Timeperiod:
Before the Saga
Genre: Angst
Characters: Xanatos,
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn
Summary: Ben Kenobi is
being tormented by a teen-aged bully.
WARNING: Dark. Do not
read if you think this is a fun one! It's not!
"Hello, Bennie...." Mocking, deliberate, the harsh
voice echoed in the deserted hallway.
The young boy froze
mid-stride. He recognized that voice, that hated, terrifying voice of his ever-tormentor.
Raising wide frightened eyes, he watched as the merciless one, a tall, good-looking
Padawan in his late teens, slowly sauntered toward him.
"Please not
again." But the child's frightened whisper was lost in the mounting silence. He began
to shiver in the warm air, his small shoulders slumping in defeat. The sure knowledge that
he could not escape, that he was alone with this cruel veldt, cut into him with all the
impact of a vibroblade. It had happened before; it would happen again. He could only
endure the pain to come.
"Don't run, Bennie. Don't make me come after you..."
Ben shuddered but
stood his ground. He knew that it would have made no difference to run. But, as the
Padawan approached, the light step and eager anticipation did not bode well for the child.
The feral grin and hardened eyes made that all too obvious. The apprentice had seen the
fear in Ben's face, the shudder that the boy had tried so hard to hide. And the ruthless
hunter reveled in it, wanted it. It would seem that the delicious taste of terror was
infinitely satisfying to those who knew how to savor it; the craving grew with each sweet
morsel. And now it appeared that the child, quivering in panic before him, was a blooded
feast.
"Good boy.
You've learned your lessons well."
With a brief laugh
at the fear-filled sight - the sound so arrogant, sure of conquest - the Padawan Learner
closed the gap between the two. He straightened abruptly, stretching tall, towering over
the young one. Slowly, he lifted one careless hand, waiting for the panic to rise. When it
did, when the child tried to hide the fear and could not, he smiled smugly. He lightly
tapped the boy's cheek before completing the motion and sweeping his own midnight-dark
hair away from his face. Tossing his black braid over his shoulder in a reckless display
of Senior Padawan status, he glanced at the quivering boy. His sapphire eyes seemed to
gleam with the victory in this battle of wills; somehow, the apprentice knew that he had
all ready won.
"What's the
matter, Bennie? Aren't you happy to see your old
friend again? It's been a couple of weeks. Surely you haven't forgotten me so
quickly..."
Terrified, the small
initiate shook his head, stammering out, "I...I haven't forgotten."
"I...I..."
Leaning down, his face thrust into the child's own, the Padawan mocked, "I'm sure you
haven't, Bennie. I know that you enjoy our time
together... as do I."
The nine-year-old
muttered something, half-stepping backwards in a small attempt at escape. The black-haired
apprentice grabbed the child's arm, twisting it fiercely as he sneered, "What was
that, baby Ben? Afraid of something?? Or maybe some...one."
Ben struggled,
trying to free himself. "You don't scare me, Xanatos. You don't..."
The large hand
tightened, the fingers digging into the tender flesh. There would be bruises later.
Glaring down at the child, he spat, "Not afraid... of me? Oh, Ben, you should be. You
should be..."
"Let go of me.
Let go, Xanatos." Frightened, Ben tried to twist out of the durasteel grip, his
soft-soled boots scrabbling for purchase but it was no use. Desperate, he tried to use his
small knowledge of the Force, hopelessly grabbing at anything that would come to his aid.
But the teen was too strong, squashing with ruthless delight any attempt at using that
awesome power.
Grabbing a fistful
of copper hair, Xanatos yanked backwards, forcing the child to bend awkwardly. The small cry of pain seemed to delight the bully.
"Pitiful! Don't try that again, Bennie."
Abruptly he let go of the strands and leaned down once more. "Never use the Force on
me. Ever. Or I'll have to show you the true meaning of power."
Ben stilled at that.
His green eyes flashing with intensity, the frightened child fought with the only weapon
he had. "I'll tell on you - I will! You are a bad one. You shouldn't be doing this.
I'll tell Master Jinn. I swear I will."
Xanatos snorted with
derision. "Tell my Master, will you? He won't believe a word you say, little Bennie.
He thinks I'm the best Padawan that has ever graced the Temple halls. He won't listen to
you. Besides, he's always telling me to live in the moment. I am indeed."
His face pulling
into an amused sneer, the teen abruptly grabbed Ben and lifted him high. The boy twisted
and turned in a vain effort to break free, his small legs wheeling helplessly in the air.
