, and said, "Dad, I can't even stand on my head."

In the 8th inning, the retards got into a heated argument about the score. Most understood that it was tied up, 3-3. Our boisterous neighbor argued that the score was 7-6, which was actually the total number of hits, not runs."

It's the second set of numbers," he yelled, loud enough for Brewers right fielder Corey Hart to hear. He did, to his credit, follow the shuffling baseball caps game on the Jumbotron and guess correctly that the ball was under cap number three.

Oh, those whacky LaCrossians! Although they were unwittingly doing the Brewers a service standing up like that. For little did they know that they were blocking the throwing lane of the unhinged New York battery chucking goomba sitting behind them, itching to uncork a Duracell on Prince Fielder.

At the end of nine innings, the only sober guy with the drunks decided to leave. He was wearing a T-shirt that read, "Star Wars Celebration IV." A half inning later most of the drunks left, too, "to be closer to the beer," giggled the girl showing off her thong straps all night. I doubt they knew it was a tie game.

In the bottom of the 10th, the retard cheered for a grand slam, even though no one was on base. Then he sang along -- a little too knowingly for my comfort -- to AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long." George and I moved over a few sections closer to home plate.

And here I refer you to that second thing I told you all to remember above. If Yost hates typical baseball fans this much, instead of paying a scalper $4 off for upper deck tix amongst the unwashed masses, he could have taken a crowbar to his wallet and sprung for the uber-classy club level seats; or better yet, the alcohol-free family section in right field is a perfect fit for effete East Coast pussies who hate chicks in thongs and beer.

To their credit, most of the Brewers fans stuck it out through the extra innings. When Damian Miller stepped to the plate in the bottom of the 11th with two men on base, a couple in front of us stood and started cheering.

Important note: Damien Miller is from LaCrosse.

A couple of old guys behind us politely asked them to sit down. The man turned around and gestured for them to stand up and then ignored their pleas. While one of the old guys went to get an usher, Miller sent the game-winning three-run homer into the Brewers' centerfield bullpen. A fitting end to our Miller Park experience.

And Yost made two new friends who, just like him, know how to act at a ball game. Passive and disinterested.

I don't want you to leave this extensive first post thinking Miller Park is a horrible place to see a game. Quite the contrary. It has good sight lines, good food, and, for the most part, good atmosphere. Furthermore, this is not meant to be a rant against Brewers fans (Learned Foot) [waving]. I'm sure they're no less boorish than the fans we'll find on the rest of our trip. Sad, but true.

Try Comiskey Park. Or Yankee Stadium.

Fans aside [waving], I'd rate Miller Park an 8.

Well, la-tee-da.

George and I will have an off day from baseball on Thursday. We're going to the Great America amusement park just across the Illinois border. But we'll be back at it Friday night, in Detroit for Tigers-Twins.

Which means that this will be the final installment, as Mr. Yost will likely be shot on his way to Comerica Park.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Inside the Mind of a Vacationing ThunderJournalist

UPDATE: For full enjoyment of this post, please listen to this cheesy midi while reading!

(The following occurred on Monday. Or Tuesday. I think. It's hard to remember.)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Morning of day 3 at the lake. The sky is clear. The temperature perfect. Birds singing. The coffee hot. And the morning poop was glorious. I think I shall sip on my coffee outside while the kids still sleep.

Lo! What's this! Someone has abandoned today's Milwaukee Jenitel on this picnic bench. Why I believe I shall peruse its pages while I enjoy my morning coffee. It's been ages since I have taken in the hometown paper.

Ah. What have we here? It appears to be a guest commentary from some writer of whom I have heretofore never heard. Perhaps it is the Jenitel's version of Jim Boyd's "codpieces". I think I shall read this piece. Vacation has been perfect so far. What could possibly go wrong now?

Often you can sum up the collective actions of the Supreme Court under a particular chief justice with one word. The Warren court will always be remembered as liberal, the Burger court as pragmatic, the Rehnquist court as conservative, and the Roberts court in a short time has already earned its moniker: mean.

Uh oh. This isn't starting well. When you begin referring to the Highest court in the land using a pejorative normally reserved for use by put upon 5th graders, things do not augur well...

