KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #28
Date: 5/1/95 Taping date: 4/24/95 Site: Omaha Civic Auditorium,
Omaha, NE. Hosts: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
Last week on Monday Night Raw: A record-setting television audience
sees Bam Bam Bigelow get canned. Man, ever since that four Doinks
match, no one has come close to the Beast from the East's knack for
landing himself in humiliating situations. Was Tatanka's trip of Bam
Bam intentional? McMahon asks rhetorically. So naturally the King
Jerry Lawler answers, no. Bam Bam had something to say to Ted DiBiase,
and then after that, he had something to do. The "say" part, it turned
out, was a tired old cliche, while the "do" part was getting ambushed
by IRS. Then, in an "overt act of cowardice", Sid beats the living
daylights out of Bam Bam. Whatever you say, Vince. And after the
"rescue", Bam Bam offers Diesel a handshake, whereupon Diesel, on
behalf of his friend Lawrence Taylor, shoves Bam Bam on his rear end
and walks off. Well, that ending would have had a pleasing symmetry,
but instead Diesel, faithfully fulfilling his duties as WWF megaface,
welcomes Diesel to the side of the Good Guys. Oh, and just in case you
were interested in what's happening *this* week, the main event is
Razor Ramon vs. Sid.
-- titles --
After showing grave concern over Razor's mental health (considering his
agreement to this match), Lawler starts up a game of "Guess What I'm
Holding In My Hand". Unfortunately, he's not very good at it, as he
immediately gives it away: it's the contract he was waving around last
week, all set for Bob Backlund to march in unannounced and sign his
name onto. Of course the man Lawler *wants* to sign the contract is
Bret Hart, or at least so he claims. McMahon promises Hart will show
up to settle this matter, which seems to take a bit of wind out of the
Allied Powers (w/multinational flagbearers) vs. George "Sparky"
Anderson and Ron "Bringing Home The" Bagan
And just to show how keenly interested in this match everyone is,
Lawler and McMahon waste no time in getting to the "other news of the
weekend". Jeff Jarrett stripped of title. 1-2-3 Kid injured. Bob
Holly gets yet another title shot, and makes good. Or does he?
Explosions everywhere. Yet another rematch scheduled. Film at 11
after the hour.
There was a match somewhere in there, but I'm still thinking about the
King's suggestion of a Lawler/Duckman announcing team at the next Raw
taping. Davey Boy with the running slam.
Jarrett wins his match with Holly with a pretty gross screwjob. So
bad, in fact, that with two referees on duty there was just the chance
one might spot it, and wouldn't you know it, the backup caught it. On
the restart, Holly nails Jarrett, but Jarrett's foot finds the rope at
2 1/2. Unfortunately, the in-ring ref was as consistent as ever, while
the subtle movement failed to catch the backup's attention this time,
and Holly gets to carry the IC belt back to the lockers. Jarrett and
the Roadie, however, put on such an excellent demonstration of what
happened, that Jack Tunney (remember him?), instead of allowing the
referee's decision to stand, declares the title vacant, to be filled by
the fourth match in as many weeks between Jarrett and Holly. Unless of
course that match is somehow indecisive, but that couldn't possibly
happen, could it? Of course not, since that would throw the whole mess
into the In Your House PPV, and Jarrett would have to be involved, and
he already has a match at IYH. Or does he? With the Kid out of action
(*again*...), what does this do the tag match that was to have been the
Roadie's WWF debut? More on that later...
In the meanwhile, all these IC title contortions will be partially
explained by the next match, involving none other than Bob "Spark(y)
Plugg" Holly. I'm guessing he'll be showing none of the disappointment
one might expect from one who thought he had won a title and was
-- ad break --
After another Duckman clip (would you prefer they give Pettengill an
extra thirty seconds for his PPV reports?)...
Bob "Spark(y) Plugg" Holly vs. Butler "Didit" Stevens
And sure enough, Holly is all smiles, without the slightest twinge of
heartbreak on his face. If I didn't know better I'd say he didn't even
remember having the IC belt on his shoulder just the day before. Since
this is Holly's match, it must be time for the announcers to talk
about... Razor Ramon. Seems The Bad Guy is angry about the Kid's
injury, though exactly why, Vince does not specify. Angry at who? At
the Kid, for getting hurt so close to a big match? Angry at himself
for choosing such a fragile partner? Or just angry for the sake of
being angry? At any rate the announcement of Razor's replacement
partner is promised in the moments ahead. Holly with a flying body
press that comes perilously close to rolling Stevens on top of him, but
Holly hangs on for the pin.
