IWS Un"F'n"Sanctioned 2005
The Medley, March 26th, 2005

Un F’N Sanctioned Results
Click the images for the pictures from each match

Three-Way Dance:
Kid Kamikaze vs Dan Paysan vs El Generico

Click for the PicsThe show started with a bang or make that an OLE! as El Generico made his return to the IWS after an absence of nearly four months, and after a tour of Europe. He faced Dan Paysan and Kid Kamikaze in a high flying three way dance that many fans are calling the greatest IWS opening match ever. El Generico stood poised to win until the unexpected debut of the monstrous Vanessa Kraven who destroyed Generico with a thunderous power bomb from the Medley stage into the ring. This gave Kid Kamikaze the opportunity to dispatch El Generico with a Shining Wizard at 13:59. It quickly became clear that Vanessa Kraven is the new featured star of the Kid Kamikaze Experience.

(As a side note, I should point out that when I say that Vaness Kraven is a monster, I do not mean to imply that she in unattractive. In fact, Vanessa Kraven is an extraordinarily beautiful woman… who just happens to be 6 feet tall and 200 pounds of hard body; who is rumoured to make grown men cry during practice with her knife-edge chops; who is in better shape than 99% of the men in Quebec, heck Canada and who is not going to hurt me for calling her “monstrous”. Right? Right? Please? Pretty please?)

Sex vs. XES:
The Triple X “Sex XXXpress” Sexxxy Eddy vs. ExesS

Click for the PicsFor nearly two years, wrestling fans have waited for Sexxxy Eddy and EXesS to have a match to see who is truly the best in Quebec. The fans were not disappointed when these two men finally met as the two combined for a high-flying technical show. What was disappointing was that EXesS felt compelled to cheat and use the ropes to get the win after 12:34. What was even more disappointing was that ExesS turned his back on the fans by attacking Eddy after the match.

IWS Tag Team Title Match – Four Way Scramble:
Kenny the Bastard – (champions) vs.
2.0 (Jagged & Shane Matthews) vs.
Le Syndicate de Lutte International (Marc le Grizzly & Viking) vs.
The Wrecking Crew (Tomassino & Chris Wells)

Click for the PicsThree weeks ago at Breakout, Tomassino of the Wrecking Crew tried to choke out Takao of the Flying Hurricanes by tying him to the ring post by his mask. Despite an injured larynx, Takao was planning on gritting out the injury until he woke up the morning of Un F’N Sanctioned having difficulty breathing and swallowing. His doctor forbid Takao from wrestling… which left Kenny the Bastard alone to defend the ‘Canes tag team title against three other teams in a four way scramble match: the Wrecking Crew (Tomassino and Chris Wells), le SLI (Viking and Mark the Grizzly) and 2.0 (Shane Matthews and Jagged).

In a match filled with ironies, while it was 2.0’s first “official” loss in the IWS, it was also their most dominant performance. They eliminated le SLI at 5:05 by pinning Marc le Grizzly (with the help of a chain) and then they eliminated the Wrecking Crew by pinning Tomassino at 8:24 after a double team back breaker and three consecutive Jagged knees to Tomassino’s face. In each case, 2.0 deliberately focused and dispatched the larger member of the team they were facing. Also ironically, despite pinning the two giants involved in the match, 2.0 lost to the smallest wrestler in the scramble: Kenny the Bastard. The Lizard King took advantage of a momentary miscommunication between Jagged and Shane Matthews to pin Matthews at 10:18. No doubt 2.0 are devastated by this lost chance to win IWS gold.

Who Is the Hero?:
IWS “Hardcore Hero” Green Phantom vs. “The Saviour of Wrestling” Chris Hero

Click for the PicsThe Green Phantom made a triumphant return from the injured list at Un F’N Sanctioned beating Chris Hero with a Phantasm at 14:42 after a massive brawl. People were not expecting much from this match, expecting ring rust from the Green Phantom or a styles clash, but the only clash that people got was the clash of fore arms and fists. The Green Phantom came looking for a fight and Chris Hero gave him one before the Hardcore Hero of the IWS emerged triumphant.

