Story and Images by DeWayne Rogers
Some Big City, USA
Hello, this is Chuck Talbert reporting to you live. As you can see behind me, I’m currently standing here on the steps of the storied U.S. Court of Public Opinion, where in just a few moments the trial of the century is about to take place, The Haters v. Alani “La La” Vazquez.
We have all come to know and love La La as the beautiful, charming and vivacious host for popular MTV shows “Direct Effect” and “Total Request Live.” Since her initial appearance on the scene, she has wowed the likes of MTV execs and audiences nationwide with her undeniable star quality mixed with a cheery, down-to-earth persona. Now to the surprise of everyone, the Haters have filed a frivolous lawsuit against Vazquez stating that she doesn’t deserve all of her hard earned recognition.
We started hearing banter a few months ago from the Haters who were contemplating making a move to file this suit against the popular host. But it wasn’t until the July 1 Georgia statewide ban against smoking in restaurants that they finally sprang into action (While the events seem totally independent of one another, John Michael Prosser, president of the Haters Association and avid smoker, is an Atlanta native and was so furious by the legislative decision that he demanded his group take action and hate on somebody). To the dismay of Vazquez and her fans across the nation, she became the target of the Haters… We have just received word from inside the courtroom that they are ready to begin the proceedings. We will now take you there live.
Bailiff: Here ye, Here ye. Court is now in session. The honorable Randy M. Steed is presiding in the matter of The Haters v. Alani “La La” Vazquez.
Judge Steed: You may be seated. I will now hear opening arguments in the case.
“Good afternoon your honor. My name is Johnnie Walker Black, attorney for the Haters. It is my intent to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Alani ‘La La’ Vazquez does not deserve all of the credit she is receiving. We admit that she is very beautiful. We will also be the first ones to admit that she is tremendously talented, and that MTV selected the right person for the job. However, it is just in our nature to automatically hate on anyone that is doing better than we are your honor. So we intend to keep on hating until we receive a verdict in our favor. Thank you.”
“Your honor, I’m attorney Denise Cooper and I represent Ms. Vazquez. I won’t waste our time here with a long opening statement. I believe that after all of the testimony is heard, my client will stand victorious. She has worked hard for everything that she has ever accomplished in her career, and deserves more respect than the Haters are giving her.
Judge Steed: Mr. Black, you may now call your first witness.
Attorney Black: Your honor, I don’t think there’s any reason to beat around the bush. I call La La Vazquez to the stand.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
La La: I do.
Attorney Black: Before I start hating, I just want to say that I enjoy the work that you do on MTV, and I can’t wait to see you in some movies. Now back to hating. Don’t you think that you have too much on your plate? It doesn’t seem possible to juggle everything that you do from MTV to movies to music.
La La: I don’t know how I do it, I just kind of go with the flow. I try to schedule things at different times so I’m never overwhelmed. I always take breaks between activities. The two main things that I’m focusing on right now are obviously MTV and also getting into some films. I’ve been taking a lot of trips to L.A., auditioning and meeting with different people, so those two things are pretty much the top priorities in my life right now as far as my career goes.
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