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Raw is War
August 23, 1999
LIVE from the Hilton Colesium on the campus of Iowa State University in Ames, IA

Hour 1Hour 2Hour 3Composite
5.645.725.70

Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Written by: Christopher Robin Zimmerman

Man, Jaleel White is one UGLY mofo. How come he keeps gettin' put on TV and stuff?

I GET LETTERS: Zlowe actually read my Heat report from yesterday - poor, poor Zlowe.

Good eye, CRZ. I also saw some people walking on camera that definitely should not have been together. If you look closely, you actually see the Rock accidently walk on camera, stop and give a "whoa" look as soon as he realizes it, and walk off...with Mr. Ass right next to him. That one was pretty easy to spot, and it actually happenned before the Rock "arrived" in his limo.

A much less obvious mistake happenned a bit later when Bradshaw could be seen with the Hollys.

Gotta love live television!

Lots of people wrote me to tell me that GZA was part of the Wu-Tang Clan and there was no shame in not knowing that. Thanks to all.

Proving that I have friends in high places looking out for me, Robert Harris writes:

Hey, CRZ-man, enjoyed the reports as always ...thought I'd answer a question for you -- from your WCW Nitro report, you wrote -- And WHY did they decide it was a good idea to put KETCHUP on the JUMBO JACK?

I, in my high and mighty day job (ha!) as AM of a JIB here in Fort Worth, can answer that. This (putting ketchup on the JJ) was done right before we remodeled the Jack kitchens for "Assemble to Order" back in the later part of 1998 ...as a matter of fact, I pulled the memo for it ....this is almost word for word....
"Rationale: We have extensively taste tested our Ketchup Jumbo Jack in our test markets, and it has done extremely well. We feel that the addition of ketchup will increase the appeal of the JJ to a wider selection of guests."

Hahahaha, we thought it was funny too ....in other sauce news, look for the secret sauce to disappear from any burgers it is already on, to be replaced by mustard and (speak of the devil) ketchup. The memo (sent a couple of days ago), please

"Rationale: We are looking to make the smaller burgers more marketable and get more guests to buy the Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, and Hamburger. For those "Die-hard" Secret Sauce fans, it will be available in a drip cut upon request ONLY. "

Gotta love Jack lol ...however, I have seen the new DC comic Kids Meal toys, and those are cool (so I'm a Green Lantern mark ...bite me, or whatever the coolest catchphrase is lately.)

I hope you print this in your letters column.

So, (thanks Robert) it looks like Foodmaker Inc. - in their *infinite* wisdom - are going to take a known and loved product, tinker with it in an attempt to make it more marketable and appealing to the masses, but ultimately drive away the people that made it successful in the first place, to find that they're replaced with...no one. Sounds SUPER smart. I can't BELIEVE people think this business model would ever WORK.

Oh well. On with YOUR sani-fresh RAW recap! ONLY ON WRESTLELINE!

NO ONION-MAYO SAUCE HERE, BABY!

TONIGHT: We'll take a look at SummerSlam! Here's a photo from the Star Tribune! We'll talk to new champion Mankind! We'll be updated on the condition of Stone Cold Steve Austin! (Do they EVER have one of these promos without mentioning Austin?) All this and more...COMING UP!

TV-14-DLV - *n* W*rld L**d*r *tt*t*d* - WWF

Last night on SummerSlam, WWF Magazine (ha) took all these purty pitchers from the title match. End result was Mankind pinning Steve Austin to win the WWF title, followed by Triple H dismantling Austin's knee with a STEEL chair

Closed captioned logo - opening credits

FIREWORKS! WE ARE LIVE from the Hilton Colesium on the campus of Iowa State University in Ames, IA 23.8.99 and on the USA Network (and maybe TSN sooner or later). I almost thought I heard somebody try to pass off this show as "action/adventure" again...

