Y2K Survivor

So there I was in Edmond at a state conference.  I was hearing all about community problems and ways to refrain them and even a few strategies that might help.  As you know, I live in Oklahoma.  In this state we have high numbers of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and of course we lead the nation in "Serious Mental Illness"  so suicide is one of our bigger causes of death in the state.  It is probably bigger than anybody realizes because, well... my suicide plan involves plowing head first into one of those big ass semi tractor trailer rigs along I-40. 

My plan used to be to just drive at full speed into a bridge, but I just got off that freakin I-40 and the semi tractor trailer rigs were pissing me off the entire drive.  SO screw it, I am taking one of them with me!  ...but I digress

Thus the meaning of this conference became clear.  It is I, and maybe even I alone that is needed to bring sanity into the dark ages that is Oklahoma.  Yea I say unto thee I will be a beacon of light to guide the misguided fuck ups and losers into the promised land that is a lot like Massachusetts only not as faggy and hell of a lot easier to spell.  How will I accomplish this super human task, you might ask?  Well, with the skills I gleaned from the state conference!!

I will go hither and yon unto varied City Councils of great men and tell them we have engineered a society that encourages fatassitudes (my own term meaning, an attitude that leads to a fat ass)  We allow giant corporate monsters into our protected bosom and they spawn unsafe and unholy parking lots with giant mega centers that we love.  But it is unsafe and infriendly to the people who traverse upon foot, and thus should be redesigned.  We can have city policy that says Home depot and the Mart that is Wal will build near the main street, with friendly shaded sidewalks and parking in the rear.  It will look like the community of old and will be a friend to the lowly foot traveler who dwells in poverty and can't pay for his fucking gasoline.

And this City Council of Great Men will rise unto me and say, "You fat fucker!  You parked as close to the door as you could get!  You don't know shit about healthy living you butt munch.  You have spent the past ten years of your life teaching kids to say "NO" to drugs.  (A curricula that does not work, by the way) What the hell do YOU know about city engineering?!"

And I will thus look those Great Men in the eye (more than one eye if they have them) and I will say unto them, "uh...  I slept in a Bestwestern last week."  Low unto me, that was the ONLY arrow I had in my quiver... thus leaving me standing before this great City Council of Greater Men simply quivering.  And thinking unto mineself, next time I think I am inspired by a state conference....  JUST SAY NO ASSHOLE, JUST SAY NO!!!!

The rules are as follows: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to improve your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five other people.

 

1.  Ragin' Rants:  A simple approach to take the drama out of life for better analysis

 

2.  Wake Up Asshole:  A simple way to stop over analyzing everything and enjoy life

 

3.  Where to Put Your Stuff:  A simple how-to book on home, office and mental organization

 

4.  You Know Where You Can Put It!:  A simple guide on how to take time off and have fun

 

5.  How to Enjoy Life on $3 a Day:  A must have for hopeless cheapskates or those that wish they were.

 

6.  How to Get a Sex Line:  Proven methods to alter palm reading disasters.  This group interactive course will teach smooth handed individuals how to enhance their lives and grow a few MUCH needed wrinkles.  The course includes a list of phone numbers of people willing study all night long, if you think it will help.

 

7.  How to Sand Lines Off Your Palm:  While not a prerequisite, many of the students who took "How to Get a Sex Line" seem to find added joy and satisfaction from this follow-up course.

 

8.  How to Help Your Child Find the Right Career:  And maybe get a big paycheck yourself

 

9.  The true history of religion:  An unbiased look at history that shows the real facts and blemishes of the people that shaped our existence.

 

10.  How to Turn Off the Computer and Go to Bed:  A simple guide on how to stop writing things late into the night and feeling exhausted the next day.  Learn to save, postpone, delay, and maybe even have time for thoughtful consideration.

 

Finally, I don't know if I actually have five bloggers that reead this site.  So please do not fel compelled to play... unless you really want to

I tell ya what man, I had a pretty good run of fairly interesting, or funny posts here for a bit, but the past couple of days the well has run dry!  I mean bone dry, like the Mohave (I am assuming) I mean freakin dry!  So dry I can't even think of a proper metaphor for how dry this creative streak is running, YEAH I mean THAT kind of dry!

The good news is I am going out of town for a couple of days.  I will be in Edmond where teams of people will gather to tell me all my hard work for the past couple of years is exemplary and recognize it as a state leader.  Only they didn't ask me to represent it.  They asked a non-officer to sit on the panel, although I did get a scholarship to go... that's what they give the poor people that don't work for the "GOOD" state agency...  the ones that can't afford it on their own.

