THE BANNED BOOK OF DR. SEUSS!

THE BANNED BOOK OF DR. SEUSS!


A Brief Note:

My wife stumbled across this book in an antique book shop in the mountains. As a collector of Seussiana, I was very pleased to find one I hadn't seen before. After reading it, I was surprised that it was part of the Dr. Seuss library at all because of the graphic elements of the story ... the use of firearms, children being taken away, reference to suicide, violence, etc. Not that I minded it, you see … I actually liked it, and wondered why my parents never let me read it when I was a child. But for whatever reason, the good people at the Seuss Press decided to take this one and another book (I Was Kissed By A Seal At The Zoo … God only knows what that one was about!) out of print. If you have any information on the above mentioned book, please E-mail me, I'd love to hear about it! But here it is for your enjoyment. Remember, you have been warned …


Do You Know What I'm Going To Do Next Saturday?

By Helen Palmer (Mrs. Seuss)
Photos by Lynn Fayman
Released in 1963
Shall we begin?

Do you know what I'm going to do next Saturday?

Well, sir .... let me tell you!

I'm going to do some things no one ever did before.

First of all, I'm going to eat a big, big breakfast.

Next Saturday is going to be a big, big day.

Next Saturday ... wow!

I'm going to do some tricks no one ever saw before.

I'm going to dive some dives no one ever saw before.

Yes, sir!

That is the kind of thing I'm going to do next Saturday.

(Web author's note:"Now the story takes a twisted turn.")

Did you ever beat more than one kid at a time?

Well, I'm going to beat five kids at a time.

And then I'm going to beat their fathers, too.

Saturday is going to be my big, big day.

After that, I'll have to eat a little something.

You have to keep eating if you want to keep going.

And next Saturday I'm going to go a long, long way.

On Saturday I'm going to do everything I want to do.

I'm going to go bowling if I want to.

Then I'm going to ski on water if I want to.

And I want to.

Then I'm going to dive down to the bottom of the sea.

I'm going to do everything.

No one can stop me.

(Web author's note:"Didn't Charles Manson say that, too?")

I'm going to go up high if I want to.

And I want to.

I'm going to find someone to take me up in a jet.

Did you ever go up in a jet?

Well, I'm going to next Saturday.

No kid in town ever did a thing like that before.

But I'll do more than that.

Did you ever go up in a heli ... heli ...

How do you say it?

Helicopter is how you say it.

Well, sir,

I'm going to go up in a helicopter, too.

(Web author's note:"Now it starts getting really weird!")

Then I'll come down.

I'll dump water on Sam.

I'll make him take a walk.

I'll make Sam walk about a hundred miles.

After a walk like that,

I'll have to eat a little something.

Sam won't keep going,

buy I want to keep going.

So I'll have to eat and eat.

Next Saturday I'm going to eat like a horse.

I'm going to jump more stumps than anyone ever jumped before.

Everything I do will be fun!

Yes, everything!

Everything ...?

Well ... maybe not everything.

There is one thing I don't want to do next Saturday.

Mother told me I'll have to get my hair cut.

All right.

I'll go.

I'll go and look things over.

Oh! Oh!

Do I want to look like that next Saturday?

No, sir! No, sir!

Not next Saturday.

I'll get out of there fast,

and I'll take my hair with me.

No one is going to stop me next Saturday.

There are things I want to do.

Did you ever play

with the United States Marines?

Shooting!

I'll go shooting with the United States Marines.

Little guns! Big guns!

I'll shoot every gun that they shoot.

The Marines will like my shooting.

And they are going to like me.

They will ask me to stay

and eat a little something.

You have to keep eating if you want to keep going.

I'll stay with them.

I'll play with them.

I'll run with them.

I'll race with them.

(Web author's note:"Just when you thought it couldn't get any stranger ...!")

Did you ever box a United States Marine?

Well, sir, I'm going to box

a Marine next Saturday.

Then I'll box another way.

I'll box with sticks.

Two Marines at a time!

No kid ever, ever did

a thing like that before.

I'll do everything,

everything, everything they do.

I'll be fast next Saturday.

I'm going to beat them all.

I'll beat them.

Then I'll leave them.

I have other things to do ...

I'll run around and yell and yell.

Next Saturday I'll yell my head off.

I'll blow horns. I'll blow and blow.

Next Saturday I'll blow my head off.

No one is going to stop me next Saturday.

(Web author's note:"At this point, I had to stop reading, because of the suicidal implications the previous passage was giving the youth of the time, and how it would probably have a negative impact on fragile, developing minds who would be reading it. But I shrugged it off and kept reading.")

They will try to stop me.

They may catch me.

They may take me away in a big tin can.

They may dump me over a wall.

But I'll pop up again.

And then do you know what I'm going to do?

Well, sir, let me tell you ...

I'm going to eat more spaghetti

than any one ever ate before.

Did you ever eat a mile of spaghetti?

Did you ever eat two miles of spaghetti?

Well, sir,

I'm going to eat

TEN MILES OF SPAGHETTI.

No one ever did that before.

Not even a United States Marine!

So ...

when the Marines hear about me and all that spaghetti,

do you know what they will do?

They will put on a parade.

A parade just for me!

And it will be ten miles long.

Just like the spaghetti.

Then ... after the parade,

I'll take them all home for supper.

I hope Mother has a little something

in the house for us to eat.

Yes, sir!

That is what I'm going to do next Saturday.

Saturday is going to be

my big, big day.

the end

GO BACK HOME!