So asexuals can’t be happy?

I think the happiness researchers would say that we are all born with a tendency to be more or less happy. Optimists, for example, are happier than pessimists. And, probably, in general, asexuals are not as happy as people with a more average sex drive.

Great post, P. Thanks!

hehehe I guess it depends on your definition of asexual.

There’s
“asexual because you don’t want to have sex”
and then there’s
“asexual because nobody wants to have sex with YOU” :D

Depending on how one ended up as an “asexual”, happiness is seriously affected.

Anyway… You’d be surprised how many things would never get done and how many industries would collapse without sex as a motivating factor. You’d also be surprised how many guys make a lot of money, then stand around at the bar, envious of the guys that are “pulling the chicks”.

As far as a consistent partner, I suppose there are a lot of guys that take pride (happiness) in the fact that they got one chick to have sex with them multiple times. I guess you can say that monogamy… or at least the ability to create and maintain a monogamous relationship to one chick could be a source of happiness for a guy. However, there’s also the “been there, done that, got the T-shirt” of monogamy, so there’s also happiness in “serial monogamy” or other flirtatious behavior. :D

At the end of the day, there needs to be something that made it worthwhile for you to waste your entire day getting money. That might be your 60″ Samsung television…….

Bill - You pose a few interesting questions with regard to “pride (happiness) in the fact ‘guys’ got one chick to have sex with them multiple times” and “serial monogamy” however, I don’t think happiness (subjective well being) is equal to “pride”.

Regarding serial monogamy David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald, “Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study,” (2004) clearly states that the optimal number of partners over the course of their study was one (1). This seems to rule-out serial monogamy.

Penelope,
I can’t agree more with the statement that the only way money can make you happy is if you have enough to meet you basic needs, and after that it has no effect. In American society today, the richest people seem to be among the most famous. As a result, the American public is left thinking money will get them stardom. And it also seems that most people associate stardom with being happy, and most people want to be happy.
Gary

* * * *

Right, Gary. This is a great opening for me to link the research about how seeking fame actually makes people unahppy — whether they get it or not.

-Penelope

Yes, it is true that relationships are important, but one of the biggest causes of Divorce is money and lack of it. When is fourty thousand a year everything to survive of of? When one has a family of 3 children that is not enough to survive off of. Most parents have a inside depression, because not only could they not give there children the life they couldn’t have, but they can even give them the life they had growing up! Get real. Money is very high on the list of important things. Money isn’t the Objects its the choices one with money gets to make. It is the situations that are handled with money. What happens when one loses there job? If they can’t get a new one with in 3 months are they losing there home? This and many more are situations where money is not just an object. It’s not vain to want to have the freedom to make choices the rich do!

* * * * * *

Murrell, 

-Penelope

I think that money does buy happiness in my point if of view because I grew up not so rich so for the many people that experienced having money and grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth would tend to say money is not every thing or money would not buy happiness I think that idea relate to the situation person is in. As if for me if I had money I would have no stress on college or hear my father talk about how we are making it barely and that not doing so well in our educational life is not an option because my whole family depends on it .And as to the idea that having sex can some what releases some of the pressure of that particular moment however it does not tend to fix the situation because their financial struggle would still remain, And that having sex is not always the way to deal with stress.

* * * * * *

Hi, Wala. One of the important pieces of the research about money and happiness is that you need to start with $40,000 a year. This is because worrying about the basics is too stressful for anyone to be happy.

-Penelope

I am sorry to say that the research just does not support the last two posts. Lack of money is not one of the biggest causes of divorce. Richard Easterlin economist at USC illustrates that people have unrealized expectations that may lead to dissatisfaction. Another reason that people are dissatisfied and choose divorce may be that many individuals are “maximizers” and are never satisfied with their situation because they are always comparing themselves to others.
Jonathan Haidt of the University of Virginia goes to great lengths in his book, “The Happiness Hypothesis” explaining our lack of objectivity when evaluating ourselves. This lack of objectivity may lead to a sense of moral righteousness and reduce reciprocity, which is critical for healthy relationships to flourish.

* * * * * *

Robert,

Penelope

I concur… I recently went up in salary from 22k a year to 37k a year and I noticed that I was much happier as a result. However it was becuase I felt an equilibrium in the amount of bills vs. income. As my salary went on up past 40k I thought it was funny I didn’t even take notice of the increase. It made me no more happier. Soon my work got boring to me and monotonous. After I realized that I was working so hard on a job that I didn’t even like any more, I went back to the job that paid 22k because that was where I had fun being the best at what I did. I am much happier, and my wife and I have more time for each other, which in turn is a much more true and long lasting happiness than the previous job or money could ever yield.

