Newsday's Advice

TODAY'S HOROSCOPES/JERALDINE SAUNDERS

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep your eyes on the goal post. Small distractions can prevent you from heading in the right direction.

TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS

Jazz singer Chris Connor is 80. Singer Patti Page is 80. CBS newsman Morley Safer is 76. Singer Bonnie Raitt is 58. TV personality Mary Hart is 57. Playboy chief executive Christie Hefner is 55. Singer-songwriter Rickie Lee Jones is 53. Singer-actor Leif Garrett is 46. Actress Parker Posey is 39. Rock musician Jimmy Chaney is 38. Actress Roxana Zal is 38. Singer Diana King is 37. Actress Tara Reid is 32. Country singer and former "American Idol" contestant Bucky Covington is 30. Actress Azura Skye is 26. Actor Chris Rankin is 24. TV personality Jack Osbourne is 22.

ASK AMY

Amy Dickinson: Respect friend's wishes about illness

DEAR AMY: Recently a close friend told me that her mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was devastated. What made hearing it more difficult, though, was my friend's insistence that I not tell anyone; she said her mother did not want it known yet. My friend wasn't even supposed to tell me. While I am trying very hard to respect my friend's privacy, I am really struggling not to say anything. This family was my family's neighbor for many years, and I spent a lot of time at their home. A few months ago another beloved neighbor died suddenly, and my parents were very upset. My mother felt that she could have been more supportive had she known about the neighbor's illness sooner. We are not the intrusive type - we would just like the opportunity to send a note of encouragement and support while it's still early. I feel somewhat angry at my friend for making me privy to this information and yet putting conditions on it. This is the kind of secret that, in my view, can hurt more than help. I'd like to hear what you think.

Denise Flaim: Giving rabies vaccine is sure way to protect pets

Rabies has been eradicated.

Pet gear: 3-D portraits and Chi WOW WOW wear

3-D Portraits

READ WORTHY

HOW-TO-BOOK OF THE WEEK

TITLE: Baby on Board: Becoming a Mother Without Losing Yourself - A Guide for Moms-to-Be

Do ask, do tell: Broaching the subject of STDs

After dating his current boyfriend for two months, Craig knew it was time to broach a difficult conversation.

TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS

Actress Shelley Morrison ("Will and Grace") is 71. Actor Bob Hoskins is 65. Author Pat Conroy is 62. TV host Pat Sajak is 61. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is 60. Musician Bootsy Collins is 56. Actor D.W. Moffett is 53. Actress Rita Wilson is 51. Actor Dylan McDermott is 46. Actor Cary Elwes is 45. Singer Natalie Merchant is 44. Country singer Keith Urban is 40. Actor Anthony Rapp is 36. Actor Jon Heder is 30. Singer Mark Barry (BBMak) is 29. Olympic silver medal figure skater Sasha Cohen is 23.

COOL 2 KNOW: EAR THEY ARE!

Making 'Mickey' proud

It was called "The All New Mickey Mouse Club," but a better title might have been Tomorrowland.

Amy Dickinson: Express your feelings, then set her free

DEAR AMY: My ex-girlfriend and I went through a rough breakup over the summer. We'd been together five years. We both wanted to marry the other, but we had some issues that seemed to continuously clash. I felt hurt by the things she never changed about her personality. I finally told her I had to step away to give her time to work on her issues and for me to work on my own. I knew we had to become better individuals to make a marriage work. But I also knew that we had to change for ourselves. We took the time and did that, and we still love each other. However, we both met new people. I broke off my new relationship for the sake of the one I'm truly invested in. But she says she was really hurt that I didn't want to stick by her while she worked on her issues. She says she "always saw herself marrying me, but now the picture is fuzzy." She says she's happy with her new relationship and is not sure if I'm the best thing for her. Is it normal for people to go through these periods? Am I being overly anxious? Is it best for me to back off to the point where it looks as if I am OK with her new relationship? How long is too long for her to stay "fuzzy"? Is it likely she won't come back? Distressed and Heartbroken

JUST FOR PETS

Carats for canines

Denise Flaim: ANIMAL HOUSE: A vote against DeGeneres' antics

Everyone's siding with Ellen. Except maybe me.