JIM ROSS is ready to welcome the new World Wrestling Federation champion to the ring, but he is interrupted (rather rudely!) by TRIPLE H & THAT SLUT CHYNA, who is gonna have none of that. Last night was HIS night but he was screwed again. Every time an obstacle was placed and the bar was raised, he managed to rise above it. Then he gets to SummerSlam and "some bogus referee" wouldn't make the count on him. It ended up one on one, Helmsley and Austin - and he did what he said - Pedigree. But before he could get the pin - Mick Foley stole his thunder. Something got censored here, most likely a bullshit of some sort. Helmsley says all he's got to look back on was the fact that he crippled Stone Cold Steve Austin - and he'll never be the same again. Finally, Ross has heard enough - and before he can leave the ring, Helmsley stops him and talks about Austin and Foley being his "boys." He accuses Ross of enjoying his humiliation - but that's okay, becuase he'll enjoy "this" - then he takes Ross and slaps him in an armbar, demanding Mick Foley come out and grant him a title shot before he breaks his arm. Ross is tapping out - like that'll help. MANKIND is out. "You come any closer and I will break it. Mick, you screwed me last night - well paybacks are a bitch pal. I want what is mine!" Mankind says he doesn't have to threaten JR, all he has to do is ask. Triple H says tonight, and Mankind says fine, but let him go. H goes ahead and breaks his arm anyway (complete with unsynchronised "sound effect" and Ross flopping around with his arm at an awkward angle). Mankind, now standing over Ross, tells H that if he's broken his arm, then he'll break his promise - no title shot. Well, now here's SKIPPY come out to "No Chance in Hell" and he's going to make sure everyone keeps their promises. He orders a title defense against Triple H - oh, and "have a nice day." A couple EMT's are working on Ross' arm as we take our first ad break.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - and a slo-mo of Triple H breaking Ross' arm - followed by Shane making the match for later tonight

We Look Live at Ross being loaded into the ambulance - he gives Mick a thumbs up before they close the door.

JERRY LAWLER sits alone. Tonight on the big show, the aforementioned title match, a tag team title match as the Acolytes take on Big Show & Undertaker. Also, the Rock takes on Gangrel. MICHAEL KING COLE makes it a pair of kings as he joins Lawler at the commentary table.

ROAD DOGG v. AL SNOW (with Pepper) for the Hardcore Championship - Snow barely gives Dogg a chance to finish his introduction (and tell the crowd he likes to smoke big fat joints) as he attacks from behind. Cookie sheet here, table there. Snow tries to go through a table with a ladder and fails. As Dogg powerbombs Snow through the table, and as the "Y2J" countdown appears on the EntertainmentTron, CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO appears and attacks the Dogg. They brawl back up the ramp and away, leaving Snow to cringe in the corpse of the table. BIG BOSSMAN picks his spot, giving the nightstick to Snow, then lifting the Pet Taxi, with Pepper inside. (no contest? under 3)

Meanwhile, backstage, Dogg is pretty much dismantling Jericho Hardcore style. As Jericho is deposited in the cyclone fence backdrop, we see Bossman walk by, Pet Taxi in hand. He dumps pepper in the back of a car and drives off. Snow runs behind, but won't catch up...

Acclaim Sports WWF Attitude ad

Let Us Take You Back to the pullapart between Dogg and Jericho, Bossman loading Pepper in the back seat, and driving off. Oh man, I hope Mathilda and Frankie aren't in there too!

A frantic Snow asks some crew members if they've seen Pepper, apparently unaware that Bossman kept the dog as he left...?

X-PAC & THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE walk to the commentary table as Cole announces that Ross suffered a fracture.

WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW & UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) v. ACOLYTES for the tag team championship - okay, let's lose the ring announcer. Acolytes attack, and Big Show hits a double clothesline to stop that. Bradshaw goes outside and it's Faarooq and Big Show in the ring. Big boot takes him down. Bradshaw from behind to regain the advantage for his team. Nice shoulderblock from the top by Bradshaw. 2 count. 'Taker distracts Faarooq and Big Show knocks HIM out of the ring. He lands on the commentary table, then takes a swipe at Kane. Somehow this leads to Big Show hitting X-Pac with ahhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAM while the Acolytes doubleteam Kane. (no contest? DQ? 1:39) Kane comes to following the replays, and tends to his partner. Did Lawler just make an "A Christmas Story" reference?

Backstage, Stephanie and Test share a private moment with the camera and millions of fans. Stephanie's job is to beam.

The JVCKaboom!box Kaboom! of the week is Shane's surprising top turnbuckle"elbowdrop" on Test through the Spanish announce table from last night's SummerSlam.

"Three nights ago, two sports entertainers disappeared in the woods near Ames, Iowa while shooting a documentary. Yesterday afternoon, their footage was found. The Blonde Bytch Project" - and there's a logo with tits. Stevie Richards makes fun of Meanie's inability to win at "WWF Attitude," while Meanie retorts with "When we had 'In Your House' and I was Ahmed Johnson, you couldn't touch me!" Meanie says maybe they should explore the legend of the blonde bytch...taking their cameras, of course. We'll see more of this...umm, excitement...Thursday on SmackDown!

