Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Sorry Folks ... (UPDATED)

Press play.

Sorry for the lack of posts, MSD Nation. But I'm working on the new site which should be up by Monday.

The moose out front should've told ya...

Update: Sorry for the delay, Nation. Turns out my internet access has been severely limited. My home PC got fried during one of these crazy SoFla lightning storms and work access has been cut off (fuck the man!!)... Anyway, as soon as my PC is restored, I shall resume my blogging ... which should be soon. Very soon. Don't ask me when. But soon. Until then .. don't quit on me dammit! Don't you quit on me!

Thanks for yer patience.


Sunday, June 24, 2007

Fred Evans Leaves An Impression

So much for a slow off season. Dolphins defensive tackle Fred Evans was arrested Saturday morning. You probably know that by now. What you might not know are the details. And here's one little golden nugget of information: He bit a cop! But I say reserve judgement until all the facts are in. Evans probably thought the cop was going for his wallet, so it's justifiable.

Ah but there's more:

According to the Miami Herald, Evans puked in a cab, took a swing at the cabby, took a swing at a cop, bit a cop and was Tasered. Twice.

"Officers ordered Evans to get out of the cab, but he refused, and officers proceeded to place him under arrest. Evans allegedly began cursing at them as they were handcuffing him, then took a swing at one of the officers.
One officer was bitten on his left wrist and suffered several bruises; another had scrapes and bruises on her left knee, police said.

The officers then used their Tasers on Evans, but the shock did not immediately subdue the 6-foot-4 Dolphin, according to the arrest affidavit."

Many will be outraged by this story. But I say c'mon now! How many of us can truly say we've never gone out on a night on the town, gotten shit-faced, up-chucked in a taxi cab, swung a haymaker at an officer of the law, bit another officer of the law and gotten doubled up with a Taser gun all in one night?



Well I have. I call Evans' little adventure Thursdays.
Judging by Cam Cameron's statement on this latest fiasco, it's safe to say Evans probably ralphed his way out of Miami. Somewhere out there, there's a South Beach taxicab that should be receiving a dozen pine tree air fresheners, compliments of Paul Soliai.

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Saturday, June 23, 2007

MSD Lexicon, Part I

MSD Lexicon, part I: Nicknames

Are you new to MSD? Are you slightly disturbed or relatively confused when we write words or headlines like, “The Billion Dollar Penis Is At It Again”? Or are you simply a long-time reader wanting to catch up with what the MSD Lexicon has to offer? Well, friends, suffer no more. Because it’s the weekend, it’s raining (with lightning), our kayaking plans are fucked, and we have nothing else to do – so we bring you The MSD Lexicon: A Rundown and Explanation Of All Terms And Nicknames Found In The Miami Sports Dude Blog.


These are nicknames we’ve given players and personalities in and around the world of Miami sports. Sometimes we use these names instead of the player’s/person’s actual name. So, if you ever get lost, consult this list…

Crushernaut: Udonis Haslem, forward, Miami Heat. The one that started it all! Haslem has quickly become a fan favorite for his gritty, blue collar play and all out effort on the court. He represents the street-tough warrior that characterizes the city of Miami (he is a Miami Senior High product). When the Heat need a tough rebound, or a guy to dive for a loose ball, a defensive stop, or even a big mid-range shot when D-Wade and Shaq are double covered, Haslem crushes the competition. But he’s not just a crusher. He’s more than that. He’s a crusher-NAUT. Like an astronaut. They’re not just astros. They’re astro-NAUTS. Whatever. It sounds cool to me.

The Great One: Dan Marino, HOF Quarterback, Miami Dolphins (1983-1999). He’s simply the greatest quarterback of all time. Period. And we think the moniker shouldn’t just apply to gangly big nosed hockey players married to gambling junkies.

King Douche: Tom Brady, Quarterback, New England Patriots. This one is pretty self explanatory.

The Geico Caveman: Dirk Nowitzki, forward, Dallas Mavericks. Because he looks like the cavemen in those commercials. Not very original. But effective.

The Billion Dollar Penis: Mark Cuban, Owner, Dallas Mavericks. This nickname is credited to our Supreme Leader, Will Leitch of We think it’s brilliant.

Frankenstein Monster: Antoine Walker, forward, Miami Heat. A short-lived nickname given to Walker because he pretty much gives us a glimpse into what it would be like if Frankenstein took off the blazer and suit pants and put on some basketball gear. The nickname has since been replaced by Lerrrrrrrooooyyy Jenkennnnsss, coined by the Dan Le Batard Show.

