KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #25
Date: 4/10/95 Taping date: 4/3/95 Site: Mid-Hudson Civic Center,
Poughkeepsie, NY. Hosts: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
For those of you who missed it last week, which includes just about
everybody, thanks to the elevated levels of advertising to pay for all
these "name vs. name" matches they've been having lately, a replay of
what one ad break did to the physical well-being of one Shawn Michaels,
with a little help from the power bombing of one Psycho Sid. And in
six-man tag action, it's Bret 1-2-3 Bob Owen vs. Hart Kid Holly Hart
Hakushi Yokozuna. Well, if any group can make a six-man tag work,
this'd be just about it.
-- titles --
And in his first royal duty as guest co-host, Lawler proclaims this
week's secret match:
Adam Bomb vs. Tatanka (w/DiBiase)
Well, would you rather Tatanka go up against Lex again? Bomb was
apparently a big hit at FanFest; maybe it had something to do with
the fact that he didn't wrestle. Tatanka and MillDollCo would prefer
that the whole to-do with the NFL All-Stars (referred to in this
instance as "Chris Spielman and Company") be forgotten. I have no
problem with this.
After a few moments of pacing about, the match comes to contact, and
Tatanka immediately unleashes his entire repertoire on Bomb, to wit,
boot to the midsection, chop, chop, slap, chop. Tatanka sends Bomb for
the ride in order to get hip tossed on the return trip, followed by a
scoop and slam and a drop kick. In the fine tradition of Bobby
Heenan's family, Tatanka now exits the ring. No one wants to talk to
him, though, so he quickly gets bored and rolls back in. Staredown,
lockup, Bomb decides he's lost and acts accordingly, and it's chop-chop
again. It suddenly occurs to McMahon that this technique doesn't look
too effective, and comments to that effect. Maybe this is why Tatanka
hasn't beaten anyone worth mentioning (Lex? My point exactly)
one-on-one in several moons. What about a face full of turnbuckle,
Lawler asks. Well, one serving isn't usually enough for a hearty
appetite like Bomb's. Tatanka tries a whip, but misses a clothesline.
Bomb misses a flying body press, but it was ruled close enough and Bomb
covers for 2.
-- ad break --
Stomp, stomp, stomp. And the question is, name three things Tatanka
knows how to do on a fallen opponent. Bomb makes the slight mistake of
getting halfway up, allowing Tatanka to land a kick into his chest.
McMahon suggests he must have learned that move from his experience
with the NFLers. Which one of them was a placekicker? Lawler suggests
that they should stop discussing football, and get on to a more
relevant topic, like boxing. Tatanka apparently likes the results of
this new maneuver, and uses it again. Bomb finally gets vertical, so
now it's on to the slaps. A couple of mild cross-corner whips. Punch
to the gut, and then, miracle of miracles, Tatanka executes a DDT!!
Bomb manages to roll with it, though, limiting the damage, and so
Tatanka only gets 2. Tatanka grabs Bomb by the hair and hauls him over
into the universal resthold, the reverse chinlock, which is McMahon's
cue to mention that Ted DiBiase has some sort of major announcement to
make sometime in the near future. McMahon hastens to add that although
Mister Bob Backlund also has a major announcement to make, the two
announcements are probably unrelated. And by now Bomb is back on his
feet. Tatanka had the hold on pretty well, though, as it took four
elbows for Bomb to exit instead of the customary three. No matter,
Tatanka with the all-too-common knee to the midsection in response.
Tatanka with a whip, reversed, Bomb puts his head down, and Tatanka
decides to give it a kick. This causes Bomb to temporarily think he's a
Headshrinker, and therefore supposed to be energized by this. A boot
to the midsection goes unsold. Somehow I'm vaguely reminded of Hacksaw
Jim Duggan. Tatanka decides what Bomb needs to snap Bomb out of it is a
nice healthy serving of turnbuckle, but Bomb insists its his turn to
serve. Bomb and Tatanka go two rounds of "I block, you don't". Bomb
kicks at nothing, then jabs at Tatanka's face. Hip toss, clothesline,
clothesline, Tatanka exits, Bomb follows. A few blows outside are
traded, Tatanka tries to feed Bomb some staircase with the same result
as before. Bomb gets back in the ring just before the count of twelve,
unfortunately they rang the bell at ten. Double countout, well that
was a waste of time.