I know, I know, you are thinking, "How the hell is this good news for me?"

Well.....  I probably wont be able to post for a couple of days, so either the rest will cure the dry spell OR at least you get a couple of day's break from time-wasting, pointless posts (like this one) that you walk away from feeling angry for having lost that much time out of your life.  I mean...  I'm just guessing, because the creative well seems to be tapped out and everything.

I wonder if the creative mojo has anything to do with the book idea?  I have been too busy to write on the book and frankly, I am going to have to make Y2Kette get off the computer at night...  or worse....  actually consider buying another computer!  NOOOOO it is much more affordable to yell!  End result, no time to work on the story so it sits at the beginning of chapter 6.

One last note:  Last night I rushed to get a post in (following the football game) before Midnight.  And I did!  I had several consecutive days posts in a row, and last night's was posted at 11:59:48.  It was JUST under the wire, and I feared my slow dial up connection would cost me the race.  As it turns out, November was a pretty darn good blog month.  Now if I only had something interesting to say........

So here I have been trying to figure out how to cover the costs of college for Y2Kette.  When she was in the 7th and 8th grades she made an amazing turn around.  She is a bright kid but she is not a natural genius.  I don't mean that as an insult, she has my genetic anchor weighing her bony ass down.  All that means is she has to work harder and longer and more diligently to learn, and it will never be easy.

So she does a lot of growing up in 7th grade and qualified for the advanced math class and she basically moves up a year.  It was ALL hard work, and she created study groups and they burned the phone lines up late into the night.  When I looked around and did not know where my kid was, all I had to do was peek in her bedroom and I would find her pouring over books with her friends. 

This hard work should be rewarded.  So I thought the best way to reward hard and work and dedication is by giving her MORE hard work.  Yup, she should go to college!  So she will enroll in the local college next fall, in her Junior year of high school and go to the Oklahoma School of Math and Sciences for a half a day.  IF she can handle that program for the next two years she will get all kinds of college credit (like a full year) plus they will be set her up for full scholarships.  And she SOOOO needs the scholarships, because Mrs. Y2K and I make just enough to keep her from getting any financial aid.  Yeah, we work for a University... the educational system.... go figure.

So now I am getting a little excited.  I have a bit of cash saved up for her college.  I thought, if possible, I could try to replace the PELL grant, which is all I ever had in going to school.  This means if she can get a full ride to a big school like OSU, OU or maybe even out of state, I would have $1,200 a semester I could give her for living expenses for four years.

I found out today the dorm at OU costs $1,200 a MONTH!  My entire college account I saved for her (and yes think of the things we all went without to save that much for both kids) would pay for one year in the dorm.  ONE FREAKIN YEAR!!! 

Sure she could go to OSU Tulsa and get most of the same classes.  Mrs. Y2K and I both got Master's Degrees that way.  But a kid makes more than grades in their time at school.  They make friends and contacts that will be with them for life.  We live in one of the highest poverty rates in the state.  Our hometown leads the state in illiteracy rates and ranks right up there in teen pregnancy.  As far as a loving father is concerned, she has all the damn friends and contacts she needs from around here!!

She needs to meet people from families who don't feel their testicles shrink and at the thought of $1,200 for room and board.  She needs to meet kids who move in circles I am not even aware exist.  She needs more than I can provide on so many levels.  I guess that's why kids go to all the trouble of growing up, so they can provide for themselves.

Wait a minute!  You mean a parent spends all their free time, all their money and all their stress on providing the best home they possibly can for children.  Then the little shits thank them by moving away and taking all the best toys with them?!!  What the HELL?!!  That was NEVER mentioned at the Hospital when we agreed to take her!

So two of the sweetest, most caring, giving thoughtful people I know have gone down to Mexico on Missionary trips (for different Baptist Churches) and both, at different times, have come down with terrible illnesses.  One of them, past retirement age was in the hospital for weeks with an infection along her spine.  She never complained, it was just another quiet testimony to the level of her faith and her willingness to spread her belief.

So the other day I am visiting some friends and we are talking about visiting different countries and basically what has to be done to get permission to stay in another country.  This one guy, I still think of him as a kid since I knew him since birth and his parents are my best friends.  This one guy, who is a newly ordained Minister in the Baptist Church said when they went on Missionary trips to Mexico they were not allowed to put "Missionary work" down as the purpose.

