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DJ Boy Review by Future

Posted by: future on May 02, 01 | 6:19 pm | Profile

imageWell, well, well. It’s spring break, and while college lunkheads are out enjoying the beaches and the boobies and the sex, I’m reviewing yet more shitty video games. I hope you ungrateful bastards appreciate what I’m doing, because I do it all for you. Aw...who am I kidding, I hate going outside my room. I’m too old for stuff like spring break, I don’t even like leaving my room. GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DAMN KIDS!!!

Anyway, today’s review is DJ Boy, a charming game about… you guessed it… a radical skateboarding dude. Yeah!! This is a Japanese import, and I have no idea why it’s called DJ Boy. Skate-Boarding Punk with Backwards Hat Boy would have been more appropriate, but it doesn’t sound as trendy.

The basic story is that some big goon kidnaps your girlfriend or sister or something. Would it kill programming dorks to vary a video game storyline from the standard ‘rescues girlfriend/princess/cousin’ one in a while. I guess it would. Anyways, you have a skateboard, you can punch, you can kick, you’re a engine of destruction that looks like a 8 year old plush doll. The game’s pretty dull, just skatin’ along, punching other punk kids on skateboards or scooter or something. You can buy super nifty powers at the end of every stage, like a faster skateboard, stronger punching, and cat tied to a balloon. No I am not making that up. There’s a goddam cat tied to a balloon in the game. And, just why am I reviewing this game?

imageOh yeah, I remember. The lovable boss characters at the end of every stage, the only interesting thing in this whole game. There’s a lady in blackface who who farts at you, a male stripper in little tiny undies who dances at you, and wet clowns that wiggle and explode. No standard, ‘Guy with Gun’, or ‘Tough Hairy Goon’ in this game, nope. Nosirree. Just the farting, dancing freaks of the week. Bonus points for originality. There are also cut scenes of you bantering with these jerks after beating them. Pretty funny, especially since it’s in Japanese, so I get to just imagine what he’s saying. “Aha! Wet squirmy clown, you are vanquished! Now I will stuff you in my socks!!” “How dare you steal my woman and laugh! The laughter is the cruelest blow, for this I will give you the Purple Nurple!” See… fun. At least for people as imaginative as me.

The fat blackface/gassy/stereotype/bloomer-wearing bitch turns out to be the mastermind behind the plot to kidnap your poor girlfriend. Why? Why, why, why. Too high concept for me, I guess.

Blah, this article is getting too long for this review.  Okay game if you like mindless fighting games. I do, so you should too. The boss characters are good for a chuckle if you appreciate elementary school fart jokes (and I do). All in all, it’s much more fun than being clubbed to death by cavemen. If you go to Japan and see this game for sale, buy it. If you go to Japan and are attacked by farting blackface people let me know.  Hmm… On second thought, stay away from Japan.  Kay? Bye.

image-Future

Update: I just found out there’s an American version. Great. I guess I’m an idiot huh? Well I played it some, and maybe one day I’ll review it. It’s still esoteric, but not as offensive as the Japanese version. For some reason the posters with Japanese writing have been replaced with billboards of bikini-clad crotches. Wacky Americans!!! -the future

What Other Staff Members Think:
Croc Hunter: Ah, observe the wily wet clown robot. It could explode right now, right in my face, and I’d be dead! Dead! At any moment it could go off. Isn’t she a beauty? I’m going to eat it right now.  Tasty clowns.

David Bowie: Well, you’re a right tart aren’t you Croccy?

Shameless Plug:
Buy this game on eBay!

More Information On DJ Boy: 
A better DJ game...
Another DJ Boy
A REAL Man’s DJ Boy
Another review, that agrees with us!
Get the game ROM here at Frenchy’s


 
Comments

Dude, he’s on roller skates. I don’t know where you got the skateboard thing. All the pics you have up show him wearing roller skates, not on a skateboard. I wish I had a life, but I don’t, hence the post.

Posted by: Blurbox3
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