KJP'S MEDIUM-RARE RAW REPORT #7
Date: 11/21/94. Taping date: 11/07/94 Location: Fernwood Resort,
Bushkill, PA. Hosts: Vince McMahon and co-host of the week,
James E. Cornette.
Razor Ramon vs. Diesel (NON-title matchup)
Razor makes his standard entrance, pauses almost imperceptibly to
tussle his hair as if to ask "What do you think?" Shawn Michaels runs
up from behind to deliver an answer, followed immediately by the rest
of the Teamsters. After a few choice moments of Razor-stomping, a
handful of officials come out, and for all we can tell they're there to
join in the fun. The world's fastest ambush meets with the world's
fastest ad break.
-- ad break --
(no opening theme this week)
James E. Cornette is his usual giddy self, and while Vince is
indignant, we get a replay of the previous scene. So, while Razor is
recuperating, we present you with this week's replacement main event:
Tatanka (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. Chris Canyon
-- promotional considerations --
(man, the show's going quickly this week!)
Well, maybe a small letdown. Review of the Action Zone plot points:
Hart and Neidhart came out to help JJ against Fatu, and cost him the
match. Peace among the Teamsters was restored when Diesel came out.
This match sees the debut of the Tatanka Disclaimer(TM), latest
successor to the Slaughter/Adnon/Mustafa Disclaimer(TM), which
basically pleads with the audience not to be offended by this
While the commentators throw out various inanities regarding the
Jellyfish's snubbing of DiBiase last week, Canyon pulls out a monkey
flip for 2, a sloppy looking crucifix pinning combo for 2 1/2, and a
sunset flip for 2, thus giving Tatanka permission to finish him off
with the Trail's End. Just before the end, McMahon reveals last
night's result, the Gunns over the Bodies. Cornette's reply: "They
cheated...and the sun was in our eyes." Here's one vote for keeping
Cornette on as permanent co-host.
Survivor Series promo starring the Undertaker, and a neat one at that.
Adam Bomb vs. Jason Arndt
"His head blew up!...Either that or a bad case of dandruff." Oh,
Vince, just do us this small favor, please. Bomb's unpleasant
encounter with Bob Backlund a while back means that the entire match
commentary discusses the Hart/Backlund match, with a brief pause to
verify that my hunch last week was dead on, and Bull Nakano is the new
WWF Women's Champion. Cornette even makes the ad copies a hoot.
That's it, Vince, I am now *ordering* you make Cornette your permanent
co-host immediately. That's it for the match, too, Bomb with some sort
of sideways slam.
Vince and Jim take time out to sample the new WWF RAW game. Some
things I noticed: Yokozuna with Speed 10, Weight 1. On screen, the
Undertaker is at full power, Yokozuna at zero power. Just the
slightest charge from the Undertaker causes a standing Yokozuna to fly
completely out of the ring from the center. Finally, Undertaker's stats
were Speed 3, Strength 7, Stamina 9, Weight 3, which seems about right,
but the demo changes "Strength" to 9, and "Speed" to 8.
Still to come: more gang clobbering of the Razor?
-- ad break --
Gee, we have time to burn this week, so how about a complete
retrospective of the Doink/Lawler angle? Who could say no to that?
9/10/94: Lawler, in what is now officially the "first shot", pops
9/12/94: Doink and Dink present Lawler with the lead-filled garbage
9/24/94: Lawler smashes Dink's tricycle against a ringpost, probably
doing more damage to the ringpost.
9/19/94: Getting even retroactively, Dink hides in Duke Droese's trash
can during his match with Lawler. Where is ol' Duke these days,
10/8/94: Doink and Dink invent the "whoopie pie", testing it on
10/10/94: Queasy is introduced.
10/15/94: Wink is introduced.
10/17/94: Sleazy is introduced.
10/22/94: Pink is introduced, and the tape of the Heartbreak Hotel
goes into warp speed.
10/24/94: Cheesy is introduced, and now the collection is complete.
