I GET LETTERS: Richard Lusso offers: No need to report length of matches anymore. Of far more interest, I suspect, would be 1/ number of "walking" spots and 2/ number of steps taken during said "walking" spots. Compare total steps taken ("TST") between Raw and Nitro.. ...oops, Nitraw...and you will have a winner. Any sort of ambulation, short of running, qualifies, be it a saunter, a shuffle, a shamble, a hobble, a limp, a stagger, a toddle, a prance, a flounce (Lodi, where are you?), a strut, or a swagger. I knew Roget's Thesaurus would come in handy. I just didn't think it would take 30 years.
QUICK QUOTE: SPLN 31 13/16 (+6 9/16) - let the good times ROOOOOOOOLL
Let's initiate coverage for Time Warner, just for fun. We shouldn't DIRECTLY compare it to the WWF's stock, but we've got nothing better to do - let's face it. TWX 60 7/8 (+ 7/8 from last Monday)
WCW - this isn't your father's fed - well - unless you're David Flair
Sting, sans face paint is backstage, WALKING! And calling for J.J. Dillon. Along the way he commits random acts of violence on furniture...hmmm, a TV-14-DL ratings box...put the kids to bed early, Martha
We are LIVE from the America West FIREWORKS Arena in Phoenix, AZ and there's a close captioned logo! It's 25.10.99, it's TNT, it's...
(THIS IS) STING is out in white T-shirt, jeans, sunglasses, and no face paint. And Metallica. "This message is for J.J. Dillon. J.J. - I'm hearing a lot of talk in the dressing room area that I don't like, and you shouldn't like either. J.J., last night I wrestled - I came out for a fight - that's all I came out for. J.J., plainly put, I want to talk to you, right now in this ring, and don't make me come out after you." There's J.J. DILLON breaking a stride to the ring. If Tony says "What's it all about" one more time I'll break into that Run-D.M.C. song. Sting ... continues. "Last night I wrestled Goldberg in Las Vegas. Last night I was trying to bail WCW out of a lousy situation because I came to defend the title against Hulk Hogan - so in bailing this company out of a bad situation, I said that I was in for a fight, I came to Vegas for a fight, I asked for a fight, I got a fight. But there was a catch, J.J. - I never, never said anything about the world title being up for grabs. So J.J., I want my world title back right now." "Sting, you're - you're absolutely right - um - Goldberg won the match last night - it was not a sanctioned match, so you're correct...Goldberg is not the WCW World Heavyweight Champion....but neither are you." "What are you trying to say, J.J.?" "What I'm trying to say is that you've been stripped of the title - last night you brutally attacked a WCW official, and the Powers of- To Be have determined that you should no longer be the champion, and furthermore, we're starting a 32-man tournament right here tonight to determine who SHOULD be the new champion, but you know, these guys - I think maybe you got them all wrong because they decided to throw you a bone and give you a spot in the tournament. Hey...I'm only the messenger..." "Well, J.J., if you're the messenger, you wouldn't mind givin' 'em this message from me, all right?" And he gives him a body shot, there's another, a kick, a STINGER SPLASH! and Dillon crumples in a heap. SCORPION DEATHLOCK! Dillon tries to tap out as if that'll help. Here comes COLD BEER to break this up. Sting and Goldberg exchange punches, knees, and kicks - nothing is settled as the SECURITY arrives to great boos and parts the men. Goldberg's theme plays and we fade to
Your hots are TONY SCHIAVONE & BOBBY HEENAN - Tony's wearing a suit! Let Us Take You Back To Last Night's Still Shots of Sting and Goldberg's title match, where the commentary team announced it a nontitle match, Goldberg left with the title, and Sting Slop Dropped Charles Robinson post-match, causing him to be stripped of the title. Heenan states Sting's case and proclaims him "screwed." Tonight, a 32-man tournament starts! Let's look at tonight's first round matches. TONIGHT: Saturn takes on Eddie Guerrero! Norman Smiley fights a returning Bam Bam Bigelow! Filthy Animals collide as Kidman takes on Konnan! The Total Package takes on Rick Steiner! Diamond Dallas Page fights David Flair! Madusa takes on a mystery opponent! Brian Knobs (who Tony Schiavone calls "Hugh Morrus") takes on Sting! And in tonight's main event, not only is it a first round matchup, but it is for the United States Heavyweight championship - Goldberg faces Bret Hart. And you were worried they might try to hotshot matches for tonight's show! Tony refers to the "Powers To Be" and I guess that's the key phrase for the night.
Earlier tonight, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash arrive - and remove a full cooler from the limousine - MIKE GRAHAM meets them and tells them that they've been booked tonight - Nash protests, on the grounds that he's retired - and really really drunk.