No Face: David Martin, Tight End, Miami Dolphins. Named after an obscure Dick Tracy villain – a guy who actually lived life sans face – No Face. What else you gonna name a guy who has no face? Larry? Anyway, Martin came to the Dolphins from the Packers of Green Bay a virtually unknown, obscure player who has yet to play a full season (he has a bit of a frageele’ problem). Even usual football-astute Dolphins fans had no idea who Martin was when the team signed him. Martin replaced popular, albeit controversial, tight end Randy McMichael (who, incidentally, earned the MSD nicknames ButterHands and That Asshole Who Beat His Wife). No one knows who Martin is, yet he is expected to play a prominent role in a tight end happy offensive system. The Dolphins are being run by a couple of hamsters and a monkey.

The Muel: Randy Mueller, General Manager, Miami Dolphins. Mueller needed a nick-name, so The Muel was born. The Dude is one clever douchebag, no? Interestingly enough, many Dolphins fans have recently started calling the Cam Cameron, Randy Mueller partnership CamMuel on blogs and message boards. But The Dude thinks The Muel is better and funnier. Because he’s a bit of an arrogant dick that way. Besides, Cam needs his own nickname which should be coming soon.

Lettuce/Scrambled Eggs: Trent Green, Quarterback, Miami Dolphins. Coming off a season shortened by a severe concussion, Green was named Lettuce because the Dude wrote: “Trent Green is one hit away from becoming a head of lettuce.” Miami Herald columnist Armando Salguero liked this nickname very much and asked The Dude if he could use it. Green is also called Scrambled Eggs because Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor said: “Trent Green is one hit away from becoming scrambled eggs.” Which leads us to one of two conclusions: Either JT is a reader of this blog (which would kick all kinds of ass) or JT is channeling the contemptuous, albeit ingenious, humor of The Dude.

Up Next: Terms and Sayings


Friday, June 22, 2007

Finding New And Exciting Ways To Screw Things Up

As with the way they handle pretty much everything, the Dolphins managed to find yet another way to sink to the depths of shittiness. This time, a sales rep screwed up and sent a bulk e-mail to season-ticket holders yesterday asking whether they planned to renew for the 2007 season. Howeva!, the rep failed to address the e-mail individually or to blind-copy recipients.

Needless to say, reactions were a bit angry:

“…what is not permissible is that my e-mail went out along with over 380 other peoples. This action is in conflict with your Privacy Statement.”

What's shocking to me is that this dude actually read the Dolphins' Privacy Statement. That's some pretty ballsy shit.

And this one:


Wow. Somebody hit the CAPS key and chill the fuck out!

And this one, which really brings the whole point home:

“[I am already receiving] solicitations from sellers on E-Bay peddling all sorts of Miami Dolphins paraphernalia.”

This e-mail was basically a spammer's wet dream. Season ticket holders are not only being asked if they want to spend their children's college funds on purchasing tickets to watch a team that has failed to finish a season with more than 9 wins for the third straight season ... but also had their private e-mails made public for, well, douchebaggy assholes who are now flooding inboxes with offers to buy an autographed Jay Fiedler photo and some Viagra.
The rep did send an e-mail apologizing (this time, the e-mails were blind copied, but what was the point, really?):
“Earlier today I sent you an email with an offer from the Miami Dolphins. By mistake, I did not blind copy the distribution list. I respect your privacy and I am truly sorry for any inconvenience that this mistake may have caused.”
So, no need to get all pissy about it, season-ticket holders. Just pretend it never happened.

Sucks to be a Dolphins season-ticket holder. In more ways than one.


Taylor Almost Quit

Rollin on with our Jason Taylor Day here at MSD ...

Worst than all the hullabaloo being made – wait. Did I just actually write the word hullabaloo? Fuck me. Let me start over.

Worst than all the shit being made over Jason Taylor’s “scrambled eggs” Trent Green comments is this little nugget from the SI Michael Silver column:
JT almost done quit on us!

According to the Silver column, Taylor was willing to quit his football career to work on his marital problems with wife Katina (she has since retracted her divorce papers).

"It's ironic that he had his greatest season after talking about quitting just before it started,'' Katina Taylor told S.I. "He told me he was willing to give up his sport for his family, to get things straightened out. My response was that quitting football wouldn't be the answer.''

JT seems to have learned his lesson. He's toned down his out-of-football activities and his nightlife.

If you recall, there was a similar scare after this season ended when JT hinted at retirement, wanting to go the route of such heralded thespians as Brian Bosworth and Howie Long to pursue an acting career.

But JT has since knocked that shit off.

"barring something drastic, I'm here to play out my career.''

Sweet Fancy Moses that was close!

It's good to know JT plans to stick around until something drastic happens. He's signed thru 2009.