All I know is that, having gone to law school and been around a lot of big firm lawyers, including my boyfriend (whose starting salaries range from 100K to 150K), money does NOT make people happy. You would think that poor law students who get a huge jump in salary would be estatic. And they are estatic, for the first 6 months max, then it is pure MISERY.
I have friends on antidepressants, drinking too much, etc you name it, and these are people making close to 200K or more! If you do some research, you will find that most big firm lawyers are really miserable and most new associates at a big firm stay an average of 2-3 years. I myself worked at a big firm for a summer, and though I made a lot of money, one summer was all I needed to realize that working 70-90 hours a week to save some big client from paying out money, was NOT for me!
As for my boyfriend, he left his big form job after 3 years and took a pay cut from 200K to 60K and he has never been happier, and our relationship is so much better. I know it is because he loves his life and new job, and thus his personal relationships, with me and his friends and family have improved (because now he can actually SEE us regularly). So I firmly believe gobs of money do NOT create happiness.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make more money, but I think that one’s outlook, attitude, relationships and so forth are way more important. And it is very important to find a job that makes you HAPPY. People might think that that is a “namby-pamby hippie” way of looking at things, but I firmly believe that if you do what you were meant to do, you will be more succesful than if you do what you don’t like. Because you are not constantly shooting yourself in the foot!

And just to respond to Gary C, alot of stars are NOT happy. Why do you think they are always doing drugs? What ends up happening is that they make all this money and then are surprised that they are not fulfilled or happy. Then they turn to drugs etc for fulfillment or to dull the pain.

I also agree that really rich people divorce because of money to, just like regular people. Once basic needs are met however, the answer may not be more money, it may be their attitudes and expectations about money. Ie that money will make them happy, or save their marraige or make their kids love them and so forth,

Right, yet perhaps we use money and wealth as a means of making ourselves unique. If we are all clouded with inescapable similarity and no one is really all that different, doesn’t a new BMW both define and make “bob” a unique man?

Also, possessions in our commercial society are representative of “time spent” at our specific vocations. The urge to gain more past bare bone necesities is the desire to be different when we are all DOING the same thing: waking up, going to work, eating, sleeping, procreating.

Its a complex equation and the common denominator is the fact that we are pack animals, emulating, living and working together. When we look to define ourselves we look toward two man aspects of our lives: vocation and wealth. Since all we need (as cited above) is 4k, then humans look toward promoting their individualism through capitalism, yet we can never dominate it. Why not be distinct peacocks within our own carbon copy worlds? Because there will always be someone richer, faster, smarter, prettier and more charismatic than you.

-mike

i believe that money is not everything to make you happy. Many people have great careers, earning a lot of money than anyone else yet, they are the most miserable people on earth especially if they are bachelors or “old-maid”. From workplace, they go home all alone and no companion w/c means to say, lack of social relations. Thus, no sexlife. And believe me, these are the people who are very hard to deal with. They usually have bad temper and most of them, are not open-minded. And most of all, it’s hard to get along with this kind of people.

on the other hand, i find those people who are earning enough to make both ends meet, have a loving and supportive family at home, very productive. These are the people who have “life” after office hours. And i can say that they are the fulfilled and happy people on earth.

…following our own advice, are we, friend?

If you ever run across research on sexual frrequency among adults by age, I’d love to see it.

I do know that almost every day, I give thanks for the passion my wife and I share, and laugh at the thought I had when my parents were the age Christine and I are now. I assumed that if they had sex, it was on some strange and infrequent impulse, or perhaps after a drink more than usual.

To your happiness. . .

I definitely agree with the article and comments here how more $ does not make you happier and in many ways actually makes you unhappy when you realize it didn’t give you the great feeling you thought it would (unrealistic expections). I feel you need to have the right view towards $ where it will give you physcial comfort and options that you didn’t have before, but it will NOT define your attitude, create real long-lasting relationships with people and give you emotional comfort that is only reached by achieving your dreams and aspirations.

I actually find it appropriate to quote Donald trump in that “Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.” In this case, that game being life. Enjoy it, live it!

How Much Money Do I Need to Be Happy?

All of it.

More money = more happiness…….yes and no.

In my opinion, the reason most studies do not show a significant increase in happiness (although the Pew Research Center’s study “Are We Happy Yet?” Feb 2006, does show a significant increase) is because studies are dealing with averages. The truth is, the average person spends any increase in wealth on consumption which we quickly adjust to.
I love the quote in the “Happiness Hypothesis” which says, “those who think money can’t buy happiness just don’t know where to shop.”