Inter-Species Open Challenge Match:
Beef J. Wellington vs. Super Dragon

Click for the PicsA serious even grim Beef Wellington faced off against a man reputed to be the stiffest man in California: Pro Wrestling Guerilla champion Super Dragon. In a non-title match, most people thought Beef would be lucky to survive. But Beef matched Super Dragon stiff shot for stiff shot, even throwing away his beloved tassels during the match to show how serious he was. Beef received a thunderous roar of approval after pinning Super Dragon at 13:43.

Damian vs. Fred la Merveille

Click for the PicsThe bell had not even rung when Fred la Merveille speared Damian out of the ring during his entrance ritual. These two former best friends battled through the crowd of the Medley lacing each other with stiff shots. Damian appeared to be out to cripple Fred at one point giving Fred a double foot stomp from the top rope to the floor where Fred was sandwiched between two ring barriers. After 17:10 of an intense physical contest, Damian finished Fred off with a double knee stomp from the top rope.

IWS Title Match:
Franky the Mobster (champion) vs. Kevin Steen

Click for the PicsFranky the Mobster was brought into the IWS by Kevin Steen. Franky the Mobster got his shot at the CZW Ironman belt, because an injured Kevin Steen suggested that Franky take his place against B-Boy. Instead of gratitude, Kevin received jealousy and paranoia from Franky. This set the stage for their match at Un F’N Sanctioned. Making his return to the IWS after four months and a trip to Japan, Kevin Steen moved with even more confidence in the ring than he showed when the fans gave him his nickname Mr. Wrestling. Kevin seems determined to earn that nickname.

Kevin’s new confidence gave Franky fits. And Kevin Steen would be the IWS champion right now if referee Bakais had not been distracted during a sure three count by the arrival of Damian at ring side. Kevin Steen had just given Franky two consecutive Package Pile-Drivers, knocking Franky loopy. Damian’s arrival saved Franky’s championship and after a top rope foot stomp on Kevin and a vicious corner Ohtani kick, Damian dragged an unconscious Franky over a stunned Kevin Steen for the victory at 19:11. Why Damian attacked Kevin Steen remains to be determined, what is not in doubt is that Kevin is pissed about it.

Sex Lube Match:
Exxx-President Seska vs. D-Vyn

Click for the PicsLike a sorbet to cleanse the palate between two courses, the ladies’ lube match between former IWS President Seska and former Sexxxy Eddy valet D-Vyn was sandwiched between the two main events of Un F’N Sanctioned. IWS commentator, the Renaissance Man Peter LaSalle, the self-proclaimed “Dirtiest Man in the Business” was delighted to be asked by Seska to lube her up while D-Vyn was being lubed her best (girl) friend. Adding to the mayhem was special guest referee Big Larry of T-Unit. The match itself was short but sweet as the two women engaged in a brief and slippery cat-fight before Dan Paysan interfered on behalf of his fellow Italian D-Vyn to give her the pin at 3:38.

Main Event - Fans Bring the Weapons:
The Arsenal & Kurt Lauderdale vs. The Evil Ninja & PCP Crazy F’N Manny

Click for the PicsFor close to six months, IWS owner, PCP Crazy F’N Manny, kept the Arsenal out of the IWS ring, preventing the One Man War from doing what he does best – hurting people and smiling about it. On Saturday, during a bloody Fans Bring the Weapons, the Arsenal was smiling as he and his partner, Kurt Lauderdale, used “Weapons of Manny Destruction” to beat their own boss into a concussion and a win after 20:21. The high light of the match was no doubt the stereo balcony dive as a bleeding Arsenal dropped a double knee off the balcony onto Manny through a table while the Evil Ninja dropped an elbow off the balcony onto Kurt Lauderdale and through a table.

With the match over, the victorious Arsenal, crazed by his need for revenge, sent Manny to the hospital by dropping a TV on Manny’s head while his head was being held down on a chair by Kurt Lauderdale.

After the show, walking through glass so thick that it crunched under their feet like a layer of crusty snow on a cold January night, the fans, dazed and mostly inebriated, staggered out of Le Medley announcing to the world that they had just seen the best IWS show ever.

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