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, WCW Grip'n'flip wrestlers, Tootsie rolls'n'pops, America (ha!) Online, Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops!
Close captioning provided by ToyBiz - makers of WCW Thumb Wrestling!
WCW New Year's Evil is 27 December! Wanna be at the Astrodome? The key is the Match of the Week! Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Match of the Week as Konnan and Rey Rey BLATANTLY cheat to steal the tag team titles from Harlem Heat. REBA CALL from Leesville, LA wins this week. I'm excited! WCW Mayhem is IN STORES NOW!
MIKE TENAY interviews Norman Smiley backstage - why must he pec flex? Hardcore mathces are amusing to him, but tonight he's going to show that he's a scientific, technical wrestler. He's tougher than a two dollar steak, he says, but with that accent, he don't SOUND so tough. He IS the Big Wiggle.
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT graphic reminds me of another federation's use of graphics for title matches...anyway, the first match of the night is also the
MAYHEM MATCH OF THE WEEK: TRIPPA B v. OO IS YORE DADDEE GET JIGGEE WITH IT THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY (orange) in a first round tournament match (Group 1) - Bigelow corrals a trash cart full of plundah to the ring, and Smiley looks unnerved as he sees the weapons. Bigelow speaks! "You know I thought, Smiley, since you're such a scientifical wrestling technician that I'd scientifically have you challenged to a Hardcore match." Smiley protests as Bigelow starts throwing various implements into the ring. Why, don't tell me that was all TALK just a minute ago! Smiley tries to keep referee "Blind" Nick Patrick between him and Bigelow, but no dice. So this is now a Hardcore match - 'cause Bigelow said so. Ohhh-kay. Bigelow wields a broom while Smiley picks up a trashcan. Bigelow whacks him with the broom and Smiley cries like a woman. Trashcan lid shot. Bigelow with the can proper - Smiley begs off. Whack. Smiley wears the can over his head. Bigelow grabs another can - but Bigelow runs into him before he can strike - and Bigelow falls. Smiley falls - the can falls off - Smiley looks and sees Bigelow out. There's the Doin'-it-in-da-butt-and-smackin'-my-bitch-up dance, very briefly - cover, leg hooked - 1, 2, 3. (1:24) Let's IMMEDIATELY move on to
Mike Tenay is in the locker room with the Outsiders. Tenay refers to an "obvious ratings ploy by the new Powers That Be" bringing them back to the ring tonight. Nash says he's retired and they'll reserve their comments to the top of the hour, since they're talking ratings. Hall says to Mike Graham that he got a lotta bosses, but he ain't one of them. Nash and Hall go off into one of their witty exchanges while Tenay makes his "I love you guys" grin.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro LIVE is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT - pick up that phone and call someone who cares!
Our Dynamic Duo talks about lack of respect - something we're quickly becoming accustomed to from the Filthy Animals. Let Us Take You Back One Week to Nitro where the Animals rolled Ric Flair and made off with quite a haul. Last night at Halloween Havoc, still shots show Flair take his revenge, only to suffer at the hands of the Animals in a post-match stretcher attack.
The FILTHY ANIMALS & TORRIE WILSON make their way to the ring with new music and the Kid-Cam in tow. Hey! I can see Torrie's ass! Eddie says you can book them against each other as much as you want, but you ain't breakin' up this family. At Havoc, they came, they saw, and they definitely kicked Ric Flair's ass. Kidman says "Eddie G.'s right, but if you don't believe us, just watch the videotape." Here's a Kid Cam view of Flair being stretchered to a remote location, dropped in some dirt and covered a bit. Guerrero says something about "talking shit about my brothers" and the censor misses it. Flair is left behind, covered with dirt, as the Animals laugh. Kidman continues. "Hey, guess what - Old Man Flair is not comin' back. He refused to leave gracefully, so we soiled his soul. And Harlem Heat - you're next. You think you're BAD? We're gonna show you what bad is all about. It's time for the Filthy Animals - no respect, no remorse - frankly, we just don't give a--" and Rey covers his mouth. "Watch it, Billy! This is Family Hour, man! Show a little respect, you Filthy Animal. Anyway, what Kidman is trying to say is - just please, give us a chance, because if the opportunity is given to us, we are just gonna [hump] you like the dogs that we are." So "shit" is okay, but "hump" gets muted? Konnan has a new catchphrase to go with his pink shirt and straw hat. "When the Filthy Animals are in heat, somebody's most definitely dead meat - now snack on that. Orale!" Here's DEAN MALENKO & PERRY SATURN with some hard metal objects. Those two have no problem with the four Animals. We watch Torrie back off down the aisle - but standing behind her is SHANE DOUGLAS...and ASYA! Asya slings Torrie over her shoulder, and they walk off. Hmm, Douglas, Malenko, and Saturn...that's three...if we were to add one to that, it'd be four...hmmm...four...IV....I wonder...