Todd Pettengill, In Your House, but eviction proceedings have begun and
he should be removed in about two weeks' time.
Important decisions are best made by cool heads. Case in point, Razor
Ramon. Incensed beyond belief at the Kid's latest injury, and
believing Jarrett and the Roadie to have had something to do with it,
Ramon marched down to Tunney's office and remanded that his match be
re-cast as a handicap match, Razor vs. Jarrett AND the Roadie. I guess
being in a situation where it was just him vs. Jarrett, Shawn Michaels,
Diesel, Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart, and coming out victorious, has
*really* gone to the Bad Guy's head.
Todd goes on to mention that Razor has an interview with Jim Ross on
option six of the WWF 900 line! To review, recent
option-six interviewees have included Alundra Blayze, Shawn Michaels,
and Bam Bam Bigelow. It may be only one six, but it's sure one hell of
Back to the card. Diesel/Sid. Bret Hart/Hakushi. To be continued.
This because Pettengill just barely has time to plug the house giveaway
-- ad break --
Next week on Raw: Owen Hart vs. Bart Gunn. Doink vs. Jeff Jarrett.
The second match intrigues me for two reasons. First and foremost, I
always enjoy seeing Doink beaten at his own game, and Jarrett is better
than anyone at doing just that. But more importantly, is Jarrett
coming to the ring with belt in tow? If not, how did they explain that
Mantaur vs. Sonny "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" Rodgers
Misheard quote of the week: Vince McMahon -- "We'll be returning to
action very shortly, but right now, it's Mantaur versus Sonny Rodgers."
What I didn't hear the first time was Vince mumbling "Alundra" at the
start of that sentence, modifying the following word to "will".
Let's see, Mantaur's in the ring, it must be time to talk about Bam Bam
Bigelow. Everyone must have some sympathy for Bam Bam, since Vince
declared that Sid was behind the whole plot to get Bigelow fired from
the Corporation. Lawler doesn't let Vince get away with it,
thankfully, so Bam Bam will be here next week to tell us all what he
knows about it, which if you think about it shouldn't be much, if the
plot was done with any competency. With that line of discussion spent,
Vince for about the tenth time informs Lawler that Bret Hart is coming
to get him tonight. But of course, *not* to sign Jerry's silly little
contract, since Bret Hart has already signed a match with Hakushi, and
as we all know, Bret would *never* wrestle two matches in one night.
(King of the what? Something ten?) Mantaur with a finisher that took
so long I forgot what it was by the time the three-count was applied.
Man Mountain Rock has been busted. He's impersonating a rock 'n
roller. No, he's impersonating a wrestler. Wait, you're both right!
Actually, if the latter is as serious a charge as the officer claimed,
(insert joke about massive depletion of the WWF/WCW ranks here).
-- promotional considerations --
"Don't Call Me Psycho, I Don't Care What the Music Sounds Like" Sid
(w/Ted DiBiase) vs.
-- ad break --
Sid (w/DiBiase) vs. Razor Ramon
A few months ago, I asked why Razor Ramon rated a fireworks display
prior to every match, while other, more worthy superstars had much less
flashy entrances. I was told at the time that that was because Razor
was the Intercontinental champion. Well, now he isn't, so *now* why
the big deal?
Apparently Sid has been doing some thinking along these lines himself.
And suddenly, as Razor's fireworks display began, it suddenly occurred
to him: this was Razor's way of 'dissing' his opposition prior to the
match. Sid, obviously very excited by this revelation, felt it his
duty to confront Razor regarding this issue at the first possible
moment. The fact that a direct path to Razor would pass straight
through the fireworks display was of little importance; the message
needed to be delivered without delay.
And so it was. Razor took the criticism pretty hard, but this is
completely understandable considering it was delivered in the form of a
clothesline from behind. But even as Sid motioned to punctuate his
message with a power bomb, the officials at ringside were right on top
of things, and as Razor Ramon was caught in that position that only Pat
Patterson might enjoy, the officials knew what needed to be done, and
so, I am happy to report, that with one yank of the cord, the amazingly
expensive fireworks shooting device was quickly pulled out of harm's
Of course by this time Sid had already delivered one power bomb to
Razor Ramon and was setting up for another. "Stop it!! Stop it!!"