He is referring to how the “average” person spends their additional income on “things” which may, in fact make people LESS HAPPY. For Example People spend additional earnings on big houses in the suburbs which require longer commutes (in traffic) and more time in the office to make ends meet.

It would be better to spend additional earnings on longer vacations with families where, low and behold, people have more SEX!

Rob

More money makes you feel more at ease, because you don’t have to worry about the big dog taking advantage of you, but it also shows you that there can be some creative individuals out there that would try their best to take advantage of you as well. As for the sex, well it all depends on an indivudual. Once upon a time, I would have though my enchanting world would be over if I didn’t have any, so I had as much as I could. Now, I can take it or leave it, I hope that I can have so much money one day so I can say, I can take it or leave it.

* * * * * *

Regina, the sex=happiness thing isn’t really about the sex. It’s about the consistency. Same partner, each week, every week. It means you set up your life so that you are close to someone who is dependable and you make it a priority to tend to the relatinship. The sex is a red herring.

I completely agree with the central thesis of this discussion. Our capitalist society is totally geared toward consumption. Buying is the economic engine of our economy. To keep the consumption fires burning, marketers have to sell the notion that you must buy to be happy. They sell us on a lifestyle of happiness based on having their products. The credit industry is also right there to make sure you have available money even when you can’t really afford it. In reality, they are selling us on some rather dysfunctional thinking and behaviors, none of which bring real happiness.

True, basic needs need to be met. Not having food shelter and health care is serious. Educating your children is critical. I might argue that the actual $40k figure doesn’t work in the more expensive cities in our country, but the point is still valid. Our society simply doesn’t value the idea that beyond a certain point you have “enough.” These scientists are really onto something here. They are saying that beyond “enough” there is no real added satisfaction from getting more money. I appreciate this forum as it’s rare to find people embracing this idea. Set your goals reasonably, write them down, meet them, and then LIVE. Live through relationships, family, hobbies and those values that improve you and bring real peace. Don’t let the endless bombardment of advertising and social pressure convince you otherwise.

* * * * * * *

Hi, Al. Thanks for a good summary of the discussion here.

–Penelope

Penelop,

Thanks for your response. Perhaps I overstated my point a bit. I TOTALLY agree with you. My only point was that even the lowest of rents in NYC will be more expensive than the lowest of rents in WI. But you’re right. You can make it work anywhere.

But it doesn’t really matter. The central point of this research seems to be that WE make happiness for ourselves beyond a fairly basic level of income. The trap is thinking that the happiness COMES FROM the money or can’t be found WITHOUT higher levels of income. I’m really excited to see data like this being highlighted in blogs and columns. It is just not the kind of message that you get from mainstream media.

Please do right more about The Comparison factor. I’d be very interested in your experiences around social pressure (both spoken and UNspoken) in your various homes. Also, how long have you been in WI? What has your experience been so far?

Many thanks for this discussion…

“A wide body of research suggests the number is approximately forty thousand dollars a year.”

$40,000 per year!!?? Not in the NYC Metro Area where that wouldn’t even be enough to pay for a small apartment, groceries and a modest car loan. What I’d like to know is who makes this stuff up and how much do THEY get paid?

Hi Penelope,

I live in the Bay Area in California, which most people know is an expensive place to live, and make close to $40K year. I have a one-bedroom apartment and live on a budget, yet some months still struggle to make ends meet. I’m just curious to know the details of how you lived off 40K a year in New York with 2 kids. I want details, not generalities; I’m truly curious.

* * * * * *

It was very very hard. Here are some details.

We could only read the Sunday New York Times online because buying it was too expensive.

We could only get the kids one spring jacket, so it had to be a raincoat, and they wore the raincoats some days when it was not raining.

My husband and I didn’t have the right clothes for family events sometimes and had to wear the wrong thing.

We never, ever threw out food.

We couldn’t afford a new vacuum cleaner so we wiped the floor by hand until we had extra money for a broom.

I could go on for ten pages. It’s hundreds of little things — some more painful than others. The hardest thing was not living on $40,000. It was not finding anyone else who was doing it in our neighborhood. That was lonely. The real issue is how much do the people around you make.

Is this 40K per person or per couple/household/etc?? I’m just wondering!

Thanks Penelope, I appreciate your candidness. I scrimp and save every once in a while, then get frustrated and go shopping with my friends or buy that bottle of wine I can’t really afford. I agree, it is hard to live in an area where wealth - or the appearance of it - is such a priority.