Mike Tenay is in the locker room with Curt Hennig. Apparently, the Powers To Be (or is it the Powers That Be?) have decreed that Hennig is on the bubble - if he gets his shoulders pinned to the mat, he's gone - for good. Hennig says the decision to hang up the boots is his and his alone. All he's needed to succeed was a reason, and now he's got one - just you watch.
Backstage, Hall pours Nash some coffee. Funny, who would have thought that Hall would be the one getting his partner sober? Nash says the censors will need to work their fingers to the bone at the top of the hour...the top of the hour...the top of the hour...
CURT HENNIG v. LASH LeROUX - Hey Scaia, TRY to spell LeRoux's name right from now on, wouldja? That's a pal. Each man gets a three second entrance. Hennig strikes before the bell - chop, chop, club, chop, club, chop, into the opposite corner, right, hairpull takeover, cover, 2. Off the ropes, LeRoux reverses, Hennig with the kick after he puts his head down. DISCO INFERNO is out to join the commentary team - oh boy! Both men outside - Hennig takes LeRoux to the table right in front of Inferno. Right hand right to the "L" sideburn. Knife-edge chop. Say, remember when he wanted us to call him the "D.I.?" THAT lasted about five minutes. Running kneelift back in the ring. 1, 2, feet on the bottom rope. Out of the corner - LeRoux up - flying headscissors - I think that's his first offensive move? Dropkick! Dropkick! Right, right, breakdancin' punch misses - but Hennig misses as well. Clubbing forearm to the back - as Hennig staggers out, LeRoux has him set up for the Whiplash - Hennig takes a swing at referee "Blind" Mickey J. - so he rings the bell (DQ 2:24) Hennig loses - but his shoulders weren't pinned. Hennig goes out for a chair - WAFFLES LeRoux - and Disco gets in the ring to stop this. Hennig takes out Disco's back with the chair as well. Quick! Cut to
The Filthy Animals are WALKING! And now hustling in the direction of a screaming Torrie...
Bret Hart has arrived - not WALKING - but limping!
Meanwhile, Goldberg is lacing up his boots - and looking pensive
GENE O. works tonight! The ring is filled with NITRO GRRLS for the last week of the Search for the New Nitro Grrl. Fyre has an actual DEGREE? Wow, she's not just a pretty rack...er...face. Tonight's finalists are Lauren and Danielle. This segment, a holdover from the old guard, is all but treated with contempt as they blow through it in light speed. No winner from last week is announced - why bother? Vote tonight on wcw.com - if it matters! Before Okerlund is done talking, music fires up - it's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET come to the ring with guitar in hand "Back up girls, or I'll stroke each and every one of ya! And that includes Kimberly, too!" Jarrett says this tournament is all a big "work" and HE is the next WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Bet all your stock options on it! "You see, I am the chosen one - and there isn't a damn thing anyone can do about it - and that includes Buff - and Total Package - unless you want to take the next Lex Express right out of town, you'd best be ready to apologise to me. The fact is, Lex, I didn't take Liz out, and I don't appreciate being accused of anything. If you got a beef, son, you need to take it up with the NEW Powers That Be."
The commentators argue for a bit, then we go to still shots from last night's match between Sid Vicious and Goldberg. The match was stopped by referee Mickey J. due to excessive blood loss on the part of Vicious.
Let Us Take You to a Post-Match interview as Mike Tenay interviews Sid Vicious in black'n'white so we aren't gored out by all that BLOOD. Tenay says that all have to respect him for the intense fighting spirit he displayed - nice to see that we are FINALLY getting spoonfed around here! Vicious speaks: "Mike Tenay, what makes you think I give a damn about respect? Yeah, it was a battle - but the war is far from over. That I can make you a promise. And I will promise you right here, right now - it might not happen tonight, it might not happen next week or the week after - but when Goldberg least expects it [laughs] I will be back [Joker laugh] I will be back! [Joker laugh]"
PERRY SATURN v. EDDIE GUERRERO (with Filthy Animals) in a First Round Match (Group 1) - Saturn says that if anybody who isn't Eddie Guerrero puts his hands on Saturn, they'll never see Torrie Wilson again. The Animals grudgingly take off but while Saturn waves goodbye to the "jabrones," Eddie sneaks in and dropkicks Saturn's knees. Guerrero stomps away but holds his (now taped) ribs. Eddie choking him out - referee "Blind" Mark Johnson breaks it up. Stomp. Guerrero drapes the leg across the apron, goes up and over and takes the leg out on the way down. Back in, stomp, Guerrero unwraps his ribs and binds his leg to the bottom rope - there's a dropkick to the shin. Guerrero charges but Saturn hangs him up on the top rope. Waistlock - ribbreaker on the knee. Double stomp!! Abdominal stretch, Saturn grinding the elbow into the short ribs for good measure. Sure is a lot of somke coming out of that ringpost...off the ropes, dueling abdominal stretches, Saturn rakes the eyes and takes him up and over. Whip into the ropes, Eddie up and over, Saturn with the gobehind. Again he drops Guerrero on the top rope - Saturn with a springboard clothesline to take him to the floor. On the floor - whip is reversed into the barricade. Saturn kicks to come back - then throats HIM on the barricade. DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR is out with the crowbar - there's a rib shot with the crowbar onto Eddie. Rolled back in - Saturn puts on the Rings of Saturn - that's it. (3:40) The rest of the FILTHY ANIMALS are out but Saturn's escaping through the crowd...
