GONNA FLY NOW

Like Rocky and Apollo on the beach, Bill Simmons is going back to basics for his NFL playoff picks. Story
• B.S. Report: Playoff edition
• Mag: NBA secret is out
• Sports Guy's World

GLADIATOR REACTION

The ratings are in for the first in a two-part premiere: America digs the revival of "American Gladiators," the season's highest-rated premiere and NBC's highest-rated new show since "Heroes," finishing No. 1 in its time period among adults 18-49 (5.9/14).

What did 12 million viewers learn? That we miss ex-host Mike Adamle, who gave the proceedings a sports-like feel; Unseen Play-by-Play Guy and dizzying editing were missteps; Eliminator was boring, and sadly, sans Gladiators; Hit-and-Run is lame (Contenders can avoid the swinging balls by merely laying down? Really?); Hellga, God love her pigtails and short round body, is slow as sin; but mostly, that "American Gladiators" rocks.

If you peeped my story and video, you know I inexplicably giggled like a toddler every time Crush smacked me in the joust. Well, last night, I was that toddler. We saw our first injury (sorry single-mom/toilet paper lady) and noted that the contenders are mouthier, the cheap-shots -- see Wolf and Mayhem vs Old-Man Contender -- are plentiful, and the Gladiators appear to be more athletic, larger and hammier. And the early lead for best Gladiators: Wolf -- he trash talks and howls -- and Titan, who is as snitch-slap worthy as a Malibu Beach Barbie-ized Ivan Drago.

Most of the kinks can be ironed out (Hopefully, Hulk and Laila get larger cue cards, and the editors get tranquilized). The essence of "AG," equal parts NFL and "Running Man," has returned intact, and this fan couldn't be happier.

Finally, to answer the concerns of some commenters on my story: the gladiators are tested for drugs, including performance enhancers. What, like I wouldn't verify this before signing that six-page waiver?
-- Sam Alipour