A piece of cake

Do you like cake? I do. Chocolate cakes, cream cakes, cakes with marzipan and strawberry jam, doughnuts, I just love them all. But I try not to eat too many of them. I don’t want to be fat and spotty.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with the idiom.

Suppose someone asks you, ‘how was the English exam?’ You might cover your face with your hands and scream. Also you might smile and say, ‘it was really easy, no problem at all, I knew all the answers, it was a piece of cake.’

But let’s be honest. How often have you described an English exam as a piece of cake?

If you find the exams and tests really easy your course is probably at the wrong level.

Some people deliberately take English courses at a level that is too low for them. There are two advantages to doing this. Firstly you don’t have to do much work. Secondly you can be top of the class, always be first with the answer when the teacher asks a question.

The disadvantage is you don’t learn anything. Your English doesn’t improve and you waste your time and money. Also the other students in the class will not like you. They’ll talk about you behind your back and call you names like show-off and teacher’s pet and smart ass.

So if you think your English course is a piece of cake I suggest you look for a new one, a more difficult one, one where you won’t always know the answers.

There’s nothing more annoying than a smart ass – in any language.

A red herring

A herring is a small fish and I don’t think it is red. So obviously it has nothing to do with this idiom.

A red herring is a false clue, something that seems relevant but is actually misleading. Suppose you are a detective and you are investigating a murder. At the scene of the crime you find an empty packet of French cigarettes. Someone has written a telephone number on the lid.

You know the murder victim did not smoke so you think, ‘aha, the murderer smokes French cigarettes and he, or someone who knows him, has this telephone number.’

When you find the address for the telephone number you discover this is the new address of the victim’s grandmother. She’s 103 years old, has smoked French cigarettes for 90 years and cannot walk. She recently visited her grandson and wrote down her new telephone number on the cigarette packet.

So the so-called clue was actually a red herring, a complete irrelevance. Out there, somewhere, is the murderer. And you are no nearer to finding him!

Agony Aunt

Do you have an agony aunt? When you were little did you have an aunt who kissed you three, four or five times, and left big, embarrassing, lipstick marks all over your face? I think we all had one of those. But this is not an agony aunt.

No, an agony aunt is a writer in a magazine or newspaper who gives people advice about their problems. Readers write in to say that their husband or wife is cheating, having an affair, and the agony aunt tells them what to do about it.

Usually the agony aunt says the reader must confront his or her partner. It’s a pretty easy job. Maybe I should become an agony aunt. What do you think? Would you write to me about your problems?

Actually I don’t like to give advice. It’s always easy to say what someone else should do. Isn’t it? Of course it’s good to talk to a friend about a problem but, in the end, we make the decisions about our lives.

There’s another idiom – to stand on your own two feet. This means you decide what you want to do. I think this is much better than writing to an agony aunt.

All Right (British), Alright (American)

Is all right really an idiom? Who cares!

Very often all right is the same as okay. For example, supposing you are a secretary working in an office. Suddenly your face turns green and you vomit all over your keyboard. Someone asks you, ‘are you all right?’ Of course this is a very stupid question. You could answer, ‘my face is green and I just vomited all over my keyboard. Do I look all right to you?’ But this would be impolite so probably you’ll say, ‘sure, thanks, I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m all right.’

Your boss sees you vomit on the keyboard and tells you to go and see a doctor. You don’t want to. You know there’s nothing really wrong. You drank too much wine last night but he’s the boss so you say, ‘all right, I’ll go now.’

You put on your coat and stagger towards the door. A very mean person shouts out, ‘how was the party last night? Did you enjoy it?’ You drank so much wine you can’t actually remember the party so you say, ‘yeah, it was okay, it was all right.’

All right, that’s all for now, see you tomorrow.

All that glitters is not gold

This is one of my favorite idioms. Just because something looks great does not mean it is, in fact, great.

Have you ever bought a second hand car? Usually the owner has spent hours cleaning it. It’s shiny, it really does glitter. You think, wow, that looks like a real bargain. Then you take it on a test drive and one of the wheels falls off.

This has never happened to me but it did once happen to my best friend Marie. She really needs to think about this idiom. Her boyfriends are always really good looking. They have big muscles and wear fancy clothes.

Also they are usually not very intelligent. Sometimes they are quite stupid actually. Who wants to spend a lot of time with guy who has never read a book? Marie does. She says she likes to look at them.