Which means we need to win a Super Bowl soon before either Jason Taylor retires (in 2009) or the world ends (in 2012. And fucks up your credit in the process).


Taylor Out Of Context? Hardly.

SI took Jason Taylor's scrambled eggs quote about Trent Green out of context. Or so Taylor says. Dolphins' spokesman Harvey Greene said the following:

“I talked to Jason. The quote is garbage. It was taken out of context.”

Really, Harvey? That's the extent of your explantation? And how is it even possible to take this out of context?:

“This is off-the-record — oh, what the hell, it’s on the record: [Trent Green] better not get hit. One big hit, and he could be scrambled eggs.”

Apparently, the Dolphins handle their PR pretty much the same way they handle everything else. Like shit.

There's not much to take out of context from "One big hit and he could be scrambled eggs."

And it's really not all that far from the truth. Isn't JT just expressing what we all feel anyway? And doesn't he have the right to speak out like this? The guy has wasted a brilliant career playing for this shithole of a franchise and I for one, think he's earned the right to say whatever the damn hell he wants to say.
If Taylor ever called Zach Thomas a neckless midget, so be it.
He has free reign.
The purists will pipe up and say Taylor isn't being "a team guy," or "a leader" or is "causing divisiveness in the club house."

But fuck all that. Fuck the purists. And fuck Trent Green. Yea I said it. I mean, really. Here's a guy who has given his heart and soul to a team that has churned up mediocre QB after mediocre QB (not to mention mediocre head coach after mediocre head coach) since Dan Marino retired. And he's a guy who has singlehandedly been able to turn The Fabulous Tom Brady into a shriveling little cunt when just about every other NFL team has failed. Jason Taylor was the main reason this team managed to win more than two games last season. Jason Taylor is the Miami Dolphins. And like the rest of us, he wants this team to win and win soon.

I'm sure Taylor is not done "explaining" himself to the media. But I think what he said came out of dissatisfaction with a team that keeps recycling injured quarterbacks and keeps missing the playoffs. Out of context my ass.

Was it a bit much? Yea, maybe. Was it spoken out of frustration? You bet.

But it was also mostly true.

You do what you gotta do, Jason Taylor. Now just make sure to bottle some of that frustration so you can lose your shit against the Patriots and turn Tom Brady into your own personal hand puppet. Again.

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Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Place To Find All Your Off-Season Non-Story Stories!

- Dolphins pre-season tickets go on sale Saturday. Hurry up and get your chance to see Trent Green play a series or two before the Cleo Lemon Era takes over. Although it should be cool to see John Beck take his first snaps in an NFL game, albeit against 3rd stringers and guys looking to find a job. But still.

- George W. Bush does not care about black people. Nor does he show much fondness for Nick Saban. Quick question for you: What do you call one dick who doesn't like another dick? An intolerant dick. Zing!

- I think I've found my new favorite blog. Awesomeness. Is that a word? It is now because it applies to the good and noble work being done by these outstanding individuals.

And now ... request time:

Fresh off the presses (no really, it's from the latest issue of GQ), Jessica!!!!!!!!!:

And for the ladies:
Ok ladies, lap it up ... cuz that's all you're gonna get. I am, after all, the Miami Sports DUDE. And if you've been a reader long enough, well, you know I'm all about the babes. So ... you want hot pics of Brad Pitt, knock yourself out. Otherwise, bookmark this page because this is our last and only stop to hot-dude's-without-shirts-ville. You see ladies, I don't care for men. I find them repugnant and unappealing. But that's just me. Sorry.

Hope you still love me, MSD ladies.

Because I will never stop loving you....

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

This Is Getting Brutal

More Dolphins off-season barn burners:

- Ethan Skolnik has a Q&A; with former Ram and Lion, the immortal Az-Zahir Hakim. Not included in the questions: "Seriously now, on a scale of one to ten -- ten being the worst -- how far off are the Dolphins from being as shitty as the Lions?"

- Jason Taylor was just as shocked as you that the Dolphins passed over Brady Quinn. JT is also very worried that Trent Green will be a pile of moss before the season is over.

- Cam Cameron tried to rationalize the Fins' trip to London for a regular season game this season:

"If we play the way we're capable, you can gain added home games at the end of the season," the coach said Tuesday in London, where the Dolphins take on the New York Giants on Oct. 28. "That's our challenge."

Sounds awfully Wanndstedtyish to me. But whatever. It is what it is.

Meanwhile, KSK has a handy guide for English fans who plan on attending or watching the game.