Xanatos laughed, watching the child struggle to escape, enjoying the pathetic drama and
the panic. Oh, the panic was wonderful to see. Finally, when he was sure there was no more
to be savored, he shook the child hard.
Ben quieted, biting
at his lip to keep from crying out, his green eyes swimming in tears. With spiraling fear,
the child heard the Padawan say, "And if you do tell on me, I'll make sure that you
regret it, you and your little friend Garen. And that fish girl...what was her name? Bant?
It would be so easy to hurt her, don't you think?"
"Don't you dare
hurt Bant. She never did anything to you. Don't."
The older teen
laughed at the despair in the initiate's voice. "Hurt Bant? Why ever would I do that?
You are so much more fun to play with."
Ben burst into
terrified fury, kicking and clawing at Xanatos, trying desperately to escape. Flailing
about, maddened with fear, he grabbed onto the thin black braid and pulled hard. The
apprentice jerked, reaching for his hair, yanking at the fist that was entangled in the
dark strands. Still held aloft by one hand and half-crazed with fear, Ben kicked out, the
tip of his foot connecting with the teen's chest.
With a howl of pain,
the Padawan let go, almost flinging the boy away from him. The child landed with a dull
thud and a muffled cry. Trying to scramble out of the way, he was quickly pushed down as
Xanatos dove into him.
Pinning him against
the joint where floor meets wall, Xanatos drew back one elegant hand and jabbed a closed
fist into the child's side. A groan of exhausted despair spoke volumes of hurt. Ben was
trapped.
"Stop
struggling you little fool." The boy tried desperately to wiggle out of the painful
grip but the teen just laughed again. Grabbing one flailing hand, he forced it flat.
Growling, Xanatos spat out, "Stop struggling or I'll break it."
Ben's breath caught
as he froze. He couldn't win. He could only endure.
"Good-for-nothing
little Bennie. You'll pay for hurting me like
that. You'll pay. I'll make sure you're never chosen." Xanatos hissed as Ben trembled
beneath him. "Oh, yes, I know what you really want. To be chosen, to be a Jedi
Knight. I'll make absolutely sure that you never are.
Clumsy little fool."
The child was beyond
terror now, a numb despair filling his mind. Dazed, he asked, "Why are you doing
this? Why?"
His tormentor
snapped back, fragments of vicious delight in his voice, "Why? Because you have such
fear that I can taste it in the air. It feels so good, to hurt you, to see those
frightened eyes, to watch you cry, to punish you."
Ben hiccupped in
confusion and futility. "P...punish me? What did I ever do to you?"
Xanatos settled in,
pressing the boy further into the wall. "Oh, little Bennie, Not for what you have
done but for what you will do."
The heavy weight of
the older boy was taking its toll. Taking desperate gulps of air, hoarse and dazed with
pain, Ben whispered back, "Will do? What will I do? What could I ever do that you
would hate me this much?"
Hissing in rage, the
teenager pulled fiercely at the captured hand, slamming it back into the metal floor. Ben
whimpered, as the palm began to throb with increasing agony and the blackness moved
closer. "I've had visions about you, Bennie.
Did you know that? Visions of you as a Padawan, visions of you and My Master, mine!!!" Xanatos's voice went flat,
space-cold. "You will be my downfall... if he takes you as a Learner. I'm going to
change that future, mark my words. Change it and make sure you never become his Padawan."
Ben tried to shake
his head, tried to deny the words. He could barely speak, his mind beginning to drift as
the pain and terror sapped all his strength. "Master Jinn won't want me. You're crazy
- these visions have made you insane."
"Oh, but
Bennie, I'll tell you a truth that no one else will." The Padawan pressed in,
emphasizing his words. "There are only
two kinds of people in the universe, the hunter and the hunted. Guess who I am."
Whispering into
Ben's ear, soft and deadly, he hissed, "I may be crazy but you will never become a
Padawan. Never. And if you ever say anything to him, anything at all, I'll tell my Master
how you attacked me, how I had to defend myself against a little kid, how you have such
anger in you that you need to get kicked out. So much anger that even the Agri-Corps won't
take you. And I'll make sure to hurt Bant, too. Oh, yes.... I can and I will. So you just
shut up and take it like a good little Padawan-in-training. Or else."
"Besides,"
Xanatos snickered softly, "My Master will believe me. He will. He believes anything I
say."
"Padawan, what
are you doing?" The sharp voice came out of nowhere. Startled, too focused on his
prey to pay attention to his surroundings, the apprentice had not noticed the tall Master
towering over him.