She says she knows all that glitters is not gold, but looking for a man who is pure gold is a waste of time because he doesn’t exist. I think this is a bit cynical. But maybe she’s right.

What do you think?

As sick as a dog

Have you ever watched a dog being sick, throwing up, vomiting? It’s disgusting. Watching a person throw up is disgusting too.

But to be as sick as a dog you don’t actually have to throw up. Although you might do. As sick as a dog just means you are ill, usually with the flu, a bad cold or maybe a stomach bug.

When you phone your boss and say, ‘I’m as sick as a dog,’ she knows you won’t be coming to work that day. Probably you’ll stay at home suffering and feeling sorry for yourself for at least a week.

However, be careful. If somebody is very seriously ill you don’t use this idiom. If someone has cancer or has had a heart attack do not say he or she is as sick as a dog.

This idiom is only for short term illnesses that make us feel bad but are not life threatening. If you have diarrhea you are as sick as a dog.

Do you know what diarrhea is? If not look it up in your dictionary and you’ll see why I don’t want to explain it here.

Here at Ellie’s English we can talk about most anything, but not diarrhea.

Bad hair day

You can have great hair, the best hair in town, and still have a bad hair day. Life isn’t fair.

For example, suppose you are walking down the street on your way to a job interview. You’re looking good in the new suit, your hair is cut and styled to perfection. Overhead, directly overhead, a pigeon decides to take a shit.

A disgusting, stinking, green substance lands on your shoulder. Your hair is fine but already this is looking like a bad hair day.

You go into a public bathroom and clean the mess off your suit. Now you’re late. You run but there’s no way you’ll make it to the interview on time. You get there ten minutes late. You try to explain but the secretary tells you the boss hates people being late. The interview has been cancelled.

You walk back out onto the street. Someone throws a half-full carton of milk from a passing car. It hits you in the crotch and the milk splashes all over your trousers.

Your cell phone rings. It’s your partner calling to confess that he or she has been having an affair with the boss for the last 6 months.

You get the idea? This is a very bad hair day indeed and it’s still only 10am.

Bark up the wrong tree

Nobody really knows where idioms come from. But everybody has seen a dog chasing a cat. Often the cat escapes by climbing up a tree because, of course, dogs can’t climb trees.

The dog sits at the bottom of the tree and barks loudly. And annoys everyone who lives nearby. But, suppose the dog is a very stupid dog and the cat isn’t in the tree at all. No, the cat is in a completely different tree 200 meters away.

Then you can say the dog is barking up the wrong tree.

We also do this. Sometimes we look for the solution to problem in the wrong place. Your car won’t start so you look at the engine. It could be you are barking up the wrong tree.

Maybe the petrol tank is empty and that’s the reason the car won’t start.

Can't cut the mustard

It’s true, isn’t it? You can’t cut mustard. You spread it with a knife. You spread it on ham or sausage or pork.

But, you should not use too much mustard. Have you ever bitten into a hotdog with too much mustard on it. Your mouth burns, your nose runs. It’s just disgusting.

Anyway, none of this has anything to do with the idiom. Have you ever had an English teacher who just couldn’t cut the mustard? A teacher who was really boring, couldn’t explain the grammar and spent the whole class telling you what he did at the weekend?

The problem is that almost any native English speaker can get a job as an English teacher. If you can say, ‘good morning’, ‘good night’ and ‘please turn the lights off on your way out,’ somebody, somewhere, will employ you as an English teacher.

Of course it’s not just English teachers who sometimes can’t cut the mustard. There are bad actors, bad football players, bad plumbers. Everywhere you look there are people doing jobs badly.

It seems that poor old David Beckham can’t cut the mustard anymore. Maybe he should consider teaching English.

Come hell or high water

You have an English exam next week and it’s a tough one but you say to yourself, ‘come hell or high water I’m going to pass that exam.’

You turn off the TV. You turn off your cell phone. You close the curtains. You hide your MP3 player in a drawer. You make a very big pot of coffee. You open your really boring grammar books.

Nothing is going to stop you passing that exam. You’ll miss the football on TV, you won’t be able to play in that basketball game or see the movie you so want to see. You won’t be able to kiss your girlfriend for a week! In fact you may not even have time to go to her birthday party!

No matter what happens, earthquakes, plague, world war three, come hell or high water you are going to pass that exam!

But after 30 minutes of modal verb exercises you notice the photo of your girlfriend on the bookshelf. She looks so sweet. And, oh, those lips. Wouldn’t you just love to kiss her right now.