The addition of Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito to the heartless duo of Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas has cemented a plurality for cruelty.

I'm starting to get a headache...

If there's a choice between casting their lot with the little guy and tipping a case toward compassion, or putting a foot on his throat, it's a safe bet that these four will be getting out their boots.

I'm not sure if this person's heard, but "compassion" and "justice" are two very different things. The later is the job of the courts.

Thomas and Scalia are the guys who said in a dissent that a prison guard kicking and punching a prisoner to the extent that he suffered a split lip and loosened teeth didn't amount to cruel treatment under the Constitution. To them it was a case of "insignificant harm."

Hmmm. Why there's that eagle again, majestically soaring overhead; searching for its prey without the tiniest hint of context, let alone a citation. God, how I do love this place.

Now we see that Roberts and Alito are cut from the same razor wire, and when Justice Anthony Kennedy joins them its a winning hand for corporate interests, big government and persecutors everywhere.

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Hot coffee in the crotch HURTS!!!!!!

I shall shake my fist in the air while I shout "Damn you vile, talking-point-barfing bitch! Damn you to hell!!!"

Just imagine the amount of rotting snakes, snails and puppy dog tails it took for these five men to rule against Lilly Ledbetter, a woman who suffered years of pay discrimination as a supervisor at Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. When Ledbetter retired after 19 years, she had a salary that was $6, 700 lower than that of the worst paid male of the same rank.

The right thing would have been for the court to recognize that every slighted paycheck Ledbetter received was another incident of discrimination. That would have allowed the six-month clock for filing a sex discrimination complaint under Title VII to begin anew every payday, and it would have allowed Ledbetter's trial court victory to stand.

Apparently in this universe, "ability to read a statute" = "mean". And why did Congress even put in that limitations provision in in the first place? Are there that many people that get paid semiannually?

Damn my crotch hurts.

But the court majority went another route, one that is so far from understanding the world of work that it seems purposely blind. It said that she was out of luck because she didn't file a discrimination complaint within 180 days of the original sexist decisions to grant her lower raises than her male peers. Even if she didn't know her colleagues' salaries, it was up to her to intuit that she was being cheated and take quick action, or her employer gets off scot free.

OK. Coffee's mopped up. My shriek awakened Moonchild. And I have more than a strong suspicion that this flake would not have done well on the easiest bar exam ever.

Now Kennedy, Roberts and Alito are joining them in a ruling that is certain to impact the makeup of juries by making them more likely to vote for death. In Uttecht vs. Brown, the high court allowed a trial court to disqualify a potential juror from a death penalty case because his support for the death penalty was not unqualified.

Because it's good public policy to empanel jurors who would refuse to uphold the law.

Listen lady, your quarrel is with the legislature that enacted the death penalty, not with the courts.

You do know the difference between the legislature and the courts, don't you?

Of course you don't. You're a moron. But maybe if you pulled your enormous cranium out of your gigantic -


Oh great - Moonchild is out of bed and throwing rocks at me.

Anyway, I find it more than a little odd that someone who has big big problems with wiretapping phone calls from known al Quaeda (I'm assuming - safely) would vest so much power in the one branch of government whose officials are not elected.

Really. Think about it.

Oh, of course she won't. She's a moron.

So far, there is so little daylight between Roberts, Alito, Thomas and Scalia that we should refer to the group as the RATS Pack. I wonder which powerless litigant they'll chew up next?

Hey! Moonchild. Heave another rock at the Old Man's melon!


Nope. I still remember this piece of crap column. My vacation is ruined.

The Glad Haikus of Returnitude

Foot back in saddle.
Mad ups to Head, for keeping
The poop fires burning.

It's good to be back.
Upside: hangover near gone.
Down: softball tonight.

Looks like I didn't
Miss a whole lot of stuff. But,
There's one thing of note:

I have a feeling
That this will not end well for
Our fave punching bag.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

News Haikus

I read today's news.
Forgive me for forgetting
we have NBA.

Soros-funded blog:
"All gay news, all of the time!
Gay gay gay gay gay!"

Blame it on steroids?
And will McMahon show the deed
on home pay-per-view?