Tune in tomorrow for more Fins non-news news. Until then, enjoy some Adriana Lima (MSD has a lot of readers but only a handful of commenters. Perhaps taking requests will change that?):

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007


BREAKING NEWS: The Dolphins are reportedly looking for a holder for kicker Jay Feeley.

Oh and Dan Wilkinson's contract has been axed.
Welcome to the dog days of Dolphins off-season. Stay tuned for more puff pieces on John Beck's baby, Trent Green's fishing tips and, of course, photos with Jim Maxwell!!!
And now ... I give you Jessica:

You're welcome.

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Sunday, June 17, 2007

C-Pep Greivance Set, C-Pep Hires Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

- Trent Green will make less green with the Dolphins. His basic contract with Miami is worth $13.5 million. But he can add $2.5 million to it if he plays well and leads the Dolphins deep into the playoffs. Ah well ... 13.5 million will do just fine.

- Daunte Culpepper's greivance hearing is set for June 29. The NFLPA will say that the Fins breached C-Pep's contract when they kicked him out of practice. And a bunch of lawyers will drone on for 21 hours until a ruling is handed down. Then a bunch of other crap that we could give two shits about will happen. In the end, Trent Green will still be our quarterback.

- OL Joe Toledo went under the knife Wednesday to repair a broken bone in his foot. How did he injure himself you ask? Was it making a block against an uncoming linebacker? Heavens no. Was it a cheap shot from an opposing defensive lineman? Nope. Was it an unlucky roll of the foot moving backwards on a play? Wrong again. What was it then? Toledo broke his foot getting out of a hot tub.

Only the Miami Dolphins.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Culpepper Can't Even Avoid Getting Sacked In His Own Car

Friday Bullets:

- Seems that Daunte's fine after his crash. But the dude in the other car pulled a Chris Gamble on C-Pep's '75 Chevy Caprice.

"Both drivers gave conflicting reports about the accident. Culpepper said he got back onto the Sawgrass using his hazard lights when Gary Wolfe's 2004 Chevy Avalanche collided with Culpepper's vehicle. Wolfe, however, told police Culpepper was driving too slow and without lights, Wysocky said."

Culpepper moving too slow? Culpepper's lights were out? Culpepper getting hit hard from behind? Irony is awesome.

- Armando kinda sorta muses regrettably over the Dolphins selection of Ted Ginn Jr. Shockingly, his readers disagree with him in the comments. Mostly some guy named Anonymous.

- In case you forgot, Nick Saban -- bit of an asshole. Roll 'Tide!!!

- Doh! Just a few days after SI's Bucky Brooks says No Face will have a big year, he says Trent Green will not.

- I received an e-mail from filmmaker Jerry Allen Davis this morning. He's the guy who made the movie Dan Marino is executive producing. He sent along some pics of Dan on the set, as well as others with the film's actors. The pic above is of Dan and actor Ron Yuan. (Turns out Yuan had a cameo on the most recent season of 24, which is pretty kick ass!) I posted another photo along with an article over at The Phish Tank for the MVN audience. Anyway, thought it was cool of Mr. Davis to do that.

That's it for this week (unless something breaks). Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there! And a special Happy Fathers and a hardy congrats to my brother CT Dolphin Fan (seen here) for passing his Correctional Officer's test with flying colors!
Have a happy and safe weekend, MSD Nation!

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Marino Is Going To F*** Up Traffickers Like He F***ed Up Secondaries

Dan Marino is now in pictures! Filmmaker Jerry Davis has written and produced a film about human trafficking and The Great One has signed on as executive producer.

Said Marino:

"It's an issue that's out there in society right now and . . . it's something people have to deal with. It's a story that needed be told and hopefully we did a good job of that.''

The film, called Shanghai Hotel, tells the story of a young woman, played by Eugenia Yuan (Memoirs of a Geisha), who flees China for a new life in America, where she is sold into prostitution.

Marino’s main role is to raise money and awareness.

No, he will not make a cameo as he did in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Besides, that would just be weird. (Look, that poor girl is being forced to do things against her will! Look, those guys are evil, vile and greedy! Man I really wasn't aware this sort of human injustice really existed. Look! There's Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino?)
But his presence should draw a lot of attention to the film and the issue of human trafficking. Which means, human traffickers everywhere are gonna get fucked up. Like this. Remember when he used to fuck up the Patriots? Yea. Me too. Sigh...
Anywway ... Davis has submitted the film to the Toronto Film Festival.


Can't Read Defenses, Can't Read Road Signs?

Daunte Culpepper was in a car crash last night. He reportedly injured his hand.