Vince admonishes the referee. The referee politely walks over and asks
Vince if he would like to try it. And so there is nothing to stop Sid
from giving Razor the second power bomb.
Gee, Sid is beating up on somebody again. I suppose this means that...
yep, sure enough, here he comes around the clubhouse turn, it's Pavlov's
Diesel! Diesel's reaction time was a bit quicker than usual, since the
guy being beaten was a face to begin with, and so Sid's exit from the
ring was a bit hurried, but the result was the same: no real
confrontation, maybe next time.
Well now. Sid is gone, Razor is being attended to by the phalanx of
officials present, and Big Daddy Cool himself is in charge of the
scene. The damage has been done. Nevertheless Vince asserts that
Razor is still in trouble. What does Vince know about this situation
the rest of us don't?
-- ad break --
Let's look at the previous scene from another angle. Sid's vertical
leaping ability even impresses McMahon, as he vaults from floor to
apron in a single bound. Then one giant step clears the ropes, and
from there Razor Ramon is just a few feet away. Now let's look at that
on the reverse angle replay. Now let's look at Joe Theismann's
career-ending injury on reverse angle replay. And Razor's still in
trouble, says Vince. Maybe he means the fireworks device got damaged
after all and now Razor may have to pay for repairs.
-- promotional considerations --
It's time for our emergency backup match:
Adam Bomb vs. Dave Sigfrid, tag-team partner of Tony Roy (appeared on
Lawler to McMahon: "I just noticed, your toupee is developing a
receding hairline. How do you do that?" ROTFL! The drama in this
match is in the speculation that Bomb's opponent might turn into a lion
in mid-match, but that does not happen. Meanwhile, Todd Pettengill
gets scooped when McMahon revels that Bomb is scheduled to face Mabel
at IYH. Well, we've often wondered whether Bomb could carry a match;
now we'll find out. Meanwhile, Lawler is getting impatient at the
delay in getting Bret Hart out for the confrontation. Bomb with the
flying clothesline off the top rope for the pin, then the unveiling of
his new crowd-pleasing gimmick, tossing those long-distance Nerf
footballs that look a little like bombs to the crowd. A little
something for the people sitting sixty rows back.
Ray Rougeau wants to talk to Razor, but Razor isn't in the mood at the
moment. So he grabs the evil twin standing next to him and asks for his
input. He has little to add, other than regrets that he never got to
ring the bell. "Someone has to stop this man," Rougeau concludes
"We'll Talk To" Bret Hart after this...
-- ad break --
But first, let's look in on Hunter Hearst Helmsley again. He babbles
about civility and then argues with the cameraman. You know, someone
really ought to tell him he's on the air...
And now... gee, Bret Hart's *really* put on weight. And changed his
hairstyle completely. Either that, or they decided they could squeeze
in yet another jobber match, signifying a definite deviation from what
had been a promising trend.
Men Off the Mission vs. Kevin "Freddy" Krueger and Bill "Duke, Rabbit"
Even Vince decides to join in the fun of calling what is an obvious
farce of a match, so I won't even bother. Mabel with the
belly-to-belly-to-belly-to-belly suplex for the pin.
"We'll Talk To" Bret Hart next, and this time we mean it...
-- ad break --
The crowd wants Bret. Lawler wants Bret. Heck, even I want Bret. So
Vince gives us Razor. Status report is that Razor isn't in trouble
after all, he's just fine, save for a severe sprain in his hubris
maximus, or pride. Lawler plugs the Jarrett/Doink match, but McMahon
states the Owen Hart/Bart Gunn match will be much better. Well, he
ought to know.
And finally, here he comes, probably with some excuse about his cab
driver getting lost, it's the Hitman. "How about it, how about it!?"
How about what, Vince? How about two minutes before we go off the air?
Finally we get around to the interview, during which Lawler stands by,
uncharacteristically silent. Bret Hart surprises no one by calling
Lawler a liar. He's bound and determined to wrestle Hakushi, and beat
Hakushi, in Lawler's house. And while he's in Lawler's house, he sees
no reason not to step into the ring and beat Lawler, too, after which,
Bret states, Lawler will relieve himself in an outdoor lavatory. And
with that slightly confusing remark, Bret Hart marches off having
Funny, Lawler doesn't *look* like a man with a busted inside straight
upon having his pot-limit bet called. This little fact doesn't escape
Vince, either, but since we've wasted so much time in the setup there's
no time left to look deeper into the matter this week...