This struck me as odd, because it seems like there are missionary trips from every church in every small town across the country, going down to help save the souls of some Latin American area.  Then it hit me.... Yes I am THAT slow....  So I ask the kid, newly ordained minister, son of my best friends, "Uh... Why do we send Missionaries down there, isn't nearly all of Latin America ALREADY Christian?"

The entire room fell eerily quiet as they looked to see if I was making fun of them or just trying to start another political argument.  Finally, the kid said, "Noooo!  They are Catholic."

"Aren't Catholic's Christians?"

"Nooo!  They are something else."

Pause

Pause

"Well they are Christians but it's all different."

So guess this means the Southern Baptist Church is engaged in missionary work to convert devout Christians into the right kind of Christianity.   Who knew?  I was kind of hoping it was about overcoming poverty, but even Baptist know you can't send Oklahoman's to try to teach THAT!  I mean, come on, when the state reached national attention for producing the third most meth labs in the country we realized it was because that was the only way many of our people could feed their families.  So rather than focus on ways to help the population find a livable income, we passed laws restricting the chemicals (cold medicines) that are used to make meth. 

Author's Note:  This is not an endoresement for Meth. 

So there I was, all full of chili and a warm fire blazing away in the fireplace when I grab my trusty old remote.  That remote has become a wireless lifeline between myself and the greater world.  The power of the remote has led me to become an expert on Alaskan Crab Fishing in the Bering Sea, appreciate dirty jobs, and understand the finer points of badmouthing football referees. 

But last night, let's call it Black Friday,  I grab my trusty old remote and start flipping channels.  Sure I knew we were in a writer's strike.  But big freakin deal, I don't freakin read the scripts, I WATCH the shows!  So how could this strike effect me?  Right?  Right??

So there I am switching and flipping and flipping out because there is not a DAMN THING on TV.  I have nearly 400 channels and not a damn thing on TV!!  Mrs. Y2K and I settle for watching Fantastic Four AGAIN for probably the Fantastic 40th time and I realize... Here I have been all upset about our National Guard and Armed Servicemen going off to Iraq and Afghanistan, when really, if you think about it, all of those guys volunteered to go.  They were never forced.  So basically we are enabling them to live out their dreams.

But my dream has been to sit on my ever expanding ass and watch TV.  I know the strike has been going on for weeks, but now, as of Friday, it has started to effect what really matters....   ME!!!

So please America, stop sending care packages to dedicated servicemen that want to protect your homeland.  Stop empowering a warmongering Government by buying savings bonds.  Instead send your money to the Screen Writer's Guild.  These guys are out there on the front lines, holed up in seedy apartments and working under the hostile conditions of a flickering computer screen and a blank document titled "How I Met Your Mother."  Dig deep, dig often and maybe by pulling together and sharing the sacrifice we can end this needless war over percentage points for Internet access.

OK While I really wanted to post this pic http://hlperson.com/mt/archives/Christmas Cartoon.jpg  and it is really awesome but I guess I would probably be breaking a bunch of laws so it is probably just as well that I didn't but it was sooooo freakin awesome! 

Oh well, I am sure this guy is just as cool.  One of the few pics I actually have of me.  By the way, is Mrs. Y2K the ONLY person in the world that feels the need to take a pic of her Christmas tree every year... even if it is the same old artificial tree with the same old decorations we have had for years and years?

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1

Way back, Oh I don't know... months and months ago..... maybe it was a few weeks... I really kind of lost track of time there....  There was this guy who hosted some awards for best Blogs in Oklahoma.  I know what you are thinking, How bad could the competition BE in Oklahoma?  Well let me tell you SMARTASS, I got my ass kicked!  That's how bad it was!  .....and regardless of how bad THAT makes me look, I would prefer to think that the competition was phenomenal!  I mean professional writers with glossy high dollar staff working 12 hours a day to create the perfect three day a week post.  I like to think they have teams of writers all taking turns assuming the persona of stay at home Moms, or working people banging out a few random thoughts.  Sheer genius how that HUGE HONKIN STAFF can make it look so effortless.

So while I was at the awards ceremony being handed my ass, the guy who hosted the event shared an bit of insight with me.  "If you want to increase hits on your sight, just post anything you want about Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan, or Paris Hilton."  The idea was sheer genius!!   Then you know me, I thought of a way to improve it.

See I don't really like following the trail of pseudo celebrities, so I realize I could just tag that I wrote about them.  People would read my post, those that liked it would come back and those that didn't don't matter.  (That's how sensitive and caring I am)   So I make a few post and claim there are nude Paris Hilton Pictures etc (which technically they do exist, I just am not the person that has them)  This whole idea tickles me, but I never noticed it had any result until this morning I saw a response to a tag about Jessica Albla's Lesbian Encounter.