Penelope,
If you couldn’t afford a broom, I’d say you’re not quite meeting minimum standards of living. Perhaps $45K could have lent a little more happiness in NYC, or at least a little more breathing room.

One thing that hasn’t been mentioned is what if you make 40K a year and have 100K in loans/debts (for example, from school)? If you made more money and (ideally) used the extra to pay off some of that debt, wouldn’t you be happier just knowing you weren’t quite so buried by it?

I make just over 40K. I’m quite happy with it, but I know I’d be a lot happier if I had an extra 20K to pay off my remaining debt. *After* that, 40K would be fabulous.

I’m guessing that the idea here is NOT to get into a full blown discussion on financial management strategies. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, an extra $5k or $10k would help. Yes, there are sacrifices. In the end you have to be willing to ask yourself the difficult questions about how you really want to live. I know from my own experience, this is not easy. There is ALWAYS more. You can very easily fall into the mindset of “if I only had X more dollars then I’d be happy.” You can do this for a lifetime and never be happy. Sadly, many people do. Money does NOT equal happiness.

I think the social comparison has to be most difficult part of deciding for yourself how much is “enough.” Many of us lived extremely poor in college. But it was fine because everybody was extremely poor (at least most). You get into the real world and start to work and become friends with people who are making money and there is an invisible force to “be like them.” After you develop a taste for this, it’s hard to turn away. I would be interested in how people who have run with crowds like this ultimately changed paths.

I really admire what Penelope has written here about the raincoats, the vacuum cleaner and saving every bit of food. That’s simply amazing. Most of America would have run up their credit cards under the idea that “they deserve it.” What discipline! What a role model. And if I understand correctly, they ultimately decided to leave the big city for a better quality of life. I’m sure the cost of living factored into that decision.

Well if a great sex life is more important than a high paying salary for your happiness, what about the study that shows richer people have better sex than poorer people?

* * ** * * *
The guy whose research I’m referring to here, Blanchflower, says that more money doesn’t buy more sex, it buys more partners. And the correlation between sex and happiness is based on there being a stable partner.

–Penelope

I think there is a modicum of truth in everything. On the one hand, the researchers are on to something most of had known for quite a while - after a certain threshold, money stops bringing happiness (particularly, if you’re filthy rich with a $20 million house, own airport and you get the picture lol), but sliding to the other extreme of barely making ends meet is also debilitating both for the person and his family.

I think the pivotal locus of equilibrium here must be the person in question - how can he/she balance all of the vicissitudes of life and yet remain optimistic and content like Penelope? Some will be happy earning $40,000 a year and yet their happiness level will skyrocket if they suddenly start making $100,00 (more frequent vacations for the family, better car, home, etc)!

So again, it’s all very relative and I can argue for the cons and prons of either side.

I would have to agree that money doesn’t buy you happiness - above and beyond a ceratin point. In many ways - an attachment to money can cause strife in a relationship. I just recently exited a 2 year long live in relationship with a man that basically failed because of money. We both made 100K+ individually - but there were trust issues and we could nevermake things work. I originally went into the relationship seeking marriage, but learned over time that he had a major problem with mismanagement of money. People always talk about making money - but all of the money in the world won’t save someone if they spend it like water! The sex was great a regular and more than once per week - but the mismanagement of the money became a sexual turnoff. Even though I had plenty of money of my own - I could never envision a future with him. My observations of his money mismanagement ultimately ruined my chances of marriage with him - but I could never be happy with someone who squandered resources that way.

Not that I agree with the results, but the Feb. 13, 2006 Pew Research Center study titled “Are We Happy Yet?” found that people who made more money were indeed happier.

Rob

* * * * * * * Hi, Rob. Thank you for your comment. I’m pretty sure this study said that richer people report that they are happier. But a subsequent study shows that while they say they are happier because they think they should be happier, if you ask rich people and middle class people, hour by hour how they’re feeling, rich people are not happier. so the crux of the study is that rich people feel more pressure to be happier. Penelope

Al’s summary put it best. The pressure to maintain the status quo will only increase in the future as long as our capitalist society continues to link happiness with consumption and sell it to us. We are only acting out the power of the advertising that we pitch to ourselves. What will reverse this trend? Social Pressure and failed expectations driven by empty advertising is what fuel this discussion. We sell to ourselves advertising that’s like empty calories with no nutritional value.