LILIAN GARCIA is your new ring announcer. Fine, she's very attractive. But, I mean, she ain't exactly Mike McGuirk, naah mean? (Half of you probably have NO IDEA who I'm talking about - which makes me pretty old...) Also, poor ol' Tony Chimel never got chyron. Bill Dunn never got chyron. That other guy whose name I never learned got chyron. Howard Finkel got chyron, but he was always "THE FINK" in super quotes. Oh well, while I muse, TEST comes out, and we check out some stills from last night's Love Her or Leave Her match, eventually won by Test *despite* the efforts of the returning Mean Street Posse and with a bit of help from the returning Patterson & Brisco. "Everybody knows I went through a lot last night - hell, I've been through a lot in the past few months. But it's all been for one reason, and one reason only. And if I had to do it again, I would. But, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to ask certain questions, and sometimes he's gotta pop them. So Stephanie McMahon, will you come down here please?" STEPHANIE McMAHON, all smiles, ambles over to the ring. But before anything else happens, SKIPPY *sprints* out to the ring. "I will not let you ruin Stephanie's life! And the only way this relationship is gonna continue is over my dead body!" "That can be arranged --" but before he strikes, Stephanie stands between them. "Shane, how could you? How DARE you! I LOVE him! I love Andrew more than anything else in this world. He makes me happy! But I guess you don't care about my happiness. I guess you don't care how I feel at all. All my life it's always been about you. How YOU wanted me to act, who YOU wanted me to be. I'm your sister! Why can't you LOVE me for who I am? Why would you want to take this away from me?" Oh, geez, just LADLE it on. "Steph, forget about him. There's something I have to ask you." Then he's on one knee... "Will you marry me?" Stephanie, eyes wide, is all smiles, but she looks over at Shane, who makes a puppy face. "Andrew - Andrew, I LOVE you, I LOVE you, but I just um....I just need some time. But I LOVE you" and they embrace. "I love you - I just need some time..." "I understand." Test parts the ropes for Stephanie, then turns to Shane. A smile creeps across Shane's face, and he leaves the ring, his gaze never leaving Test.

God, it IS a soap opera. I think I liked it better when it wasn't so.... OBVIOUS. You know? Maybe the chicks dig it. I dunno.

Time now for the Rescue of the Week, thanks to the United States Coast Guard! It's Mark Henry rescuing D'Lo Brown - err, no, wait, it's Henry breaking a guitar across his back. Never mind.

Backstage, Chris Jericho addresses HIS acolyte, Howard Finkel. "Let me ask you this very legitimate question, Edward." "It's Howard." "Whatever. How can you, as a devout, diehard Chris Jericho fan, stand around while the Road Dogg puts his filthy, grimy hands on me and commits the crime of assault and battery? You know I'm here to save the WWF and I'm here to save your job. Well, I don't need a sniveling FINK of a man on my team. What I need on my team is a champion - I need a WARRIOR. Edward, I need a WARRIOR who's gonna stand up and FIGHT for what he believe in, who's gonna stand up and FIGHT for Y-2-J. Do you understand?" Finkel looks skyward, ponders, then smiles...and nods. I think they said "warrior" too many times...

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET, DE-BRA & SEXUAL CHOCOLATE MIZARK HENRY walk out to the ring as we're reminded that the WWF will be at the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO tomorrow (which, by the way, is a Smackdown! taping). "That's right, we did it! WE did it! You know, first of all, Sexual Chocolate, for making the right career decision last night, I want to personally thank you with a gift. Tonight, consider yourself the NEW European Champion! And Debra - my precious Debra. What a beautiful plan - from start to finish, it was all you. It was all you, and since I'm in such a giving mood tonight, I've got a special surprise for you. That's right, she's got the puppies, but Debra, being the Executive Director of Jarrett Enterprises, I decided that you need some help. That YOU needed a personal assistant. So as everybody said we all KNOW you've got the puppies, but tonight, you've got MISS KITTY!" And out comes another blonde in miniskirt, wonderbra, and all greased up. Look carefully, Debra, she's a lot younger than you - no doubt a future replacement. "And last but not least, I can stand here in this very ring and say without a shadow of a doubt that I am the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time! So on the locker room door, I've signed an open contract. And if anybody out back there thinks they've got what it takes, well then step up to the plate, sign the dotted line and give it your best damn shot to take MY belt away. Now let's get Meat down here, and Mark, make short work of him."