Hall tells Nash it's almost Top of the Hour. Nash says he's got a plan - the Jim Morrison plan - if they shut the show down, they won't have to wrestle tonight. He'll strip naked! Oh boy, THAT'LL keep me glued to the set!
Promotional consideration paid for by "They're Really Talking To Each Other!," Tootsie Rolls'n'Pops, Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets, JollyTime Blast o' Butter, Mag-Lite (from Ontario, CA!) and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops!
In a custodial supply closet, Douglas lectures Torrie about how the Filthy Animals shouldn't screw with the Revolution. "This is a great hiding place - they'll never find us here!" Yeah, EXCEPT FOR THE CAMERA WATCHING THEM. Saturn says they need to hose her down. Malenko says speaking of hoses, he needs to take a leak - eww, we don't need the camera to follow him to the can, do we? Well, Chris Benoit lets loose with a chair from behind - then locks the door to the cage they're in. Malenko taken to a stack of pallets. The Revolution tries to break out while they watch Benoit dismantle Malenko. Benoit putting the badmouth - then the boots - to Malenko. He rips the shirt off Malenko. TV-14-DL ratings box reappears as Douglas promises revenge - Benoit will pay - oh yes - Benoit will pay.
Interesting to note that actually THAT segment hit the top of the hour...
"Theme From Wolfpack" leads the OUTSIDERS to the ring. Nash is white, yet wears FUBU. Hall takes out the camera with the toothpick - it's been a while, hasn't it? I have a feeling it will still take Hall a few tries to spit out "Hey yo. Uh, it seems that these new bosses we got from up north can't have a wrestling show without the Outsiders - so even though we've been partying all night in Vegas - we don't miss no parties, especially in Big Kev's home town of Phoenix. And uh, I think - I think big Kev has a little message he wants to send out to all those big shots at TNT." "First off I'd like to say - PHOENIX ARIZONA! OUTSIDERS MOST DEFINITELY IN THE... Before I get to the serious business at hand, I've gotta say this. You know, you guys can make the horn yakkers in the back do whatever you want, but the Outsiders - NOBODY tells us what to do. We've been makin' the rules since we walked in here. So, to the censors--" "Hey! Hey!" It's COLD BEER up in the stands. "Outsiders! You wanna screw with me? You wanna screw with me? You wanna jump me when my back is turned? Well let me give you a little bit of advice. I hope you got eyes in the back of your head - because tonight - you're both next!" About ten seconds of his music is played and
We go back to the commentators - oh darn, no Nash nudity! Wait now...is that the music of...
RANDY SAVAGE & GORGEOUS GEORGE come down to the ring. Hmm, I wonder if he's still leaving. Strange that we see him the day after that whole Hogan business, isn't it? I'm just saying... "It's been a while - but once again, the Macho Man and Gorgeous George are in the house, ooh yeah! Vince Russo and all you vultures in the back that are hoping that I hang myself here on national TV - make an ass out of myself - not gonna happen SUCKER - not today, not tomorrow, not ever! But you know what, Gorgeous George, they're right about one thing - the Macho Man is well hung. You boys need to know something - don't hunt what you can't kill, 'cause you can't kill off the Madness - you can't kill off the Macho Man! You can't punk me out like you did Hogan and Flair - that's a fantasy. I ain't no punk [bitch]. The yellow and the red has played itself out. And so has Space Mountain. But everybody know the Macho Man's got game - he's hard to hit - and he's definitely legit. I've been better than the best for a long period of time. And I've got too much money in the bank to be punked out by punks like you. Here's the deal. I've won world titles in both the WWF and the WCW. I say right now tonight is the time that the Macho Man passes the torch - and I pass the torch to the next superstar that's gonna go through this millennium and be better than even I was. He - listen to me right here - that person is not only gonna win world titles, but he's gonna have record breaking ratings, oh yeah. The bottom line is, you need me - I don't need you - the bullets are outta your gun, and officially, right now, the Macho Man and Gorgeous George are leaving the building, ooh yeah." Quick cut to
Backstage, the Filthy Animals rush the supply closet - only to find it empty.