I drove a Toyota Corolla (no power doors or locks) from my junior year in college to my current age of 29. While this was the Easiest and smartest thing for me to do Economically over the past 9 years, Socially it was among the Hardest. Why is that? Being a young male in my early 20s, I felt the pressure a 1000 times to over-extend myself and go purchase a fancy new car to impress the ladies. Would this have made me more happy? In the short term, maybe. - but I agree a monogomous long-term relationship is more fulfilling.

I have two boyfriends that we are talking about long term ( marriage). ( please dont judge me yet on why two lets focus on the subject pls). first one is rich, have fancies cars - 6 of them, lives in huge houses -cost millions each, owns his own business and works almost everyday, i can have almost anything i want, but he hardly had time for me. then comes the second, works a stable job,lives in an apartment (a downside) travels everywhere in the world for holidays,loving and caring to no end,gives me so much attention, now you can tell im really in a dilemma, my heart goes with the second,he makes me so happy,but i feel a bit insecure like what if he loses his job? my mind goes with the first cos i wont have to worry about $ all my life,but will i be happy?
. the second guy would be ideal for most of women,had she not have the choice to marry a millionair. will i regret one day if i marry the second guy that i gave up the chance of living in a huge house driving ferrari? I wish i knew.

I dont see myself as materialistic, (it would be so much easier if i was ),after reading all the post i really have to think hard what really makes me happy.

Jane,

First of all, I would like to say that I am not judging you, because money is important in order to have the things that we need and want in life.

I have continually struggled with the issue of money in all of my relationships. Consider yourself fortunate if you have a millionaire that wishes to marry you, because some view women as disposable play things.

I would have you think about your assumption that you will not have to worry about money for the rest of your life - if you marry the millionaire. How do you know a pre-nuptual agreement wouldn’t be a condition of the marriage; has this been discussed? If for some reason you are unhappy in the marriage, it may make it very difficult to leave if you will have to severely downsize your lifestyle in order to do so. I think that your intuition has already let you know that the millionaire won’t have the ability to provide you with the time and attention that you want.

Just some food for thought.

Part of why people who make more money seem proportionately less-happy may be that they know on some level that they’re really working for politicians, who take higher portions of their labor, and give it to people that the person earning the money wouldn’t personally spend it on.

In other words, they hate being robbed so someone else can waste it, and get the thanks!

That may, in fact, be what you think makes you less happy.
If your hypothesis that a transfer of wealth was the root of individual dissatisfaction was true we could easily test it.
Simply look at some happiness data from countries with high tax rates (wealth transfer, higher portions of labor being spent, Etc.).
For the “being robbed” proposition to be true the average level of happiness in countries with high tax rates would be lower. I am sure Penelope could comment on research into high tax Scandinavian countries.
For Tim Kern’s statement to be true, then what about people who come into great wealth (inheritance or lottery) but do not have a higher proportions of their labor taxed and spent by politicians because there is no labor involved in the wealth creation?

Rob

Rob brings up a couple interesting points, but largely missed mine. Only part of the dissatisfaction comes from the progressive rate of usurpation; as noted, though the act of simply taking one’s property naturally runs against my grain, it’s also the waste and the lack of appreciation that also figure in. Rob makes no judgment on the “averave level of happiness” of Scandinavians, nor of the size of their middle class, nor of the rate of change of proportionality of the middle class to the ruling class and the poor — all these are very important criteria.
Saying “there is no labor involved in the wealth creation” in a lottery is true, and I’m not sure that people put as high a value on “found money” as on money they consider their own.
As for inheritance, that’s an entirely different animal. Money available for inheritance has already been taxed in every conceivable way, and often the inheritor has contributed to the value of that inheritance, either by direct contribution of labor or by forgoing certain things or opportunities as that inheritance was amassed.
So, though Rob’s arguments do indeed make me think, I can’t say they’ve changed my mind. The first is undocumented and incomplete; the second (lottery) is entirely conjecture; and the third is ignoring what I see are some major factors, so I can’t give it much weight.
When politicians take from some to give to others, they are exercising some divine right: they are supposing that they have some claim on someone else’s property. Further, the are assuming that they (and their eneblers, the masses of voters who have no problem getting something for nothing) somehow have a better idea of how someone’s property (or life, as the two are closely-related) should be used than the person who earned the property in the first place. Democracy has no authority other than force of numbers; it’s just three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch. (That’s why we have a limited-government, constitutional Republic rather than a democracy, and it’s another reason why I’m impatient with those who pledge to uphold that Constitution and then ignore it.)

enablers

i need $300,000 to i be a rich man

” alot of stars are NOT happy. Why do you think they are always doing drugs? What ends up happening is that they make all this money and then are surprised that they are not fulfilled or happy. Then they turn to drugs etc for fulfillment or to dull the pain”

What?! Why do people always make the leap that drugs = unhappy. I confine my drug abuse to countries where it’s legal, but I always have a lot of fun and I don’t do it because I’m depressed, I just like it. One of my best friends smokes hash daily and he’s one of the happiest guys you’ll ever meet. Somebody has been watching too many after school specials. Take some recreational drugs from time to time, it’s fun.