Backstage, we see D'Lo Brown putting a major league beatdown on Meat - ha! Lookit the other wrestlers scatter when the camera pans too far left!

Back to Henry, awaiting an opponent - but it's *Brown's* music starting...

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE MIZARK HENRY v. D'LO BROWN for the European Championship - Brown's all over him until Henry presses Brown and lets him drop to the mat. Legdrop misses and D'Lo hits a spinning wheel kick. Standing flourished legdrop. There's the 'Lo-down! Now Jarrett is in (DQ :59) and that's it for now...I guess...hmm, I wish that match had been shorter - HA!

Backstage, Mr. Ass is in sight of the contract, but has no pen. Chyna walks by, and he asks her if she's got a pen. Nope. "Well, can you stay here and make sure nobody signs this?" Chyna giggles "okay," then signs the contract herself.

Somewhere else, hey! It's the Rock - and he's WALKING!

Here's that preview of the SummerSlam encore we've been waiting all show for - yup

When we come back, Mr. Ass is looking for Chyna...hmm, wonder why. Ha!

Magic: The Gathering presents WWF Unforgiven! As Kenny would say, "Dude - thaff fuffin guh!"

THE ROCK (with RAW credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. GANGREL (with the Hardy Boyz and a burning ring o' far) - Rock says some stuff that entertains everybody but me. You get the feeling that Rock keeps a closet full of jars of monkey piss in his home in Miami? You know, just in case of emergency and stuff. Where does he GET all that monkey piss, anyway? And how come I can figure out he keeps saying "monkey piss" despite USA's Herculean attempts to blot it from the soundtrack in order to protect my delicate ears? Rock meets Gangrel up on the ramp and takes out all three men. Rock continues to take Gangrel outside. Gangrel rolls in and the opening bell sounds. Kick, stomp, right, head to the buckle, whip into the opposite corner, clothesline out, vertical suplex, 1, 2, no. Right, whip, reversal, right from Gangrel, right from Rock. Head to the buckle, right, off the ropes, Gangrel holds on and goes outside - that's enough no offense for me, he's saying! Rock goes out and follows, but Matt Hardy attacks from behind while Jeff discusses philosophy with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Back in the ring, Gangrel stomps on Rock's head, right, block, Rock with right, right, right, off the ropes, reversal, Rock with a kick, boot to the gut, DDT, 2 count. Off the ropes, reversal, Matt Hardy holds the boot and distracts the Rock, but he STILL dumps Gangrel over the rope to the floor. But Gangrel manages a hot shot on the Rock, then gets back in to stomp him out to the floor. Rock blocks a punch from Matt and delivers one of his own, but falls to "what a manoeuvre!" from Jeff as he runs the barricade and attacks. EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out to chase the Hardyz away. Gangrel brings the Rock back in, hits a Side Russian legsweep and floatsover for 2. In the corner, into the opposite corner, but the Rock ducks the charge and drops him on the turnbuckle. Punching away now, off the ropes, Gangrel holds on, so Rock pulls him back and into a Samoan Drop for 2. Gangrel tries a DDT, but Rock blocks it and hits an atomic drop. There's Rock Bottom, and there's the People's Elbow. 1, 2, 3. (4:33) Replay of Jeff Hardy's cool dive which apparently had no effect on the Rock, and the People's Elbow. Rock's still there and now he's got the mic for ANOTHER promo. Apparently, he's unhappy that he's fighting people like Gangrel while a whiner like Triple H gets title shots.

Howard Finkel, in sweat suit, in a gym, mantras "I'm a warrior! I can do it!" Repeat ad nauseum.

SMACKDOWN! premiers Thursday! 8/7 on Some Other Network! Exclamation points!

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY interviews TORI in the back. Ivory's got some sort of humilation fetish, says Tori, so how about a little evening gown match Thursday - she can relieve her of her clothes AND her title. Then she asks whatever happened to that Sable chick - she was her biggest fan!!