Quickly, he
scrambled to his feet and stood penitent, the black braid swinging forth in obvious
reminder of his status. The steely gaze of moments past melted into genuine concern in an
instant. Glancing down, waving one hand towards the still-cowering child, he sounded
sincerely upset. "Master, it's a good
thing you're here. Bennie is hurt."
Looking at his
apprentice for a brief hard moment, Jinn turned toward the young one blinking up at him.
Kneeling down, reaching for the boy, he asked gently, "Are you hurt, child?"
Ben flinched back,
still dazed by the sudden turn of events. The soft sound of concern was not enough to wipe
away the fear that still clung to the back of his throat. Shivering, hugging his hand to
his chest, he struggled to sit up, his small body pressed hard against the cold metal
wall. His voice hitched in slow relief. But when he looked up, the huge Master was
blocking his escape. Drawing his legs in, a vain attempt at turning into as small a target
as he could, he shook his head at the question. His hated enemy stood to one side, waiting
to see how it would all play out.
Breathing hard,
trying to calm his anxieties, Ben saw Xanatos staring down at him. That hard sapphire gaze
told volumes of possible futures. Should he fail to convince the Master, he knew that his
friends would pay. Speak foolish truth and only pain would follow. The fear began to spike
once more.
"What are you
afraid of, youngling? Surely, a Master is nothing to fear. "Jinn's voice was soft,
inviting and calm. But Ben could not let his friends be hurt. He just shook his head in
mute response.
Xanatos spoke once
more, false sincerity in every note. "Master, he is rather clumsy and fell. I think
he's just embarrassed about it."
Jinn didn't look up,
just continued to observe the shivering boy in measured calm. But the voice was hard as
durasteel. "Why were you holding him down, then? The truth, Xani."
Xanatos looked away
for a moment. Then, nodding, he hung his head, his white teeth worrying his lip in
apparent embarrassment. "I.. Master, I'm sorry that I lied to you. I thought it would
be better than tell you the truth about this one." He nodded toward the frightened
boy, the Padawan's darkened eyes glinting with concern. "I wanted to save him from
punishment. He is so young. I don't think he really understands about anger and the dark
path it can take." He shrugged. "But I cannot protect him from his anger any
longer. I know that now." Looking down at the child, he continued, "Master, I'm afraid that Bennie here tried to attack me. I'm
sorry but I had to defend myself, even against one so young."
"Attacked you?
Why would he attack you?" The questing eyes took in all the truths, sifting through
the morass of fear and words.
"I'm sorry,
Master. I've seen Bennie around. He seems to struggle with anger every day. He's been in
lots of fights as well. In the Med center quite a bit. It seems that he's not very good at
winning his fights." Xanatos watched the child tremble at the lies and tried not to
smile. "I've seen him a few times and thought I could help him. I thought if he could
talk to someone closer to his own age, instead of a Master, he might be able to open up.
Get to the root of his problem but he just got angrier and angrier and finally he hit me.
I had to defend myself."
Master Jinn turned
back towards Ben, watching his reaction to the accusation. Something was very wrong here.
Then trying to draw the child out, he asked quietly, "Bennie, is this true? Did you
hit Padawan DeCrion?"
Ben's green eyes
were swimming in tears. He did not want to lie to a Jedi Master but what other choice did
he have? At least, this wasn't a lie, sort-of..." It was an accident. I didn't mean
to."
Qui-Gon felt the
half-truth and the banked terror in the child. Realizing that part of that fear was
directed at him, he leaned back, giving some space to the boy. He needed to learn just
what was going on and his Xani was at the heart of it.
As gently as he
could, Master Jinn reminded the child of the tenets of the Order. "You realize,
youngling, that this isn't something I can just gloss over. Anger, even in one as young as
you, is not acceptable. Anger leads to the Dark."
While Ben watched
Qui-Gon, the boy's eyes pleading for understanding, Xanatos spoke up again. His voice was
flawlessly solicitous as if he truly was concerned for the child. "Master, please
don't start. I'm not hurt and he's just a kid. I'm sure with proper supervision he'll be
good." The Padawan shrugged. "And I was angry at that age. It's part of growing
and learning to accept the will of the Force, is it not?"
With that, Master
Jinn stood and turned toward his apprentice. His voice was mild but his eyes saw far more
than the Padawan would have wished. "Xani, your concern does you credit. But this
young one needs to learn that fighting and anger are not the ways of the Jedi."
The teen began to
whine slightly, his hand resting on his Master's arm. False sincerity was Xanatos's stock
in trade and he played it well. "Please, Master, for my sake. He deserves a second
chance."