Barry,
While I am sure it is a very stimulating topic,
this blog is not about the pros and cons of drug use.
Your drug analogy confirms the point that Penelope is trying to make. A moderate amount of money is leads to happiness and as you get more money you don’t get the same Happiness results. The same can be said for drugs moderation is the key and as you strive for more you get very little in return.

Rob

If I could have a LOT more sex at the cost of a lot less money, I’d find a way to deal with it. Ha.

One thing you might consider is an individuals RELATIVE income compared to piers rather than absolute income ($40k in this case).

Economist Robert Frank (Cornell University) makes a fairly compelling case that where we are in the income distribution has a VERY significant impact on our happiness. In fact, in one of his studies he states, “There’s no one single change you can imagine that would make your life improve on the happiness scale as much as to move from the bottom 5 percent on the income scale to the top 5 percent”

This might explain why many people in California sell their condos (bottom of income distribution) for $500,000 and move to Arizona or Texas and buy huge houses for cash (top of the income distribution).

Rob

Rob -

That really seems right on. Social comparison is an amazing force. I don’t think people totally get just how “real” it is. When you’re being influenced by social comparisons, your mind has all sorts of seemingly real reasons that help you justify or rationalize. It’s not until you’ve removed yourself from a situation that you fully see the forces that were acting on you. I don’t mean to be harsh. It’s only natural to want to fit in and be accepted. But in the end, you see that being accepted has more to do with who you are and not what you buy or can afford. Time helps bring perspective.

Money is NOT happiness. Money can’t buy happiness.

Practice saying that 100 times in a day and see where your thoughts lead you.

Al

What about having a dog? Aren’t there studies that show dog owners are healthier and happier? Would having 1-2 dogs detract you from sexual thoughts and at the same time increase your chance of encountering the opposite sex?

Joseph,

It is interesting that you say the about animals.
The Pew Research Center put out a study in Feb. 2006 called “Are We Happy Yet?” which does a regression analysis of that very question (dogs and/ or cats).

They found no significant advantage to having animals. That is only for happiness, however, not health.

If you google the title of the article you can read it yourself.

Rob

* * * * *

Rob, Thank you for bringing up this study. Good one. For the curious among us, here’s the link.  

Penelope 

Its interesting to be reading this article , sitting in Bangalore, India’s silicon valley. The advice here is similar to Guy Kawasaki’s advice( ‘pursue joy, not happiness’). I wonder if this truth still applies in a developing country setting.

Out of college developers here are getting paid salaries that would take six or seven years of work, they are buying new cars and apartments which their parents could never afford (very unlike the US). They jump for more pay every 2 years, often never thinking much about the kind of work. Sometimes they end up in a big branded company like Microsoft doing only testing, leading to further jumps. Most seek employment in software
from other engineering branches because it pays well.

Perhaps Maslow’s hierarchy of needs can explain this, because I dont see this need for ‘finding one’s calling’ in this crowd. (In the non- technology sectors though, a change towards unconventional career’s is very visible)

…(contd.) Interestingly Penelope, even if you look at your own career graph, you shifted to maketing for the software industry for better pay, then to the 200K salary, before finally giving it all up for doing what made you happy. It’s an evolutionary process.

I’d say up to $40k people would feel happier and happier like you said, but after that they’d start to feel more and more guilty of having too much money. I think if I had millions I’d feel guilty and want to give it away. I’d think ‘there are people starving in the world and I’m sitting here with my huge flat-screen HD television and expensive car. It’s not something that’s focused on, you rarely find people talking about this guilt in the media (film stars etc…) but I think it’s true for most people, except villains like Rupert Murdoch! That’s my 2 cents anyway…

Penelope,

Lucy from Financial Times wrote a similar & much better article a while ago.

You should check it out for some pointers.

Money, is one important things to our life, cause money can buy anythings that you like and money can make many friends..!