You grab your cell phone and call her. She says, ‘hi darling what are you doing this evening? Maybe you could come over and watch a movie with me. After the movie maybe we could, you know …’

You glance at you grammar book. You look at the photo of your girlfriend. You slam the book shut and say, ‘I’ll be there in 15 minutes.’

Cross your fingers

I guess every country and culture has a version of this. The idea is that crossing your fingers, usually the first and second fingers on the same hand, will bring you luck.

A lot of people are nervous about exams. They study and study but they are still worried. So they say to a friend, ‘wish me luck in the exam.’ The friend says ‘I’ll cross my fingers for you.’

This idiom can also be used negatively.

For example, suppose Jose, Marie’s ex-boyfriend, said to me, ‘I know Marie was really mad at me for being late and leaving her standing outside the restaurant. If I call her and apologize do you think she will forgive me?’

I would have to say to Jose, ‘You can try, but don’t cross your fingers.’ What I mean is, ‘don’t be too hopeful. She probably won’t forgive you.’

Actually there is no chance that Marie will forgive Jose. None at all. She hates lateness. Jose can cross his fingers as much as he wants. Marie will not take him back.

Different strokes for different folks

Okay, folks means people, but people doesn’t rhyme with strokes.

Sometimes I say to my best friend Marie, ‘I just don’t understand why you have three boyfriends. One is more than enough for me.’

Marie’s reply to this is, ‘different strokes for different folks.’ Some people like country and western music, some people like rave music, others like Mahler or Mozart. Some girls like to have three boyfriends. Others don’t.

Different strokes for different folks!

And she’s right of course. We are all different. We shouldn’t criticize each other because of the differences. Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same?

But still, three boyfriends?

Do or die

Are you a do or die sort of person? Do you always do your very best, give it everything you’ve got, give it your best shot?

For example, suppose you have an English exam in a few days time. You read your grammar book, you read it and read it and read it again. It’s do or die. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to stop you passing that exam. But you want to do better than just pass. You want a top grade, one hundred percent. Nothing less will do.

So you drink liter after liter of strong coffee, you stay up all night practicing the compound tenses, you learn how to spell strange words like ‘thorough’ and ‘through.’

Your partner begs you to come to bed. But you say no, no, no. Not even for sex! English is much more fun.

Are you this sort of a person? A do or die sort of a person? A person who would rather conjugate a verb than make love? For your sake, I hope not!

Dog eat dog

Dogs eat most anything but I don’t think they actually eat other dogs. Maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, the idiom dog eat dog has nothing to with dogs.

I guess the fashion industry is dog eat dog. Models want to be more beautiful and even thinner than other models. Designers want to be rich and famous. Executives want to be rich and powerful.

Everybody competes and fights with everybody else. Everybody wants to win at all costs. Its dog eat dog.

English teaching is usually not like this. English teachers do not usually fight each other for students. After all there are enough students for everybody. Also you cannot become rich and famous by teaching English.

So there’s really nothing to fight about.

Don't beat around the bush

I almost never beat around the bush. No, I get straight to the point. I say what I mean. Well, usually.

My best friend Marie has just started dating a new boyfriend. He’s called Juan. He’s tall and handsome and sporty just like all Marie’s boyfriends. Doesn’t she ever feel like trying somebody a little bit different?

Juan is nice enough but he’s boring. He goes to the gym, plays sports, works in an office and that’s about it. He’s dull, dull, dull.

Last week I met him for the first time. Later Marie said, ‘what do you think of Juan? Isn’t he cute?’ I said, ‘yeah, kind of, I suppose he’s cute.’

Marie said, ‘what do mean, you suppose he’s cute?’

I said, ‘well, yeah, he’s cute. Definitely. I suppose.’

Now Marie knows me very well so she said, ‘Come on, stop beating around the bush. What do you really think?’

So I told her, ‘he’s boring. He’s like all your boyfriends.’ Now Marie was mad, ‘you think all my boyfriends are boring?’ she said, ‘at least I have a boyfriend. In fact I have three. How about you?’

Ouch!

Don't count your chickens before they hatch

Eggs again! Except this time we’re talking about little chickens being born.

Of course a farmer could have a hundred eggs containing one hundred chickens. But how many of them will actually hatch? How many of the chickens will break through the egg shell and into the world?

The farmer doesn’t know and so should not count his chickens before they hatch.

And the same is true of you and me. Suppose I advertise for students in a newspaper and 20 people reply saying, ‘yes Ellie, you are the world’s greatest English teacher, please teach me.’