Here's a look at Madusa - she's sick of this crap!
Halloween Havoc encore presentation STILL hypes Hogan vs. Sting - what a letdown THAT would be if you didn't know how it went down...er...you DO know how it went down, right?
Douglas tries to tell Malenko that tonight is not the night for Benoit - but Malenko says he's wrong. They still have Torrie, by the way.
MADUSA v. ? in a first round tournament match (Group 2) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Evening Gown Match to show you why she's so angry. Hey! The surprise opponent is THEMONSTERMENG! Now THIS is a MATCH! Madusa gamely tries to punch away on Meng - there's a few roundhouse kicks - everything absorbed by the man in the cool pants. Madusa thrusts her cleavage in Themonstermeng's face - he likes what he sees - then she goes to the eyes. Madusa on the second rope - Themonstermeng catches the plancha attempt, feeling her up in the process - then puts her back on the turnbuckle. Madusa slaps him and dropkicks. No effect. Back to the clubbing forearms and roundhouse kicks - dropkick - dropkick. Themonstermeng feels nothing. Themonstermeng also has failed to have an offensive move. He threatens a backhand - but she begs off - then runs to the other side of the ring. Chop, kick, he catches a kick so she tries an enzuigiri. Themonstermeng with his flourish. Madusa tries a sleeper as we get the gratuitous ass shot. Themonstermeng throws her off - there's the dance - there's the Tongan Death Grip. 1, 2, 3. (2:33) - one move. It only took one move. Message for Chyna? Here comes EVAN KARAGIAS...wait, didn't he have a thing with...oh, who can remember.
DEAN MALENKO hits the ring as they walk away. "Hey Benoit! You think you've got my attention tonight? You wanna try to even the score from last night? Well I'm ready. Matter of fact, let's make it a little more on the line. Last man standing in the ring tonight wins. You got it? I hope...you come here...my friend."
Backstage, Nash puts some tape on - they don't know their opponents, apparently.
Jimmy Barron is Still a Cheap Bastard - AND Interstate 10 doesn't go all the way to San Diego.
That looks like the Total Package's lighting treatment there...but nothing's happening.
Backstage, Curt Hennig and Brad Armstrong compare notes. Armstrong said they called him a hornyakker - and he don't even know what that is! He needs a "personality." They told him to call little brother, find out what a personality is, and not come back until he had one. Hennig: "Something's gonna happen here - they're bending it, and finally it's gonna break - and you know what I'm talkin' about..." and a knowing nod is exchanged.
Bret Hart and the trainer share a moment with Jesus - which gets muted.
THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) v. RICK WOOF WOOF in a (nontitle) first round matchup (Group 2) - Let Us Take You Back to the still shots of the Hart/Package matchup from last night's big show. Heenan says he's never seen Hart tap out in his life - obviously forgetting that he tapped out on Nitro. Let Us Take You Back to last night's television title match, which saw Benoit lose his belt to Steiner. This match is a whopping twenty seconds old and JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out - oh, but he's just there to grab a headset, not to interfere. Jarrett wants a public apology from the Total Package for the false accusations leveled 'pon him. "This is WCW - why would I hit a woman?" Anyhow, after an "edgy" exchange between Schiavone and Jarrett, Jarrett walks over to Liz to try to hash things out - he keeps saying he did not hit her. The Package is outside - Steiner behind him - Jarrett spins around and kabongs - the wrong man, natch. Jarrett runs off. Steiner, having shaken off the guitar shot, walks off after Jarrett while Package checks on Liz. Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson, who sure SEEMED to have seen all this, puts on the count. At 8, Package drops Liz and gets back in the ring. Liz is a little less than enthralled that he beat the 10 count. (COR 2:59)
Mike Tenay is with Konnan and Kidman - neither of whom is terribly interested in talking about tonight's match - Kidman more interested in leveling threats if a hair on Torrie's head is harmed...while Konnan is apparently worried about...cheddar?
Look! Buff Bagwell is in a chipper mood and WALKING!
Halloween Havoc encore ad hypes Hogan and Sting - which would make it a ripoff.
Chris Benoit tapes up.
