WWF Raw Is War/Warzone Results (3-26-01)
March 26, 2001
Commentators: Jim Ross and Paul Heyman
Live From: Gund Arena in Cleveland, OH
--Raw Is War--
Vince McMahon is shown in his locker room looking at two screens. One is the WWF and one is WCW. Vince says here we have the owner of the World Wrestling Federation and the owner of World Championship Wrestling. Vince says he has purchased his own competition. Tonight, he has the ability to address WWF as to what this means. He has the ability to address WCW stars as to what this means to them as well. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a special simulcast. Tonight, one man will make history and that will be him. As far as the Jeff Jarrett's are concerned, he would suspect he'll spell his name different tonight. Goonnee. Gone.
The title plays...nothing's changed there and we go to the arena for the pyros. Could tonight be any better? The road to Wrestlemania is winding down.
Medal kicks off this edition of Raw and Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring. Angle says it's amazing, isn't it. From the fans on the street to the people backstage to everyone in the crowd tonight to the people at home watching, we're all up in arms over the big news. He has to admit, it's pretty damn shocking. The big news he's referring to is, even though there's less than a week to Wrestlemania, our Olympic Hero still doesn't have an opponent. What kind of world do we live in when the Gobbelygooker has an opponent at Wrestlemania and Angle, a former European, IC, and WWF Champion doesn't. It's an absolute disgrace. The only thing that keeps him going is even though he doesn't have a match, he is still the best wrestler in the WWF if not the whole entire world. He is now and forever the only Olympic gold medalist in WWF history. If this company is too preoccupied to find him an opponent, he has no other choice than to keep complaining and keep protesting. For over four months........
Shooter plays and Chris Benoit comes out. Benoit says he has some good news for Angle and some bad. The good news is, Benoit doesn't have an opponent for Wrestlemania. The bad news is, he doesn't have an opponent for Wrestlemania. Listening to Angle complain and whine and moan reminds Benoit he's had to listen to Angle complain and whine and moan for over a week now. Angle's voice annoys Benoit. What annoys him more is ANgle's claim to be the best wrestler in the WWF. What annoys Benoit more than anything is the fact he knows if Angle gives him just a little bit of time, Benoit can make him tap tap tap like the pussy he is. It's true. It's true.
Angle asks if that is so. How dare Benoit. Does Canada even have an Olympic team? Angle says he's tired of carrying Benoit. Angle has some bad news too. If what Benoit said was some sort of challenge, Angle accepts. The worst news is, there is no way in hell he'll ever tap out to that stupid crossface thing. This crap about him being the best technical wrestler in the WWF, well, Angle will tell him what. He'll make Benoit squeal in seconds. If Benoit don't think so, prove him wrong.
The two stare each other down then they come to blows. Angle counters a crossface and tries to lock on the crossface. Benoit counters and eventually gets the crossface on. Angle taps out and Edge and Christian come down to make the save.
Vince McMahonis in back on the phone. On one screen you got Angle tapping. On the other, you got Luger and Buff. The Lex Express has definately run out of gas. Vince tells whoever he's talking to to take it easy with Triple H on their vacation. Vince tells him/her about the main event tonight. Trish then feeds him cherries.
Michael Cole interviews Debra. Debra says she really don't want to think about Austin trying to co-exist with Rock tonight.
Right To Censors attack on Tazz from Smackdown is shown.
McMahon is shown in back watching again. Animal is on the monitor. McMahon asks Regal what he thinks Animal thinks about the new WCW owner. McMahon says Regal looks ready for his tune up match tonight. McMahon says tonight is going to be interesting.
Sniker's Cruncher Wrestlemania Moment Kane chokeslams Pete Rose last year and Rikishi gives him a stinkface.
Doink The Clown is shown in the Gund Arena walking through the crowd. He'll be in the gimmick battle royal.
The United Kingdom's Goodwill Ambassador William Regal comes to the ring. Regal takes a microphone and says being our WWF commissioner, he has a very important thing to tell us. It concerns WC Fields. WC Fields once said the only cure for insomnia is sleep. Regal says he will not sleep until he is the new Intercontinental Champion. Anyway, tonight, for his warm up, he will fight someone from a very prestigous wrestling family, the Holly's. Come on, he wants to fight one of the Holly family.
Crash comes down and said he never backs down from a fight. He's going to show the commish......