READ WORTHY: HOW-TO BOOK OF THE WEEK

TITLE: "The Everything Green Living Book: Easy Ways to Conserve Energy, Protect Your Family's Health, and Help Save the Environment"

Finding a fit: Why little kids and little dogs aren't always a good match

Dog folk usually don't agree on much. And that includes recent headlines about Ellen DeGeneres giving her dog Iggy to her hairdresser without the approval of Mutts & Moms, the rescue group she adopted him from.

Katti Gray: Miles to go before they stop

The day my odometer clocked in at 236,212 miles, my trusted mechanics were showcasing, with their usual Polaroid snapshots, 20 vehicles owned by people who do not junk a car before its prime.

Matching plaid and patterned shirts with ties

There are certain things you remember about your father. Maybe it's memories of him shaving in the mornings or tending the barbecue. For me, it's the ties.

ASK AMY

Amy Dickinson: As an adult, it's time to end mama drama

DEAR AMY: I am 26 and recently moved in with my boyfriend.We live in Virginia. My family lives in the Midwest, and his family, with whom he is not close, lives within a reasonable driving distance. I am very close to my family, and my mom gets upset when I come home for family holidays and she has to "share" me with other extended family members who have also made the trip. (I do have siblings.)

ASK AMY

Amy Dickinson: If invited to spend, must you RSVP?

DEAR AMY: What do you think of "parties" that are really attempts to corral buyers for kitchen gadgets, jewelry, etc.? When I receive such invitations (usually a mass-mailed postcard), I don't even respond. The last invitation I received was typical: The party-giver called and left messages (four times!) telling me there was no pressure to buy, and to call her back. No pressure? Talk about irony! Is one obligated to RSVP for these gatherings?

ASK AMY

Amy Dickinson: Get counseling with or without your wife

DEAR AMY: I'm in my mid-40s. I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 17 years (we've been together for 23 years). She is truly the center of my universe and a soul mate. We have four great kids. We both work, and we live comfortable lives. A few years ago, my wife went though a period of depression. All of the things she used to enjoy doing fell away. She went to counseling for about a year but gave it up once she felt better. She claimed therapy didn't help much and that she pulled out of her funk on her own. Her mood did pick up a tad, but nowhere close to how she used to behave. I've tried to be supportive. Over the past year and a half, I've noticed myself being plagued with some of the common signs of depression, too (irregular sleep patterns, irritability and some loss of interest in things I used to enjoy). I keep telling myself it's because I've lost the woman I fell in love with many years ago. It really does feel as if I've lost a dear friend and that I'm grieving. We're not getting along and most, if not all, of my advances of affection are rejected. Sex is out altogether, and the few remaining activities we still did together are gone. Marriage counseling would help, but I'm not sure how to approach it because she doesn't believe in counseling.

Denise Flaim: Pets: Vick's pit bulls can be reformed?

For months, the media have been chronicling every divot in the Michael Vick dog-fighting case, from the suspended NFL star's flunked drug tests to his recent completion of an eight-hour "empathy course" at the Norfolk, Va., headquarters of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Katti Gray: Katti Gray: Pizza, coats can be Vets' salvation

Late last year, Artie Berke, proprietor and head pizza-maker at his Northport restaurant, had 10 hot pies boxed up and ready to go but no customer stepping through the door to pay for them. "We had somebody cancel an order," he said. "Actually, some guy pranked us."

Denise Flaim: Pet mailbag: Hair loss, dog shows, all the poop

It's been a while since we dipped into the mailbag. Here's a sampling of missives. Those who are fond of snacking while they read should take a pause before launching into the final question.

Katti Gray: Sex abuse plagues young girls on Long Island

Spotting social and sexual trends is Marcia Spector's workday-to-workday duty. As founder and executive director of the Suffolk Network on Adolescent Pregnancy, she offers authoritatively unequal shares of good news and bad news.

Katti Gray: Tripping on AARP's welcome mat

If one is in her mid to late 40s and subscribes, even a teeny bit, to the idea that being in one's 40s is the modern equivalent of being in one's 30s, it stands to reason that getting invited to join the American Association for Retired Persons would make such an individual wince.