I should not assume that everybody who has replied to the advert will be my student. Some of them will make appointments with me and then not turn up. Hard to believe but true.

I should not count my students until they turn up for class. I should not count my chickens before they hatch.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

Everybody puts all their eggs in one basket. Who ever goes to the supermarket, buys 6 eggs, and puts 3 eggs in one basket and 3 eggs in the other? Nobody does this, nobody at all, at least nobody I know.

So why do we need the idiom? It’s telling us not to depend on just one possibility. For example, you are looking for a new job, maybe as an air hostess. Don’t just apply to one airline, apply to ten, because that way you have a better chance of getting a job.

Or, you’re looking for a wife. Don’t just propose to one girl. Propose to five. One of them will probably accept. Let’s hope it’s the pretty one!

Putting all your eggs in one basket is like betting all your money on one horse in a race. If the horse wins, great, you’re rich. But if it doesn’t you’re in big trouble. You’ll never put all your eggs in one basket again. In fact you won’t have enough money to buy eggs.

So why worry?

Don't put the cart before the horse

Never put a cart in front of a horse. The horse will not push the cart. No, a horse will pull a cart which is why the cart should be behind the horse.

Of course nobody expects a horse to push a cart but sometimes we do things in the wrong order. For example, suppose you are overweight, just a bit, or maybe a lot. You’ve seen a really cool dress in a shop window.

The only problem is you’re about three kilos too heavy to wear it. So you think about dieting. And you think about the dress. It’s expensive, very expensive, but it’s just so cool you have to have it. So you buy it.

You hang the dress in your closet because you’re too fat to wear it. You know you should have dieted first and then bought the dress. You suspect you’ve put the cart before the horse.

Six months later you know you put the cart before the horse. You’re still overweight and that dress is still hanging in the closet. Next time you’ll know better.

Or will you?

Drop a line

Whenever one of my students goes on holiday I always say, ‘drop me a line when you get back.’ I mean, ‘when you get back send me an email, write to me, let me know you are back.’

Of course I could say, ‘give me a call,’ but I find email easier to handle than phone calls. Someone may call, and I may forget to write down what they say, and then I’m not sure when the lesson is.

If they’ve dropped me a line all I have to do is check my email.

I am very much in demand, I’m a busy little English teacher, but don’t let that stop you contacting me.

Please do drop me a line. I’d just love to hear from you.

Every cloud has a silver lining

This is a nice idiom. Sometimes something bad happens to you. That’s the cloud. But also, often, the bad thing that happens gives you a new opportunity. That’s the silver lining inside the dark cloud.

For example, suppose you work in an office. The job is okay, a bit boring maybe, but not too bad. Then, one day, the boss tells you business is bad. So bad that he has to let you go. This is a nice way of saying you are sacked, fired, unemployed.

Obviously this is not good. It’s the cloud. But, that evening you surf the internet. You see an advert for a training course and a job teaching English in China.

You’ve always wanted to go to China. You’ve seen the advert before but you didn’t do anything about it because you had a job and you were afraid to give it up.

Now you have nothing to lose. You apply for the course and are accepted. Had your boss not sacked you, you would not have applied for the course. So he did you a big favor didn’t he? Every cloud has a silver lining!

Find your feet

If you are looking for your feet you will find them at the end of your legs, probably inside your shoes!

Of course, we all know exactly where our feet are so why would we want to find them? This idiom is about change. It’s about getting used to new circumstances.

Usually if you start a new job you spend some time finding your feet.

You clean the dirty computer keyboard, you put your coffee mug in the kitchen cupboard, you find your way to the bathroom, you laugh at everybody’s jokes, you put a photo of your partner on the desk, you tell the boss how much you enjoy your new job and when you’ve done all that you try to figure what your job is exactly.

This is finding your feet. It’s uncomfortable, maybe even stressful. We don’t like change very much. But isn’t change what makes life interesting?

It's a small world

It is a small world isn’t it? Especially now we have the internet. People from all over the world can chat and communicate every day. Isn’t that incredible?

This idiom is about coincidence or connections depending on your point of view. Suppose an English teacher called Sally from Boston gets a job in China. She flies to Wuhan in Hubei Province where she thinks she doesn’t know anybody.

On her second day there she’s in a shop buying noodles. Suddenly someone taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and sees a cute guy.