"The collision occurred about 10:30 p.m. Wednesday on the Sawgrass Expressway at Mile Marker 18, said FHP Lt. Mike Brown. Culpepper was westbound in a Chevrolet Caprice when he collided with an unidentified driver in a Chevy Avalanche. Both vehicles rolled off the roadway. When paramedics arrived, Culpepper complained of a hand injury, Brown said."

Details are fuzzy. The report says that one of the drivers was taken to an area hospital but doesn't say if it was Culpepper.

It kinda sucks to be C-Pep these days. Let's re-cap: Blows up his knee; gets caught on a boat full of strippers; gets rushed back into playing too soon; craps out as QB; gets pushed aside by the new regime; is asked to leave the practice field in front of fans, teammates and media; injures hand in a fender bender.

But there's good news! The Jaguars reportedly want to add to their arsenal of injury-prone quarterbacks!
Now would be an excellent time to have a real agent, yes?


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Culpepper Is Grieve-ed

Wednesday Bullets:

- The NFLPA filed a grievance yesterday against the Dolphins on behalf of Daunte Culpepper, claiming the team is denying him the opportunity to compete for a job. The grievance basically came from Friday's mini-camp when Culpepper was asked to leave the field. Attorney for the NFLPA, Richard Berthelsen, says that C-Pep is employed by the Fins and should be allowed to compete for a job or released outright. Berthelsen also made this curious statement:

"You can't make the club in the tub. If he is being withheld from drills, then he isn't being given a chance to compete for a job." [bolds mine]

Oh I beg to differ Mr. Bethlehem? Bethlovessome? Berthlesen ... that is exactly how this club has been built the last decade. In a fucking tub!

-'s Bucky Brooks says No Face is in for a big year!

"Possessing the speed and quickness of a receiver, Martin gives them a bona fide threat down the middle. And while he has never caught more than 27 passes in a season, he has all of the tools to play the role of Antonio Gates (Cameron's tight end in San Diego) in the Dolphins' new offense. Moreover, new Miami QB Trent Green is used to throwing to a tight end after playing with Tony Gonzalez in Kansas City. It would not be a surprise to see Martin double his career high next season."

I like the sound of that. Unfortunately "doubling his career high" would mean like more than 2 TDs in a season or something like that. Martin is notorious for being fragile. And the comparisons to Antonio Gates is a bit much. But if Bucky is right, it's all good. And when a guy named Bucky says something, it has to be true.

- Congrats go out to former Heat coach Stan Van Gundy! He's the new man in Orlando. We wish him the best of luck and think he'll do really well up there. Until, of course, the Magic trade for Kevin Garnett to play alongside Dwight Howard. In which case, Stan will retire and Pat Riley will take it from there.

- JD has been all over the Marlins and weighs in on what is arguably the best back-end bullpen in the NL. Let's Go Fish!

- It's only June and already ESPN is cumming all over themselves over their favorite NFL team.

- Speaking of, my boys over at KSK tell us that King Douche won't talk about his private life.

- Cam likes Ted Ginn Jr. He even paraphrased Dennis Green:

"He was everything I thought he was and then some"

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Don't Like The Sarcasm? There's Always Salguero's Blog

Our friends over at Phinsider got a reader e-mail from a, uh, reader. It says we all need to relax on how we rip this team for all their "questionable" moves and, oh well, you can read the whole thing here. I received a similar e-mail recently (maybe from the same guy? I dunno) concerning my recent posts on the Fins. I'll spare you the rhetoric but, believe me, it was a lot like Phinsider's letter. It's not the first time I've been accused of being a negative-monger round these parts. HOWEVA!!! ... allow me to retort if I may:

First off, to paraphrase our beatiful MSD Nation Queen, Lady Phin, from yesterdays comments: We Dolphins fans (and bloggers) must find amusement in misery. This is why I lay the sarcasm thick. Because we're miserable and we love our miserable team. What else can we do but mock and make jokes and call the assholes in the FO out from time to time. It's the only way to stay sane! In case you haven't noticed, our Dolphins have pretty much sucked balls for the last decade. I was all about hiring Cam and Mueller right here on this blog. And I am glad we have them both. But as a life-long Dolphins fan I am now at a SHOW ME stage. I'm no longer about "having faith" in a coach or a front office. You want my praise? You want my faith? EARN IT! Otherwise, bend over, grab yer ankles and take it like a man on his first night in the slammer because the sarcasm is pretty damn thick round here. Like mohhhhlasssisss!!!

Secondly, let me just add this: MSD, along with The Phish Tank, were the very first Miami Dolphins blogs to endorse the drafting of Ted Ginn Jr. AND we were the first to say that John Beck could end up being a better QB than Brady Quinn. Look it up, folks. It's the troof. So before the Ginn-Beck bandwagon gets too full, tip your driver.

