Results:Austin serves MVP the sting of beers
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. – At the twentieth annual SummerSlam Sunday night, United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter attempted to “stoop down” to common people’s level by challenging Matt Hardy to a beer-drinking competition. Instead, he tasted only defeat and embarrassment, thanks to a keg-crushing Stunner from Matt’s imbibing proxy, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.
The Ballin’ Superstar had no one but himself to blame for opening up his latest case of bad judgment; it was he who approached Mr. McMahon in his office, then cited that SmackDown GM Theodore Long had “dropped the ball” by not making the “Most Valuable Playa in the game” part of the Biggest Party of the Summer. When MVP informed him of his plans to issue an open challenge, the visibly impressed Chairman was happy to oblige.
Our fans in the sold-out Continental Airlines Arena certainly weren’t drinking from the Franchise Playa’s well of disparaging remarks, or the portable cooler he brought to the ring with him. Instead, they poured on the jeers as MVP explained how he had lowered his standards and stopped enjoying his Cristal in order to engage in this latest challenge. Those thunderous jeers turned to rapturous cheers once Matt Hardy entered the ring, however, and claimed how proud he was to be one of the common people MVP looked down upon.
Before the competitive Superstars – who have been forced to partner together against WWE Tag Team Champions Deuce & Domino this Friday night on SmackDown – started bending their elbows, the United States Champion was reminded how boxing’s only four-time Heavyweight Champion of the World, Evander Holyfield, had been hand-picked to stand in for MVP in his boxing match with Hardy several weeks ago. “Well, tonight, Montel, I picked a suitable substitute myself,” Matt stated. “He’s one of the all-time greats in beer drinking.” Before MVP could protest, the sound of shattered glass filled the arena, and our fans erupted as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin made his way to the ring.
The Texas Rattlesnake toasted with Matt before engaging in his pre-chugging warmups – running back and forth on the ropes, pushups, jumping jacks and the like. Though it had been 10 SummerSlams since he broke his neck in this very arena – and defeated Owen Hart for the Intercontinental Championship – Austin wasn’t taking any chances of hurting himself before the 12-oz. can curls. Howls of “Let’s go, Austin!” left a less-than-satisfying taste in MVP’s mouth as he hesitantly hoisted a beer to signal the start of the contest…which Stone Cold immediately ended with a Stunner that will leave the Franchise Playa with a hangover for days.
“The common man ruled again tonight,” SmackDown announcer Michael Cole commented while Austin downed Steveweisers in the ring. And judging from the way the capacity crowd savored the moment, it’s safe to say that our fans will drink to that.