10/31/94: Dink commits a senseless drive-by silly stringing on Lawler.
11/14/94: The Royal Family is having a nice chit-chat. Their basic
strategy is to "squash" the clowns. They never really get around to
the "how" part, though, as a gang of rogue clown snipers makes their
appearance known. Lawler manages to blame it all at first on one of his
midgets getting out of line, but when Doink steps up and lets them have
both Super Soaker barrels, all is clear. Goodness me, it's the St.
Emmett Kelly's Day Massacre. Oh my, I can't begin to tell you how
uproariously funny this whole scene is...
-- ad break --
Three weeks running, it's the world's most pointless 900 poll. How
would any of the callers know, unless they've actually been in both
holds? Say, that's not such a bad idea... Interestingly enough, the
chicken wing is well in the lead. I guess the thinking is that if
a 45-year-old lunatic has-been can get the kind of results he has
been getting, this must be one effective hold.
Oh, and if the previous retrospective didn't satisfy you, here's some
of IRS's greatest hits. The tirade in front of the funeral home. The
confiscation of the graveside flowers. The carrying away of the
tombstone (revealing green grass underneath...). The exhuming of the
coffin. Oh, but the plot thickens further (rim shot). Yes, now the
gravesite itself is repossessed, and the occupant, presumably, evicted.
(Lacking a coffin, that must have been a sight.) Schyster proceeds to
plant a sign bearing his own name facing the open grave, completely
failing to grasp the implications of this...
IRS (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. Matt Hardy
Not satisfied with baiting the Undertaker, IRS goes on to say paying
taxes is mandatory "no matter what language you speak". He says this
with a steely glare at the Spanish broadcasters, provoking clamors of
protest from that duo, although I think Money, Inc. is referring to the
second most popular language of South America...
Vince is getting rather cranky, almost sounding like he's saying "Have
a Happy Thanksgiving... or else." Hmm, wonder what the "HV" on Hardy's
pants leg is supposed to mean. No matter, IRS wins with a flying
Coming up next, Razor vs. Diesel, Take Two.
-- ad break --
Todd Pettengill, stalling for time on Razor's behalf, with the final
Survivor Series report.
Hart/Backlund: To review, both wrestlers have sworn never to release
their respective holds once they are set in, and both towelbearers have
sworn never to throw in their respective towels. "I'd like to alert
our network affiliates that we will be running a little over time
Okay, time out. M. L. Curly of the Detroit News, my justly-maligned-as-
of-late "inside" source, has a theory about this match which has neither
been contradicted nor hinted at, thus making it all the more likely.
Jim Neidhart has been conspicuous by his absence from an angle involving
Bret, Owen, and Davey Boy Smith. What would you say might happen if the
Anvil performed a well-timed run-in bearing a pink-and-black towel? A
A Backlund interview that makes no sense. What a novelty.
Undertaker/Yokozuna: The "ultimate" in casket matches. Is "ultimate"
here intended to mean "last"? We can only hope.
Survivor Series matchups: You know 'em, you love 'em.
-- promotional considerations --
Diesel (first this time, w/Michaels, Owen Hart, Neidhart, Jarrett) vs.
-- ad break --
Diesel (w/Michaels, Owen Hart, Neidhart, Jarrett) vs. Razor Ramon
(w/1-2-3 Kid, Davey Boy, Fatu, Sione)
Cornette even has the chutzpah to complain about Razor being
accompanied by his teammates, with the entire Teamsters team in full
view. Gotta hand it to the man.
Razor charges the ring, ducks Diesel's offering upon entry, and lands a
series of blows himself. A couple land Diesel on the mat momentarily.
Ramon, ever willing to share the wealth, gives Jarrett and Owen one
each as well, whereupon the rest of the Teamsters decide it's not a
good idea to be standing on the apron. They drop to the floor, and
it's impromptu lumberjack rules once again. Ramon with a couple of arm
twists, and then a hammerlock takedown of Big Daddy Cool. Razor gets
his hands too close to Diesel's hair for the ref's liking, so he is
forced to break the hold and Diesel rolls out of the ring in a huff.