Finally, this is a blog. It's for entertainment purposes. I love my Dolphins and as a Dolphin fan, I demand a winner. I like to trash this team from time to time. Because fuck them that's why. They've made my life miserable for 25+ years. And yet I always come back to my team, like a bitch.

So, you don't like the sarcasm? Don't like the negativity? Then move on ... read another blog ... hey, Armando Salguero has a nice blog. His readership consists of really smart people like you.

AND the Herald doesn't allow him to use the word douchebag. So there's that.

Ok. Done. I have now fallen off my soap box and have twisted my ankle.

Thank you, and good luck.

UPDATE: The guy who wrote to Phinsider is not the same guy who wrote me. His name is Dave. The guy who wrote to me is ... not named Dave.


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Dude's Mini-Camp Report (With Photos!)

It was hot. It was packed in. It was Dolphins mini-camp. As I mentioned yesterday, I went to Dolphins' mini-camp on Saturday. My big brother was in town (you know him in the comments section as CT Dolphin Fan) so I drove us up to Davie to catch camp.

Trent Green was there, wearing his DON'T TOUCH ME! red jersey. One of the reasons Cam Cameron wanted Green down here was because Green is familiar with Cam's playbook. Green threw three interceptions during the 7 on 7 drill. Oh shit.
John Beck, also wearing the DON'T TOUCH ME! red jersey looked equally ineffective. Although his passes were crisp and quick, which was good to see. Also taking part in the action was first round draft pick Ted Ginn Jr. Curiously, he was not wearing a DON'T TOUCH ME! red jersey. Ginn looked okay. He caught a pass on a quick dump off from Beck, which seemed to please everybody. Ginn also looked spectacular fielding balls during the punting drill. That's right. Look out New England special teams! Our first round pick knows how to catch punts!!! And he knows how to wave his arm over his head to make that fair catch signal thing. You're in deep shit, my friends.

We also got to see Joey Porter. But he didn't do much. By that I mean, he didn't kick anyone's ass or bark like a dog at anyone. Genuinely disapointing. Jason Taylor was there. What a stud. He's a dude I'd go gay for, no doubt about it. Zach Thomas was also there. He was pretty much half-assing his way through the drills. No pads, no helmet, just lightly walking through the drills while the other guys were sprinting and going all out. Lazy ass verterans.

No Face made a spectacular one-handed catch during one point. Trent Green seems to like No Face as he went to him often.

At one point, Daunte Culpepper stood outside the training room doors wearing one of those skin-tight Underarmor things. He stood with his hands on his hips as he watched practice for about 5 minutes. He looked like a superhero. A disgruntled superhero with a blowed up knee. He also looked like a kid who had been grounded and was not allowed to play with the other children.

At the end of the day, my brother was able to make his way down and get himself a couple of autographs. Cleo Lemon signed his cap. Lemon wore his DON'T TOUCH ME! red jersey. He also got LB Jim Maxwell's autograph. In fact, my brother was the only one who got Jim Maxwell's autograph. My brother also -- eventually -- got Trent Green's autograph. With a huge crowd vying for Green's autograph, my brother stuck his cap out and Green signed just about every cap, football, jersey and photo thrust into his face. Except my brother's. Green moved on. So did my brother. Green and my brother did this dance three times until, finally, Green took his cap. This then was the conversation that went down between Trent Green and my brother:

Green (with an incredulous sound to his voice): Didn't I sign for you already?
Dude's Bro (with an ass-holish sound to his voice): Do you see your name on the cap?
Green (smirks): Nope. (signs hat).
Dude's Bro: Welcome to Miami.
Onlooker: Better get his autograph now while you can. He's only going to last three games anyway.

Good times.

And now ... pics! Enjoy:

Trent Green meticulously surveys and studies the defense before throwing his first of three INTs.
Green doning his DON'T TOUCH ME! red jersey gets one of those cheesey Fast Times At Ridgemont High Judge Reinhold backward high fives from a coach. Green is very happy to be here.

Trent Green takes a snap. His passes looked good when they weren't being thrown to defenders. He also seemed to favor No Face which means more three and outs on the horizon! Yay!

John Beck looked sharp during this drill. He's the future. By the time he takes over for a retired Trent Green, he will be 30 years old. The future is bright.

John Beck takes a break. He's. Looking. Right. At. Me.

Zach Thomas takes a Gatorade break after a long day of walking around.

Coach Cam Cameron addresses the team at the end of the day. He gave his fiery and inspirational speech about family and family values and how family is so very important. Family.

The Dude's brother gets Jim Maxwell's autograph. See how he had to fight off the rabid crowd to get to him? The Dude's brother is relentless and persistent.