Balance as everything in life is the key, too much work for money & status will end you up in the divorce courts as much as non payment of the mortgage will get you kicked out and a wife on your back for being a non achiever! However looking at those that APPEAR to be high acheivers the film stars and high flyers, they seem to be the ones desperate to settle down remarry time and tiem again, where maybe a little less time achieving and more sustaining would have gained them mush more than the next porche!

we need money i want to read but i have no momey plz help me thanks sir

im been lookin for help sinc why b4 i meet u online /my comment my father/mother where dead when i was in kid sinc then im strougling to send my shelf to school ,i sporsor my shelf to primary school that is where i started looking for helper to give money throug money tranfer to go back to school and start a little petty bisness to feed my shelf,once againg u do it for me iwill happy thank u

i throngly cant on you send me back to school with sum of 2000thousand dollers

sundy adebayo

First of all, I would like to say that I am not judging you, because money is important in order to have the things that we need and want in life.

I have continually struggled with the issue of money in all of my relationships. Consider yourself fortunate if you have a millionaire that wishes to marry you, because some view women as disposable play things.

I would have you think about your assumption that you will not have to worry about money for the rest of your life - if you marry the millionaire. How do you know a pre-nuptual agreement wouldn’t be a condition of the marriage; has this been discussed? If for some reason you are unhappy in the marriage, it may make it very difficult to leave if you will have to severely downsize your lifestyle in order to do so. I think that your intuition has already let you know that the millionaire won’t have the ability to provide you with the time and attention that you want.

Just some food for thought

“Your sex life matters more.” That’s obviously written by an overpaid loser.

Money can buy you pretty much anything, including a senator or a sex life. What it can’t buy you is a love life; but it opens a lot more doors than “not money” ever will.

I will agree with the person that posted about living in big cities. I am a young professional living in Honolulu on 32K a year and I am still doing perfectly fine. Rent is super high but I am happy to be living in paradise. The key is not spending money on the non-essential things. Oatmeal and turkey sandwiches…mmm

Cant blame them
Without money we could not live
Mabey 100 years ago
but not now
I need money thats what the world has decided for me

i think that anyone who actually believes that there is a specific number that represents happiness is an idiot. ESPECIALLY those that helped in the “wide body of research” that came up with happiness is $40,000 a year. selfish, ignorant, materialistic, petty people!! yes, people need money. you need money for food, money for shelter, etc. but assess your actual needs as compared to the wants that media sells to you. FOOD. AIR. WATER. those are all you truly *need* to survive. take, for instance, anywhere but internet-derived america- there are thousands of people living without clothes and shelter. it might not be the epitome of comfortable living, but it is survival. humans, especially americans, have forgotten what it means to actually need. if you have a computer, then you should never complain about not having all that you need. think outside of yourselves. “in the event that mankind figures out what it is this world revolves around, thousands will be shocked and perplexed to realize it was not them…” i am not against the rich or the famous. i’m against the american mindset that they are any better or deserve any more than anyone else. YOU ARE NOT ALL THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. i’ll be the first to tell you that i’m selfish and cruel and hateful and foolish and prideful. but at least i realize that. untill people realize that they are nothing in the entire scheme of things, the world will only get worse. DO NOT complain that you are unhappy if you are trying to earn it with possessions. anyone who slaves to get something that is temporary, hoping that it will feed the eternal, will never find true happiness. think about it.

I don’t think that the article is implying that to be happy you need to make 40,000 a year. What the article was trying to say is to be happy you don’t need to be rich. You just have to be able to support yourself and pay the bills.

Interesting article. Lets face it money is the key element to happiness and suriving in the world. One might not have money at all but if granted some it will bring a smile to their face. On the other hand sex pleasures a person which raises their emotional level. There isnt a price to happiness it is more of what you do or want more of to keep that happiness.

I definitely agree with the concept that money cannot buy happiness, and it may be true that 40k is truly what one needs financially to remain content in their lives. Our intimate relationships I feel play a bigger role in the long haul just as Penelope addressed, because once that interaction is gone, no material thing or 10k bonus is going to fill that void.

Believe me, when you can’t pay your bills, you’re not having great sex. Not for long, anyway.
As adults, we need — first — to address our responsibilities. Then we might have time to be happy. It’s in addressing those responsibilities (and knowing, either explicitly or intuitively, that taxes take up more than half our productivity), that we sometimes get lost.
As for addressing our responsibilities, the lower we set our necessary expenses in relation to our earnings (the other half of our earnings go to food, shelter, clothing, savings, and “toys”), the less stress we’ll have. As they’ve said for centuries, robbing Peter to pay Paul only makes Peter mad — and you can’t be too happy when you’re dealing with a sore Peter.