The two combatants consult their respective corners, then back at it.
Diesel with a knee followed by a series of elbows. A threatening
glance at the rest of the Bad Guys, and another hard blow to Razor, who
rears backs and returns the favor five times, then Razor gives Diesel
an arm twist which sets himself up perfectly for a big blow to face
from Diesel. McMahon re-asserts that the Teamsters will not be able to
function as a team, and, not having seen the Action Zone, I have seen
no basis whatsoever for that statement. (Apart from WMX, which is
curiously not being brought up.) Diesel lodges Razor in the corner
with his big boot, giving Michaels the opportunity for a playful
(albeit pointless) pull of Razor's hair. Ramon with a couple of blows,
tries to set up Diesel for something, doesn't really duck too soon, but
with Diesel manages to turn a little head bob into a face plant.
Speaking of face, McMahon proclaims Diesel as the only real "team
player" on the Teamsters. Oh, why don't they just get it over with and
turn the big lug. Diesel slaps on the sleeper the way it was meant to
be used. Bad Guys respond with the lumberjack pound routine, and Razor
responds by pulling a power move out of nowhere to send Diesel flying.
Razor and Diesel get up at about the same time. Razor goes for a
clothesline, but Diesel shows him the floor instead. As the Teamsters
-- ad break --
On return, Diesel is picking up Ramon, and delivers two punches. Ramon
responds with two of his own, then backs up to the ropes, but gets his
feet caught on the bottom rope... or was that Shawn Michaels' hand?
The Bad Guys have their opinion, and rush up to express it. The
Teamsters are ready to defend their own, and when Diesel joins the
discussion it looks like the Bad Guys are outvoted. But then Razor
shows up, and sends Diesel back into the ring, and the motion is tabled
for the moment. Ramon now with a couple of big whips with a side of
onions and a clothesline that crumples Diesel into the corner. Diesel
gets right up, and Razor just watches Diesel's knee impact itself right
into his abdomen. Diesel with a "sidewalk slam, Diesel-style" as
McMahon put it, but only gets 2 on the cover. Diesel with some sort of
head vice, but with Razor mostly on the mat, it is no more effective
than the reverse chinlock. Razor escapes easily, but shortly
thereafter runs right back into Diesel's boot. Diesel walks over to
the ref, and ostensibly tells him "Look, I'm going to cover this guy,
and when I do, I want to get right into position and start counting
three. Got that?" That must be what they discussed, because that's
just what happens next, though the referee aborts the count at two.
Diesel with a couple of whips, and now Razor's teammates are yelling at
him. More pounding. Power slam into the turnbuckle. Cover, but Razor's
foot makes it to the rope. Diesel sets up Razor for that power sit the
Big Bossman always used. In the interim, Michaels gets another sample
of grease from Razor's head, before being rudely interrupted by the
Kid. Diesel racks up another 2-count, and tensions mount on the ring
floor. Diesel sets up Razor for the jackknife, but Razor turns it into
a back body drop instead! Both teams are pounding the canvas, and Sione
in particular seems intensely into this sport of canvas-pounding.
Diesel rises slightly ahead of Razor, sets Razor up for the ride, but
Razor kicks Diesel in the shin instead. Razor now gets an
"I-block-your-punch-while-you-don't-block-mine" going, culminating in
an almost-tornado punch, and a scoop and a slam. Jarrett now climbs up
on the apron, Razor sees him, and kindly invites him inside, the hard
way. After a little beating on both Teamsters, Razor sets up Diesel
for the Razor's Edge. Jarrett considers that he must be in the ring
for a reason, but as he moves to Diesel's aid, Davey Boy grabs his leg
and drags him out. So Owen Hart breaks up the Edge instead, and, well,
you can pretty much guess what happens from here. The Bad Guys storm
the ring, and it's an all out brawl, with Shawn Michaels preferring to
enjoy the view from outside. And with that, the program abruptly ends.