"Xani...."
But the Padawan
would not be silenced. He had to make sure that it appeared he had Bennie's best interests
at heart. His face was all artificial
integrity. "Please, he's just a kid. He'll do better next time."
Jinn looked down at
the child, now sitting still, his shivering quieted. Their eyes met in a brief flash of
understanding and Qui-Gon nodded slightly. Ben realized that the Master knew, knew what
his Padawan had done and was horrified by the knowledge. It warmed him in a way that made
the pain worthwhile.
Qui-Gon leaned down
once more. Watching Bennie struggle to keep his eyes from straying towards the hated
apprentice, the Master reached forward and gently grasped the boy's shoulder.
"Bennie, did you understand what Padawan DeCrion was saying? He feels that you will
learn by your mistakes. We all must learn that every day."
The whisper was
almost unheard. "Yes, Master Jinn. I...I will learn."
Jinn squeezed his
shoulder in a fleeting show of support and then stood upright. "Good. I will be
talking to your Clan Head about the fighting. Young one, it must stop."
Ben nodded once and
turned away. "Yes, Master."
Xanatos spoke up,
hurriedly. He did not want his Master talking to Bennie any more than was absolutely
necessary. Children were so stupid about keeping silent and this secret could mean his
dismissal. Caution was his watchword, caution and a few more moments of delivered pain.
"Perhaps, I could escort him back to his Clan, Master. And speak with the one in
charge. It might seem better coming from the one who was attacked."
His Master's mild
blue eyes flicked toward him before resting on the child once more. "No, I don't
think so. There has been enough anger between you for one day." The Padawan opened
his mouth to argue further but Qui-Gon cut him off. "Xanatos, we have a transport
leaving in an hour. I had tried to contact you but you had turned your comlink off and I
had to search you out. You need to pack."
Now worried, Xanatos
protested, "But Master, Bennie needs to go to the Med Center. He may have hurt his
hand when he hit me."
Qui-Gon shook his
head. He would make sure that the hunter and his prey were not alone again. "I will
take him myself. I shouldn't be long and I've all ready put my things in the transport. Go
now."
"But..."
Qui-Gon's face
narrowed dangerously, a sharp frown etching his brow. "Go, Padawan! I won't tell you
again."
The words held an
edge that Xanatos has not heard before, an edge that told him to obey, an edge that hinted
of long discussion and much meditation. He was in trouble and that little wide-eyed sneak
was to blame.
What he needed soon
was a story that was both foolproof and believable. Later, he could plan how to reward Bennie. Perhaps the time could be used
wisely after all. In any case, it would not be a good idea to upset Qui-Gon any further.
With a regal nod to his Master and a long dangerous look thrown at the child, he quickly
walked away.
The Jedi Master
waited until his foolishly cunning Padawan has disappeared around the corner. Then with a
quiet shuddering breath, he looked down again at the frightened child.
Slowly, trying not
to panic the boy more than he all ready was, Qui-Gon knelt before him. Watching the
innocent one wincing in pain and apprehension, he moved deliberately, calmly to soothe
him. With one tentative hand, he lifted the chin of the injured child and asked, "How
long?"
Ben just shook his
head. He couldn't cause his friends harm, even to protect his own life. He just couldn't.
Sighing, Qui-Gon let
go. Leaning back, settling in for a lengthy talk, he asked again, "I need to know,
Bennie. How long?" The despair was clear in his somber voice and his joyless eyes.
Oh, yes, the Master knew what his beloved Padawan had done and it broke his heart. Trying
to remain calm, he watched the young one struggle with his apprehension.
"I can't tell
you. I..." Ben huddled inward, tightening his arms around his body as though cold.
"Or he'll hurt
you again?" Gently asked, the despair tamped down, Qui-Gon had his own struggle for
balance.
The childish mutter
was scarcely above a whisper. "No, not me."
"Your
friends?"
Ben shuddered again,
then nodded. He looked away, ashamed of his weakness. He should have been strong enough,
smart enough to avoid the merciless one. Now, he was afraid that his friends would pay for
his bungling.
"Please Master
Jinn, don't. He'll hurt them. I don't mind so much but them... Bant is just a kid. She
wouldn't understand. Garen would fight back and that just makes him angrier. He'll hurt them both bad to get back
at me. Please, don't..." The green eyes were bright with tears.
Qui-Gon started to
brush his hand along the soft cheek but the child flinched back, the unconscious panic
plain at the simple gesture. Withdrawing once more, he murmured, "I promise that he
won't hurt them or you ever again. But I need to know, young one."