Amy Dickinson: ASK AMY

DEAR AMY: Many of the students at my son's school come from wealthy families. We are hardly poor; we live in a five-bedroom house with pretty landscaping. Our home decor could stand updating. I have been laid off twice in the past three years, and managing on my husband's salary has meant cutting luxuries such as new cars and fancy electronics. I have also decided to start my own business. Getting back to our former income is not as simple as walking into a new job. My 15-year-old son is extremely envious of his friends with the latest video games and decorator houses. Occasionally, he lashes out, screaming that he is sick of his life. He says we don't have any money and that everyone else has nicer stuff. This drives me nuts. He is not lacking for any necessities and seems to be overlooking his own good fortune. Sometimes I point this out to him and he seems to get it, but after a few days, the resentment is back. Any suggestions?

ANIMAL HOUSE

Denise Flaim: No time for pets by the hour

The FlexPetz are here.

ASK AMY

Amy Dickinson: Childless spouses seek couple to 'date'

DEAR AMY: My wife and I are in our mid-40s and have no children. Our problem is that we seem to have trouble making friends to do things with, such as taking trips or going to events. Friends from our "single years" have either moved away or are now fully occupied with raising children. The new people we meet are always "too busy" with their own lives to meet up. My wife and I are happy together, but I am concerned that our social connections will keep dwindling and leave us increasingly isolated as we get older. Most of the advice I have seen for this issue has been geared toward lonely singles, but I can't imagine we are the first couple to encounter this problem. Can you help?

Denise Flaim: Flaim: Weigh the risks of microchipping pets

Microchipping is sort of the pet world's equivalent of Mom and apple pie - what's not to like?

Katti Gray: Katti Gray: fighting hunger starts with the will

Some days I've barely cleared the breakfast table before my contemplation of the evening meal begins. Will I eat out? Alone or with friends? If dining in, will it be grain-fed poultry or wild-caught fish or roasted vegetables and basmati rice spiked with curry? Might a platter of cheese and sliced mango satisfy?

Amy Dickinson: Cohabiting may help couples avoid divorce later on

DEAR AMY: There have been numerous comments regarding the letter from "New Yorker," a young woman wanting to move from her parents' house to live with her boyfriend. General consensus has been that she should live on her own before moving in with her boyfriend. I don't get it. Help me understand how setting up house with someone without a legal commitment is a good idea. How do these arrangements benefit young people in the long run? Cohabiting couples acquire things together. They may produce children. If one partner dies, this turns into a legal disaster for the survivor. Legal entanglements can be just as bad or worse for those not married as they can be for people who divorce. Breakups are hard. But it's harder when you have to move someone out of your house, and what about children who have to live through these serial relationships? I say, have fun. Spend nights and weekends together, but have your own place to go home to. Keep your stuff separate until you're ready to make a legal commitment.

In these films, avengers become heroes

Kevin Bacon and Jodie Foster are back with a vengeance. Bacon stars in the newly released "Death Sentence," where he goes all "Death Wish" after his son is killed by gang members. Foster, meanwhile, channels her inner Bernhard Goetz after her fiance is murdered and she's attacked in "The Brave One," opening Friday.

After the campus goodbyes

'You know what to do if you're caught in a rip current, right?" I asked anxiously, wanting to impart this last bit of knowledge to my son before he leaves us - and his childhood - behind.

Denise Flaim: Ruffling feathers on whether to clip birds' wings

In regular human company, certain subjects - like those usual suspects, politics and religion - are just better left unplumbed.

Amy Dickinson: ASK AMY: Can a good host say, 'No pets allowed'?

DEAR AMY: My husband and I decided a long time ago that we didn't want pets. We keep a very clean house, and although we both like dogs and cats, we decided that it was too much work to clean up after them. I have felt uncomfortable when we've had animal visitors. We live hundreds of miles from our nearest relatives. This means that our guests usually end up staying a while. When they come to visit, they often bring dogs. We are more than happy to let the dogs stay in the heated garage, but we often receive requests to allow dogs in the house. We are starting to feel guilty about our policy. Our visitors' feelings are important to us. Is our "No Dogs Allowed" rule unreasonable?

Katti Gray: A mother dedicates her life after 9/11 to her son

To give herself room to mourn, and to keep showing up for what remains of her life as a childless mother, Diane Fairben retired from teaching fourth-and fifth-graders shortly after burying her only offspring. The intact body of paramedic Keith Fairben, dead at 24 under the dirt of the World Trade Center, had been recovered six months after that destruction and returned to his parents in Floral Park.