We've heard this before.
May they should do weather
for the Monitor?

Well, hello, numb-nuts!
See the TV's "on-off" switch?
It has two settings!"

Hello, Learned Foot.
You're coming back...tomorrow?
Right? Um - tomorrow?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Up The Fever Swamp Without An Airboat

Not that I enjoy sending traffic over to Soros-funded leftyblog Minnesota Monitor, you understand.

But I'm curious.

Like most lefty blogs, Minnesota Monitor draws a crowd of really twisted commenters. It's hard (like on most leftyblogs) to pick the biggest, weirdest, most bizarrely twisted one of the bunch. So I'd like your help.

Read this thread. And then vote for which Minnesota Monitor commenter is the biggest wackjob:

  • "Grace Kelly", who seems to work for "ConspiracyMart": "2) How many people remember that a third building fell on 9/11? 3) How many people know about the issue of two shadows on the moon photographs and how that challenges the fact of lunar landing?"

  • "Phoenix Woman", a woman (?) whose writing sounds red-faced and screechy, who writes: "Notice that conservative network FOX does not claim to be more truthful -- instead, it claims to be "fair and balanced". In other words, they don't believe in truth -- or rather, they hope to convince you that there are no such things are hard, objectively knowable facts, because as Stephen Colbert points out, "Reality has a well-known liberal bias".

  • "Dora", who believes that the media are really really conservative: "Conservatives understood how important it was to control the media and started on that path many years before Bush 43 came along. "

Vote below:

Which commenter at Minnesota Monitor is the biggest wackjob?
"Grace Kelly"
"Phoenix Woman"

pollcode.com free polls

Hiring Eric Black to "class up" the MinMon is like spraying Lysol on roadkill.


Friday, June 22, 2007

Reporting for duty.
Heh. I said "duty".

Minocqua Calling

(Sung to the tune of the Clash's "London Calling")

Minocqua calling to the faraway towns
Frivolity is declared - and the Foots come on down
Minocqua calling to the jaded world
There's beer in the fridge, you boys and girls
Minocqua calling, now don't look at us
Try to waterski drunk without biting the dust
Minocqua calling, golf clubs to swing
'Cept if it rains - we do the gambling thing

Vacation is coming, the sun's zooming in
Meltdown expected, patience growing thin
Pack up the children, wife and our gear
'Cause Minocqua is calling and I gotta get the hell outta here

Minocqua calling, to get lit up and zone
Forget it, brother, I may never come home
Minocqua calling to the zombies of beer
Quit holding out - fill the mug up to here
Minocqua calling - and I don't wanna shout
But while we were sunning I saw you nodding out
Minocqua calling, your sunsets I hail
Watching them from the patio of the Thirsty Whale

Vacation is coming, the sun's zooming in
Engines stop running, let the drinking begin!
A pleasant era, and I have no fear
Unless Moonchild gets into the fireworks and beer

Now get this
Minocqua calling, yes, there I will go
An' you know who's taking over? The Head of Alfredo!
Minocqua calling - I'm going away
And after all this, I'll be back on Thursday!
Minocqua Calling

I never felt so much alive

Closed Circuit to Uncle Meatball

A new study confirms what we already knew.

Still waiting on that study that finds younger siblings are more likely to grow into big, beefy guys addicted to bacon.

ALMOST FORGOT: This is just more depressing news for the Younger Brother Community which, it has also been recently discovered, has a higher likelihood of being gay.

*sniff* I still love my dim, gay brother!

I Never Knew that Stupid Could Cause Vision Problems

Um, Jeffie...

You always were a moron, and you continue to be a moron.

While that star and crescent moon on The Blog Formerly Known as KvM's header is not an exact one to one reproduction of Turkey's flag (and it apparently never occurred to someone as smart as you think you are that background color and space limitations may play some small role in the design), it doesn't look anything like the flag of Mauritania. Actually, taken literally (that is, not taking into account background color, space limitation, artistic license, etc.) it's not really an exact reproduction of any national emblem of an Islamic country.

But, you know, pwn3d, whatevs, men suck, etc...


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Feel Like I've Been Here Before. Feel Like I've Been Here Before.