Crash (w/Molly Holly) vs. William Regal
Doink runs in after the bell rings and makes the save. Double leg takedown by Doing then he puts on the Walls of Jericho. Regal taps out to the Walls of Jericho. Man, Doink looks a little taller than he used to. Doink pulls the mask of and it's actually Chris Jericho
Vince and Trish are in the back again. Vince says Regal just got embarrassed by Doink the Clown. Speaking of embarrassing, Dustin Rhodes is shown on the monitor. Vince says that was Golddust. Do you know what Golddust wanted to do one time? He wanted breast implants. Do you know what he would look like with breasts (That's a true story by the way)
Jonathan Coachman interviews William Regal. Regal tells Coach to inform Jericho he has a non-title match tonight with the Big Show.
Kurt Angle is shown in his locker room and Edge and Christian come in with great news. Tonight, Team EAC lives again. The three of them have a match tonight against Benoit and Hardyz. Edge says they have someone they want Kurt to meet. Christian introduces him to Rhyno. Rhyno says they go way back. Any friend of Edge and Christians is a friend of him. Rhyno says he'll bleed for Angle. Angle says he don't know about Intelligence or Integrity, but he definately has intensity.
JR and Paul E. hype Wrestlemania. The Wrestlemania video to My Way is shown.
JR talks about last week on Smackdown when JR sat down with both guys. They roll the tape when Austin is asked if he'd be Rock's tag team partner.
Coach tries to interview Debra again. Debra says she just wants to leave and she walks away.
Vince is shown getting his jacket on. He says now it's time to address WCW stars and WCW fans. He just has to go talk about himself owning WCW. Before he goes, maybe he needs just a little bit of luck. Trish gives him a kiss.
No Chance hits and quite possibly the biggest interview in sports entertainment is about to take place. The winner of the Monday night wars, Vincent K. McMahon comes to the ring and verbally assaults Lilian Garcia. Vince says he deserves more respect than this and he tells Lilian to announce him again. He walks back up the ramp and his music plays again. Lilian announces him again.
For the first time ever in sports entertainment history, this broadcast is not only being seen on TNN in Cleveland, OH, but also being seen across TNN. Turner Network Television. There's only one person who can make this happen. Obviously we all know he acquired WCW. That's right, he bought his competition. Now then, this is not exactly final. The only thing is Time Warner can't do anything about it. Time Warner has signed the contract and he will sign the contract this Sunday on PPV at Wrestlemania. He will sign it when Ted Turner himself walks down the aisle and delivers the contract in front of him. Some would say, geez Vince, how'd ya do it. You were up against this media conglomerate Time Warner. He says that he is going to reserve a seat for Ted Turner, cause he wants Ted to see what he does to his own son Shane. Vince says that you have to squeeze the life out of your competition just like he is going to do to Shane this Sunday. He says that in his corner will be Stephanie, Trish, and that Linda will be wheeled down to ringside. Vince asks what should he do with WCW. He makes fun of Hogan. Vince says that he who laughs last, lasts best, and even though he isn't laughing he has a big smile. He says maybe he can turn WCW into a huge media conglomerate like the WWF. Then he questions who should be a part of the new WCW. Hulk Hogan, looks like the fans want him. Lex Luger, looks like the fans don't want him. Buff Bagwell, looks like the fans want him. Booker T, looks like the fans want him. Scott Steiner, I think the fans want him. Sting, the fans go psycho. Goldberg, the fans really go nuts. He says he could have gloated or flown down to Florida. He says that WCW's last broadcast is in a beer haul. Vince fires them all. He says that WCW is going on the shelf and that it is buried. He says that when you attempt to compete with him, you get buried. Vince starts to flip out and says that the fans will treat him with respect. Shane's music hits, but he is in Florida on Nitro. The feeds are messed up. Shane says that Vince's ego has gotten the best of him. Shane says that Vince wanted to finalize the deal at Wrestlemania, but Shane already bought WCW. Vince has a shocked look on his face. Shane says that WCW will kick his ass again just like what is going to happen to him this sunday at Wrestlemania. Vince still shocked in the ring. (Gotta thank Nitro Recapper Sean Whalen for half of that transcript)
Vince is on the phone backstage and he tells whoever he's talking to to shut up. How could they let that happen. He/she ruined this whole damn thing.
Hardy Boyz and Chris Benoit (w/Lita) vs. Edge, Christian and Kurt Angle
After the match, Angle and Benoit go at it and Benoit takes Angle to the outside. Benoit hits a dive through the ropes. Back in the ring, Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Edge. Rhyno comes in and spears Matt. Lita goes to check on Matt and Rhyno spears her as well.
Hey, where's Jerry Lynn? About a 100 of people guaranteed me he'd be here tonight. Did I miss something or where we suckered in to a false hype?