‘Who’s he?’ she thinks. The guy says, ‘Don’t you recognize me? I’m Jerry. We went to the same school.’ Slowly Sally remembers the skinny kid with pimples. She hasn’t seen him for six or seven years but it’s really him. And the pimples are gone.

They both laugh and say, ‘What are you doing in Wuhan? It’s a small world isn’t it.’

The next day Sally starts work. One of the other English teachers, Henry, is from Boston. What a coincidence? Or is it? Henry is not only from Boston. He played in the same basketball team as Sally’s brother.

Everywhere we go we meet people who are connected to us in some way. It really is a small world isn’t it? Yes it is. And spooky too.

It takes two to tango

It’s absolutely true. You cannot dance the tango on your own. The tango is a Spanish flamenco dance. A man and a woman hold each other very close and dance cheek to cheek!

Also it takes two people (at least) to have an argument. Partners, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives argue a lot. What do they argue about? Stupid stuff mostly like whose turn is it to take out the trash. Or maybe one of them, probably the guy, leaves his underwear on the bedroom floor and the girl, justifiably, doesn’t like it.

Lex, my ex-boyfriend, always threw his underpants onto the bedroom floor before taking a shower.

I’d say, ‘do you mind picking up your underpants or do you expect me to do it for you?’

He’d reply, ‘I’ll pick them up later.’

Now I knew he had no intention whatsoever of picking up those underpants so I’d pick them up, throw them at him and say, ‘put them in the laundry basket.’

Then we’d argue. It was completely stupid I know. But he knew that I’d be annoyed if he dropped his underpants on the floor and I knew if I picked them up and threw them at him we’d have an argument.

Of course when Lex dropped his underpants on the floor I didn't have to throw them at him. Also Lex could have put his underpants in the laundry basket.

But it seems we both wanted to argue. I blamed him and he blamed me but really, it takes two to tango.

Doesn’t it?

Let the cat out of the bag

Of course only a very mean person would put a cat in a bag. But if you found a cat in a bag you would let it out. Wouldn’t you?

But be careful because if you let the cat out of the bag you reveal a secret. Usually this not a good secret. For example, your friend tells you she’s found a new boyfriend. She’s in love. This is the coolest guy she’s ever met.

A couple of days later she introduces you to her new boyfriend. When he sees you his face turns bright red. He grins stupidly.

You know this guy. You also know his wife!

What do you do? Do you let the cat out of the bag? Do you tell your best friend there and then? Or maybe you wait until later when he’s not around.

Or maybe you decide you shouldn’t interfere. Maybe you should leave the two of them to work it out.

What would you do?

Like a red rag to a bull

All my Spanish visitors will know what this means. What happens when you wave a red rag, or a red cape, at a bull? It gets mad, very mad, so mad that it runs at you and tries to kill you.

For example, I once told Marie she was putting on weight, getting fatter. Marie is vain, very vain and when I told her this she exploded.

‘What are you talking about?’ she said, ‘I work out every day. Every morning I go for a run. I only eat healthy food. I drink lots of water. I weigh myself every day and I weighed myself this morning and I can tell you I am not putting on weight. Absolutely not!’

She stamped her foot on the ground and folded her arms.

Telling Marie she’s putting on weight is like a red rag to a bull. I never did it again. Not even when she stopped wearing her favorite pair of jeans because they were too tight.

Some things are best left unsaid.

Lose heart

This is not the same as losing your heart to someone. Not at all.

Learning a foreign language is difficult. Sometimes you work and work and work but you don’t make much progress. You feel discouraged. You think things like ‘I’ll never learn to speak English, never, never, never.’

If this is what you are thinking you are losing heart. You feel like burning your English grammar books and turning on the TV or going to a movie.

But I have to tell you never to give up. Do not lose heart. If you keep trying you will learn. You will improve. Of course there will be periods when you don’t make much progress. It’s the same for everybody.

But then, suddenly, you make a leap. Suddenly you can speak better, understand more, read more than you could last week.

And then all the work seems worthwhile.

Lose your head

Do you sometimes lose your head? Don’t worry, it happens to all of us sometimes, even me. Although I should say, I never lose my head whilst teaching English.

An English teacher must stay cool at all times. An English teacher must never panic, not even when one of her students threatens her with a gun. This happened to me once.

Felix was a nervous sort of a guy. He twitched a lot and always seemed to be winking at me. During his second lesson he asked me why there are so many words in the English language.

I said, ‘I don’t know why there are so many words but don’t worry you don’t have to learn them all.’

‘How many words do I have to learn?’ he demanded. His hands were shaking.