The Dude's brother finally gets Trent Green's autograph after 3 or 4 tries. The Dude's brother now officially believes that Trent Green is an asshole.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

Do The Right Thing: Cut Culpepper

I was able to attend mini-camp Saturday and will have pics and a full report when I can get to it (work is hectic today).

Meanwhile, the Culpepper situation keeps getting nastier. First the Fins say they intend to trade him. He then says he won't restructure his contract to sabotage any potential trades. The there was a report that Culpepper had a secret agreement with another team to sign with them when he gets released, which would constitute tampering. He was then escorted off the practice field Friday and was told, in effect, he can't participate.

Now it's gotten personal.
Keeping C-Pep off the practice field is all good and fine. Having Culpepper stay away from practice is a good way, among other things, to keep him from getting injured. It's a business decision, of course, and a smart one. I agree that the Dolphins need to do what they can to get something for Daunte. It's the business of football.

Howeva! the way the Dolphins are handling this is pretty shitty. The Dolphins are holding a guy hostage that no one is going to give up draft picks for. He's coming off a major knee injury, he's coming off a terrible season and he's now been pushed aside in favor of former Chiefs QB Trent Green.

In other words, the Dolphins have pretty much no leverage here. Everyone knows they're not keeping C-Pep. Everyone knows he has to be released before the season starts to avoid paying his $5.5 million contract.

A lot of Dolphins fans, forums and sites are saying the Fins are being smart and are handling this like a business. But escorting a guy with security guards 20 minutes after he took the field, in front of teammates, fans and media, was a pretty shitty thing to do.

We ripped KC President Carl Peterson for being an ass with Green when he clearly intended to cut him. We blasted him for demanding too much even though we knew he had no choice but to get rid of him. We called him a douche because he held Green hostage, even though the QB knew he had no real shot at the starting job and wanted out.

The Dolphins are now doing the same exact thing with Culpepper. On top of the fact that they embarrassed him Friday.

There's business. Then there's bad business. There's doing what's best for the organization. And then there's showing no class.

Do the right thing, Dolphins. Cut Culpepper and let him find a job elsewhere. Save for maybe Rick Spielman, no one is going to give up a draft pick for Culpepper. And this is going to get ugly pretty damn quick, especially since C-Pep has now enlisted the help of the NFLPA.

Do the right thing, Dolphins. Release Culpepper and let's move on.

Update: The Herald's David J. Neil agrees. The Dude abides.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Culpepper Wants Out!

Thursday Afternoon Bullets:

- Daunte Culpepper has sent out yet another e-mail. This time, he's demanding the Dolphins release him.

"I feel it is necessary to obtain a release rather than seek a trade so that I would not bring the excess baggage of my present contract to a new team,'' he said. "I feel like my next team should have the opportunity to get to know me as a man and a player before they make any long-term commitment.''

He also threw Nick Saban under the bus, so to speak:

"I must say the impatience the organization displayed in both encouraging me to rush back on the field last year and then rushing me out the door this year is disappointing. However, I understand that they have the right to make that business decision. It is now my turn to make some decisions.''

Culpepper cannot be in the worst possible position. He's coming off a terrible season after his knee blew up and now he's no longer of any value to the current organization that employs him. This is what happens when you act as your own agent. Ah well. Perhaps Culpepper can talk to Ricky Williams and get Master P's phone number.

- Dolphins fans weren't the only ones shocked when the team selected Ted Ginn Jr. with the 9th overall pick of the draft. Apparently, several Dolphins players were also pontificating the possibilities that perhaps Cam Cameron and Randy Mueller were smoking the crack when they took Ginn over Brady Quinn.

- DT Vollie Holiday says his comments were taken out of context. Jason Taylor, however, ain't playing no games with Ginn:

"[Ginn] needs to be here and learn what he's doing,'' Taylor said. "He's not going to practice, so I don't know how much he'll get done being here. He'll learn a lot on the blackboard but it's a lot different when you put the pads on and you're on the field. … I guess he'll be here this weekend and watching us work, but we need to get him out there and work.''

Gotta love JT's no-nonsense approach. Can we please get this man a shot at a Super Bowl? Just a shot! Just a shot! Just a shot! Ok. I'm done channeling Chris Rock.

- The MLB held their draft today. The Marlins selected 3B Matt Dominquez with the 12th overall pick. SporTech has the breakdown.

- Looks like the Phinsider has hopped aboard the we-hate-Mark-Cuban band wagon. Phinsider calls out the Billion Dollar Penis on his spectacularly dumb idea for a new pro football league. Well done, Phinsider. And welcome to the club! I know he won't say it because his site is a bit more family-friendly than this one. So allow me to say it: Fuck Mark Cuban!!!

