Mankind's only alternative 20   JAN.   08  
Mankind's only alternative

Show Me Your Thingies! When you're on the wrong side of Russia's wealth divide...
January 16, 2008 in Face Control

Wasted Russians on Vacation Another reason why Egypt is so popular with Russian tourists...
January 16, 2008 in Face Control

Caucasian Pimpin' Ever since Ilar's watermelon stand was shut down...
January 16, 2008 in Face Control

Russian Relationships This guy's saying, "Yeah, she shuba'd me..."
January 3, 2008 in Face Control

Russian Mini-Meatloaf If anyone knows the name of this mini-Meatloaf's band...
January 3, 2008 in Face Control

Snapper Stretching During the long winter months, it's important to...
January 3, 2008 in Face Control

Moscow Explosion: Firecracker or Bomb? A powerful explosion in a Red Square shopping mall is called a "firecracker" by authorities.

December 28, 2007 in eXile Blog

History Book Russia's Authoritarian-Friendly History Textbooks This Thursday, the Ministry of Education will approve a new series of updated, pro-Putin textbooks to be used in the next school year.
December 25, 2007 in eXile Blog

Blogs RSS feed

The Cold War Report November 19, 2007
Edward Lucas' Cold War Hustle
By Alexander Zaitchik Browse author Email

"Ed is known at the paper, as even he would admit, as a bit of a loon.”

       —Anonymous Economist Correspondent

If you’re reading this from the apparent safety of your Western country, then the Economist’s Edward Lucas has bad news for you: You are not safe. Vladimir Putin is on the verge of conquering and enslaving you. Your nation is under attack by the full might of Russia’s petro-fascism, and what’s worse, the game is just about up. We’re in Saigon, 1975, and we don’t have any room for retreat when the barbarians come crashing through the gates.

The fact that you are unaware of your impending doom is, according to Lucas, the scariest thing of all, part of Putin’s brilliantly evil stealth strategy—part Sun Tzu, part Wermacht. But there’s hope: if you buy Edward Lucas’ new book, The New Cold War: How the Kremlin Menaces Both Russia and the West, you might be able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. The promo for the book makes no bones about it: if you read it, you’ll discover “Why we are perilously close to defeat—and how we can still win.”

If you value your freedom, then you know what you have to do.

There’s only one problem. Edward Lucas’ book won’t be released until next February. That’s four months from now. Can the West hold on that long? Should we consider waterboarding him for the info? 

The man; the book.

According to Lucas’ harrowing narrative—laid out in different degrees in the Times of London, the Economist, his personal blog, and, coming soon, his book—Cold War II began alternatively either with last year’s unsolved murder of Alexander Litvinenko or with the 2003 arrest of oil oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky, and it will be settled in the battle over the tiny Caucasian state of Georgia. There is more to it than that, of course, but those are the marketing bookends.

For Lucas and the New Cold Warriors, the crimes committed by a resurgent Russia—real and imagined—warrant a return to policies and attitudes reminiscent of the most expensive and dangerous conflict in world history; a conflict we all survived with a lot more luck than most of us realize, luck that’s unlikely to be repeated in the upcoming remake. At a time when the world needs urgently to start reversing the nuclear trend-lines, the New Cold Warriors want a return to the confrontation that gave us the thousands of thermonuclear weapons now sitting so patiently on hair-triggers.

Since the first Cold War is supposed to be a thankfully closed book, convincing people to get a new one going is a tricky sell. Lucas’ solution is to borrow the neo-Churchill trick used by Washington’s neocons. As he explained in an Oct. 13, 2006, Times op-ed, Georgia is more than just the New Cold War’s Berlin—it is also its Munich. Translated into Team America’s multiplication table, that means that the New Cold War = the Old Cold War x World War II. Scared yet?

“Names like Abkhazia [Georgia] may sound unfamiliar, but the Sudetenland, and before that Sarajevo, once sounded preposterously far away and unimportant to Western ears,” explains Lucas, invoking two world wars and threatening a third in a single idiotic sentence.

Recent events—combined with his less Russophobic foreign editor at the Economist—have forced Lucas to back off the idea that the Kremlin is solely to blame for unrest in Georgia. But it took the spectacular explosion of the Saakashvilii good-boy myth for Lucas to stop hyping the massive stakes of defending his pro-NATO government. As Lucas explained in his apocalyptic Times op-ed:

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Alexander Zaitchik is an editor at The eXile. Email him at
Russian Rasta
Field Guide To Moscow: Rassclotus Chichimanus :

Winter Fashion Guide: Shapka Shopping :
Who Whacked Kozlov?
Who Whacked Kozlov? : An update on last yearís Central Bank murder mystery
Separated At Worth :


Winter Fashion Guide: Shapka Shopping
Feature Story By Yakov Borisovich Levandovsky
In this photo essay, join Yakov Borishovich as he hits Moscow's bazaars and shops for a Russian man's most important accessory: the winter hat. 

Culinary Nirvana At Tibet Restaurant
Restaurant Review By Mark Ames
Long one of our favorite downtown eateries, Tibet Kitchen recently brought in eXpat hero Doug Steele for a makeover, and folks, the results are out of this world.

Separated at Sag
Hillary Clinton and Barbara Bush...

Band Interview: The Mod Squad From Perm
Bardak Calendar
The White Trainers Community is a "mod revival" trio from Perm currently based in London, where they have found moderate success. We ICQ'd with them recently and learned the hottest British chicks are in some place called Romford...

Your Letters
We don't normally come out and say this, but sometimes our readers are capable of writing letters that move something inside us besides our bowels.

The Theory Of Dyevolution
Russia By Richard Bickerstaff
Is Natural Selection really over? You might think so, but if you look at Russian women, the answer is obvious: No. Evolution is alive, and thriving among Russia's diverse dyev population.

Winter Vacation Guide: Tropical Wonderland In Podmoskovie
Russia By Yasha Levine
Take a trip with Yasha as he investigates the heart of Russia's unique hotel heritage by spending a weekend at an all-inclusive podmoskovie "resort."

Russian Tourists: Betraying The Motherland
Over the next two weeks, more Russians will be flying to holiday vacation spots around the globe than at any time in this great nation's troubled history. We see middle-class Russians lining up at the airports, and we cry, "For shame, Russians! You are abandoning your Motherland at its moment of need, and selling Her assets for a song!"


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS    |    –”—— »…

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442