Swallowing hard, his
eyes begging for understanding, Ben replied, "I...I was six when he started. So I
guess it's been about three... umm.. years. I'm nine now."
Qui-Gon closed his
eyes for a moment, trying to find balance, trying to make some sense of this obscenity.
The news that Xanatos has been hurting a child, a young one at that, for so long sickened
him. And no one knew, no one said a word about it. Force, he felt unclean with this
revelation.
Grimacing with the
pain of betrayal and his trust, Qui-Gon said nothing. He tried to center, needing to
remain in control for the boy's sake. But Ben didn't understand. He thought that he was
the cause of it all.
"I'm sorry,
Master Jinn. I'm so sorry."
The Master quickly
replied - there was no blame in this blameless child, only in the ruthless black-haired
child of his heart. "What have you to be sorry about, my young Obi-Wan? You were as
brave as any Jedi Knight - to protect your friends even at the cost of such pain."
The small hand
brushed at his wet cheeks, trying hard to suppress the sobs even now beginning to burn in
his throat. He felt such a failure. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
In an instant,
Qui-Gon leaned forward, capturing the boy's face with his two large hands. Gently, firmly
he looked into the green eyes of the innocent child. "Obi-Wan,
you are not to blame. Do you hear me? You have done nothing wrong."
Swinging around,
sitting down next to Ben, Qui-Gon pulled the
child to him, engulfed him in a hug. Ben began to cry then, wailing as the terror and
warmth confused and comforted. The Jedi Master knew that the storm would be over
eventually, the adrenalin leaching out, leaving an exhausted child. He just sat there,
holding Ben to him as the boy let out his fear in tears and hitching sobs, Qui-Gon
whispering over and over again. "You are not to blame, little one. You are not to
blame."
At long last Ben
grew quiet, a few tears still hovering on the copper lashes. Qui-Gon looked down at the
tired boy and murmured, "It's over now, Obi-Wan. He will not be hurting you
again."
The tears were gone
but the guilt had just begun. Ben said, "I'm sorry about your Padawan being so
bad."
Master Jinn hugged
him again, and quietly whispered into the copper hair, "Young one, I must take the
blame for this. Others tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen to their wisdom. I thought I
knew better. I should have seen the darkness in him. I'm so sorry that you paid the price
for my foolishness. "
Ben pulled back,
looking at the sorrowful man. "It's all right."
Qui-Gon acknowledged
the generous spirit of the boy, but he could not deny his part in this. "No, it's
not. It's not all right. But perhaps it will be. This mission to Telos will give me an
opportunity to begin anew, one where my eyes will be open and clear. Perhaps with stern
guidance and a sure hand, he might redeem himself yet. I will have to make sure that he
does not fall. Or hurt anyone ever again." Looking away, back towards the place he
had last seen his beloved apprentice, he murmured quietly, "If I cannot, I will have
failed as a Master and a Jedi. If I cannot, I will never
teach again."
Now he rose up,
pulling the child with him. Ben needed treatment and a comfortable bed in the Crèche and
Qui-Gon needed to start down the path towards redemption. "But that is in the future
and we must always live in the now. And that means, my Obi-Wan, that we must get you to
the Med center and see to that hand."
The boy was too
exhausted to argue. "Thank you, Master." Walking slowly beside the large man,
blinking, still confused and half-dazed with the events of the past hour, he asked,
"Master Jinn, why do you keep calling me Obi-Wan? My name's Ben, Ben Kenobi."
The Master gave out
a weary smile. Ruffling the child's hair, he replied, "But you are my Obi-Wan. It
means Brave One or the One Who Waits in my native language. I will always think of you
that way, til the end of my days."
"Obi-Wan,"
Ben tried it out and grinned shyly. "I like it. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Perhaps they'll let
me keep it." He looked down for a moment, a slight frown now marring his face,
"I don't like my own name much any more, especially since....umm.. since he kept
calling me Bennie. Made it sound dirty, somehow."
Qui-Gon hid the
anguish that rose at the simple statement. He would have much to atone for in the days
ahead. Giving the child a quick hug, he said, "Yes, it does have a certain ring to
it."
The shy relief that
shone in the young boy's eyes helped to brush away some of the stench that was even now
clinging to Qui-Gon's guilty soul. He could not tarnish that nor would not for all the
credits in the Republic.
Ruffling the boy's
hair once more, watching the growing serenity replace the fear in the luminous green eyes
of a child, looking into the face of the future, Qui-Gon said, "Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm
pleased to meet you."
The End
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