Encore Plus. "To your health!" "Unh-unh, to Titan's financial
Oh, and now it's Duckman's turn in the seat of honor after Raw, which
means plugs galore in the weeks to come. Well, professional courtesy
between cartoons, I suppose...
Headshrinkers (w/Afa and Albano) vs. Tony Devito and Mike Bell
Mike Bell decides it would be clever to sneak up on the Headshrinkers
and ram their heads together. Uh, Mr. Bell, letter for you, Mensa has
rejected your application. Later, after Devito tries the big-time move
of getting in the way as Fatu comes off the ropes, Bell asks for and is
graciously given permission to land a clothesline on Fatu. That's about
it for the jobbers. The classic Headshrinker finisher, though Sione
elects to forego the pose as Fatu jumps, instead pretending to cover
Devito's mirror image as the pin is counted.
-- promotional considerations, which include Encore Plus plug #2 --
Well, with all these face turns imminent, we need a new heel. This
guy's got some weirdo attachment to a tiny sack of coins he wears
around his neck. He's mad at what the American government did to a
distant ancestor of his. Like *that* makes him unique. He seems to
realize this, though, and so instead will be taking out his
frustrations on the WWF. Oh, and his magic coins will help him. Where
have we heard *this* before? Ladies and gentlemen, Jean-Pierre LeHeel,
Vince hastens to add that LeFeet will be starting off against Duke
Droese (so I guess that "$100 in the trash" angle is going nowhere),
and then quickly changes the subject to auto racing, because somehow
Bob Holly won a race. At what level is carefully unmentioned. "The
WWF Racing Team" rather implies more than once racer, though; who else
is on the team, I wonder? Repo Man, maybe?
Still to come, the six-man tag, and Lawler seems especially keen to see
the Bret/Yoko matchup that may well occur...
-- ad break --
How do you keep a WWF fan in suspense? Well, they're finally getting
around to telling us.
Upon resumption from the blackout, we see a highly agitated Michaels
reading Sid the riot act. This is all highly amusing to Sid. It's
almost predictable what happens next. Sid plays along, lets this
small, impudent man think he's actually in control of things, and the
moment Shawn lets his guard down, it's Pearl Harbor all over again.
McMahon takes this to mean the interview is over, and calmly leaves the
ring. Meanwhile, this-week-McMahon, acting as narrator for this scene,
makes every effort imaginable to portray Michaels as the totally
innocent victim in this scenario. Unfortunately, when that HH guy left
the WWF for other waters, he apparently took that wonderful device
known as a "heat machine" with him, and as a result it is dead obvious
that the crowd is loving every moment of the annihilation that follows.
Which is: clothesline, a couple of knees to the chest, then a power
bomb gone badly wrong (Sid dropped Michaels after hoisting him
overhead). Sid did get two power bombs right, though, after which he
placed his foot on Michaels chest and we finally got back from
commercial. Diesel enters to put a stop to this before the crowd
starts calling for Sid to finish off Shawn for real, and basically the
whole thing settles down into a mass of confusion as the crowd attempts
to figure out who they're supposed to be cheering for now.
At any rate, Shawn "is going to be out of action for some time",
anything more specific will cost you $1.49 for the first minute, 99
cents each additional minute, kids gets your parents' permission before
And apparently just back from vacation in Hawaii is our next performer,
Kama, although I don't think leis are normally that shade of brown...
Kama (w/DiBiase) vs. Scott Taylor
McMahon reveals that that rather ugly piece of jewelry Kama now wears
is in fact the Undertaker's urn in reincarnated form. What can I say,
the man is clearly into recycling with a vengeance. Kama, Supreme
Fighting Machine And Crafter of Fine Jewelry. Okay, that's enough (for
this week), but I find it amusing that Vince complains he "can't find
any humor at all" in this. Vince does, however, find great excitement
in Taylor managing a couple of arm drag takedowns on his opponent.