The Ultimate Warrior's theme music and lighting treatment fire up - and out comes HOWARD FINKEL. Whoops, guess he DID get his own chyron after all. "Chris Jericho has come to the World Wrestling Federation to benefit EVERYBDOY! Chris Jericho has come to the World Wrestling Federation to make this a better place! I BELIEVE in Chris Jericho and applaud everything he's done thus far! However, there are a few simpletons in this organisation that don't get it, don't have a clue, don't understand. One of them is you, Road Dogg. I saw you a few moments ago in the back, picking your nose. Well, why don't you do something a little more constructive that than and come out to this ring and join me because *I* want to let YOU know what Y2J is all about." Do you see the intricate threads binding together this whole bit? Fink's distraught to the point of his mind disappearing at Vince's exit. AND he's got a grudge against the man who tar'd and feather'd him a while back! Compare this to "we forgot what just happened" over on the other channel. G'wan I DARE ya. Anyway, "Oh you didn't know? Finkel your ass better CALLLL somebooodyyyy..." "Surely...surely you're joking." "J-joking? Road Dogg, YOU'RE a joke. I'm - I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore, Road Dogg...DAMMIT." And he shoves him one. "Howard, you've been dippin' into my fat sack again, haven't ya?" "You don't believe me, right? You don't believe what I'm saying? Believe this again, Road Dogg" and there's another shove. Road Dogg grabs Finkel by the collar - but the Y2J countdown appears again - the lights go out - BOOM! - and whoops, actually CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO has appeared behind Road Dogg and attacks from behind. There's a powerbomb! But he doesn't let go - there's a SECOND powerbomb! THE ARROGANT COVER!! Road Dogg is left laying in the ring as Jericho walks back up the ramp - still ordering Finkel all along the way. A replay from a different angle shows that Dogg never knew what hit him - but he'll know WHO.

Al Snow mumbles backstage.

Mr. Ass, still looking for Chyna, finds Triple H instead. "Tell her I'm looking for her." "Well, I wouldn't look too hard...(to himself) you might find her."

Kevin Kelly interviews Hardcore Holly. Last night at SummerSlam, they had the golden slot in the Tag Team Turmoil match, but when they spent more time fighting amongst themselves than the Acolytes, they ended up losing the match. Holly says that tonight there will be a special invitational battle of the Super Heavyweights - and it's time for his cousin to nut up or shut up.

CRASH HOLLY v. HARDCORE HOLLY - They're badmouthing each other all the way to the lockup. Quick enough, we're out of the ring, then out into the crowd, then I'm thinking this isn't worth recapping. Much like last week, one man would gain the advantage, then stop to make sure his cousin is okay, leading the other man to take control. Repeat, making sure to move further out of the arena with each move. We get about three minutes of this before the camera cable runs out.

Kevin Kelly takes us to the stills of Triple H's attack on Stone Cold Steve Austin's knees - ligament and tendon damage, we are told. MANKIND joins Kelly, telling Triple H that he's made some dumb decisions of late, taking his knee out with a sledgehammer, taking out Austin, "I've had my problems with the Rattlesnake, but dammit, the guy's practically singlehandedly funded my retirement!", and taking out Ross. Well, he's proven he can give out the punishment - tonight we'll find out how well he can take it.

Al Snow, curled up, rocks and cries. He misses his pooch!

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & UNDERTAKER & PAUL BEARER make their way to the commentary table and displace Cole.

THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE v. MIDIAN & VISCERA - This match is originally scheduled for "one round" before Lilian Garcia corrects herself and says "one fall" - okay, I'm going to say it - WHO'D SHE SLEEP WITH TO GET THIS GIG? - arrrgh. Speaking of arrrrgh, I challenge the WWF to pick a character name spelling for Dennis Knight and STICK WITH IT. At least this week the chyron matches his tights. Ever wonder what a match sounded like with four colour commentators and nobody on play-by-play? Well, friends, it ain't pretty. We make about 90 seconds of action before the ACOLYTES walk down to the ring to ... watch? Undertaker calls Midian & Viscera "methodical killers," which is good for a chuckle. Viscera hits a nice Samoan Drop on Kane, which is good for an "Oh!!" Finally, we fast forward to the hot tag - to X-Pac? Spinning heel kick actually puts Viscera down - and it's time for a bronco buster. The Acolytes, meanwhile, have made their way over to Kane and have pulled him to the floor. Meanwhile, X-Pac takes MIDIAN down and gives HIM a bronco buster. But he's apparently forgotten about Viscera, who splashes him, then lands on him for the pin. (4:17) Kane is in to look after his friend, but it's too late. Are all these former Ministry guys...naah...

Hey, Mr. Ass is still looking for Chyna. And he's decided to look while he's WALKING!

SummerSlam Encore promo #2

The Fink looks for some approval from Chris Jericho - "you need a LOT of work - but with some more intense physical training, and some more studying of my inspirational motivational manuals I might be able to save you a job on my new show - you know we have Monday Night RAW is JERICHO, how does THURSDAY NIGHT FINKDOWN sound to you?"

RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily, WWF: The Music, Vol. 3 (available at all NRM's) and 10-10-220!

KING ASS walks to the ring. "Hey King, did you see Mr. Ass kiss that big woman's butt last night?" Ass asks Chyna to stop running from him and come down to the ring. Strangely enough, she does. He asks her what kind of joke she's trying to pull. She tells HIM that he must be thinking out his ass again. "I'm not playing around! You give or I'll take." "Fine, let's see what you got!" But JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is quickly out with a guitar to kabong over Chyna's head. MISS KITTY has another guitar, but Ass takes it from her before she can hand it to Jarrett, and breaks it over *Jarrett*. Debra is out to scold Kitty and help bring Jarrett to as we see replays of both guitar shots.

There's the Rock! And once again, he is WALKING!

The highest rated cable program makes the jump to prime time network programming Thursday when SMACK DOWN! premieres! On UPN!

Those Magic ads aren't too bad - we'll see how I like 'em in three months, though

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight - Triple H breaks Ross' arm, and Shane signs the title match in the main event

THE ROCK joins the commentary team. It's official: we are now watching THE WORLD ENTRANCE FEDERATION. "Who's booking this crap?" says the Rock. "I love shoot interviews that aren't supposed to be shoot interviews," says Herb Kunze. And now, to put ANOTHER level of fun'n'games on this match, out comes SKIPPY to "No Chance in Hell" (the World Entrance Federation) - turns out he's the Special Guest Referee in this match.

TRIPLE H v. MANKIND for the WWF Championship - Triple H is alone with Chyna still feeling the effects of her kabong. I have a tie just like Mankind's, you know. H starts punching away before the bell. Rock: "Who is booking this crap? The Rock against Billy Gunn. The Rock against Gangrel. I mean, next week the Rock will be laying the smack down on the Brooklyn Brawler, for Chrissakes." Mankind reverses, and lays in with rights. Running knee to the head on the seated Triple H in the corner. Into the opposite corner, off the ropes with a bulldog. Mankind covers, but Shane chooses that moment to warn Rock about getting involved in this match, conveniently avoiding a count. Mankind's ALREADY going for his sock. But the Mandible claw goes down deep into the gullet of SHANE and not to Triple H. Shane ends up going over the top rope. Mankind is distracted just long enough for Triple H to try for the Pedigree, but Mankind backdrops him. Triple H tries for a Sunset flip, but Mankind stops taht by putting on the mandible claw. Here's THAT SLUT CHYNA, but Mankind puts down Triple H and puts the claw on HER - then takes her outside the ring. There's an underhook into a DDT - the crowd counts to 10 but referee "BLIND" EARL HEBNER is there so late Triple H can kick out after 2. Mankind boots Triple H out of the ring and follows. Triple H reverses a whip, sending him into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the STEEL steps. Triple H takes Mankind to the commentary table. Mankind wanders over to a conveniently placed chair, but Triple H kicks it into his face. Repeated rights by Triple H. Rolled him back into the ring, Mankind manages a back elbow, and a headbutt. Triple H with a neckbreaker, but only 2. There's a facecrusher for 2. Triple H takes the sock off his hand and throws it out. Umm, can't he still do that move without the sock? Oh well - repeated stomping and then Mankind is driven into the corner shoulder first. Rollup for 2. Mankind is punching when he gets back up (Rock: "Mankind's coming back") but he falls after a high knee (Rock: "Mankind sucks") 2 count. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, finally Hebner pulls Helmsley off of him. Time for a brief discussion between the two. Mankind tries to get in an shot, but Helmsley lets loose with forearms. Mankind manages another shot, but Helmsley put him into the corner. However, Mankind clotheslines out for 2. Headbutt from Mankind. Mankind clotheslines him over the top, and he follows over the top. Chyna gets on the apron to distract Hebner. Shane, who's FINALLY come to, takes a chair to Mankind's back - it doesn't do much to Mankind, who turns around - but it DOES distract him long enough to take a chair from TRIPLE H to the head. Then Triple H waffles the Rock one for good measure. Yow! Shane rolls Mankind into the ring, then pulls out Hebner and ko's him with a right cross. Triple H, meanwhile, hits a Pedigree and Shane makes the count. 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WWF Champion. (8:43)

Chyna is all smiles - hey, remember when SHE wanted to be Champion? Seems like only a couple weeks ago. Replay of the chair shots on Mankind - and the Rock. Pedigree, cover. Triple H poses, then walks back up the ramp. Now, it's his time.

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