I said, ‘some people think 5,000 words are enough …’

Before I could explain further Felix leaped to his feet and shouted, ‘5,000 words, how can I learn 5000 words? I will go crazy.’

He was panicking, losing his head. He pulled open a drawer and pulled out a gun. He pointed the gun at me. At my head actually.

He shouted, ‘how many phrasal verbs must I learn? Tell me, how many!’

I said, ‘Felix you don’t have to learn any phrasal verbs at all. None at all. There’s absolutely no need to learn even one phrasal verb. Phrasal verbs, forget them.’ Of course, this isn’t true but he was holding a gun to my head.

Now, I was scared, terrified but I didn’t lose my head. I looked him in the eyes and said, ‘I am your English teacher. I order you to put down your gun.’

‘You promise me, no more phrasal verbs?’ he said. I nodded affirmatively. ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘then I will not shoot you. Actually the gun is not even loaded. It was all a big joke.’

Felix laughed and laughed and laughed. He rolled around the floor screeching and guffawing.

I slipped out of his apartment and ran.

I don’t know whether the gun was loaded or not. I do know that Felix was insane. English vocabulary had driven him crazy. Don’t let this happen to you.

Lose your heart

Have you ever lost your heart to somebody? I bet you have. Remember when you were 14 years old and that really cute, sexy guy or girl appeared on TV singing your favorite song?

You sighed, your mouth fell open, you may even have drooled. Yes, there was no doubt about it. You were in love.

And then there was the cute guy or girl on the bus. You saw him or her most days when you were going to and from school. You always wanted to talk to him didn’t you? But I bet you were always too shy.

Some people, of course, lose their hearts to airplanes. When I was a little girl all I wanted to be was an air hostess. I wanted to fly from country to country, continent to continent. I fell in love with the idea of being an air hostess.

Unfortunately I am too small to be an air hostess. You have to be big enough to reach the emergency boxes and I am not. So I became an English teacher instead.

Aren’t you glad?

It's raining cats and dogs

Have you ever seen the movie ‘Magnolia’? At the end of the movie it rains frogs. Literally. Frogs fall from the sky.

Of course that was a movie and it will never (I hope) literally rain cats and dogs. It means it is raining very heavily.

However, be warned, this is quite old fashioned and not many people say it these days. You’ll find it in a Charles Dickens novel but not in ‘Hello’ magazine.

If a non-native English speaker looked out of the window and said, ‘it’s raining cats and dogs,’ it would sound funny.

It’s better to say, ‘it’s pouring down.’ This is used a lot and will never sound funny. Also people say, ‘it’s bucketing down,’ ‘it’s throwing it down,’ or ‘it’s pissing down.’

‘Pissing down’ is vulgar. It’s okay among friends but do not say it at a job interview!

Not enough room to swing a cat

Nobody actually does this. Nobody goes into a room, picks up a cat by the tail and swings it round and round. It just means the room is small and if you were to try to swing a cat, well, probably its head would bang against the walls.

Only a really, really mean person would do this. Also this idiom can only be used in the negative. Nobody ever says ‘this room is really big, there is enough room to swing a cat.’

Nobody has ever said that, so don’t you say it either!

On the tip of your tongue

Do you sometimes try to remember a movie you saw a couple of weeks ago, or the name of a book you read in school, or your favorite English idiom? And can’t?

You just can’t find the words. You snap your fingers, stamp your feet, shake your head. That damn name or phrase, you know it, really you do but you just can’t say it. It’s so close.

It’s on the tip of your tongue.

It’s frustrating I know. I find the best thing to do is to take a few deep breaths and relax and then I remember. Sometimes!

But sometimes is better than never.

Out of the question

This is a particularly useful idiom. It’s a way of saying no and meaning it!

Suppose your boss says to you, ‘I want you to work the whole of the weekend for nothing.’ What do you say?

You say, ‘No way! Forget it! Out of the question. It is absolutely out of the question. You can take your job and shove it right up your ass!’

Of course this is not very diplomatic. But at least your boss will have no doubt about what you mean. He will never ask you to work at the weekend for nothing again.

Also he may fire you.

But if your boss is this mean shouldn’t you be looking for another job anyway?’

Put a sock in it

This is what I sometimes say to the deaf man who lives in the apartment upstairs.

He’s not actually completely deaf. He wears a hearing aid. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, maybe at 2am, he likes to take out his hearing aid and watch an old movie on TV.

