|Ach! Nobody's going to read a letter this long, not even if I edit out whole sentences here and there like the bit about Grunty's Revenge and why you thought it was pap. Try to keep it snappy, you... buggering bunch of windbags. Well, let's soldier on.
1) To the Banjo boys first: "'It's all gone pear-shaped' is a British term used to describe something that hasn't gone to plan. Being blown up obviously wasn't on the Rocknuts agenda. Have a look at the Wikipedia entry before someone changes it to a string of profanities or tries to remove all the negative bits."
2) We just said we didn't have much/any concept art from the DKC days, we didn't lambast the whole principle of it – we crack out masses of the stuff these days. The team concur: "Dragon Kazooie? Should have been a fighting game character name really. I don't think we've got any, sadly. Although concept art aficionados will love the new Banjo game as we have concept art for everything – this morning I wanted to visit the men's room but couldn't until a concept artist had drawn up a wildly imaginative sketch of what the scene would look like."
3) The tilde's right here: ñ. Easy. VP designer Justin will be your escort to the end of question 6: "The Lickatoad and Lackatoad names are tied together. The Lackatoad is a poison frog so we thought that naming him after lactose intolerance was appropriate. 'Lick' from Lickatoad could be from 'liquorice' as you suggested, but I always thought it was from licking a lollipop or an ice cream (which bends the rules a bit). The Lackatoad only appears after the player has messed about with the Lickatoad, so we wanted the names to sound similar. That seems quite boring now I've explained it. See what happens when you ask too many questions? You ruin the magic!
"4) I don't know whether I should be offended at your suggestion that we find it hard to resist such a cheap pun, or should I just write it down for future reference?" (A teammate adds: "Conferring with the 'All Suggested Names' document we have, I see that some of the 'less liked' suggestions for the Mouse were 'Mice Cream', 'Squeaktart' and 'Ropezident(!)' before we sensibly settled for 'Mousemallow'.")
"5) Oh, it's definitely the wobbly, children's party variety. I can never understand why people over the Atlantic refuse to use the best definition of the word 'Jam' especially since it means you had to invent a whole new word 'Jell-O'. I mean Jell-O, that sounds like one of our character names.
"6) We've already announced the 'best animal-based game featuring piñatas' for the PC – Viva Piñata PC! The title's not very catchy but it plays really well."
7) Batted across to the DS team for this one, as it wouldn't make much sense for the 360 lot to answer it: "Pleased you liked DKR, you weren't alone judging by the sales. This is actually the same hovercraft as on N64, but it's been laid up in a garage for a few years without a service and it really needs some new tyres too. Oh, ahem, that's the car! We didn't remove Time Trials, you just haven't found the secret Banjo key that opens the secret ice door to that mode yet ;-)"
Look at that. How am I supposed to dis people for asking long, rambling questions when the answers are even ruddy longer?