KIDMAN v. KONNAN in a first round tournament match (Group 1) - Konnan wears FUBU. Uh huh. Handshake to start. Lockup, armwringer from Kidman, Konnan reverses, snapmare, off the ropes with a seated dropkick. Kidman complains a bit ("Owww, you're HURTING meeeeee!") and hauls off with a right. Konnan with an elbow. Blows are traded now - off the ropes, Konnan hits the tumblin' clothesline. Off the ropes, Konnan with the kick, the breakdance, but Kidman counters the facebuster with a powerbomb for 2. Into the ropes, Kidman colldes with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Hey it's HARLEM HEAT who promptly punk out *both* men. Notice they DON'T wear FUBU. Very odd, that. Booker T. *flattens* Kidman with a Harlem sidekick while Stevie Ray opts for - wow, that's a better looking Pedigree than Triple H's! Here's EDDIE GUERRERO and RAYMOND STEREO - I thought these guys were HURT. Kidman covers Konnan somewhere in here and Silverman's come to. 1, 2, 3. (1:53) Konnan and Kidman have a bit of a problem - Guerrero and Mysterio separate them. Guerrero takes the mic and talks about the familia - Konnan and Kidman make up - Konnan compares Harlem Heat to tampons and then demands a title shot. I think they agreed.
Buff Bagwell is WALKING!
WCW hits San Bernardino Tuesday, San Diego for THUNDER!, and next Monday in Minneapolis for Nitro! Tix on sale Friday for Lincoln!
Do these ad breaks seem longer?
Time to check on the Outsiders couch cam. They speculate on their opponents - Nash suggests Luke & Butch.
Let Us Take You Back One Week to the exciting Buff Bagwell saga. I think the important part of this clip is that La Parka got the win.
BUFF BAGWELL struts down to the ring, almost losing his mic along the way. "The reason Buff Daddy came to Phoenix, Arizona tonight - is I'm gonna break ALL the rules. I'm gonna take every little thing that has ever been sacred in this business and I'm gonna relieve myself all over it. What I'm trying to say for you people out there that don't get it - I'm not doin' a J-O-B - job - for nobody ever again. I'm not laying down for nobody anymore. From now on, you mess with Buff, and you get the stuff. Nobody's tellin' ME what to do ever again! Especially the two idiots in the back writin' this crap! Got it?" No, Buff, you mean "Get it?" Anyway, here's TWO BIG GUYS in suits - they're clean shaven and facial hariless - and the suits hide the tattoos, so you wouldn't know right away who they are unless MiCasa told you. "Let me introduce myself - we represent the two idiots in the back that write this crap!" "And? Hahahaha..." "you don't get it, do ya?" and they punk him out. Major league beatdown occurs - then they fix their suits. Hey, who's the face in all this? Quick cut to
Dean Malenko is WALKING!
Chris Benoit is also WALKING!
CHRIS BENOIT (with TV-14-DL ratings box) v. DEAN MALENKO in a "Last Man Standing" match - you and I might remember these matches as "Tejas Death" matches - or maybe YOU wouldn't - God, I'd love to be YOUR age again. Again, I must note that we'll cross the top of the hour with Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko. Let Us Take You Back To Some More Stills and show you how Dean Malenko turned on Chris Benoit in the TV title match. Malenko rushes the ring and it's on. Punches exchanged, rapid fire. In the corner, back and forth - Benoit kicking in the delicate area. Chop is blocked and Malenko takes him through the ropes to the floor. Following out, whip into the STEEL barricade. Head to the barricade. Malenko takes him back in the ring. Whip into the corner is reversed, Benoit slides under and outside, then grabs the legs and makes a wish with the STEEL ringpost. Back in - stomp on the head. Elbow. Whip into the opposite corner, atomic drop, knife-edge chop, and Malenko hits the deck. Schiavone tells Heenan not to "put yourself over" because he's EDGY now. Benoit stomping away. Knife-edge chop. Again. Kick. Benoit with an open-handed slap, another stomp, into the opposite corner, Benoit puts him on the top turnbuckle as he staggers backwards - belly-to-back TOP-ROPE SUPERPLEX! Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson puts on his first 10 count. Both men up at 7. Benoit with a German suplex - holding on for the second - Malenko holds the top ropes to prevent the third. Benoit tries to make him break the holdwith clubbin' blows. Malenko hits back elbows and his trick knee acts up to turn the tide. Malenko suplexes Benoit over the top rope. There's a baseball slide dropkick and now Malenko has joined him outside. Malenko punching away - now standing on the throat. Benoit whipped into the STEEL steps. Malenko lines up the steps against Benoit's back and then dropkicks the steps. Malenko putting the badmouth on now. He's spitting on him! Back into the ring we go. Malenko making friends with the crowd. Suplex attempt is countered - Malenko with the standing switch - Benoit counters AGAIN and hits a belly-to-back suplex. DOUBLE OKIE BLOW!! Right hand to the back of the head. Knife-edge chop. Off the ropes, Malenko pulls up and kicks. Off the ropes, it's a double clothesline and Robinson puts on another count. Both men trying to get up...Benoit up at 10 - and Malenko up at 10.5. Robinson rings the bell. (7:02) The FILTHY ANIMALS run to the ring after the match (and thank God it wasn't DURING the match) and surround Benoit - who steps aside so they can quadruple team Malenko. The voice of SHANE DOUGLAS stops them. He, PERRY SATURN and ASYA reveal TORRIE WILSON. If they keep putting the boots to Malenko, then there'll be real problems. Douglas does a fair amount of mouth running while Malenko is given a free pass to the back. Douglas says if they want Torrie back, they'll stay where they are. They walk to the back and the Animals decide to take off after them. In case you find this storyline compelling, we hope you'll stay tuned through this next three minutes of ads!