Of course to be able to hear the movie without his hearing aid he has to turn up the TV really loud. Really, really loud. This means I can also hear the old movie, every word, every note of music, every single sound.

So I open my bedroom window and yell, very, very loudly, ‘put a sock in it!’

This does not mean I want the old man to do anything with his socks. No, it means turn down the damn TV.

Put the cat amongst the pigeons

You already know what happens if you put a cat into a group of pigeons. Feathers fly, wings flap, the cat screeches. In other words there’s absolute chaos.

Suppose you want to put the cat amongst the pigeons in a fast food café what do you do? You could stand on a table and shout out very loudly, ‘the beef is poisoned. You’ll all be dead in 30 minutes.’

Of course this would not be a very good thing to do. The security guards would certainly grab you and throw you out onto the street.

Or you could go into a crowded bank with a toy gun and yell, ‘it’s a hold up. Everybody on the floor.’ Again, this is not a very good thing to do and you would probably be arrested and maybe even sent to prison.

So, before you decide to put the cat amongst the pigeons, think about it very carefully. There could be consequences. Serious consequences!

Put your foot in your mouth

Do not do this. Do not put your foot in your mouth. Here’s an example of what not to do.

You’re shopping at the supermarket. You meet a friend of yours who you haven’t seen in quite a while. In fact the last time you saw her was at her wedding more than a year ago.

Of course you smile and laugh and tell her how pleased you are to see her. Then you notice her stomach. It’s bigger than it used to be.

You kiss her again and say, ‘Congratulations!’ She says, ‘Congratulations? What for?’

You say, smiling, ‘you’re pregnant!’

‘No,’ she says, ‘’I’m not. Actually.’ Her face turns red. She’s embarrassed, maybe even mad. You have just put your foot in your mouth big, big, time.

What do you say next? You say, ‘Oh, is that the time? I’m late. I really do have to be going.’ And you disappear into the crowded supermarket.

Read someone's mind

Is this really an idiom? Or is it possible to know what somebody is thinking? Is it really possible to read someone’s mind?

You may have read about Lucretia in my diary. She’s a witch and I think she really can read my mind. Sometimes she answers my questions before I ask them. It’s really spooky.

For example, last week, she suddenly said, ‘this evening I am going to fly through the sky on my broomstick.’

We were practicing the future tenses and I was about to ask her what she was doing that evening!

Wouldn’t it be really embarrassing if your friends could read your mind?

Girls, just think, you are looking at your best friend and you say, ‘you hair looks really nice,’ but you’re thinking, ‘what a mess, it looks like a bird built its nest on her head.’

Let’s hope that ‘to read someone’s mind’ really is just and idiom.

Rome wasn't built in a day

No, it took a very long time indeed to build Rome. And what a beautiful city it is!

This idiom reminds us that difficult or worthwhile things sometimes take a long time to achieve.

Of course you cannot learn to speak English in a day or even a month. Even if you live in an English-speaking country it will take at least a year for you to be comfortable with the language.

If you don’t live in an English-speaking country and do not have native speakers to practice with it will take several years to reach intermediate level.

But the next time you are struggling with a phrasal verb remind yourself that it takes a long time to learn a foreign language. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Shake a leg

Have you ever seen a dog shake its leg? Of course you have. Do you know why a dog is shakes its leg? Fortunately this idiom has nothing to do with dogs.

When your partner says, ‘Come on, shake a leg, we’re late,’ he does not mean you should go to the bathroom. No, he means you should get out of the bathroom because he’s been waiting for you for nearly two hours.

Of course while he’s been standing around doing nothing you’ve been busy. You had to choose your outfit. Then you had to shower and fix your hair. Then of course you had to put on your make-up.

He doesn’t realize this is all for his benefit. He wants to go to the movie with a great looking girl doesn’t he? Well, these things take time.

So when you hear him say, ‘shake a leg,’ you reply, ‘if you don’t like waiting you can go to the movie on your own.’

This is not very tactful. Of course telling someone to shake a leg is also not very tactful. So you argue, you fight, maybe you throw a plate at him. You certainly don’t go to the movie. In fact your relationship is probably over.

Idioms can be dangerous. Try to avoid using this one.

Skeletons in the closet

A skeleton, as you probably know, is the bones of a person or animal. So why would anyone keep a skeleton in a closet?

It would be a bit creepy wouldn’t it if every time you opened your closet you saw a skeleton staring back at you? Have you noticed how human skeletons always seem to be grinning? What exactly does a skeleton have to be so pleased about?

