This correspondence was prompted by my Celibate FAQ.
Copyright in these personal accounts remains with the original authors: no further reproduction is allowed unless you have their permission.
Latest addition to this archive: June 2003. I don't officially update this site any more as I'm more gainfully employed now and just don't have the time.
First-hand accounts from the Internet |
Eve "There are many benefits to myself. For one thing I find I like men better."Ken "Sex is terribly overrated. It is more banal than many people are willing to admit."
John "I see a tremendous preoccupation that this society has with sex [...] I may be in a minority, but it seems like such a waste, actually kind of boring."
Stuart "I get a sense of clarity, power, emotional availablity and a very powerful sense of intuition that is simply not available any other way."
Cara "The last thing I want to do is spend my spare time listening to some half-wit in a bar rambling on about blahblahsexblahblahbestblahmyplaceblahblah --YUK!"
Martin "To be comfortable as a celibate, I had to go through very gradual process of throwing away the preconceptions about sexuality I had been brought up with."
Jay "I probably would have adopted celibacy sooner but I had always assumed it was for religious, puritanical or prudish folk."
Koralee "Having sex out of duty was degrading. Doing it for fun and danger was the worst kind of power abuse over the opposite sex."
Jason "For quite a while when I was younger, I thought it was "cool" that I was still a virgin. There was a part of me that was sad to lose it."
Susan "It's very relaxing to go ahead and declare oneself free of this particular obsession."
Kerry "I do know other people who are the same way. We don't like sex, we don't want sex, we don't even really think about it."
Cecily "It's about not having to wake up next to psychopaths, or people who act like they don't know you...or people you don't want to know the next day."
Rachel "I know that at the moment this is the right thing for me but I really don't know how I'm going to feel ten years down the line."
Phil "It is said that the thrill of the chase is greater than the capture, and I may well agree, but the relationship with the fox afterward is much better if you don't catch and kill it."
Matt "To me, celibacy offers the potential to be thinking individuals who don't have to think about how they're going to get the other one naked (or consciously guard or structure their conversations and relationships to facilitate or avoid that event)."
Stephen "There is a distinct energy that comes about when one has made the conscious choice to practice celibacy and is serious about it: a clarity. Sexuality is not something that can be suppressed, but IS something that can be transformed/transmuted."
Keith "Dwelling on [sexual desires] is unhelpful, but so is pretending that they aren't there. An obsessive hatred of one's own sexuality is just as destructive as an obsessive interest in it: in both cases it rules one's life. A difficult balance has to be found and this depends on prayer and the grace of God."
Erica "Celibacy is a good choice for people that have been in any number of bad relationships. During this time I have been able to analyze my motivations and make a blueprint for what I really want instead of what all the magazines tell me I should."
Jude "I have always felt overcrowded in relationships anyway and sought some element of solitude. Now, having satisfied my curiosity about sex I've come to the end of that road."
Yamandu "Sex mixes up relationships [...] I can't invite a woman to my home evenings, just as a good friend, because she is afraid I might not behave. And when she does come, she expects me not to behave."
Marie "It's just that I'm totally disinterested in sex, in fact I even think it's disgusting. It's clear to me that I wouldn't enjoy it, in fact it would make me very uncomfortable. I'd love to get married; like everyone else I need to love and to be loved (I'm still human, I have emotions)."
Zoe "As far as the rest of the world is concerned, asexual organisms with more than one cell don't exist. That makes it quite difficult to come to terms with your lack of sexuality."
Emily "Celibacy does not mean being against sex per se. It just means choosing not to engage in it oneself."
First-hand accounts from the media |
Anna McPherson "I feel physically and emotionally better than when I was having sex. I have more energy, I'm less irritable and far more sociable than ever before."Linda Lulham "Generally, I think that the longer you go without sex, the less you miss it."
Tim Leimer "I want to meet people, women, as human beings. Individuals. I don't want sex clouding my vision. That gets back to the kind of relationship I had with my wife. I now have a higher respect for life. That's the best way I can explain it."
Bob Hallgren "I've always had some desire for chastity and I always felt I was going against the norm. But all men don't have to be sexually active."
Gary Clark "Where I stay the people I interact with do actually consider celibacy as deviant behaviour. It is almost as though they are waiting for me to get caught molesting children or some such perversion."
Elizabeth Abbott "[F]or me, as for most women, celibacy has major tangible benefits, namely respite from the time-consuming burdens of housewifery to which even liberated professionals succumb. I am particularly grateful to be relieved of that aspect of previous relationships. No longer do I need to plan, shop for, cook, serve and clean up after a week's meals, or iron the shirts I once foolishly boasted I could do better than the dry cleaner, or answer that infernal question, "Honey, where are my socks?" "
Cherry Jones "I'm the sort of person who really enjoys sex but, in truth, I don't miss it. I miss the hugs and small expressions of physical affection but that's never enough for a man."