Here's the same live announcement as earlier, so I won't bother to repeat it - it's up there somewhere
Everybody's loaded into a car and they drive off - the Filthy Animals JUST miss them. Eddie & Rey load into a Cadillac and drive off - leaving Konnan & Kidman to their match with Harlem Heat. "We'll go get Torrie - you go get the belts!"
BRIAN KNOBS (with James Hart & Hugh Morrus) v. (THIS IS) STING in a first round tournament match (Group 2) - Schiavone FINALLY figures out, approximately 133 minutes into the show that Brian Knobs is not Hugh Morrus. Sting takes several bat shots to Knobs while referee "Blind" Nick Patrick clears the ring of Morrus and Hart. When he turns around, Sting is covering - 1, 2, 3. No opening bell, but let's make it as long as we can and call it (:13). Meanwhile, our commentators do a lot of whining about the raw deal poor, poor Sting got last night. Quick! Cut to
Nash and Hall talk a bit more. Apparently, they've decided that Hall will start the match.
WCW Magazine ad - I wonder if Russo will bring some new writers in for it...
THUNDER! ad still has Hollywood Hogan in it - not that that means anything...
They try playing the THUNDER! ad again but we cut to Mike Tenay talking to Bret Hart about the hairline fracture in his ankle. Hart is gonna prove he's not a quitter tonight.
Remember, WCW.com is the place to enter that big contest to get to WCW New Year's Evil!
HARLEM HEAT v. KIDMAN & KONNAN for the tag team championship - Let Us Take You Back To Earlier Tonight where this whole thing came about. Oh boy, Konnan gets the mic! But this kinda call and response - are the Animals faces or heels? Konnan tries to make a Stevie Ray face but he's no Stevie Ray. Stevie Ray is all over Konnan to start, along with some random shots to Kidman to take him to the floor. Every time Kidman is back up on the apron, Ray knocks him down again. Now knocking down Konnan. There's a bodyslam for Konnan. Tag to Booker T.? Nope. Off the ropes, Konnan ducks and hits a clothesline. There's a shot for T. Gutshot, head to the mat. 1, 2, save. Booker T. with a stomp, Ray with a stomp, Kidman in, Ray takes him down. Ray throws Konnan outside the ring, and Booker T. takes his head to the STEEL steps. Thrown back into the ring. Off the ropes, flying jalapeno from Booker T., who tagged in. Stomping away - there's a look for Kidman. Sidewalk slam from Booker T. - 2 count, Kidman saves. Ray tags in - Booker T. holds him for body shots. Stevie Ray says "fruit booty." Off the ropes, alleged high knee from Stevie Ray. Barring the arm. Tag to Booker T. Choking him on the top rope. Off the ropes, Harlem sidekick finds the top rope in a tender area. Hot tag to Kidman - dropkick for Ray - tornado bulldog for T., Ten Punch Count Along on Ray, who picks him up and holds him up for a SUPER Harlem sidekick from Booker T. T. out to beat up some more on Konnan. Ray has Kidman up - Kidman counters - taking him over to the turnbuckle - Ray stops him and drops with a back suplex - 1, 2, Kidman bridges while Ray keeps his shoulders to the mat - 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (5:07) YOU tell ME they haven't hotshot these belts three times in a week. Harlem Heat jobbed again - sigh.
Mike Tenay is in the locker room with Goldberg. Sid Vicious has really brought out his brutality. Isn't it a little weird that nobody's brought up that time that Hart pinned Goldberg in Toronto after Goldberg speared the steel plate?
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Kimberly) v. DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR in a first round tournament match (Group 2) - what makes a Page promo all that much more special? Yes - mic time from Kimberly to introduce it! Might be a good time to note that Charles Robinson is the ref in this match...I don't know. Robinson and Kimberly have a chat while Page helps Flair remove the robe. "You're so cute! Daddy's little boy" and he gives him a big, wet one - ewww. Flair removes his robe to reveal a crowbar. WHACK! Page collides with Robinson and Kimberly and everybody tumbles. Flair ALL over Page with that crowbar. Finally Kimberly covers up her husband - Flair ready to swing again - but he pulls up and stops. Kim barely finds the time to pull up her dress 'cause too much of her boobies are showing. Flair walks off. This match never started! The EMT's are out - Page loaded on the back board and wheeled out. (No contest?)
