Accused Bali Nine drug mule Scott Rush says he has destroyed everything for his family but one day hopes to return to them.
Rush was part of a group of Australians arrested by Indonesian authorities, some of whom allegedly had heroin strapped to their bodies, last April.
Rush and Renae Lawrence will be the first of the nine to learn their fate today when Indonesian judges decide how long they will spend in prison.
Verdicts for all the nine young Australians are expected over the next three days.
Rush's parents Christine and Lee have mortgaged their house and drained their assets to be with their son in Bali.
The 20-year-old Brisbane man said he was aware of the pain his plight had caused his family.
"I feel like I have destroyed everything for my parents. I love them very much and I appreciate everything they have done and hopefully some day I will return it to them," he told the ABC.
Indonesian prosecutors have recommended that if Rush is found guilty he should receive a life sentence and not the death penalty, a prospect that still distresses his mother.
"The thought of Scott being here (Bali) for potentially the rest of his life is very distressing," Christine said.
"It's like ongoing grief, a sense of loss that is ongoing."
Lee Rush, through his lawyer Bob Meyers, QC, had tried to stop his son travelling to Bali and had tipped off the Australian Federal Police (AFP).
"I was informed at 1.30 in the morning that Scott would be spoken to and asked not to board the flight to Bali," he said.
"It wasn't until about mid-morning that I received a call from Bob in a distressed tone in his voice, he said 'Mate, we could not stop him. They have let him go through and he is on his way to Bali'."
Mrs Rush said her son had been abandoned by Australian authorities and left to face Indonesia's tough judicial system.
"I feel very let down by our Australian Federal Police," she said.
"We tried to lawfully stop our son leaving the country. It wasn't done and now we have got this happening and it is just a nightmare."
Mr Meyers said he was angry about the way the Rushes had been treated.
"As far as Lee and Christine are concerned, it has been absolute hell for them," he said.
"It's the AFP that have got blood on their hands. Nobody else."
Several of the Bali Nine tried to take legal action against the federal government and the AFP, saying information had been knowingly handed to Indonesians, potentially exposing the group to death penalty.
Last month, the Federal Court threw out the case but defence lawyer Colin McDonald questions the AFP's motives.
"It's hard to make operational sense of what did occur," he said.
"If it was to catch the big guys, that didn't happen.
"If it was to catch people here in Australia higher in the hierarchy in the drug scene, that didn't happen. Could they have been arrested in Australia, yes they could have. Did Indonesia get anything out of it? No."