It started off with a greeting "Hey Transgenderer!"  Then went on to describe it's own porn site and why I should go visit.

I am now thinking this playing with tags experiment has ended.  I am very old fashioned about porn sites.  I think they should be found by looking them up yourself while in the workplace.

OK I know the only thing more boring than writing stuff is reading about people that write stuff.  With that said, I have over 12,000 words completed on the story.  Plus tonight, I finally saw in my mind the entire story line.  I have only been catching glimpses of jokes and gimmicks but now I have a story to tell.

I grew up loving Steven King.  And when I say grew up, I mean I read him in my 20s.  What I came to love was King's development of characters.  You establish a character you can identify with, maybe even feel like it is somebody you want to hang out with... then put them in a conflict and let that likable bastard work his ass out of trouble.

OK I don't want to say more and ruin the story that will probably never be read.  I will say I wrote a whole lot on it in a week, then last night I hit a wall.  No it was not writer's block, I was just so freakin tired I couldn't do anything!  I logged on, ranted on what has been bugging me for weeks and then went to bed.  I don't think it is the writing that is wearing me down, then again how many nights can an old dude like me stay up past his bedtime without if catching up with me.  The answer by the way is two freakin nights.  Yes TWO!!

Did you know the Oklahoma department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services receives about $300 million dollars a year?  The question is, what the hell do they do with that money?  In Oklahoma if you have a family member who is out of control due to drugs or alcohol, there is a waiting list to get into an in-patient treatment center.  Now let me explain something, I work a bit with people that are in need of substance abuse treatment.  Not all people who drink are alcoholics or drunks, and not all drunks or alcoholics need in-patient treatment. 

Only the worst case scenarios, which would probably be 3% of the 10% of the general population that are alcoholics.  Oklahoma has a general population of 3.5 million God fearing, Republican voting people and $300 million dollars a year.  Yet the waiting list to get in-patient treatment runs (According to ODMHSAS sources) anywhere from an average of 900 people to at times 9,000 people that are ahead of the train wreck that is currently drinking all the after shave lotion in your bathroom for a bit of an alcohol buzz. 

It is said it takes a good 6 months of in-patient services to help these people and often it requires a year.  It is not prison, it is treatment where the goal is to rebuild their life.  And in Oklahoma there is essentially no help for them in spite of the $300 million budget.

If you have a person with mental disorders, ODMHSAS has a place for them.  We keep more people confined to these institutions than almost any other state in the nation.  Yep, you guessed it, Oklahoma deals with mental health issues by tossing the nut cases in the prison system.  Once there, they do not receive treatment, yet are mainstreamed into the rehabilitation programs designed to help prisoners that deserve to be in prison and have a hope of existing on the outside, if they can learn a skill or trade while some fruitcake is out of control in the classroom.  Kind of like real school, only the hall monitors have billy clubs and bullets.

If you ask every Sheriff, Chief of Police, County Jail, Prison guard, Prison instructor, or family member of a person that needs substance abuse treatment services or Mental Health treatment about ODMHSAS you will hears hours and hours of examples of their failures.  If you ask people that have or had contracts with the agency, you will hear hours and hours of examples of a department out of control and impossible to work with on any level.  But, if we don't have people working with them, there will be absolutely NO services available, because unlike the State Health Department, ODMHSAS does not provide services.

If you need a flu shot, information about STDs, Inoculations, Health questions, information about stages of development of children, almost anything health related, Oklahoma has a Health Department office in nearly all 77 counties.  If you need help with the mentally ill or addicted, you are screwed!

In my county in Oklahoma we have a very successful Drug Court.  ODMHSAS pays a little to provide this program.  But all of the treatment comes from non-ODMHSAS areas.  In fact, if it were not for the very successful and highly effective AA programs already in place, Drug Court might not succeed.  The AA programs do not receive any outside funding.  They are self sustaining, for the most part or use limited fund raising activities.  They do not pursue grants or cash awards. 

Which is just another example of how this $300 million agency has other people doing their work for them.  Like the prisons, the police, the Sheriff, the schools, the family members that are in way over their heads.  So, if you are in Oklahoma and you want to start a positive change,contact your local Representative and Senator and tell them it is time for ODMHSAS to go.  Let's invest that money in the Health Department.  At least they seem to want to provide services.

p.s.  I do not work for the Health Department.  But I do work in one of the many communities that are suffering too many problems due to the complete and total failures of a department that receives $300 and only seems to serve itself.