It's been done before.
Only better (if less gay),
And more prolific.


Why Do Liberals (Continue to) Hate Free Speech?

Because they're not comfortable when they can't micromanage the message. Because their message sucks.

Leftist propaganda mill "Think Progress" -

As long as we're looking at ways to gut the First Amendment, how about we also make it illegal for any leftist think tank, blog or organization to use the word "think" in its name, under the auspices of false advertising?

Anyhoo, "Think" "Progress" points to a "study" that comes to the shocking conclusion that AM radio is dominated by righties:

While progressive talk is making inroads on commercial stations, right-wing talk reigns supreme on America’s airwaves. Some key findings:

– In the spring of 2007, of the 257 news/talk stations owned by the top five commercial station owners, 91 percent of the total weekday talk radio programming was conservative, and only 9 percent was progressive.

– Each weekday, 2,570 hours and 15 minutes of conservative talk are broadcast on these stations compared to 254 hours of progressive talk — 10 times as much conservative talk as progressive talk.

– 76 percent of the news/talk programming in the top 10 radio markets is conservative, while 24 percent is progressive.

Then they include a neat-o graphic for its simpleton readers who have trouble with words like "inroads".

And for the 50,000th time, the "problem" is not that there's actually more demand for Rush Limbaugh than there is for Ed Whatzizface. Oh, no no. The problem is not enough content-non-neutral government regulation:

Two common myths are frequently offered to explain the imbalance of talk radio: 1) the 1987 repeal of the Fairness Doctrine (which required broadcasters to devote airtime to contrasting views), and 2) simple consumer demand. Each of these fails to adequately explain the root cause of the problem. The report explains:

Our conclusion is that the gap between conservative and progressive talk radio is the result of multiple structural problems in the U.S. regulatory system, particularly the complete breakdown of the public trustee concept of broadcast, the elimination of clear public interest requirements for broadcasting, and the relaxation of ownership rules including the requirement of local participation in management. […]

Ultimately, these results suggest that increasing ownership diversity, both in terms of the race/ethnicity and gender of owners, as well as the number of independent local owners, will lead to more diverse programming, more choices for listeners, and more owners who are responsive to their local communities and serve the public interest.

Yes, increase that ownership diversity. Create a bigger pool of station owners trying to land Limbaugh. Rush would love that - it'd drive up his revenue.

Oh, sorry - that was microeconomics, which is the study of reality. These boobs are nowhere near it.

I can think of at least 2 other reasons why conservative talkers routinely eat the lunch lefty ones:

1) Every lefty jock ever offered up to the audience has sucked donkey wiener; and

2) Lefties wishing to to hear the reverberations of their own echo chamber have all kinds of places to get that.

KAR will issue the reports of our "study" on this later in the day.

Nah. Let's just call this our "report," and leave it at that.

Top 11 Nihilist in Golf Pants Birthday Plans

11. Get a case of Coors, a bottle of Jergens, and every DVD Lindsay Lohan has ever made.

10. Redeem that coupon for one free glockenspiel lesson from Mitch Berg.

9. Pressure Brian "St. Paul" Ward to pay tribute to his big day by mentioning his blog an extra 17 times on NARN broadcast.

8. Cash in back-dated stock options; Go to Canterbury Downs; Bet it all on horse most likely to break its leg coming out of the gate.

7. Visit every bar within a 100 mile radius that offers a free birthday drink.

6. Reenact final scene of the Sopranos at Mickey's Diner with onion rings brought from home.

5. Pretend to be 15 years old so he can get into the Jimmy Carter Presidential library for free.

4. Apply for advance placement AARP membership.

3. Attempt to hit all 47 area Applebee's, so he can get his free birthday appetizer at each.

2. Talk about Notre Dame football (this is actually no different than any other day).

1. Take a day off from posting crap.


I Really Wish the Brewers Would Have Done This With the Racing Sausages

Let the avalanche of Sopranos Final Episode spoofs begin continue!

Am I the only one that just loves the idea of AJ's role being played by a giant piroghi?

Kool Aid toast to Iron Daven.

Which reminds me: if anyone out there has mad audio/video editing skeelz, get in touch with me. I have an idea.

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