Kama's highlight is tossing his opponent up and nailing him in the gut
on the way down. He finishes with a move halfway between a monkey flip
and a Bonzai drop, meaning halfway between real acrobatics and total
Well, this week's show is kind of dragging, so let's go back to last
week's show again, and show highlights of that women's match that has
drawn such rave reviews. Then, just before they get to the ambush
sequence, Lawler reveals that Blayze's plan had been to defend her
title against Geraldo Rivera. Now before you get on the King's case
for being absurd again, consider that for that brief moment, with
Nakano retiring and the new challenger yet unannounced, Alundra was
entirely out of female competition. So it would be either retire the
championship or defend it against male competition. And hey, it
wouldn't be the weirdest thing Geraldo's done, not by a long shot.
Women with Wrestling Titles, and the Men They Defend Them Against, Next
on Geraldo. McMahon, unamused by any of this, accuses Lawler of trying
to confuse things. And successfully, too; McMahon forgot to mention the
name of the woman who made the attack (which was mentioned on other
syndies), as well as the name of the current WWF manager to whom she is
romantically linked. But for $1.49 a minute, 99 cents each additional
minute, kids get your parents' permission before you call, I'm sure
Vince could be persuaded to remember...
And as part of their contractual obligation, the faces for the next
match provide the link to the next
-- ad break --
And then there's that house-thingy they're giving away. Okay, but if I
win it, I'm getting rid of that gaudy signpost. And a three-bedroom
inground pool, I hear those are really popular these days.
Hakushi, Yokozuna and Owen Hart (w/Shinja, Fuji and Cornette) vs. Bret
Hart, 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly (w/er, good wishes). Or, if you prefer,
the Walking Billboard and the Odd Couple vs. The Excellence of
Execution and Hit and Miss.
And this moment is chosen to announce that RAW got its highest ratings
ever last week. No, not Nielsen ratings, match ratings from Wade
-- promotional considerations --
So what's the holdup here, oh, I see, good ol' Hitman's gotta give away
his glasses, and EVERYBODY has to wait for him. Sheez!
The match is soon begun, though, and it's Lawler's favorite matchup
right away, Hitman and Yoko. Yoko gets things going with a couple of
headbutts, but misses a clothesline, giving the Hitman the opportunity
to do his impression of a bug on a windshield at the next pass. Yoko
peels Bret off of himself and slams him, but misses with the elbow
drop. Hart finishes the thought with a few head blows, and tags in
Holly. Bob decides it would help to twist Yoko's arm around a bit.
Yoko is seriously annoyed and slaps Holly in the face and tags in
Hakushi. Hakushi with a couple of face blows (nothing like a
lightning-fast start). Holly reversed a whip and gets shoulder-blocked
for his trouble, then it's time to dance until Holly hits a dropkick.
A scoop and slam follows, Hakushi says you couldn't do that again if
you tried, so Holly does. Gee, time flies, we're already up to the
-- ad break --
And Holly seems to have Hakushi tamed for the moment, so he tags in the
Kid, who has apparently developed a superstition about climbing between
the ropes, so he hops over them instead. The Kid tries twisting
Hakushi's arm, but Hakushi remembers which of them is the stronger and
promptly twists back. Lawler, eager to see the record broken for
weight disparity between two combatants in the ring, calls for
Yokozuna to be tagged in, but it's Owen's turn. Hakushi holds the
Kid's armpit up for inspection, and Owen gives his stamp of approval
with his foot. Owen hits a shoulder block a few moments later, but his
attempt to hip toss the Kid finds the Kid insisting on being tossed the
other direction, then kicking Owen in the head to enforce the message.
Cover for 2. The Kid has his running momentum halted by a timely nudge
by Hakushi, setting him up to have the kick and the 2-count returned in
kind by Owen. And now it's time for the matchup Lawler so badly wanted
to see, Yoko and the Kid. 500-plus against 150-minus. And after a
headbutt, Yokozuna, taking full advantage of the weight disparity...
applies a resthold. And now the kid has to try to elbow out. Seems
impossible, but Yoko lets him go, figuring if the Kid starts running
around enough he'll get back into trouble soon enough, and so it proves
when the Kid runs into Yoko's clothesline. Yoko's bored by this
already, and tags in Hakushi. Once again the Kid's armpit is held up
for inspection, and Hakushi adds his stamp of approval to Owen's.