Boo ya.

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Eight Years Later, Marino's Shadow Still Looms


It's time we faced it, Dolphins fans. Face the truth and move on with our lives. Otherwise we're doomed to keep setting ourselves up for failure. Much like Celtics fans with Larry Bird (and look at how cursed that franchise has been the past two decades), we need to come to grips that Dan Marino is gone. Every QB that comes along down here (and there've been a lot!) is invariably compared to Danny Boy in some way or another. The man was great. The man was a winner. The man was a record breaking machine. The man spoiled us rotten. And now every signal caller that we trade for or draft is forced to stand in his ginormous shadow.

From ProFootballTalk:
Since Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino retired after the 1999 season, the team had burned plenty of draft picks in an effort to replace him...The irony here is that, when Marino was playing, the team's defense generally wasn't good enough to propel the team to the highest levels of success. After Marino left, the defense became dominant. And now that the pendulum on offense could be swinging back the other way, we've got a feeling that the defense will gradually begin to slide backward.

And from the Fan House:
I don't sense that Denver's fans and sports writers are clinging to John Elway in the same way. Elway is a beloved figure in Denver and Broncos fans would kill to have a quarterback of his talent again, but Broncos fans also seem to understand, in a way Dolphins fans don't, the need to move on.... whatever the reason, when Trent Green becomes the Dolphins' starting quarterback -- and when John Beck gets the job after Green -- let's hope they're judged on their own merits, not on how they compare to someone who's incomparable.

So ... be it Jay Fiedler, Trent Green, John Beck, or whomever ... Dan Marino is gone and there will never be another. Period. He's happily retired and working his cushy TV gigs and hawking weight loss meals (and bringing Don Shula along with him. And Mike Golic. And Chris Carter. And John Kruk too. Except that with Kruk, the Nutrisystem diet seems to be having a reverse affect... but I digress). He's gone. And the only way he's coming back is to participate in ceremonial coin tosses in Super Bowls. And the occasional Ring of Honor induction.

Rick Pitino was laughed out of Boston when he tried to turn the Celtics' fortunes around in the post-Bird seasons. But his tenure will always be remembered for a famous line he gave the frustrated fans and media there: "Larry Bird is not walking through that door, folks."
So let us take it from the guy who wrote Success Is A Choice.

Dan Marino is not walking through that door, folks.


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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Trent Green Press Conference Highlights

Trent Green is now officially a Dolphin after passing his physical. The Fins then introduced him at a press conference. Some hightlights:

- Cam Cameron said he knows Carl Peterson for a long time. He said nothing about Peterson's douchebaggyness. But I'll say it. Carl Peterson is a douchebag
- Trent Green first thanked Randy Mueller. He also thanked Peterson but it sounded to me like he was saying it out of obligation. I'm betting Trent Green is down with my theory that Peterson is a douche.

- Green praised the Dolphins defense and said "It's time for the offense to catch up." No shit Green. No shit.

- Green thanked the KC fans. Then said he's excited about turning things around here for the Dolphins fans. Green probably thinks his Chiefs offensive line and Larry Johnson came with him as part of the package.

- Cam was asked about Daunte Culpepper's status. Cam answered that this press conference was about Trent Green and his family. He then said the Dolphins are "working through some things" concerning Culpepper and that we should know more by Friday.
When asked about the differences between Green and Culpepper, Cameron said he's "not a guy who compares guys." This may explain why he drafted a one-legged punter with the number 9 overall pick.
- He repeated again that this press conference is about Trent and Julie Green and their family. What is it with Cam and the whole family thing? Is little 9 year old Bobby Green going to play tight end for us and we haven't been notified? Ted Ginn's mom Katherine is the long snapper.
Those are some of the highlights. Hear the rest of it over at the Dolphins website. As for me, I have accepted Green as our new QB. Whether or not it's an upgrade or whether or not we gave up too much for him is something we'll just have to wait and see... meanwhile, my man (and fellow 'Tanker) Gabriel Santamarina over at The Phish Tank is none too fired up about Green coming to the Dolphins. Check out the column for his reasons why.
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UPDATE: Forgot to mention this little pimp spot for JD. If you haven't heard, our pal over at SporTech Matter is an interweb radio star! A couple of blogs have come together and formed "The Hits Keep Coming," a weekly radio show that airs every Wednesday at 7:00PM. They chat, analyze and comment about the world of pro baseball. You can also call in and ask a question. One of these days I'm going to call and totally mess with JD. Anyway, check it out tonight at 7:00.

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