But, of course, this is an idiom and nobody actually keeps a skeleton in the closet. But everybody has secrets, unpleasant secrets, dark secrets we don’t want anybody to know about. These are our skeletons and we keep them in the closet so nobody can see them.

For example, a new girl starts at work. She’s called Alice. You talk to Alice and at first she seems pleasant enough. Then you notice that she never says much about herself. When you ask her about her boyfriend she always changes the subject.

You begin to think maybe she has a skeleton or two in the closet. Then one day you’re working late. Alice is also working late. She doesn’t know you are there because your desk is behind a screen.

You hear her talking on the phone. She’s talking about visiting her boyfriend. You think maybe he’s in hospital. Then you think you really shouldn’t be listening to someone’s private conversation. But you’re interested, hooked actually, so you keep listening.

It turns out that Alice’s boyfriend is in prison. Apparently he tried to rob a supermarket and got caught. This is a very serious skeleton to have in the closet.

Do you feel sorry for Alice? Do you think she’s loyal and brave to stand by her man while he’s in jail.

Or do you think she’s stupid? Do you think the boyfriend got what he deserved and she should forget about him?

The pot calling the kettle black

I guess this idiom comes from the days when pots and kettles were usually black. It’s quite profound. It means we criticize others for doing the same things we do.

So, for example, you are in a restaurant. A couple of tables away a woman is eating a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream. You turn to your friend and say, ‘look at that women! How can she eat so much ice cream? She’s so greedy. She deserves to be fat.’

Then the waiter comes to your table and asks, ‘what would you like for dessert?’ You say, ‘I’ll have the chocolate ice cream please.’ The waiter asks, ‘would you like a single helping or a double helping?’ Of course, you want the double helping with extra chocolate sauce.

Your friend looks at you and then she looks at the fat woman. You know what she’s thinking. Before she can say, ‘talk about the pot calling the kettle black,’ you say, ‘this is the first time I’ve had ice cream this week. I almost never eat ice cream.’

And of course you are not fat are you? Not yet anyway.

Three strikes and you are out

This comes from baseball. If the guy with bat fails to hit the ball three times he’s out, out of the game. He has to go and sit on the bench and chew gum. Probably the coach will shout at him.

Some English teachers have the same approach to their private students. If the student misses three classes he’s ‘out.’ The teacher won’t arrange any more classes with him.

Some teachers are not so patient. My best friend Marie, for example, says it’s two strikes and you’re out.

She has a one strike and you’re out rule for her boyfriends. If a boyfriend doesn’t turn up for a date, leaves her standing outside the cinema, on her own(!) just once(!) that’s it. He’s out! He’s history. He’s an ex-boyfriend.

Marie has a lot of ex-boyfriends.

What goes around comes around

This is quite philosophical. It means, if you do something good, sooner or later, something good will happen to you. But if you do something bad you will pay for it!

So, for example, a few weeks ago I was on my way to the supermarket when I saw a man kick a dog in the ass. He just kicked it for no reason at all. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he’s a very mean person.

Anyway, a week later I was on my way to the supermarket again when I saw the same man. He was looking really smart in his new suit. Maybe he was on his way to a job interview.

He was at the bus stop waiting for a bus. He didn’t see the dog walking towards him. No, the dog was coming from behind so he didn’t notice it at all until it cocked its leg and peed all over his trousers.

This was not the same dog he had kicked. It was another dog entirely. I don’t know why it peed on him. But I do know that what goes around comes around.

When in Rome do as the Romans do

Have you ever been to Rome. It’s a very beautiful city. If you go to Rome and you follow the advice of this idiom you will eat lots and lots of pasta.

In fact, you will spend every evening eating pasta and drinking red wine and talking to your friends, neighbors and anyone else who happens to be around.

If you are guy, you will shout ‘bella!’ every time you see a pretty girl. Bella is Italian for beautiful. Also both the guys and the girls will drive their cars like crazy people and hit the horn a lot.

Of course this idiom isn’t just about Rome. If you visit a foreign country it’s always a good idea to respect the customs and culture of that country. For example in Japan you may have to take your shoes off before entering a person’s home. So you should always wear clean socks.

But in England you should never take your shoes off in someone’s home. At least not unless you know them really well. Also you should not kiss a person who is not a very good friend or close relative.

In France though it’s different. You kiss everybody, maybe even the milkman. Just be careful though, that you don’t do more than just kiss the milkman.