What I don’t understand is WHY money doesn’t make people happier. I mean, living without worries should make one happy, right? I feel that the more money I have, the safer I will feel rather than living paycheck to paycheck which I believe would make me rather unhappy and stressed all the time. I don’t think we should look at money as the opportunity to buy more material things but as the reliever that will keep us worry free from debt, starvation and all the necessities in life.

I don’t think that the person who barely gets by on pure essentials is as happy as the person who has 50k sitting in the bank for emergencies. I believe the person with more money will feel a different sense of happiness knowing that he will never have to worry about going hungry or paying his mortgage each month.

Jeez, I think a lot of people are missing the bigger picture.

The point isn’t that you *must* make $40,000/yr and you *must* have sex once a week to be happy. Those figures are likely just statistical averages from across the entire nation. Obviously, living in NYC is going to cost a lot more than $40,000/yr, while at the same time living in Bumfug West (by God) Virginny is going to cost a lot less than $40,000/yr. Some people will be happier with sex more than once a week, and some will be happier with less.

The underlying point of the post and its conclusions is a lot more nebulous than that, and that’s probably what is so off-putting to so many. Our culture is largely geared to formulaic, simple solutions to complex issues that ideas like this are a complete mystery to some. This is probably because we’re so used to hearing the Old Formula for Success and Happiness: get good grades in school, go to a prestigious university, get good grades there, get a good job with a corporation, get married, squirt out a few kids, make as much money as you can, happiness will follow. Yeah, right.

Here’s what the post is trying to tell you:

You need to make enough money to meet the basic needs of you and your family, maybe with a little left over to play with. Anything beyond that is gravy, *but* if you have the wrong expectations with what any additional money will do for you and your happiness, then it will not necessarily make you happy and may in fact make you unhappy once you realize it’s not a panacea.

You need to develop your personal relationships to the point where you end up developing a special relationship with an appropriate partner. You need to invest enough in that relationship that it becomes meaningful to both of you, and if you have sex on a regular basis with that person (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever) then you’ll both be a lot happier.

This is simple stuff; it all goes back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Don’t be silly and try to boil this down to “make $40,000 a year and have sex once a week and you’re set!”

Very interesting blog. “If you spend seven years studying the differences between grapes, no two will look the same to you, but really a grape is a grape.” Loved that part because everyone nowadays think that they are different from the pack. Like that song, people are people. wouldn’t you agree?

I dont feel that it is impossible for asexuals to be happy. I feel that some may not be happy because they feel different from others. i believe that once they are comfprtable with who they are they can be happy with it.

Your sex life is a direct function of the amount of money you make, especially as you get older. Old people still want to screw young people; that is Mother Nature. Since young people prefer to bed young people, and may in fact be disgusted by older, fatter, hairier, or generally uglier people, money helps to cushion the deal. In general, the amount of money needed to screw a younger person is in proportion to the difference of age, beauty, and general health between the two people.

Of course my point is that in order to be happy, your sex life is important, but then in turn, so is money. Don’t neglect this important reality.

* * * * * *

What other blogger would respond to a comment like this? But here goes…

Penelope

I’m rich, oh and I’m happy. Ha

We can pick our own careers by thinking about what makes us (not others) happy. But the key is to be HONEST with ourselves about what we really enjoy (not what we would enjoy telling people our career is at our 10, 20 year reunions, etc.).

For me, the Myers Briggs personality test results are HIGHLY illuminating. But you need to be HONEST with yourself when you take the test too! This is your one and only life!

Lots of people posting in comments, and even the original blog entry seem to have create an artifical correlation between making money and being unhappy.

I dabbled in a few career paths before choosing my current persuasion. I earn 96,000 per year, like my job, and like my money. I live in suburban Ohio, average income is somewhere around 35-40k. I like my job more at 96k than 40k - I’m saving for retirement, paying off my house, and not making decisions based upon money. I can help my friends when I need to.

I feel like some people on here chose career’s exclusively on salary, without considering some of the things the author brings up.

I don’t think anyone would feel any more dis-satisfaction with their job if their boss doubled their salary. Money is not the problem here, your career choices are.

I’m 18. I have thought long, hard, and repeatedly about what I want from life. What I have concluded is that these are the best posts I have ever read on the internet. All I want to say is that each person has their own needs, and these needs are shaped by our environment, mentality, and just about an endless list of personal factors. If one wants to put an average monetary amount on the happiness factor, let them, I don’t care; I just will just make myself happy, make … yo, I fell for this girl, I have nothing else to say. . . can’t think straight. Haha :)