A recap of what Triple H did to Undertaker on Smackdown is shown.
Kevin Kelly interviews Undertaker and Kane. Taker says if anyone else was Triple H they would have taken the night off too. Taker says Hunter can hide behind McMahon, his skank old lady, and all the police he wants. He can't hide from the fact that Wrestlemania is 6 days away. 16 staples and the taste of his own blood didn't piss him off. It made him hungry. As far as Rock and Austin, he understands they have their own issues, but if they aren't on the same page, they might not make it to Wrestlemania.
Test vs. X-Pac (w/Albert)
Steve Austin is shown in back and Michael Cole tries to interview him. Austin just looks at Cole and doesn't say a word.
Wreck plays and guess who's back?! Mick Foley makes his way to the ring with a book in his hand. Foley says a lot of us are probably wondering why we're here. Maybe he chose this moment to promote his new book Foley is Good which will be in bookstores May 8. Maybe we're thinking he needed a little vacation and what better place could there be than Cleveland, OH. At the risk of sounding a little egotistical, he just couldn't believe Wrestlemania would be Wrestlemania without Mick Foley involved. He's taken it upon himself to get himself invovled in one of the big matches at Wrestlemania.
Vince McMahon sneaks out and says he's in no mood for this. Vince says he fired Mick and if he don't get out of the ring, he'll call the cops.
Foley asks if they can talk it over. Vince is trying to tell Mick he can't be a part of Wrestlemania? Foley says he hates to disagree and he hates to quote "The Little Engine That Could" I think I can. I think I can. He asks Vince if he remembers June of 2000 when Vince left to become a genetic jackhammer back in CT. Mick says he was told Vince was quite unsuccessful. In June of 2000, we saw Foley become WWF Commissioner and the WWF became a lot of fun. Apparently, realizing the utitlity of his jackhammering needs and he came back in December and fired Foley. Foley says in the beginning of December, he fired Foley right before Christmas. Foley says he and Linda had a very important business meeting on December 5, 2000. They show that meeting on the Titan Tron.
Foley says he's got a sickening feeling in his stomach. Vince doesn't really want him around and he wants to stay around. Since Vince is looking at this, Foley is no longer the commish. To make sure nothing bad happens, Mick and Linda are about to have a pretty lengthy business meeting. Foley signs a stack of documents and says hislife is about to change.
Back to the present. Foley says all those documents are legal because they were signed while he was still WWF Commissioner. True to his words, Vince's life is going to change a whole hell of a lot. The document they are going to talk about right now, is the one that says at Wrestlemania, he can be the special guest referee at any match of his choosing. He's going to give him one guess at which match he's choosing. Foley tells Vince to smile because theyre going to be in the same ring as Vince takes on his son and new owner of WCW, Shane McMahon. Just in case Vince wasn't having one before, Have a Nice Day.
Vince is shown in his locker room again. He looks pretty depressed. He eats a cherry then spits it out.
Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show
After the match, Kane gets in teh chair with a steel chair and nails Show. Raven jumps on Kane's back, but kane throws him off. Kane chokeslams Raven in the middle of the ring then grabs the chair and it looks like he's gonig after Show.
Rock walks around looking for Steve Austin's locker room. He finds a production guy and asks where he can find it. Rock introduces himself and says thank you.
Greyhound Overdrive of the Week Rhyno gores Spike Dudley through the table.
The Dudley Boyz host at WWF New York. D-Von says Spike is hurt, but he's getting better. It's gonna take more than what Rhyno did to keep him down. Buh-Buh says in 6 days at the Astromdome, all three teams will be in Tables, Ladders, Chairs 2. They're going to take this match to new heights. When it's all said and done in Houston, the titles are coming back to Dudleyville.
Austin and Debra are shown talking backstage and Rock walks in. Rock says he doesn't want to team with Austin and vice versa. If Austin don't mess with Rock, Rock won't mess with Austin. Austin says that's cool, but when the match is over, all bets are off. Rock says your damn right they are.
Kane and The Undertaker vs. Rock and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (w/Debra)
After the match, Triple H and Kane fight on the outside. Triple H eventually leaves. They stare each other down as Hunter walks through the curtain. Back in the ring, Austin starts drinking the Busch Light (ewww). Rock gets back in the ring and sneaks up on Austin as Austin's opening beer. Austin turns around and walks into a Stunner from Rock. Austin calls for some beers and opens for Austin and sits it by his head. Rock walks away with his belt. Rock opens one mor beer on the top of the ramp and salutes Austin then takes a sip.
End of show......
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