Katti Gray: Keeping friends under control in a country house

I bought a small house in the mountains upstate to afford myself a regular break from the downstate rush, where my frights include car-driving creeps who, it seems, would rather my vehicle slam into a roadside barrier than merge ahead of theirs onto the raceway we know as the LIE.

ANIMAL HOUSE

Denise Flaim: The fallout from China recalls

If you think moms, dads and assorted grandparents are in a dither over Mattel's recall of

It pays to improve your negotiating skills

A woman sifts through rings jumbled together in a jewelry pan. It's a hot and lazy Sunday afternoon, and the vendor tending this booth at the Georgetown Flea Market in Arlington, Va., begins to load his wares back into his truck.

E-mail etiquette saves embarrasment and your job

Who among us hasn't hit SEND without first engaging our brain?

Katti Gray: African life stuns, yet stirs hope

The two white couples who had been seated in first class, bantering away in Afrikaans, also disembarked our flight from Johannesburg. But while the rest of us passengers ambled toward the immigration counter at Kamuzu International Airport in Malawi, the two couples were whisked away by a van that had been parked, brazen as the day, on the tarmac.

Amy Dickinson: ASK AMY: With a drinker, it's Al-Anon or all alone

DEAR AMY: My husband is a big drinker. He drinks four to five beers every night - probably more, because he hides his drinking from me.

Denise Flaim: Taking dogs natural, with a little dietary help

The tremors from the pet-food recalls of this spring are still being felt: Last month, Wal-Mart stopped selling two brands of its made-in-China dog treats after customers reported concerns that their animals had fallen ill, though the store chain did not formally announce a recall.

Religious action figures compete for kids' attention

Move over, Transformers. Shove off, Spider-Man. There's a new line of toys trying to muscle its way into toy boxes this month and some might say it's divine. Tales of Glory, a line of biblical toys created by Valencia, Calif.-based One2Believe, includes a 12-inch-tall talking Jesus, a muscle-bound Samson and villainous Goliath, as well as a nativity scene and other figurine sets.

Amy Dickinson: ASK AMY: Her husband mimics crude pal's behavior

DEAR AMY: My husband has a crude childhood friend. "Stan" frequently uses foul language and makes sexual remarks about different women in his life. It hasn't been too much of an issue as he lives quite a distance from us and we rarely see him. Unfortunately, when we are with him, my husband seems to adopt this behavior. Stan was visiting with us a few days ago, and during a very nice dinner, my husband said something extremely inappropriate about me in front of our 26-year-old son. I was embarrassed and offended. When Stan left, I confronted my husband and told him just how offensive his remarks were. He didn't seem to care. I could not believe that this man whom I have been married to for more than 35 years could turn on me this way. The next morning, he apologized. He doesn't know why he acts this way when Stan is around. Stan is planning to move to our area in the near future. I don't want to be around him, but I really don't know how to handle this situation. I am still very upset with my husband, and I cannot forget his remarks. What should I do?

Katti Gray: Slur heard 'round the world

Katti Gray is writing her column while on a trip through Africa.

Denise Flaim: ANIMAL HOUSE: Humane Society in the hot seat

The cat writers got their hackles up, if you'll pardon the mixed metaphor.

Too many lazy days?

It's the lazy days of summer ... but is there such a thing as too lazy?

Don't be a guestzilla

You've heard of Bridezilla. Now, meet Guestzilla.

Looking for love in specialized places

Shoshanna Berman of Manhattan wasn't looking for any man when she visited an online dating Web site. She was looking for a very specific man.

Equine-assisted therapy makes sense

I am standing in a horse pen at Gold Rush Farms in Baiting Hallow, where the pickup trucks outnumber the Hummers, at least for now.

The painters / window washers / moving men are done and ready to leave. Do you TIP?

Sure, we all know the custom: Tip the cabbie, the waitress, the barber. And we generally agree on the math: 15 percent, once standard, is now pushing 20 percent.

Got the bad-boss blues?

Within the first month at her first sales job, Donna Flagg of Chelsea had had it with her supervisor.