Hakushi and the Kid perform, well, it's either a cross between a
clothesline and a karate chop, or the lambada. And at any rate the
Kid is clearly going to be our Stranded Face(tm) for this match.
Hakushi with a standard assortment of punishment his way, and it's
Owen's turn again. We can't emphasize enough how expensive these
high-quality matches are, so...
-- ad break --
And for some reason the Kid is now having his way with Owen, flipping
over him in one corner, then nailing him with a monkey flip in the
other corner for 2. But perhaps it's not as great as all that, as now
the Kid strains for a tag. Owen, not wanting the Kid to be
disappointed, tags in Yokozuna, who starts things off with a leg drop
that weighs probably as much as the whole of the recipient. For some
reason, Holly decides this is provocation enough to get mad and
distract the referee, but nothing comes of it. Yokozuna seems to be
having a hard time hitting a target so small, so Owen decides to mark
time by waving that flag Fuji's brought along. Perhaps Owen has a touch
of astigmatism and thinks it's a Canadian flag. Finally Yokozuna gives
up and tags in Hakushi. Slap, whip, dropkick, whip, tilt-a-whirl slam,
whip, darn it, missed! Two feet out there and neither one can find the
Kid's head. The Kid turns it into the second half of a sunset flip,
but is in no mood to take full advantage of it, because as soon as the
two of them get their legs untangled, it's time for the race to tag!
The Kid actually wins the race, tagging in Bret just before Hakushi
gets to Yoko for the tag. And of course Bret is a (in your) house
afire, but Yoko is a house, period, so it's all Bret can do to get Yoko
off his feet. Once that is done, though, Bret is able to get behind
Yoko and nail him with a bulldog from the second rope. Then an elbow
drop from the second rope, and a two-count. Bret hasn't has a shot at
the other competitors yet, though, so he impatiently invites Hakushi
into the ring, and starts beating on him. Uh, Bret, aren't you
forgetting something? Excuse me, Hitman? There's this 500-pound blob
of lard you've left lying around in the middle of the ring, would you
terribly mind if you picked him up, please? Oh, never mind, he's picked
himself up, and, oh, I see you've noticed. So who's the legal man in
the ring for the heels? A little conferring, and they decide it's
Owen. This, too, is the one matchup Lawler wanted to see out of this.
Owen with a series of kicks, and a knee drop to the back of Bret's
neck. Owen whips Bret, but Bret jumps behind him and secretly tags in
Holly. Owen misses a clothesline, then finds himself humiliatingly
getting dropkicked by Bret into a schoolboy by Holly for the
three-count. And the irony is, the referee was one of the few people
who *did* see that last tag. Somehow Owen can't grasp the concept of a
tag that he didn't see.
And suddenly we're watching Duckman. So is RAW over already? It's not
clear for nearly thirty seconds, but eventually they return us to
ringside. Man, that's going to be confusing.
-- ad break --
Had enough Duckman yet? Of course not, so take the camera over to the
section where they gave out free Duckman T-shirts. So that's, what,
five plugs for that show so far? Vince knows there's something out of
proportion there, which he quickly rectifies by plugging Encore Plus a
third time, which they accomplish by replaying the team introductions
for LT's All-Star Ragtime Band. You kind of get the idea they've run
out of material from the taping. And so Lawler leaves us with the news
that, flush from all that success in the match they just had, Yoko and
Owen are putting up the belts against Hit and Miss in next week's main
Maybe it's just inflated expectations from last week's show, but that
six-man tag tag should have been better. Let's break it down. From
bell to bell was thirteen minutes. In the middle of this were two
commercial breaks totaling five minutes. Yoko's rest hold was one
minute, and we spent 45 second watching Owen wave the Japanese flag
after Yoko hit that leg drop. In short, there was a whole bunch of
nothing in a match that was too short already. The Aussies have a
word for it: bollocks.