1"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber." John 10:1 NIV
My *favorite* political cartoon:
Have no fear--we won't whack you down here · by DAVE BARRYhttp://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/4851291.htm
I know you're torn. On the one hand, you're thrilled that your team, the Hawkmeisters, will play in the Orange Bowl, and possibly win the coveted title of Best College Team In the Nation Other Than Of Course the University of Miami Hurricanes.
So you're excited. But you're also, let's face it, a little nervous. You've heard scary things about Miami. You've heard that it's a wild, crazy, dangerous tropical place where everybody has a gun, the traffic is insane, crime is rampant, the politicians are corrupt, the voters have the intelligence of eggplants, and the cockroaches are the size of Shetland ponies.
Well, relax! As a longtime resident of South Florida, I'm here to tell you that this is not true!
The cockroaches are more like Rottweilers. Also, the crime isn't nearly as bad as you've heard. Oh, sure, we had our share of problems in the past. But we finally got tired of hearing the critics complain that our community was unsafe and, by gosh, we did something about it: We tracked down the critics and shot them.
SAFER THAN IOWA
Ha ha! Just kidding! Believe it or not, in some ways, Miami is actually SAFER than Iowa! For example, we have an extremely low number of pig-transmitted diseases. So if you ''play your cards right,'' you are bound to have an enjoyable visit, from the moment that you arrive, right up until the moment when, for whatever reason, your visit stops being enjoyable. To help make that possible, I've prepared the following:
Visitors' guide to South Florida
GEOGRAPHY:For eons, South Florida was completely under water. Now, fortunately, this happens only a couple of times a year.
Modern-day South Florida is bounded to the east by the Atlantic Ocean, which provides the area with an abundant natural supply of people on rafts; and to the west by the Everglades, a precious ecological resource containing the world's largest known deposit of free-range muck. The only significant formation between these two major geographic features is Interstate 95, which was left here by glaciers, and when you see it, you will understand why.
CLIMATE:
Thanks to its southern location and proximity to the Gulf Stream, South Florida is not subject to the constant nagging ''change of seasons'' that plagues so much of the nation. Instead, the region enjoys a year-round tropical climate that is very similar, in both temperature and humidity, to your armpit.
POPULATION: South Florida is a real ''melting pot'' whose residents come from all over the world, bringing with them a wide variety of languages, cultures, narcotics, etc. Despite our differences, we South Floridians are united by a common belief, which is that every one of us, regardless of race, or religion, or ethnic background, could be armed.
ECONOMY: The largest single industry in South Florida is pest control, followed by sprinkler repair, wiretapping, snake importing and begging at intersections.
SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT:Elections are held at regular intervals as ordered by the courts, with turnout ranging as high as 347 voters, of whom as many as 153 may actually be the same voter, who is not always technically alive. The officials elected via this process traditionally serve for three months or until they are indicted, whichever comes first.
Then we have new elections, usually resulting in the same officials being reelected, because South Florida voters prefer experienced leaders who will ''hit the ground running'' and not waste a lot of time shopping for defense attorneys.
DRIVING:South Florida traffic operates under international standards, under which each motorist obeys the laws of his or her individual country of origin.
The proud motto of the South Florida motorist is ``Death Before Yielding.''
MASS TRANSIT:Miami is blessed with a modern, interconnected light-rail transit system. If you figure out how it works, please let us know.
NIGHTLIFE:The hottest night spot is South Beach where, on any given evening, you'll find thousands of fun-seekers staying up until the ''wee hours'' in their never-ending quest to find a parking space.
Once you find a spot for your car (allow two days for this), you can take your pick among literally dozens of nightclubs that offer hot music, cold drinks and large men outside refusing to let you in because you are, no offense, from Iowa. Or, if you're in the ''mood for food,'' you can go to the world-famous Joe's Stone Crab restaurant and experience, as many thousands have experienced before you, a legendary, world-class wait for a table.
MUSEUMS:Right. Like you would ever go to a museum.
TOURIST ATTRACTIONS: Probably our biggest tourist attraction is naked Europeans on the beach. To find them, walk along the beach until you start seeing people without any bathing suits; these are your naked Europeans.
When you see them, act cool. Don't stare or shout: ''Hey! You people are NAKED!'' Instead, walk back and forth past them 45 or 50 times, sneaking peeks while pretending that you're looking for some object that you lost in the sand. It helps if you periodically remark aloud: ``I'm looking for some object that I lost in the sand!''
A LIMITED GUIDE
Of course, this visitors' guide can only ''scratch the surface'' of the kaleidoscope of people and places and insects that make up South Florida. To really get the flavor of this fascinating community, you need to get out and explore it at your own pace.
So just kick back, have fun, and remember: Your pace should be 75 miles per hour, and your doors should be locked.
Ecclesiastes 10
2· The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left.
3· Even as he walks along the road,
the fool lacks sense
and shows everyone how stupid he is. 
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN, not the courts
who has given us the right to keep and bear arms
It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN, who salutes the Flag,
and serves under the flag.
FReeper getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL
> I believe in the right for people to have free speech, even those idiots like Susan Sarandon, Barbra Streisand & the Dixie Chicks. I am opposed to Americans burning Old Glory and any form of desecration to the American flag. If you burn our flag, you burn with it, your right to be an American. I am a proponent of legal immigration, and I'm strongly opposed to illegal immigration. You want to come live in the United States, you must legally apply for that right, or else you should have your butt hauled the heck out of here. And if the government won't enforce your coming here legally, then my fellow citizens should be allowed to do so by any legal means necessary. Did I mention I am going to protect the right for Americans to bear arms?
I am employed by the Father to be a SAHM to our children. I love my dh, and as parents, my husband and I have chosen to send our children to a Bible-based school, where the Lord's Word is spoken in every subject. I see the Bible as my source of reference, guidance & comfort for everything. I try to view life's challenges as gifts, and opportunities for growth. However, when it comes to Florida, the challenge is almost more than I can handle. My methods for coping have included sarcasm, laughter, and annoying the Democrats in Palm Beach County by simply being a proud Republican (wearing lots of GOP t-shirts).
I'd give anything to live in the beautiful Arizona desert, again, and be rid of the bugs and humidity. As of July 2004, though, we've had to pack up and leave Florida for the Dallas area of Texas. We made sure before we left, that the folks moving into our old home were Republicans, and would vote accordingly.
http://marklevinfan.com/DNCThemeSong.swf
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself" -- John Stuart Mill