When we come back, Castrol GTX brings us a replay. This is something like our first replay of the night! Because we're so QUICK with the cuts, you see, and...
Backstage, we see Page loaded into the ambulance - he ain't happy. Kimberly climbs in and the ambulance takes off...
OUTSIDERS v. ? - is it just me, or are we hearing a bit more of David Penzer tonight? Nothing wrong with that. Hall and Nash are still wearing the same clothes they came in with. The opponents are - well, the TWIN TOWERS come out - are they the opponents? Apparently not, they bookend a trio of women - including a woman with - ummm - tremendously overripe watermelons. Now Hall WANTS to sart the match. So we got a chick in bikini top and hot pants - and thigh high boots - and probably greased up - waiting to lock up with Hall. Listen to Tony: "The Powers To Be were looking for ratings, and they gonna getum tonight! I know no one's turning away from this thing - the Outsiders gonna wrestle some girls! And they looking for numbers - they got 'em!" Hall goes to lock up - and the women points her tits at him. Hall pulls up short. No WONDER both these guys got divorces. Lockup, side headlock from Hall - into her cleavage. Hall thinks he liked it. Hall tring to make the tag - but not really. Chick's fondling herself. Now waggling her booty. Bob Ryder approves of this. Lockup, to the corner - chick with a Ten Punch Count Along which Hall doesn't mind as his head is in her crotch. Hall with a FLAIR FLOP! Heenan: "We're gonna get bigger numbers than Dow Jones!" Chick spanks Hall - again - and again. Hall asks that the other chick be tagged in. Nash pounds the turnbuckles - Hall strains to make the tag - tag to Nash! Nash in and in slow motion. Nash is mesmerized by the third woman, she of the giant bazooms. She says if Nash and Hall lay down and take the fall, she'll lift her top, or something. Nash and Hall immediately lay down - both women cover - referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts on the count - 1, 2, 3. (4:00) Nash wants to see 'em already. Here's COLD BEER - there's a spear for Hall - and here's one for Nash. You know, I may be the only person that thinks this, but this segment was PRETTY FUCKING LAME. I'm on the Internet - I can GET porn pretty much any time I want, if I'm so inclined. Even pix of ... MINKA! (I just shocked SOMEBODY, I bet.)
Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I don't think I saw a SINGLE "WCW Mayhem" ad tonight!
The Air Force brings you a replay of each spear. Strange that they'd show WRESTLING MOVES in a replay.
BRET CLARKE v. COLD BEER in a first round tournament matchup (Group 1) and also for the United States Heavyweight championship - Hart with a Savage limp to the ring. I think if Goldberg wouldn't be inhaling all that pyro smoke, he probably wouldn't make all those weird faces while walking to the ring. Entrance is (2:54). Lockup, to the corner - clean break. Lockup, to the ropes, Goldberg with knees in the gut - whip attempt is reversed, so Goldberg runs over him instead. Press slam into a Meltdown. Hart claws to the corner, then punches away on Goldberg - Goldberg punches twice as fast. Single leg takedown - anklelock on the broken ankle - Hart grabs the ropes almost immediately. Clean break, Hart goes outside. After a pause, he's back in. Lockup, Hart takes him to the corner - right, right, right, right, Goldberg with an elbow to the top of the head. Right hand from Goldberg. Goldberg wrenches back on the bad leg. Kick to the gut, kick, kick, grabbing the bad leg - pulling him into the center. "Ask him!" Referee "Blind" Mickey J. asks him - Hart says not yet. Goldberg to the leglock - Hart refusing to submit. Goldberg lets go and asks the ref again if he'll stop the match. Nope. Goldberg with a kneelift. Whip into the corner hard. Another whip - and Hart's leg buckles. Again he asks J. to check on Hart - who refuses. Goldberg going for the spear - but Hart puts his right leg up to block it. Now throwing elbows - sleeper applied! Goldberg backs him into the turnbuckle - but Hart holds on as he walks out! Goldberg snapmares him over to break the hold - but Hart lands on the ref! Goldberg dumps Hart over the top rope to the floor - and Hart goes RIGHT to the bad leg. Here's the OUTSIDERS and SID VISCOUS. Goldberg does all right until Sid is in with a big boot. Hall hits his chokeslam but fails to imitate the Giant afterwards. Sidewalk slam from Nash! Vicious with a powerbomb. Everybody scatters. Bret Hart, having seen none of this (suspend your disbelief with me, come on!) slowly gets in the ring - Mickey J., also come to, sees the cover and counts - 1, 2, 3!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new United States Heavyweight Champion - and we're so out of time that the announcement will have to wait! (7:52)
I only have one question.
....is he a heel or a face?
See you next week!